What would you think about this email? (Baby related)

[DisneyWalker44]

I'm lost here. Can someone who finds this email rude explain where the rude part is? I don't get it.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

Maybe it's the type of family and friends I have. None of them would expect me to entertain them. They would come over to help. Maybe bring over or cook a nice meal. Sit with the baby while I take a shower or get some rest. Do a load of laundry for me.

The day I came home from the hospital, my mom, sister, DH's mom, sister and my good friend came over. We hung out, ate lunch, they helped me, told me to take a nap, cleaned my house, etc.... It was great, really helped me!

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't have a real problem with the e-mail. It doesn't even seem that curtly worded to me. I am going to guess that she had some issues after the birth of her first child, and is trying to head them off.

I kind of agree with DVC~OKW~96...many people really don't follow the social rules anymore...we've become a very loose society in what is acceptable and what is not.

Let's do a little DisneyDoll "translation":

~I will have just finished pushing something the size of a watermelon through a VERY small opening OR having major abdominal surgery so I don't want to see your brats running around the hospital showing me what I'm in for. Let me have a few moments basking in the glow of motherly love before I am hit with the stark reality of life.

~Give us one day to not have to entertain all you people who never com e to see us other than when it's time to be nosey. I don't need you seeing my first born throw a hissy fit because he has a baby sister and then blabbing all over town about what a brat he is.

~Call me before you come so I can change out of my grubby sweats and put the outfit on the baby that you bought for her.

~Don't bring me your skeevy germs. If someone is sick, for God's sakes, stay home! (and I can't believe I actually have to tell people this but you would be amazed at the number of people who visited us when Carson was born who had a "little cold".)

Se how much worse she could have been?

If she was my friend, I'd still be her friend. I'd still bring her a casserole. I'd just call first, say "I want to drop off a casserole, I won't come in, what time is good for you?".

The worst part is that some of the people who receive this e-mail are immediately going to think "Well, she doesn't mean me".

 

[Minnesota!]

Eh. I wouldn't be insulted but she sound neurotic

I would just roll my eyes and then delete it. And wait for her to say it's ok to come visit!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think the fact that she felt that she had to write something like that speaks volumes. Obviously in the past nobody had any common sense (coming with colds or children) or was considerate- stopping by unannounced etc. that she didn't want to have to deal with it again. I love company as much as the next person but I didn't want anyone at my home when I came home from the hospital. I don't want anyone doing my laundry, cooking meals etc. That is not relaxing to me. I also didn't want my children passed all around. I just wanted to enjoy that little quiet time with my little family. I had on unexpected guest and I was mortified. My house looked like a bomb hit it that morning as I hadn't started cleaning up yet that day. I wanted to crawl in a hole and assume another identity after having to "host" people in my home at that moment. It was awful and it still bothers me to this day. I am a good housekeeper and do not keep a dirty home. That morning it just happened to be a disaster. I appreciated the visit but in all honesty I would rather have known about it ahead of time.
So I think it was smart of her to send the email. Maybe she did try and tell people in the past but they didn't listen. Are you offended because what she said applies to your past behavior? I only ask because if I never did any of those things mentioned then I wouldn't be offended since I would know she wasn't referring to me. I certainly wouldn't have declined the baby shower invite over something like respecting the new parent's wishes. I think that is just silly.

 

[Kimberle]

I would give her a break. It's a shame she has to write an email like this. But in todays society, common sense just isn't very comman any more. People just don't "think".

Best of luch to her and her new family.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The things she wrote in the email are just common sense things. You would hope people would do this without being told. Since this is her second, maybe she just wants to prevent things that happened when she brought her first baby home? The wording is not the greatest. I would think something simple like, "We would love for you to visit, just be sure to call ahead of time before you come" would do the trick.

I would have left the "don't come if you are sick" part out completely. I would hope people would at least understand that without the email.

You would think that but most people unfortunately don't. They are so wrapped up in "seeing the baby" that they don't think of anyone but themself.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I'm lost here. Can someone who finds this email rude explain where the rude part is? I don't get it.

This is the only part that I would take offense with:

Not only that but I'm sure we will all need our rest & I don't want to feel like I have to "entertain" people as soon as I get home.

It comes off a bit cross to me. If I were a past guest to her home, I might feel like she genuinely does not enjoy having people over. When I host guest, I enjoy myself. I don't feel they are sitting around waiting for me to provide entertainment. However, she gets a free pass from me since she is talking about right after she brings the baby home.

