When do you stop.....

[jennygirlmt]

Huh. We are in our 30s with 3 kids and our Inlaws still pay our way on trips. Mil loves to travel and wants the whole family together. We do not have the finances for Alaskan cruises, rafting the Grand Canyon or Ireland. They very much do and invite us. We do little things-buy them spa treatments on cruises, dinner out, etc. That's the most they'll accept.

My parents also treat to vacations. But usually my Dad rents a house at the beach then we all buy groceries, cook, clean and pick up a few beach bar tabs.

A 20 year old with no job would likely go into cc debt to pay for a Disney trip. There's no way I would expect that of my child. That said your finances would determine whether you continue to treat on vacations. And whoever brought it up to you should mind their own business.

 

[oufpat]

Our children are 40, 38 and 36, two married, 1 engaged. There are 5 grandchildren. We cover the rooms through DVC, buy park tickets, and cover 1 decent meal a day. They cover their own airfare, so as long as we can, it's worth every penny to have these family times!!

 

[TwoMisfits]

My parents never stopped paying - my dad passed away before they ever stopped (and he paid for my 25 year old brother and 22 year old sister during his last trip). Once he died, we started treating my mom b/c we got jobs and had the far greater income. My theory is if you want your family there, you pay unless they tell you not to or "they got it". I love having my mom (for extra babysitting and child handling and family time) and I happily pay the extra hotel/meal costs (she does buy her own plane ticket, although I try, and she has old theme park tickets, so hasn't needed those)...

 

[Angel Ariel]

The only reason I brought up taking his sister for a trip with just us it because it may be our last trip (I could cry just typing that, lol) We have to scrimp and save for these. DS is a HUGE Dis fan, loves it almost as much as his Momma, lol. He wants to go and I want him to go...just had it brought up to me that we'd have to stop paying for him eventually and decided to ask when most people stopped. He and his sister are SUPER close. I have no problems getting him to babysit when DH and I want alone time and he has no problems doing it. He asks us on a regular basis if we want to go out. In our family, if you don't already have plans then you are expected to babysit if needed, lol.

When do you stop? When *you* want to, or have to. Whether you pay for the trip or he does has no effect on anyone else but you guys...do what you want to do

I had trips in my early 20s (before finishing college) that my parents paid for. I also had trips during that time that I paid for myself.

 

[100AcreWood]

The only reason I brought up taking his sister for a trip with just us it because it may be our last trip (I could cry just typing that, lol) We have to scrimp and save for these. DS is a HUGE Dis fan, loves it almost as much as his Momma, lol. He wants to go and I want him to go...just had it brought up to me that we'd have to stop paying for him eventually and decided to ask when most people stopped. He and his sister are SUPER close. I have no problems getting him to babysit when DH and I want alone time and he has no problems doing it. He asks us on a regular basis if we want to go out. In our family, if you don't already have plans then you are expected to babysit if needed, lol.

He sounds like a great guy! I think you should pay for him this one last time and make some awesome memories! He will really appreciate it I'm sure.

 

[pebblesjns]

I was married at 21, so at that point I was on my own with vacations. I think the last vacation I took with my parents paying, I was 18 or 19. My husband's parents took his 2 younger sisters on vacation without him when he was in college because their breaks didn't coincide with his. They have yet to take a vacation without his youngest sister (she's now 22). I think if they have a job of their own, you shouldn't be expected to pay for their vacation or plan your dates around their schedule. We have vacationed with our families the last few years, mainly because we live 12 hours away now and it's nice to have some extra hands with 3 kids! But we also pay for our portion and they pay for theirs. Maybe my perception is skewed because I got married so young, though.

 

[SmallWorld71]

Our oldest was 19 on our last Disney/ family vacation. We paid for almost everything: airfare, resort, park passes and food (dining plan). If he wanted any food not covered by the plan, he bought it. All 3 kids (19, 15, 11) paid for their own souvenirs. DS19 with $ he'd earned from his part time job, the younger two with $ they had gotten as gifts.
Anyway, I agree with others, there is no right or wrong answer here. Whatever works best for your family is good.

 

[Nancyg56]

Actually, paying for him vs not paying for him is exactly my question. I want him to go

Then you take him. I understand that you took him alone when he was younger, and that if he joins you on this tip you and DD may not have that opportunity. However, I raised thee to adulthood and never felt I had to treat them all the same. They all had different situations, both as kids and now as adults. So, I do what makes sense at the time.

If your DS wants to come, and you want him there, then work out what is reasonable for your family. If he can afford to pitch in, and that will make a difference in your trip, accept the contribution. If he cannot, and you can afford his share, then.pay it.

My DDIL is 40, and she and DS as adults, have always paid towards the trip. This December is right after a special cruise they planned, and so she is nto able to afford to join us. I leave no one behind, so she is coming. SHe does nto know it yet, but there is no way I will leave her out.

