When did 8 year olds become teenagers?

[momx2]

My oldest DD who is 8 1/2 has been acting like a 16 year old it seems for the past year. She believes she should have "privacy" in her room. No one should enter without permission. She speaks to her sister and to me like we are her children. She is not developing in any other teenage like ways, except for her attitude. I will admit she has always been high maintenance, but she just seems to expect so much.

She is intelligent, beautiful and very blessed in athletics. She does well in school and from the outside she appears to be the perfect child. But I am concerned about her attitude and expectations of others. She even had some problems at the end of school with correcting her teacher. She also has several friends at school, but is the only athlete in the bunch and feels a little isolated. She is also sensitive and has a belief she is constantly right. I know I am rambling, but I am really worried about her in the future and am afraid she will get worse.

Unfortunately, I have a SIL who was like this. Very intelligent, blessed in music, appeared perfect. But her expectations of others have made her miserable. She has lost most jobs (or left due to the employers ignorance of course), is estranged from her family and still believes she is right all of the time.

I know this has been long, but does anyone have any words of advice or encouragement?

 

[AC7179]

No advice, but lots of hugs.

I have a 12 year old kind of like this. She has been that way as long as I can remember. She expects so much and it doesn't matter how much you do for her, she always wants more or feels like she is getting the short end of the bargain. She has gotten in trouble for correcting adults(but not teachers, mainly family) before too and she thinks she is right. I think she gets it from her father.

That being said, I try to count my blessings. She IS smart, in all PREAP classes, and is no problem at all to her teachers But I worry about her as well----and I have to admit that she's not the easiest kid to live with.

Hugs to you and I hope it gets better soon.

 

[darrose]

What do you do when she talks to you like you are a child?
I would immediately tell her to stop using that tone when she is speaking to you like that and follow up with a punishment if necessary.
Also, do you let her believe she is correct in all things even though you know she isnt? I have a friend who does that with her son, for some reason she feels if she proves to her son that his statement wasnt correct that it would hurt his self esteem.
(And trust me, he is wrong a lot)

In my own home I give some privacy to my kids in their rooms. (Ie, I knock before entering ). Maybe, something as simple as knocking before you enter will give her the sense of privacy she is demanding?

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

i agree with giving her privacy.

If it were me and I have done this, correct the problems now, don't start when she is a teen.

I picked my battles with my kids, but they knew at a young age what was acceptable and what wasn't.

I never had to be very strict. We always talked, we still do.

But it wasn't perfect, they tested me. I raised them alone.

I think I did a pretty good job, one son is going into his 2nd year of college on a full scholarship, and my youngest son is going into 11 grade, on the honor roll.

They are both great kids.

 

[momx2]

To answer some of the questions......
1) Yes, I do correct her and punish if necessary for speaking to me that way. As a matter of fact she is grounded from a skating party tomorrow night for speaking to her sister continually in a harsh tone and then screaming at her sis for picking up her Ukalalee (sp.????)
2) Yes, we knock before going in her room if the door is closed. She just NEVER wants her sister to enter. (She is just now closing herself up in our hall closet, because she likes tight spaces. Her sister was wanting to go in also and I told her sister to let her be alone and when she heard this, she pushed her sister.)
3) No, I do not let her believe she is always right.
4) Yes, we do talk. She tells me about problems at school and friends, etc.

I guess I asking this: Is it normal for an 8 year old to act this way? I guess I was expecting it in a few more years....maybe 12 or so. Maybe I am overreacting and being a worrywart. If so, please everybody, please feel free to tell me. I am just worried that she is overly critical of everyone and her expectations are so high that she'll never be happy.

Please know, I love her, am so proud of her and she has always been taught she can do anything she sets her mind to. Maybe I overtaught the last one.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I know this has been long, but does anyone have any words of advice or encouragement?

i'm sorry i really don't hve advice for you, just plenty of

 

[AC7179]

I don't think it's ABnormal---I really think that their personality traits are just forming and that both of our daughters are going to be aggresive (For lack of a better word) women.

It will probably be a good thing in the long run, once she has learned tact to go along with it---it's just hard until she does.

Lots of kids have personality "quirks" at that age---some are way shy and won't go anywhere, etc. My 12 year old asked me all summer if I would work out with her. I told her sure and told her we would walk to the Y and do the stairmaster or treadmill. She had a fit. She didn't want anyone to SEE her working out. Kids are just weird sometimes.

 

[momx2]

I don't think it's ABnormal---I really think that their personality traits are just forming and that both of our daughters are going to be aggresive (For lack of a better word) women.

It will probably be a good thing in the long run, once she has learned tact to go along with it---it's just hard until she does.

Your daughter does sound like mine. I used to say that DD would make a wonderful, strong young woman one day, if I didn't kill her before she got out of high school. The criticism of friends and teachers is new. It's like she believes that sometimes they are out to get her. I think that's what has me most worried now.

 

[MAKmom]

I read about these children they have a name for it. Very smart,old souls who are here in large numbers. You may be raising someone who is destined for greatness. They say for the first time white lights are out numbering evil. Take control but do not break her spirit.

 

[darrose]

It sounds like your doing a great job and I am sure that she feels very loved. I can hear the pride and love you have for your dd in your posts. Just continue to teach her the correct way (respectful) to voice her side of things to you and her teachers and I am sure soon she will figure out how to do it better.
Now as for the power struggle between her bedroom and her sister wanting in there. I would actually let her have alone time in her bedroom without sister. However, a lot of the family stuff (playstation, games, main dollhouse, etc would be in the family room) ready to play with other when she is ready to join others to play.
Good luck

 

[N.Bailey]

Well, if it helps any, my teen told me yesterday she wishes she could be young again. She told me, when I was young, I didn't ever have to "COOK" dinner or do anything like that. The bad part, I asked her to get the plates and put the "MEAT" portion of our dinner on the plates. This was her idea of cooking! Enjoy em while they're young!

 

[momx2]

Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement. Today, of course, she has been an angel the rest of the afternoon. She has been sitting in my lap at the restuarant we took my dad to for Father's Day. She did get upset at the lobsters in the tank and has now become a vegatarian . This is a new development I think will last about a day. She just doesn't want to see the animals alive before eating them. I guess this is just something you take a day at a time.

 

[Micca]

Hide the car keys!!!!

 

[N.Bailey]

Snip

She did get upset at the lobsters in the tank and has now become a vegatarian .

I can so relate!

 

[MosMom]

The girl is obviously in need of a good beating. Get right on that and your problem will be solved.