What would you do? (long)

[skuttle]

DH and I will soon have to make a decision about moving. I graduated from law school in May 03 and DH will be graduating with a music education degree in Dec 05. We can't stay here, as much as we love living here, because the music ed jobs here are scarce and those that are here aren't very good. Also, if we stayed here, we'd have to send DS to private school because the public schools are horrible and we really don't want to send DS to private school as we would rather he be exposed to different types of people.

We have narrowed our choices to the following (and no, none include moving to Florida since DH thinks being that close would ruin the magic).

1. Moving back to our hometown
2. Moving to Texas...probably the Dallas area.

Moving back to our hometown pros:
*ALL of my family is still there. NO ONE left. One cousin came here for college and another went to New Orleans for dental school and both went back to our hometown to live. I'm an only child and my parents divorced when I was young so my mom and I are really close. Most of my DH's family is still back there, too.
*I wouldn't have to take another bar exam
*If we don't like it, it would be a less expensive move since we would only be moving 1.5 hours away and I wouldn't have to take another bar exam.

Moving back to our hometown cons:
*Our hometown is small and has a smalltown attitude, ie every knows everyone else's business and lots of people are much less openminded. I'm just not sure I'd be happy being back there again. Not sure if small town living is for me anymore.
*DH's job choices would be limited. Teachers in Louisiana get paid VERY little and the music programs aren't funded as they should be. Arts are really just pushed to the side here.
*We'd probably send DS to private school since the public school's down there aren't that great.

Moving to Texas pros:
*DH would have MUCH better job choices...not only regarding pay, but his music program in general would be better funded and supported.
*DS could probably go to public school.
*My job would likely pay more.
*We went to Dallas for the Cotton Bowl a few years ago and really liked the Dallas surrounding areas (we wouldn't live in Dallas the city). We both would rather live in a place with more to do, see, etc.

Moving to Texas cons:
*No family. No friends. Family would be 8 hours away. Not sure how well my mom would take us moving that far away even though I know people do it all the time. Also, not sure how I'd take being the far from family and friends, especiall with DS who is now only 14 months old.
*I'd have to take another bar exam which would be fairly expensive on top of the whole, awful experience that goes along with taking it.
*We'd be further from WDW. Had to add that one in.
*Not really sure if we'd like it as we've both always lived here in Louisiana. If we don't like it, it would be a more expensive choice (moving farther away, taking another bar exam, etc).

DH and I are really torn re what to do. We want to make the right choice, especially once DS starts school. The safe choice would be to move back to our hometown, but I'm afraid we'll be miserable there and get "sucked in" and always wonder "what if". I don't want to just settle for that kind of life. I truly believe I wouldn't be happy there. But, at the same time, moving 8 hours away from everyone I know is scary and would cost us more if we don't like it.

Any advice would be appreciated as we truly are torn. And have been for a while. Even though we won't be moving until probably Jan 06, if we decide to move to Texas I have to take their bar next summer, so we dont have much time to decide.

Thanks!

 

[Serena]

Can you find a big city near hometown that can give you what you need?

 

[janette]

I voted for Dallas, you do have lots of DIS friends here

 

[skuttle]

We're pretty much in the big city here. We dont' really need a "big city", just not the small, country town we grew up in. The teaching situation and education situation is pretty much consistent throughout our state, unfortunately.

 

[FroggyinArk]

Have you considered north la? In and around monroe you have ulm, tech, grambling, northwestern in shreveport.. all have good music programs,, as do several of hte high schools in ne la, Would still be in la for your bar exam, and might give hubby a better chance in music ed, , hjas he considered private instruction? we pay 45 a month for weekly 30 min piano lesson and its extrewmely hard to find anyone that teaches outside the schools. Would be worth checking into, there are several small towns near monroe that are really nice places.

 

[LSURyan]

I'm the hubby.

