What would you do?

[tarheelalum]

My wife and I had planned a trip to go to Disneyland this coming weekend but this past Friday she got a cold and then yesterday she said she didn't want to go now. She said with the crowds now it's just not as much fun and she wasn't going to go. But I don't know if it's her cold that has got her all moody or she just doesn't like Disneyland anymore or a combination of the two.

But I have been looking foward to this trip for two months. I hate the crowds as well but not so much that I cancel a trip to the happiest place on earth. In May we are leaving San Diego and moving to Arizona so it might be a long time before I get another chance to get back to Disneyland.

So at this point I'm seriously considering going by myself but I've never gone solo before. But I think I might feel odd not having anyone to enjoy the experience with. But it it might be nice not to have to compromise on what I want to do.

But I also feel my wife might resent me going without her so I just don't know. But I think I will resent her if I don't go. I told her she could just stay at the Disneyland Hotel and watch TV all day and I'll take her out to eat at night while I go to the park during the day but she doesn't say anything.

So I just don't know. Her cold seemed a lot better today so she will probably be fine before the trip. And honestly I hope she changs her mind and wants to go to Disneyland. But in case she doesn't, and you were in my shoes, what would you do? Go or don't go?

 

[SMD]

Maybe cancel DLH and look for another hotel that is removed from the Disney crowds but still close enough for you to at least get a park day. Would she like Costa Mesa, Huntington or Laguna Beach? Arizona is still within driving distance, at least.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

Just my two cents, but in reading over your post, I'm not totally sure whether your priority is your wife or Disneyland (and believe me, I understand!). Think this one through and you'll know what to do. Hope your wife feels better soon. Regardless of what happens this weekend, it can be such a bummer to have a cold when the weather finally turns to spring...

 

[ashley0139]

I'm not saying you SHOULD go, but don't let the idea of going alone be the thing that makes you not go. It can be really nice to go alone. You can wait an hour for a ride you wouldn't normally. Or have a few drinks at the Cove bar. Or see all three performances of Frozen in a day to try to get really good pictures. Not that I've ever done that last one. *Coughcough* Not having to agree with someone on what you're doing can be really freeing.

 

[Disney Rose]

I would go. You've been planning the trip, you've booked the hotel, in my mind its too late to back out now. If your wife chooses to stay home then she really can't resent you for going - her choice to stay. Plenty of people go alone - and just think of all the single rider queues you can take advantage of!

 

[mom2rtk]

If your wife's cold is getting better and your trip isn't until this weekend, then this isn't about a cold.

 

[Tasscrapper]

Is it possible she is worried about the cost because of the move coming up? It may be as she starts to feel better she'll change her mind. Disneyland has been my happy place for about 8-9 years now but honestly the crowds really intimidate me now sometimes. If I weren't feeling well I wouldn't want to be there either. I think you should talk to your wife and tell her how you feel about all the pros and cons you listed in the opening post and ask her how she feels about them. Maybe give her the day to get feeling better today and talk with her tonight.

 

[GatorChris]

Boy, that's a tough call. See if you can talk her into it. What good is Disney if you can't enjoy it with somebody you love? I do understand her resentment of the crowds. It's taken a lot of the joy out of the our trips to DL. Especially with Spring Break coming up, it will be busy for sure. Sounds like you guys need to talk it out.

Maybe it's time to check out another vacation spot....just this time around. Yosemite is great this time of year!

 

[Midnightred]

I would go! My husband was in the emergency room and was having a heart attack 4 years ago, and when I walked in, the first words out of his mouth were " Don't worry, we are still going to Disneyland". We went 6 weeks later and took it slow, but we flew in from Texas and had a wonderful time. My husband has health problems and I have 2 boys who are Autistic. Everyone has a great time but we pace ourselves and don't overdue it. We spend alot of time in the room. I think having a cold is not a good enough reason to cancel. Colds come and go pretty quickly and you can pace yourself, you don't have to go crazy staying out late and riding every ride with no breaks!

Midnightred

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

If it were me who didn't feel like going on the trip (Ok let's be real, it would never be me LOL) I would INSIST upon you going. Have you discussed it with her? There is no way that I would let my own issue/illness/whatever hold someone back from their wish to go still. I would probably feel guilty for not being there for you, but I would definitely want you to go!

I think a sit down talk is called for at this point. Tell her that you understand if she doesn't want to go, but that you were looking forward to it and still would like to. I would mention to her that you'd prefer she comes with you if she's up to it because you enjoy her company, but if she doesn't want to you'd still like to go.


