What was that? JungleJosh has a date? HELP! from one extreme to another(update pg 6)

[Jungle Skipper]

Alright my DIS-friends, Jungle Josh needs your help!

I know it might be hard to believe, but yes ladies and gentlemen, the Disboards' resident single guy has....a pseudo-date!

So there is this girl at my college that I’ve had a “crush” on for a while now, but I hadn’t really had the nerve to talk with her. Well a few weeks ago some mutual friends of ours conspired to get us together…we were both invited (under false pretenses) to a get together so that we’d have to get to know each other….well that night went miserably, it was awkward and uncomfortable because it was so obvious what our friends were trying to do.

Fast forward a couple of days and this girl an I now have a conversation point….about what our friends did and how dumb we looked on this setup! We start talking at school and online, getting to know each other over the next week or so. Now she has suggested we get away from school…go out for coffee and see what happens…so we’re going out this coming week.

So what’s the big deal? Well, seeing as I have no social skills I’m kind of nervous. I haven’t been on a date in 3 years and only 3 dates in 5 years (pathetic huh??)! So Yeah, I need your advice…what do I do? I need tips, suggestions, warnings, general words of wisdom and your encouragement!

Thanks for your help!

The One and Only,
Jungle Josh

 

[ilovedale3]

Try not to mention that you don't have much dating experience. It makes a girl wonder what is wrong with you. Also, have self-confidence! Nothing is worse than a self-depricating guy who is always saying like, "Oh, I'm so pathetic, I'm so dorky, etc." After a while, the girl will tend to agree with you.

Try to be as natural as possible! Go and have fun!!!

 

[rigs32]

Don't try to be or do anything specific. Just be.

My first day of college, the student govt president told us that, if we didn't already know, "Want to go for coffee" was the modern "do you want to go on a date". It was an overplayed joke, but totally true.

Anyway, good luck, have fun, and don't expect more than getting to know her.

 

[mtemm]

I agree, confidence (but not over confidence) is very attractive. Just try to be comfortable in your own skin, be polite. Oh, and make sure to clean out/wash your car just in case you end up going somewhere after coffee. No girl wants to climb over books, old coffee cups, etc, when she gets in a guy's car.

And you still have that perfect conversation opener about what your friends did to you. When my now husband and I went out on our first date, we bonded over who's family was more disfunctional. lol.

Have fun!

 

[vacanut]

My only advice is to BE YOURSELF! Don't try to be someone you are not and believe me you will be comfortable.

Good luck and you'll have to keep us updated!!

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

That's awesome, Josh! You know that you're really good at keeping a conversation going, so you shouldn't have to worry about that part. And definitely just be yourself. It's too difficult to keep up a facade. Good luck and let me know how it goes! I expect a full report.

 

[SDFgirl]

My main advice would be to be confident. It's attractive to women - but not so confident that you come off as a jerk or something.

Be relaxed, casual, and ask her questions about herself. One thing that bugged me when I was dating was guys who just went on and on about themselves...

Another turn-off was guys who were over-eager. Don't act worried that she's not going to like you or desperate to land the next date. Just relax, have fun, and be yourself.

Have you seen "Hitch?" You should watch it, it's all about men and women and dating.

 

[Sparx]

My only advice is to BE YOURSELF! Don't try to be someone you are not and believe me you will be comfortable.

Good luck and you'll have to keep us updated!!

perfect advice.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

My main advice would be to be confident. It's attractive to women - but not so confident that you come off as a jerk or something.

Be relaxed, casual, and ask her questions about herself. One thing that bugged me when I was dating was guys who just went on and on about themselves...

ITA with these 2 points! Of course you will be talking about yourself some, but show that you are interested in getting to know her, as well.

Most of all, I would say to just relax. She will probably be just as nervous as you are.

 

[crz4mm2]

Josh,
I have to agree with everyone else who has said 'be yourself". I think ifyou have been chatting with her, she has some idea already of who you are. So keep going. Just let her talk a bit and find out some things you have in common.
Coffee is easy. Ask how she likes hers and go from there
You'll be fine! You already have 60,000 people who think you are pretty cool
We're here for you friend!