Last August we wanted my DD and her family to join us, and we were booked at the Grand. They were not able to justif the cost, so DH and I decided to pay for the lions share of the trip for everyone who came. DS and DDIL paid their airfare, tix and DDP. This December my oldest and his DW are coming, and they are paying their way. I will pick up the DXDDP for our room and will share most of our meals with them. DDIL eats like a bird and seldom finishes a meal, so she and I usually end up splitting anyway.

SOmeday these "kids" will probably pay for me if our circumstances change and I am the one who might be left behind. It's a circle.

 

[sk!mom]

The only reason I brought up taking his sister for a trip with just us it because it may be our last trip (I could cry just typing that, lol) We have to scrimp and save for these. DS is a HUGE Dis fan, loves it almost as much as his Momma, lol. He wants to go and I want him to go...just had it brought up to me that we'd have to stop paying for him eventually and decided to ask when most people stopped. He and his sister are SUPER close. I have no problems getting him to babysit when DH and I want alone time and he has no problems doing it. He asks us on a regular basis if we want to go out. In our family, if you don't already have plans then you are expected to babysit if needed, lol.

I read your original post the same way. This update also sounds like you are wanting to leave him but are needing validation that it's OK. If it's possibly your last trip and you all get along so well then I honestly don't know why you would even question leaving him out especially since you cancelled a trip that he was going on.

When do you stop? When *you* want to, or have to. Whether you pay for the trip or he does has no effect on anyone else but you guys...do what you want to do

I had trips in my early 20s (before finishing college) that my parents paid for. I also had trips during that time that I paid for myself.

Having said the above, this is the bottom line to me. Quit paying when you want to or have to. I love traveling with my kids so if me being able to pay helps them be able to go then I'm happy to but if I can't, I won't.

As far as what we've done, it would be- we've done it all- we pay, adult child pays- we split. The last trip that we paid fully for DS31 was Hawaii when he was 28. This was a celebration trip after DH's cancer treatment. We wanted the family celebration and memories so we used air miles and paid for everything. On other trips starting when he was fully employed- early 20's- we always invited him. Sometimes he went and sometimes not and normally he paid at least some of his own cost- airfare. But we never asked him to split costs that would have been the same without him- lodging. He and DH are planning a guy's trip to Comic Con this summer. DS bought the tickets so DH is covering transportation and bought a photo op for the two of them. DH is the kind of guy who picks up checks so I imagine that he will do that at some sit down meals. He'd do it with friends so why not DS? They are splitting the hotel, I think. They will each cover their own spending money and quick meals I imagine.

Since DD19 is so much younger than DS. We've been on many trips with just her because he either couldn't get time off or chose to skip it. We still completely pay her way on any trip she goes on and always include her. She's home from college this week and I just booked a plane ticket for her to join us on a long weekend in May. Her brother was invited but declined since he's using vacation time for Comic Con. We are already planning a big trip for summer 2017 with DD and her two cousins who will all be turning 21 and my siblings who are the other parents. We will cover hers. Heck we're all thrilled that they love our group trips so much that they want to celebrate 21 with their cousins and family. We will continue to pay without question until she finishes school and is employed. However, once college and adult life starts sometimes they cannot go. DH and I are planning a summer trip that she will likely skip. She is in an apartment this year and has decided to stay in her college town to take a couple of classes, keep the job that she loves over the summer rather than look for one at home, and pursue an internship opportunity. With all of that she isn't sure that she can travel with us. Once she knows he summer schedule better, we will pay for her to join us for part of the trip if she is able to take the time.

For the record- none of the above mentioned trips have been Disney. My DD loves Disney as much as I do so it will be very hard to ever go without her. It could happen as she enters adulthood but I would always try to include her.

So loooong story short- if my 19 year old wanted to go then I would absolutely include them all the way down to trying to schedule it so that they could.

 

[loves to dive]

My son is 35 and I paid 99% of our trip last week. I've always paid until he got married and then I said, nope ya'll have to pay for your own room and transportation and we'll deal with food as it comes up. He has gotten divorced and is back in college again (after a stint in the Navy) so funds are tight for him so I paid for our room, we drove down so I paid for gas, I paid for most of the expensive meals, he paid for some of the booths at F&G. It was well worth it for me since he has had problems and to see him smile again after I haven't seen it over a year was priceless.

 

[lovin'fl]

I have 3 older teens. If they come with us, we will pay until they are graduated from college. Once they are out in the workforce (and then married with their own families), their vacations will be on them**. But I don't foresee our college kids going on EVERY trip with us...schedules likely won't allow nor will they want to.

**We do have DVC and will probably book them a room with our points upon occasion, then the rest will be on them.

 

[Squggl3]

My family stopped at 18, I think I could have gotten 1 more trip out if them if I hadn't moved out. Now me and my hubby go with them and I have paid my own way for 6 years now.