My personal story is that a couple of disney trips ago my bad back flared up and I got to a point on our FIRST day of FIVE that I could no longer walk. I started to cry (while stuck in place by the Hungry Bear) and told my husband I just couldn't go on...and that we'd have to get me back to the hotel. But that I wanted them to stay in Disney without me. I was obviously SUPER upset about not being able to function and missing out, but there is no way I was going to let my own problem stop them from having a great day in Disney. My husband, who is much more rational, reminded me that wheelchairs are a thing and ran and got me one. I mention this because my first thought wasn't ME and how crappy it was for me..it was my loved ones whose day I was going to ruin if they had to stop playing. She might be the same way if you point out how much you are looking forward to going.

 

[AuntieMe3]

You should ask her if she minds if you go by yourself! We had passes for so long, my husband and daughter actually got tired of going so I would go by myself. I loved my solo Disney days...I've only done day trips but would jump at the chance to stay in a hotel by myself! As a PP has said.... you can do WHATEVER.YOU.WANT.... you can stop and people watch, ride whatever you want, eat whatever and wherever you want... it's just a different park experience!

 

[VandVsmama]

My wife and I had planned a trip to go to Disneyland this coming weekend but this past Friday she got a cold and then yesterday she said she didn't want to go now. She said with the crowds now it's just not as much fun and she wasn't going to go. But I don't know if it's her cold that has got her all moody or she just doesn't like Disneyland anymore or a combination of the two.

But I have been looking foward to this trip for two months. I hate the crowds as well but not so much that I cancel a trip to the happiest place on earth. In May we are leaving San Diego and moving to Arizona so it might be a long time before I get another chance to get back to Disneyland.

So at this point I'm seriously considering going by myself but I've never gone solo before. But I think I might feel odd not having anyone to enjoy the experience with. But it it might be nice not to have to compromise on what I want to do.

But I also feel my wife might resent me going without her so I just don't know. But I think I will resent her if I don't go. I told her she could just stay at the Disneyland Hotel and watch TV all day and I'll take her out to eat at night while I go to the park during the day but she doesn't say anything.

So I just don't know. Her cold seemed a lot better today so she will probably be fine before the trip. And honestly I hope she changs her mind and wants to go to Disneyland. But in case she doesn't, and you were in my shoes, what would you do? Go or don't go?

You know that saying of "happy wife, happy life" ? ....Well, that definitely applies in situations such as this. Here's my thoughts on your situation, in no particular order:

• Put yourself in your wife's shoes. How would you feel if you weren't really feeling 100% in the health department and were facing the strong possibility of walking all through busy theme parks on a busy weekend?
• Maybe she's just feeling a little overwhelmed at the upcoming move plus feeling under the weather...makes it a little too much on her plate right now and maybe in THIS situation, a weekend at Disneyland is not the right prescription.
• Maybe when your wife has a cold and is feeling lousy, all she wants to do is stay at home in bed. Maybe she doesn't really want to stay in a hotel room all day.
• You know your wife far better than any of us do and we don't know your wife, nor have any of us met her. What sort of person is she? When she's annoyed, irritated, or unhappy, does she talk openly about it or does she get quiet and stew?
• Be careful about going to Disneyland anyway without her. You could be sending her the unspoken message that she is not important to you...that Disneyland is more important than your sick wife.
• If you have kids and your wife isn't feeling well, then you should DEFINITELY NOT go to Disneyland and leave her and kids at home.
• You're just moving to Arizona. It's not Mongolia or Timbuktu. I live in Tucson and it's a 6.5 hr drive. If you're moving to Phoenix, it's about a 5 hour drive to Anaheim. That's like driving to Anaheim from the SF Bay Area. It's no big deal. I have friends who live in Tucson and have annual passes to Disneyland and they go 3-4 times a year. And there's a fair amount of AP holders in Phoenix, too, who go to Disneyland more than once a year. You can still go. You just have to plan ahead a bit more than you might right now living in San Diego.
• The stress of moving is right up there with the amount of stress related to the death of someone close to you. Maybe your way of handling the stress of the upcoming move and the psychological loss of not being as close to Disneyland anymore is to do 1 last weekend trip to the parks. But maybe your wife's way of handling that stress is different. Perhaps she has different needs right now than you do. Be careful that you don't put your needs above hers. Some give and take will be required. For example, maybe you could you by yourself for just the day, but not this particular weekend?

 

[Angrose]

I would go, but that's coming from someone who goes to DLR solo most of the time. I've asked my husband to come with me before, just the two of us, and he has no interest, but he would never hold me back from going on my own or with friends. If I had a cold and was staying at the DLH, I would definitely still go and just chill at the hotel and pool when the crowds got too bad. That's the beauty of staying onsite! If she does decide to go, you guys can enjoy the parks the first few hours of the morning when crowds are lowest then she could go back to the hotel to relax, nap, and then you two could have a nice dinner somewhere. I think all you can do at this point is say to her that you would really like her to come, that you understand if she doesn't feel like it this time around, but that you will still be going since you have been looking forward to it for so long. And, don't worry about going solo if you have to! You won't know how you feel about it if you don't try it. And, you will be staying ONSITE! Enjoy it, you deserve it!!