 

[DisneyJen0504]

Actually, it's more a commentary on today's society than it is her being rude. If people generally followed the rules of etiquette, she'd not have to reprise them in her email.

No one should visit anyone without calling and checking to see if their visit would be welcome at the time or not. No one should visit anyone if they have an illness that can be spread by casual contact. No one should expect to visit someone on the first day home after being in the hospital, regardless of reason for hospitalization.

If people respected those "social norms" then she'd not have to have written the email.

I don't find her rude at all.

I totally agree. I don't think her email is rude at all. And I would like to think an email like this sent before a shower would not result in petty behavior such as not attending. Respect her wishes.

 

[disneyjunkie]

She probably had bad experiances with her first child (I assume this is her second, based on the "big brother" language) and is trying to head off any issues.

You may be right.

I think it would have been better to just to speak to the folks she had issues with the first time around.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

It doesn't seem rude at all to me. I agree with other posters who say it's a shame that everyday common etiquette (calling first rather than dropping by, not visiting somebody with a baby when you're sick) has become so uncommon.

 

[mousetravel]

.

 

[anniemae]

I don't find it offensive at all, in fact I agree with everything she said. When a new baby arrives, folks often feel it's okay to drop by unannounced. She is right that they will need rest. Maybe she also feels obilgated to be a super hostess when people are over her house, and she know she will be in no condition to chat, entertain, feed etc. guests.

As for going over when you are sick, you would be suprised at how many people drag sick kids EVERYWHERE and think nothing of it. Sometimes people don't think and she is trying to avoid problems and stress.

It's not worth getting upset over, just respect her wishes and call if you want to visit her!

 

[JR6ooo4]

I wouldn't be insulted. I wouldn't think it a big deal. I wouldn't think it a small deal.

I see nothing wrong at all. It's a very nice note with perfectly reasonably requests (well, perfectly reasonable for a mom-to-be.

it is all common sense. Having family and friends that might need to be told or reminded of those courtesies is not her fault.

I remember when we were kids, friends and family would sneak into neighborhood homes that had newborns during their nap times when the mom was also trying to get an hour of sleep while the baby was down. THey quietly cooked and cleaned and left before anyone got up.


Mikeeee

 

[browneyes106]

I can understand someone wanting time to rest and help their older child get used to a new sibling.

 

[Angelhalo]

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Sounds like she's just trying to look out for her family.

 

[torinsmom]

When son was born, people kept dropping by, waking us up(baby and me), and bringing kids over to run around. I didn't mind having visitors, but I didn't feel I needed to be barged in on at any time without any notice. There were times I just didn't answer the door. Maybe that was rude, but some people really do not understand the things that mom wrote in the email.

Marsha

 

[Angelhalo]

You may be right.

I think it would have been better to just to speak to the folks she had issues with the first time around.

Some people just aren't comfortable saying those kinds of things to peoples faces. If it had been me in the situation I would have felt much more comfortable sending an e-mail.

 

[Angelhalo]

I agree. These things should be common sense to most people and I understand some people are just all about seeing the new baby and not thinking about certain things that a new mom would.

I also want people to call me before they come over, especially at night, and because I am single, I do not go to my door after dark. HOWEVER, I would not send a rude or demanding email to everyone telling them so.

I don't see anything rude or demanding. Just some simple requests to people who are supposed to love her and be understanding of what she is going through. I think if I had written it, I would say good riddance to anyone who got offended and upset by it. I just had a baby so if those people can't just understand where I'm coming from then forget them.

 

[goofy!]

So I think it was smart of her to send the email. Maybe she did try and tell people in the past but they didn't listen. Are you offended because what she said applies to your past behavior? I only ask because if I never did any of those things mentioned then I wouldn't be offended since I would know she wasn't referring to me. I certainly wouldn't have declined the baby shower invite over something like respecting the new parent's wishes. I think that is just silly.

I have to agree with Mouse House Mama. I cannot see being offended by this e-mail at all unless you are one of the people she is speaking about. If you see nothing wrong with the behavior she is asking her friends to refrain from, then I can see being offended because her e-mail hits close enough home to make one feel uncomfortable.

But if you would never think of dropping in unexpected or bringing your child to the hospital, then it doesn't refer to you and no need to be offended and most would applaud her for addressing these issues.

It's unfortunate that she knows some of her friends and family well enough that she feels she has to put out this e-mail.