What would you do

[BRobson]

A couple of people have approached me to tell me one of my friends husband is having an affair with someone he works with. My friend has a little boy and works for the same company her husband does. I know that her husband had a fling a few years back - she forgave him and tbh from the outside they look like the happiest couple on earth.

Do I say something to her or him or keep quiet She may already know and has chosen to keep quite and me bringing it up will be ackward to say the least. Maybe i should say to him what I have heard.The easy thing to do is mind my own business but would that be letting my friend down?


What would you do - would you want to be told?

 

[natalielongstaff]

I Would Def Want To Be Told......however Im Not Sure I Want To Be The Person Who Tells. good luck x x

 

[mandymouse]

It really depends on how good a friend she is. If she's a very good friend, then I would have to tell her that I had heard some bad rumours about her hubby

All I know, is that I would want to know, and I would rather hear it from my friend than from someone who just wanted to gossip

Good Luck whatever you decide Jackie

 

[BRobson]

Thanks ladies - still not sure what to do

 

[Pinky166]

I would definately want to know. I don't envy you though Jackie, it is a hard decision to make and even harder to tell her.

Are you very close friends? As Mandy said if you are close friends then it would be better to hear it from you than through gossip.

 

[mandymouse]

Thanks ladies - still not sure what to do

I don't envy the position you're in Jackie

 

[florida sun]

Ooh this is a really hard one, like you said, she may already know,esp as they work together, I did, when I knew my ex husband was having an affair with someone that we both worked with, and I didnt mention anything until I had come to terms with it myself. Im not really sure how I would have felt if a friend had told me to be honest. To be honest, I was the one telling my very close friend.

If the shoe was on the other foot and it was me wondering if I should say something to a friend ,I dont think I would based on hearsay from others, I think I would want to know myself for definate with proof before I said anything, just incase it turned out to be a mistake, I would hate to say something then find out it was all untrue or a mistake.

Good luck though Jackie

 

[poppie123]

It's such a difficult decision to make.
A few years ago i had a really close friend who had helped me through the breakup of my relationship and was even my birthing partner when i had my daughter.
I found out that her waste of space for a husband was having an affair, but to make matters worse it was with her Sister. He did not try and keep it quiet and even took her to the same places he took his wife.
At the time my friend was really struggling with depression, her youngest who was only 1 month older than my daughter had been born with a cleft palate and with 3 other children to look after she was finding it tough going.

I made the decision not to say anything. If it had of been anyone else but her sister i may of told her but i felt that sort of bombshell would just rock the family to it's core and i was worried about what would happen to my friend and how she would cope.
Unfortunately during the years we drifted apart, and i often wonder if deep down she already knew but chose to ignore it. Knowing would have meant she would had to of done somthing about it.

 

[Chilly]

If she forgave him once she may be willing to forgive him again and would rather everyone else not know. Its very hard to hide things at work so she may already know.

I don't envy you deciding.

 

[higgy66]

OMG what a terrible postion to be in.

I started to write a reply about how I'd only consider telling my 2 best friends but as I thought about it I'm not sure if I would. I mean - how do you tell somebody something so devastating? I do not envy you at all and you've been put in a terrible position.

I think in a perfect world you'd tell the hubby what you know and suggest he comes clean before "somebody" else does and hope he has the decency to do so.

Good luck x

 

[natalielongstaff]

tell the hubby what you know and suggest he comes clean before "somebody" else does and hope he has the decency to do so.

Good luck x

thats a good idea !

 

[pixiepower04]

OMG what a terrible postion to be in.

I think in a perfect world you'd tell the hubby what you know and suggest he comes clean before "somebody" else does and hope he has the decency to do so.

Good luck x

That's exactly what I was going to say. Tell the hubby you know and that if he doesn't finish it or tell the wife then you will and give a deadline too, say a month and then follow through with it.

I would hate to be the wife and have my close friend know about the affair but not say anything.

If she does something about it and moves on with her life but you stop being friends because of it she will always know that at least you were the one friend who did the right thing but get the proof first and then give him the ultimatum.

 

[BRobson]

I am going to sleep on it - she is a good friend although when we do meet up it is to go out as couples.

I am leaning to speaking to him - I told DH and he has told me to keep out of it (typical male answer!!!!!)

Thanks guys for all your comments - you can always rely on you all

 

[Snowy-girls]

Oh Jackie what a position to be in .
I don't think you should say anything to your 'friend' unless you know for certain that the 'rumour'(as that is all it is at the moment)is deffinatley true,as it could have some unwanted feedback.
Personally i would speak to 'him',if you feel like you should do/say something.Maybe word it in a way that he has no choice than to admit it-word it differently and he could worm his way out of it.But as i said it could be false rumours.
I do see where your Hubby is coming from though(mine would deffinatley say the same thing)-he's probably just thinking of you.x.

 

[Minniespal]

What a horrible position to find yourself in.

Personally I wouldn't say something to your friend, not under the circumstances. If I knew that it was a fact and had seen it myself, then I would certainly say something.

 

[cazzie]

The woman I work with doesn't know her partner is having an affair with another woman although until recently it was with 2 women. I would never ever tell her as I know she wouldn't thank me for it. I have a feeling she probably knows deep down but doesn't want to face it.

I also had a friend who was having an affair and both DH and I knew but we both agreed not to say anything to her DH. Eventually she told him herself and they split up. I am just glad we didn't say anything as I wouldn't have liked to have felt responsible for them parting.

 

[Cyrano]

I've had a friend in similar circumstances. Everyone said they would want to know. The wife said she would want to know. But when it all came out and eventually hubby and the wife made their peace, guess who was the villian of the piece. Yes the messenger. Her "friend" now says they can no longer keep in touch since she is a reminder her of her husbands affair Okay I'm a guy and should see his side of the story. Yeah right But why would the person who thought they were doing the right thing be the baddy.

For being but in this position Jackie.

 

[tennisfan]

I don't envy your position Jackie, but I agree with the people have said not to say anything unless you know for sure he is having an affair.

 

[The Fetherstons]

Oh gosh Jackie what a position to be in, I would speak to the hubby first, good luck with your decision

 

[Paula WBA]

I really don't think that you should say anything.

I appreciate that she is your friend but she may already know about the alleged affair and has chosen to ignore it.

I also don't think that you should give her hubby an ultimatum on a timescale that you will say something if he doesn't - he could just call your bluff and then you will be the same situation now.

Sorry you are in this predictment but it is her hubby that is in the wrong not you so try not to feel too guilty.