 

[mustinjourney]

Hard to answer without knowing your relationship dynamics.

My wife actually likes her alone time, so she would be pretty happy with me going by myself and having a day or two to herself. I just did a guy's weekend for golfing/casino when she backed out on me a week before.

From personal experience though -- my guess is dragging her unwillingly to the trip is probably the worst option. If she doesn't want to be there, then she's going to be miserable -- which means you're going to be miserable...and then you're going to really resent her being a debbie downer.

So in reality, you really only have two options -- go without her or cancel. You just have to decide if the fun you'll have by yourself is worth the likely fuming you'll get when you come back home.

 

[DDhunter]

I am planning a trip in August and found myself really beginning to dread the trip due to all the reports of excessive crowding. So, I added a "wait time" app to my phone and began checking it at all different days and times. Based on wait times alone, it does not appear to me that it is any more crowded than it was 2-3 years ago (I had an AP and went all the time in 2012, 2013, 2014). It was pretty crowded those years and I thought if it was any more crowded it would indeed be unbearable. However, it appears pretty much the same. I also watched a few videos on You Tube of trips, a very long one from Fresh Baked of a trip they took this past Saturday and, again, the walkways and lines looked very similar to those from a few years ago. In fact, I read an article in the OC Register, dated Nov. 10, 2016, in which they report attendance was actually down 3% from the prior year. I also read that they anticipate attendance to be down for the next 2 years as people wait for Star Wars Land to open. So, I have decided to take the "sky is falling" reports on crowding with a grain of salt.

 

[azdisneylover]

I would reschedule the trip. Perhaps in October. This would give you time to get over the shock of your electricity bill from summer, (another Arizonian here) and the train should be up and running, (great way to avoid the crowds). What ever you decide, good luck with your move to AZ.

 

[Brians_myth]

Many rides and attractions are currently closed. My suggestion would be to save your money, keep her happy, then go when everything is open for business.

 

[azfalcon]

I would reschedule the trip. Perhaps in October. This would give you time to get over the shock of your electricity bill from summer, (another Arizonian here) and the train should be up and running, (great way to avoid the crowds). What ever you decide, good luck with your move to AZ.

Ha ha the summers are brutal here. You better get excited for high AC bills.

 

[cruisehopeful]

In May we are leaving San Diego and moving to Arizona so it might be a long time before I get another chance to get back to Disneyland.

If you cannot schedule another visit before you move, keep this one.

So at this point I'm seriously considering going by myself but I've never gone solo before.

I finally got to go solo in December and it was awesome. It is amazing how much you can get done with you don't need to negotiate everything. It is much more fun than you can imagine.

I told her she could just stay at the Disneyland Hotel and watch TV all day and I'll take her out to eat at night while I go to the park during the day but she doesn't say anything.

That sounds like a good idea, but maybe she isn't very comfortable in the hotel room. I'd ask her if there is anything that she would enjoy there at all. The afternoon tea is fun and lower key than the parks. What about the dessert party for WOC or a nice dinner at Carthay Circle? When it is too crowded for us, we end up doing things we normally don't do.

what would you do? Go or don't go?

Tough call. My daughter and I are going next weekend. She is sick with a cold right now. I am going to ask her if she wants to cancel it. I won't go if she isn't feeling up to it. I am not moving out of the area, though. If I felt like it was going to be my last chance for a while, I'd probably still go unless my spouse was too sick to leave alone. In some cases, my spouse is better off resting at home without me when is feeling sick.

 

[Keels]

I would use your words and talk to her about it. Bring up a bunch of options - cancel the trip, stay somewhere else and still go, go somewhere else entirely, you go by yourself, etc. and see what she has to say.

There may be a lot on her mind that she's not communicating with you because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings since you are so excited about it and have been planning it. She could be stressed about money related to the move, she could be stressed because she hasn't been feeling great ... or, worst case, she could be over Disneyland (and yes, it happens unfortunately!).

See what SHE would love to see out of the trip. Maybe it's more pool-time or spa time or just relaxation time? Maybe she doesn't want to deal with the parks, but still have a nice brunch or dinner with you ... she can do her thing while you get your park time in, and then you can both meet up for dinner, drinks, the evening - that's what works best for me and my husband when he gets Disney Burn Out.

So, use your words.

The thought that either of you would resent each other over something as trivial as a Disney trip makes me just sad to think about. Arizona really ISN'T that far away ... I can get to Disneyland 3-4 times a year and I live in Texas. It's JUST Disneyland, it will always be there (and will get increasingly better), but your marriage is a different story.