I went to Northwestern, its not in Shreveport but in Natchitoches which is about an hour south of Shreveport and yes, they have an excellent music program. To be honest, If we are going to move to north Louisiana I would rather move to the Dallas metroplex. Lots of people I went to school with teach in and around the Dallas area.

We have been discussing this for a while now and have it narrowed down to these two places (there is a very slight chance we'd stay in BR).

Thanks for your help. We appreciate all the input. And would like more.

Has anyone here ever had to make a similar decision?What did you do?How did it turn out?

 

[janette]

What type of music program are you looking to teach? There are many pretty varied districts in the Dallas area, almost all are short teachers.

I'm not sure about the market for lawyers, I think it's better for financial / corporate lawyers.

 

[ZachnElli]

We up and moved to the Dallas area in '96. We loved Texas and the Dallas area. Dh ended up a year later working for another company that eventually moved us (that's why we left, job transfer). If you do move there, look for a neighborhood that has a high number of transferees. That way you won't be the only ones with out friends/family nearby. We recently moved again away from all friends and family and it is very hard to start over with friends and getting a social circle again. What I don't miss about the Dallas area is the crime rate. I have never lived anywhere where so many kids were kidnapped from their own yards by strangers, or murders, home invasions, car accidents, etc. This was in 96-97, so hopefully it has gotten better since then. But we did love the area. People are generally friendly and there is alot to do. Good luck with the decision, I know how hard it is!

 

[cati]

No advise here... That is a tough decisions.

 

[kadaten]

We move all the time, but have no choice as DH is military. We have a say in where, just not in the "if". So moving is a part of life for us. If we didn't *have* to move, I don't think we would. We'd find somewhere good for his career and then stay put. (His career, even after he gets out, is kinda limited....and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up yet so his is the deciding factor.)

Moving is very difficult for everyone, but it can be harder or easier, depending on the kind of people you are. I find it VERY hard, and I don't mean the packing and stuff 'cause they do that for us. I'm referring to starting over every time we move. I'm not a social butterfly...it takes me a long time to make friends and become a part of the community. Because of that, I tend to feel very isolated the first year or two we're in a new place. Then we move again after 18-36 months, so it seems I never feel "at home" or "part of the neighborhood". That's hard. Hard for me, hard for the kids. Now if you're someone who jumps right in with two feet, and knows how to seek out new people and get in the middle of it all, then you may find that part a little easier than me.

Being away from family is hard, too. I feel bad that the kids don't see the grandparents more often and that they only see their cousins 2-3 times a year. Since they're all in school, traveling is very limited...at least the grandparents can come up during the school year. If we had a choice, we'd live closer to the family, although I'm not sure we'd live in the same town, especially if it was a small town.....a little separation is good for everyone I'm thinking close enough to have a built-in babysitter when needed or go over for a weekend cookout, but not close enough for daily drop-ins...if you know what I mean.

Hard decision. I don't envy you. At least with us, we have no choice, so I don't have to agonize over that part.....just have to try to make the best of what we're offered and eventually assigned....

Good luck to you!

 

[disykat]

I voted Texas. It's sounds like career choices would be very limited - especially for your dh, but probably for you as well.

 

[justhat]

Well, we have a similar situation to decide on for June 2006 (move to Phoenix, where I really want to live, but then will be so far from my family in NJ, stay in DC where we are now, very, very slight chance of moving to New Orleans, where my husband's from, or moving somewhere totally random-we don't get a big choice, however, since my husband is in medical school and we have to move to wherever he gets his residency). Anyway, I really want to go to Phoenix even though it's across the country from my whole family so hopefully that's what we'll do. It'll be hard knowing that I can't just get on a train and be 'home' in 3 hours, but I really love the area, the housing is much more affordable, the salary isn't bad, plus I need those 330 days of sun! For you it sounds like Texas is your choice. It's really not that far from where your family is, so I'm sure you'll be able to visit frequently, but it's different enough to give you the change of pace. The only reason I'm considering going to New Orleans is that my in-laws live there so at least we won't totally be alone, but I'm otherwise not thrilled with it. My SIL is a teacher and complains about the schools all the time and my husband and all his siblings had to go to private schools, and since we plan on having 4 kids, I don't think we can afford private schools for all of them, plus college tuition. I would find out more about Texas, visit it for awhile, talk to some residents and see how they like it. Overall, I think you'll be happier there.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My vote is for Texas...