 

[mm1971]

Paying for your adult children to come with you? lol

Due to an accident I had in November 2014 our last trip had to be postponed until after all of my surgeries/recoveries are over. My oldest will be 19 in May so he will be at least 20 before we go. We always counted him in when planning but someone asked me when I would stop paying for his vacations and it made me really stop and think. He's been to WDW before but my now 6 year old hasn't. I am seriously thinking of not bringing him this time and letting his sister have her trip alone with us like he did. On the flip side...built in FREE babysitter for adults only outings, lol

I would always pay for my kids to come to Disney if I can afford it. I will probably stop at some point when he/she is married and has a family of their own, but even then I think if I can afford it would love to experience it with the grand kids. You may want to ask him. Maybe he does not want to go? If it were my son and he wanted to go, I would certainly have no problems with footing the bill. He'll have enough of his own expenses soon.

 

[BabiesDaddy]

(Full disclosure, I have toddlers) I can say at this moment, i will pay for them as long as i'm able to pay for them. I have friends with older children, and that's a good way for them to spend family time together. I have an 18 year old niece, we have always included her in our vacations at our expense.

 

[glassslippergirl]

You've gotten a lot of feedback on this already, OP, but I think you answer your own question:

You want him to go-- that's the biggest
He is close to his sister, so, presumably, should have the chance to see her enjoy WDW
He can help you out with childcare
He loves Disney and will have a great time
It may be your last chance to go for a while

All good reasons to pay for his visit. If he was bringing someone (like a gf), tables might be turned, but it sounds like you're a mom paying for a family trip.

 

[hkkatie]

My kids are still young, (oldest is 12), but I always imagined that they would be included in our family trips until they are married, or until they have a job that could support themselves. Now if they choose not to get a job or don't get married until they are 37, that's a whole other issue, lol. I think paying for your unmarried, college student child is perfectly fine.

 

[efam]

If you ask him to pay, I think you need to prepare yourself for him to be disappointed and not be able to come.

 

[mdyoung]

My children are 30 and 37. We had always planned a big family trip (Disney, skiing, etc.) every year since the youngest was old enough to travel. We continued this when they became adults (spouses &/or significate others included), with them having the option to go or stay and yes, we paid for the trip. Now we have 3 beautiful granddaughters added into the mix and made the decision to plan the trips for every 2 years. We still pay for the trip. We are not wealthy but comfortable and money for the trip is set aside in our budget. We enjoy this family time away from the daily trials and busy schedules. The memories are priceless.

 

[cjparker0110]

I think this is a personal decision that every family must make for themselves. However, here are a few things that you could consider in making your decision:

1. What is his current situation? Is he working full time and living at home for free? Or is he a college student who, at best, has a part time job? A WDW trip is expensive and if you want him to be there you might need to pay...or at least help pay. Perhaps you could use this time to help teach him responsibility and budgeting (if you haven't already) and have him pay for part of his trip.

2. What are your expectations? You mentioned the benefit of a built in free babysitter for adult outings. What a great opportunity for everyone! You can have that adults only outing. He could spend some time bonding with his sister, perhaps even showing her some of his favorite attractions that she is able to go on. This would probably only be fair if you paid at least part of it, but does not exclude the option of him paying part, as well.

3. Best of both worlds? One thing I think that could be cool with this is that you could let him do his own thing during the day, while you take your daughter around like you did with him when he was younger. But then you still have those times that you all meet up as a family. That would be a great opportunity, again, for everyone to enjoy their trip.

4: Just a few thoughts from my early adulthood. My parents took us to WDW every 2-3 years when I was younger. When I was 19 they paid for my trip. When I was 22, they decided I could pay for it myself. I could only pay a portion because of the cost of rent compared to my income. They paid the rest. The next trip (several actually) I did not go. They expected me to pay all (reasonable) but I just couldn't. It was too expensive for me because I didn't make enough money to cover my bills, let alone a vacation. I missed out on going several times and wish I could have. It would have been ridiculous for them to pay for me at that point, but I"m glad they did when I was 19 and helped when I was 22. Now, as I plan to go next year with my wife and kids, and join my parents in celebrating their anniversary, they have offered to help if we need it (we won't, but the offer is there). The reason? They WANT all of us there and are willing to ensure it happens. If you want your whole family there, you might have to foot the bill. If it's not important to you for this trip, then let him do it. Either way, you get to enjoy WDW!

 

[jo-jo]

You've gotten a lot of feedback on this already, OP, but I think you answer your own question:

You want him to go-- that's the biggest
He is close to his sister, so, presumably, should have the chance to see her enjoy WDW
He can help you out with childcare
He loves Disney and will have a great time
It may be your last chance to go for a while

All good reasons to pay for his visit. If he was bringing someone (like a gf), tables might be turned, but it sounds like you're a mom paying for a family trip.

I agree with all of the above, but wanted to add, it seems you want a solo trip with your younger one. Well at 19/20 yrs old, he certainly can be told today is Mary's day. We'll see you at dinner.

Aside from that, our kids are 34 and 37 with families of their own. We have given tickets at Christmas gifts, paid for group meals on trips and used DVC points for rooms. Not all at the same time though. Maybe two out of three. Air fare, most meals (CS) , snacks, souvenirs, etc are all on them.