What steps to take when someone dies?

[mrsklamc]

My mother just unexpected lost her husband, and is not the most 'put together' person. I'm concerned about what she may let fall through the cracks. She is meeting with a lawyer as well as the VA as they were mostly living off his pension (house is paid for) and she doesn't think she will get anything now. Is there anything anyone can remind me of to make sure she does?

 

[sbsteel]

I'm sorry for your loss. Wishes for you and your mom during this difficult time. I used to work in the Death Benefits department for a pension administrator, so this is what I'd recommend.

Make sure to call the company's pension office to inform them of the death (the sooner the better) and find out if she's entitled to a survivor's annuity or any lump sum payout. She also needs to find out if the last pension check received can be kept or if it needs to be returned. The pension department should also be able to inform you if there was any life insurance through the company as well.

Make sure to call Social Security. Even if he wasn't receiving a social security check, she may still be eligible for a burial benefit (last I remember it was $400).

If there was a 401k, mutual funds, stocks, employee stock purchase plan, etc. you'll want to get in touch with them.

See if there was any life insurance policies.

That's off the top of my head, if I think of anything else I'll post again. I know it's an overwhelming thing to deal with during an already difficult time.

 

[angwill]

I take it she dealt with the funeral? When my father passed I had to help keep my mother organized. I called work etc and got phone numbers for pension and life insurance etc and wrote down all she needed to do. I would call her daily to see how she was doing. I am sure her lawyer will guide her on who to call and what to do so there isn't much you should worry about. My mom didn't have a lawyer and is also not the most organized person but she made it through.

 

[mrsklamc]

I take it she dealt with the funeral? When my father passed I had to help keep my mother organized. I called work etc and got phone numbers for pension and life insurance etc and wrote down all she needed to do. I would call her daily to see how she was doing. I am sure her lawyer will guide her on who to call and what to do so there isn't much you should worry about. My mom didn't have a lawyer and is also not the most organized person but she made it through.

She is working on it, but he was actually murdered and they told her the coroner may keep the body for up to 6 weeks. Now obviously I don't think she will wait that long but she's very confused right now.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

She is working on it, but he was actually murdered and they told her the coroner may keep the body for up to 6 weeks. Now obviously I don't think she will wait that long but she's very confused right now.

I am so sorry

The coroner MAY issue a death certificate with "cause pending" for legal purposes even if they don't release him for burial. She needs several copies of the death certificate to send to his company (or whoever handled his pension), the VA, Social Security. She'll also needs one when she goes to file her 2010 taxes.

The VA will also send a small stipend for burial expenses but it didn't really cover anything.

 

[deerhart]

You may also get assistance through your state's crime victim assistance fund (if your state has one). I know here, in cases like yours, the fund pays out money to the victim's family in an amount that will easily cover most funeral expenses.

You also need to check EVERY asset to see how it is titled. If everything is properly titled in both your mom and dad's name with right of survivorship, there isn't to much to worry about. But anything titled solely in dad's name that doesn't pay to mom on death will need to go through probate in order to transfer to dad's heirs.

Further, Dad's heir isn't just mom. In most states mom gets a portion and all the kids get a portion (which of course they can waive their share to allow mom to inherit) through interstate succession (without a will).

Also, you need to check for a will and probate it if there is one.

Finally, you need to check for any accidental death and dismemberment insurance he may have had on top of his life insurance (if any).

Here is a link to my state's compensation fund
http://www.dps.mo.gov/cvc/

 

[buckler]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Veterans and their spouses are eligible for burial at one of the National Cemeteries located in various states around the country. If you have one near you, this would save her the cost of buying a burial plot or place to inter the ashes. They also provide a marker. We interred my father's ashes at a national cemetery and it is very well maintained. My mother is comforted knowing she doesn't have to worry about the perpetual care (the national cemetery is beautifully maintained, unlike some of the private cemeteries in our area). When the time comes we will place my mother's ashes with my father's and they will add her to the marker. Our only cost was to the funeral home for cremation. The national cemetery covered the expense for the interment of the ashes, purchase of the marker and they provided military honors and a flag during the service at the cemetery. There are National Cemeteries in 39 states throughout the U.S., along with many state veterans cemeteries.

National Cemeteries by State

 

[angwill]

Being murdered has to be hard for her and you of course. My mother was really confused as well. My father died suddenly from a heart attack.

Make sure she knows that doesn't necessarily need to have his body available to have the wake. A nice picture board at a church, funeral home, or hall of her choice can be used for memory of him at the wake. If she or anyone else has to see the body to put their mind to rest that can be done by arranging it with the coroner. The burial can be dealt with when the body is released in whatever way she chooses but getting the wake out of the way can make that decision a bit less stressful.

 

[mrsklamc]

Thank you for the condolences.

My mom and I are not close, and I had actually not even met her husband. But, my heart still hurts for her.

Here's the details if anyone is interested. The more I recount the story, the harder it gets:

http://www.theindependent.com/articles/2010/04/06/news/local/11678617.txt

 

[JamesMom]

So sorry for your loss.

My dad was killed when I was 15 by a police officer no less. The cop was responding to a radio call and drove wrecklessly into my dad's car as my dad was making a left hand turn at the base of a blind hill the cop was flying over. The cop didn't have on his siren or lights...
Needless to say my mom sued and won. The officer was dismissed from the force soon after. He had a record of wreckless driving...
I lost my mom on Feb 12 due to Alzheimers.

As people have mentioned, go through his financial life and contact them regarding survivorship, probate and other such matters. Having a lawyer and information from the detectives will help.

It appears there won't be a murder investigation. Wow, to be taken out by your nephew. Just wow...

My prayers are with you and yours.

 

[micheleq]

I'm so sorry.

I don't have much to add aside from getting multiple copies of the death certificate, she will need that.

Since this was a murder, does her state have an Office of Victims' Services? She may want to contact them or her state Atty General's office. They should be able to provide some grief counseling and guidance.

Again, so sorry. What a horrible thing to endure.

 

[mrsklamc]

You may also get assistance through your state's crime victim assistance fund (if your state has one). I know here, in cases like yours, the fund pays out money to the victim's family in an amount that will easily cover most funeral expenses.

Thanks for this information. Nebraska does have one. I would HOPE someone had given her this information already with the police dept, what have you, but you never know.

 

[mrsklamc]

It appears there won't be a murder investigation. Wow, to be taken out by your nephew. Just wow...

Yes. Not that my mom's loss wasn't horrifying enough, but I keep thinking of her mother in law. Her grandson killed her son and then himself.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

No Advice, I just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Inigo]

And for your mother to have been there during this. Make sure counseling is available for her to deal with this.

One of the best sources for what to do would be the local funeral home. We're in a small town area, and I know our local funeral homes are wonderful in helping families figure out what needs to be done.

I would imagine, since there will be no need for a trial, that the body will be released before too long. Just keep hugging your mother...she's going to need it.

 

[mrsklamc]

Thanks everyone. She did not know about the victims fund so that was good info. His kids are after her for money already, can you believe it?

 

[A Mickeyfan]

I am sorry for your loss..

 

[tinker&belle]

Thanks everyone. She did not know about the victims fund so that was good info. His kids are after her for money already, can you believe it?

UGH...So sorry for your mom's loss, it sounds horrific.

My grandmother had been remarried to her DH for years. When he died his kids harrassed her so much she had to change her phone number. Very difficult situation when it is a remarriage.

 

[disneyluv4]

Small world. I just read this in the paper today. Our thoughts and prayers.

 

[Nermel9]

I'm sorry for your loss, what a horrible thing to have to go through.