DH is trying to get out of St. Louis which is a large city, but the job market is shrinking here for his field.
Also alot of headquarters are located in Texas.

If you absolutely hate it then you can always move back. I don't think there is a "right" decision.

 

[shortbun]

I can't vote for any of your options. I think you have lots more
choices to make. I'd definitely consider the money I was going
to make and the schools DS would attend as primary factors.
I'd also have to throw in free childcare if needed as a big one.
I live far away from all family so DH and I have had to take loads of time off when DS gets sick etc. But...I'd Never move back
to my hometown for exactly the reasons you've listed-no privacy.
Good luck.

 

[skuttle]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I think DH and I know Dallas would be the better choice for us....it's just that it's the scarier/harder choice to make. Honestly...if it wasn't for my mom, I'd move to Dallas without a second thought...I just know it'll break her heart but I hope that she would come to realize that we're doing what's best for our family in the long run. Plus, flights from Dallas to New Orleans are easy to find.

Daycare/babysitting doesn't really make too much of a difference. We send DS to daycare now. And even though we're only 1.5 hours from home right now...all of our parents still work and grandparents can't drive this far so if we are in a bind (ie DS gets sick) we'd still have to miss work. Plus, with my job, I would probably be able to do some work from home if DS gets sick...I have done that already. Or, it's easy for me to make up time at night or weekends if needed.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I think Dallas sounds like the choice for you.

My family is spread out all over the US. I am in WI, Sister in KY, Brother in MO, and parents in ID. It is hard on my Mom not being able to see the Grandkids as much as she would like. They moved to Idaho from Iowa (where we grew up) 2 years ago when my Dad got a promotion. She does not like it there, BUT my Dad LOVES his job and she knows that he turned down a lot of promotions to keep us kids in Iowa until we were done with school.

So my Mom flies out to see us a lot (she is coming in October) and we all go there to visit them. It is an adjustment, but she knows it is not forever. When Dad retires they will probably move back to the Midwest.

For me I was homesick for the first year after I moved to MI w/ DH. Part of the problem was that I hated the area. Since moving to WI (I LOVE where I live now) I do not have that same feeling and am ready to get back home after a week of visiting the parents.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you know Dallas is the better choice for your family then you have to take the leap of faith.
Good Luck and I hope to join there soon! (dh is being considered for another position) We are trying to get out of here!

 

[Rajah]

I agree -- Dallas sounds like the better choice for y'all. And after all, 8 hours isn't *that* far. You can still go to visit on long weekends and holidays and stuff.

 

[Desiree]

I voted for Dallas too. It seems the opportunities are all there. I know it will be hard to be away from family (and LSU games for that matter), but honestly it's not a bad drive to get back home and it's true about the flights from Dallas to NO. You can get pretty decent fares since it's a straight shot with no layovers.

Best of luck to you all in your decision!

 

[NMAmy]

Here's my 2 cents: I did move across the country from family when I was young. I loved living in a different area from where I'd grown up and it wasn't difficult until a few years ago. We lived there for about 15 years and had built a new support group of friends and co-workers. But the downside...

DD grew up with no family around. I really think she missed out on time with her grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles. I ended up moving back about 4 years ago because my father was in such ill health and I was flying back and forth constantly. He passed away a year and a half ago and I'm so glad that I (and dd) got to spend more time with him before that happened. Now I'm close enough that I don't have to worry about my mom.

It's a tough decision, financially and emotionally. Just listen to your heart--you have to do what's right for you and your family. But, it sounds like you and your mom are really close and family is important.