Cathy

 

[Missamoncus]

She suggested getting together for coffee? Well first of all , give her points for guts. It can take a lot to be the one who does the asking. You already know she's interested or she wouldn't have asked, so take a deep breath, relax, and , for the first date , treat her like a good friend. Be interested in her and what she has to say. Talk about yourself some , but be sure to ask her questions about herself. You don't want it to seem like you're playing 20 questions or giving her the third degree, but questions about the other person can help ease the conversation and show that you are interested in her. Also, if you do have a good time and are interested in seeing her again, you will probably need to do the asking the next time. The ball will officially be in your court. You seem like a great guy. Just be you . What's not to like?

good luck,
Melissa

 

[laurajetter]

First off, I don't think your pathetic one bit just because you haven't had very many dates. I believe there are a lot more people out there with not much experience than most people think. I have several friends who haven't gone on many dates; it's not really that uncommon.

One thing that struck me is that you said she asked YOU to go out for coffee... that must mean she's interested in you, right? Don't forget that when people take an interest in someone else it's because they like that person for who they are, so don't be nervous! Just talk about everyday stuff, like you would with a friend. I think it's best to start relationships out as friends and then go from there. My DH and I were best friends in college before we even started dating.

Also, when/if you feel it's time to make a move, don't do so too hastily; be classy and gentlemanlike. I know that I would love it if a guy would first try to hold hands with me before trying anything else (and to do so ONLY if he got vibes from me of mutual attraction). And when the moment comes (whether it be the first date or 10th date) for a kiss, let it be short and sweet. I've dated 3 people in my life (one of them is now DH) and truth be told, my first kiss with any of them was far from ideal (I don't know why so many guys think wet and sloppy is desirable!).

Finally, and this is something I wish more people understood, if it ends up not working out, don't be hard on yourself! It simply means she wasn't the right person for you, not that you are a failure! You can't force people to hit it off and the only way to find out if you are meant for each other is to date!!

Anyway, good luck!!

Laura

 

[Jungle Skipper]

Thanks for all the adivce so far...keep it coming....I dont know why Im so nervous...lol. I just confirmed that the coffee is on, Tuesday night ast 8:30pm (central time).....my stomach is already churning!

Jungle Josh

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Thanks for all the adivce so far...keep it coming....I dont know why Im so nervous...lol. I just confirmed that the coffee is on, Tuesday night ast 8:30pm (central time).....my stomach is already churning!

Jungle Josh

Hey, check your email.

 

[msdznyduck]

Ask questions and listen when she talks....nothing is worse to a woman, than someone asking questions and then either interrupting or not paying attention to the answers. It gives the impression that you are not that interested to hear from her. ALso coffee == mints.... (just in case )

 

[Saphire]

I think you have gotten great advice here, Josh. I would like to agree with msdznyduck. When she speaks, look in her eyes. Not longingly or romantically (that would come later), but attentively. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, more flattering or complimentary to a woman than to be given your full attention. Best wishes!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Relax! The most important thing is to be yourself. That way if she likes you, that's great and she is really liking you. If not, she wasn't meant to be your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends. And sometimes friends turn into girlfriends...

My DD is a college freshman and he boyfriend is a little older than her (1 1/2 years). She told me that he has never really had a girlfriend. It didn't seem to turn her off and they've been dating for several months. Don't know how long it will last since they live about 2 1/2 hours apart, but just because you haven't dated in a while doesn't mean that there is an issue or that you won't catch on quickly.

Good luck and have fun!

 

[mtemm]

another thought...something somebody told me to help prepare for public speaking. Go in knowing that she wants to like you. She wouldn't have asked you if she didn't want to like you, so that's already in your favor.

 

[orvilleair]

You have common friends so that is a starting point in your conversation with her. You're very knowledgable in movies, and you could always talk about upcoming movies or take her out to one. Like the others said, be yourself.

 

[Jungle Skipper]

you disers are the best....I am so nervous, but for some reason you all are helping to calm my nerves...I don't know if I will survive until Tuesday now...I'm so nervous. Why was I born with no social skills???

Jungle Josh