What would you do with a sister who is drifting away?

[canwegosoon]

Yeah, you are right. I just for some reason have this feeling that it's just not "for right now". I just hate to be one of those people who died not having spoken to her sister for years. But it's not my choice, so whaddyagonnado?

I have a sister I do not speak to...by her choice, but I am convinced that it has to do with some how I make her feel inferior. I am married(she's divorced), I had twins after years of hormonal problems(she has hormornal problems that lead to a hysteromcy(sp)-thanks to her doctor), I have several homes(she has a condo), I work parttime(she works 2 jobs), I am a little heavy(she was really thin). There was nothing I did that impacted her life. She just really resents me and my life. Could your relationship with your sister be changing due to her feelings of non-accomplishment? I wish you the best.

 

[bananiem]

Maybe she's tired of the same-old same-old, KWIM? If I'm with my sisters for a weekend I get tired of the nit-picking and whatnot that's been going on for over 40 years. I don't know if they even realize it. I also can't stand to be around my sister's husband anymore. He's so condescending and such a downer.

 

[auntpolly]

Maybe she's tired of the same-old same-old, KWIM? If I'm with my sisters for a weekend I get tired of the nit-picking and whatnot that's been going on for over 40 years. I don't know if they even realize it. I also can't stand to be around my sister's husband anymore. He's so condescending and such a downer.

I don't know what that same old same old would be. She should tell us if there's something like that. We 4 sisters were never the type to fight much, so I'm not used to having disagreements with them. The meanest thing we ever do is make fun of mom behind her back... in the most loving way possible, of course!

 

[VSL]

I don't know what to say.

Part of me is worried (in a cult sense) while the other part understands your sister (I'm not at all close to any of my bio and adoptive family - but I've been like that since I was very very young!).

Just

 

[bananiem]

I don't know what that same old same old would be. She should tell us if there's something like that. We 4 sisters were never the type to fight much, so I'm not used to having disagreements with them. The meanest thing we ever do is make fun of mom behind her back... in the most loving way possible, of course!

And just because YOU don't find a problem with how it's always been doesn't mean that SHE doesn't find a problem with it. Maybe she thinks it odd that grown women never disagree about anything or that one of you is so domineering that everybody always says what that one sister wants to hear so there won't be any disagreements.

 

[HoneyPooh]

One of my brothers became inaccessible to us shortly after becoming "born again". I am the youngest of six and none of the rest of us are born again, and although active in the church we were not on the same page as he was.

He told us that the brother he was before being "born again" was gone and we were a part of that life. Because we did not have the same committment to the church as the new him, we were not a priority in his life.

This has been going on for more than 10 years now and nothing has changed.

We still reach out to our brother often. We call but he is usually "napping" or "at church" or "weeding the yard" and can't talk. We send cards, presents on holidays and we still love him but we don't have even close to the same relationship we always did. We will be there for him if and when he needs us but the ball is in his court and we have no control over it. He moved to NC and when he does come home to visit he does not let any of us know. He visits our aunt (also born again) and then leaves. We usually find out because someone saw him in town and told us about it.

to the OP. I would try and get your sister to tell you (by call or letter) why exactly she is not communicating with her sisters. If she feels strongly enough about something to not have contact with you, she should have the consideration to tell you what the reason is.

 

[auntpolly]

And just because YOU don't find a problem with how it's always been doesn't mean that SHE doesn't find a problem with it. Maybe she thinks it odd that grown women never disagree about anything or that one of you is so domineering that everybody always says what that one sister wants to hear so there won't be any disagreements.

OK, let's say she has a problem with me. I'm overbearing and she's sick of it. Why would she cut us all out of her life? Why would she never mention that anything is bothering her? Doesn't that sound a little immature, just (and a little unChristian) to just decide we're none of us worth the bother.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Auntpolly, don't feel guilty about all this. You most likely are not the reason for the problem. I had no idea what I could have done to my sister to make her not want to be around me but I apologized anyway. She insisted it had nothing to do with me. I've had to accept that it's HER issue not mine. Have you asked if there is anything you've done or anything you could do to rectify the situation? If she says no to both questions there's not much else you can do. I just keep letting my sister know I love her and want to be with her. Hopefully some day she'll take me up on it.

 

[Kitty 34]

I have a sister like this, AuntPolly. We were best friends but her church takes up all of her time now. I'm lucky if I get a phone call once a month from her.