what should I do in this gift-giving situation? (Long)

[laurajetter]

I have a couple of friends from high school who I see rather infrequently. Cindy lives in the same town as me and has 3 year old twins. Lisa lives about 2 hours away and has a 1 year old. They seem to get together with each other more often than I get together with them and they do activities with the kids.

So far, I have been invited to 2 out of 3 birthday parties for Cindy's girls (somehow skipped their second one), and gave presents to them for the two I was invited to. Lisa's boy just turned one recently and I mailed a birthday gift to him.

Over the years, I have never given Christmas presents to Cindy's twins. Recently, Cindy invited me and my 4 month old to go to Hershey Park with her, Lisa and all of their kids to do the simulated factory tour ride and to do the drive-thru Christmas lights. We went, and had a good time.

The thing is, toward the end of the evening, Lisa and Cindy pulled out gifts for each others' kids and they also gave gifts to Jacob; Cindy gave 2 gifts actually, one from each of her kids. It didn't even dawn on me to have gotten gifts for their kids, and I felt terrible when I realized I didn't have anything for them.

Although on the inside I felt bad, it wasn't really too awkward of a moment because they were both outside by the back of the van, putting their kids stuff away and sort of just quickly handed out the gifts matter of factly. In fact, I initially was only aware of the gift from Lisa; later, when Cindy helped bring Jacob's diaper bag and stuff into our house, she also brought in a plastic bag containing the 2 wrapped gifts, which I didn't discover until she left.

So now I don't know what to do in terms of reciprocation. Of course, I will send thank you notes to them, that's not my concern. I just don't know whether or not I should get gifts for their kids for this Christmas (they wouldn't receive until after the holidays) in response to Jacob receiving gifts from them. I mean, I've never gotten them for Cindy's girls before this, so it would be obvious I was doing it just because she did it, and she would know that I hadn't intended on getting them something since I usually don't.

I think they have always gotten gifts for each other, were going to exchange with each other at our Hershey Park outing, and since they knew Jacob would be there decided to get him something too. Since I didn't really know of their gift giving tradition, I was caught off-guard; maybe they realize that and don't expect anything? Ughh, I don't know.

And if I chalk this year up to experience and don't get them a gift, do I start giving them gifts next year?

Any advice is appreciated!

Laura

 

[barkley]

i wouldnt worry about it-just a thank you note would be fine. if you are not in the habit of exchanging gifts it was probably as you thought and they do not expect any gift in return. their kids obviously have a "play date" relationship and regularly exchange gifts, that does not create a need for you to do so as well.