What kind of example am I to my kids?

[castleview]

My house is an absolute pig sty. Toys everywhere. You can't walk three feet without having to step over something. Now that DS-almost a year is moving around at pots and pans to the mix. And my DD6 and DD4s bedroom floors are not visible. What annoys me is that they are not bothered by this. No matter how many times they can't find what they are looking for, they never seem to think putting things away is necessary. I don't pretend to be queen of clean, but I at least try to keep things orderly. DH, on the other hand, could live in a barn (but I love him for many other reasons to make up for his sloppiness).

I have tried everything with my daughters from telling them to put things away, threatening playdates won't be happening, etc. but it never works in the long run. Whay works (if anything does) for you?

 

[taximomfor4]

I feel like I am constantly straightening. But I wonder how much has to do with space limitations. We have so much....STUFF! And 6 people in a 3 bedroom home. We are stepping on things too, really. Put it this way...my sister's home is immaculate. Always. Spotless. She likes to point the finger and tell me how far she has come from the pigsty we grew up in. I smile, nod encouragingly, and say...your are right -- I feel like a success. I hear my children laugh, EVERY SINGLE DAY. My house is NOT immaculate. Sometimes, I would be horrified if someone just dropped by. But between working and nursing school, and dh working and graduate school, and the 4 kids with assorted activities, I play with the kids every day. Might not get the bathroom floor scrubbed as often as I should, and toys still get stepped on, but the kids smile and laugh with me. EVERY DAY.

So keep your chin up, I think if you are working on teaching the kids to take care of their belongings, you don't have to keep a "perfect" and "spotless" home. Have them help you sort and pick up, etc. I think that is all you can do till they are older. When the kids are grown and gone, you might miss being surrounded by childhood and your house will be clean. Till then, do your best but don't beat yourself up about it not being perfect. Perfect parenting is for "perfect" people (aka Nobody!)

 

[CathrynRose]

Think "Clean Sweep"

Best way to get organized is to get rid of things. Clutter causes Chaosis, IMO.

Start clearing out now - toss 'dont need anymore' in trash bags and wait until Spring - then have a Garage Sale.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Tell them that if it is left on the floor it goes into the garbage the next day. Then you need to follow that up and actually throw it out. Do not replace anything that is thrown out and they will get it (after losing a few prized toys). BTW my DH has been know to leave stuff and just walk over it. And yes I tell him the next time I step over it is the last. Guess what - I never step over it again. He knows what I would do. There is not arguement involved.

 

[MamaLema]

Just my opinion

When people are old and grey, no one looks back on their life and says "I wish I had spent more time cleaning"

I clean most of the house on Saturday and spend about 15 min daily tidying up. That's it

 

[wide awake]

I agree w/ MickeyFan 2...there have to be real consequences. One thing to keep in mind though...are there easy places for the toys to go ? In other words is there plenty of open shelf space, a large toybox, etc... ?

 

[Brianne]

If you can get the kids into a routine, it helps a lot as well. You do have to start them out on a clean slate, so you'd have to a serious cleaning of each room (including closets, drawers--donate or sell anything you don't need). But if you can get them into the habit of a daily pick-up, like right before dinnertime, it'd become almost as natural as brushing teeth.

A lot of it is set by parent example too, though. I'm not supermom by any stretch of the imagination, by the way. But my kids do make their beds in the morning without me having to remind them now--I think a large part of it is because they've always seen us doing it (and believe me, I have to force myself to do it!). If you encourage the kids to pitch in, the cleaning also goes faster, so everyone can move on to something fun, and Mom's not feeling like she has to do everything in the house. You need to keep telling yourself (and them!) that everyone's made the mess, so everyone needs to help clean it up. You're not the maid!

 

[In a hurry]

Rather than jumping to the extreme (throwing away!!!! How ridiculous is that?) I would suggest you use a "maid's box." If you have to pick something up, they don't get it back until they pay you for having picked it up. My little girl has to do a chore to earn her things back, since I had to do one by picking it up in the first place. She is 6 and it seems to be working. I will still give a gentle reminder, but I don't feel like a nag.

 

[disykat]

I think at that age, big messes you have to help with or do yourself. Once you have the initial mess cleaned up just do the "10 second tidy" before every treat. For example "we're going to the park, everyone do a 10 second tidy!" Run around with them or watch and compliment like crazy.

If things are reasonably under control then it won't be so overwhelming the next time it's time to actually clean. I make my kids tidy (clothes and junk off the floor) almost everynight before bed and clean for the vacuum cleaner about once a week - and since my kids are older, of course, they do their own vacuuming too.

 

[CEDmom]

I would definitely sort through toys and put some away. I've done that since DD was a baby and it's amazing how a toy that wasn't given a second glance suddenly is a prized pocession after spending a month in a closet. Most kids have way more than they can possibly play with at any given time.

 

[NMAmy]

You know, I've found it helps if kids have a specific place to put their toys. A bin for crayons, a bin for markers, a box for small toys, etc.

My dd is 15 and I really despaired of ever getting her to be tidy when she was small. Now, I leave her room alone and at times it will get really messy but it makes her crazy and she cleans it up every weekend. And it really cracks me up to see how organized she is--regular pencils go in this drawer, mechanical pencils in that one. I bought her a bunch of art supplies for a project and she took a bunch of my old Cool-Whip containers to separate them and keep them orderly.

Sometimes it just takes a while to train 'em!

 

[bananiem]

My son was terrified of the vacuum because I once said if he didn't pick up his legos they'd get vacuumed up.
I've made a deal with my kids (11.5 and almost 10)(since I'm not so good about putting everything in it's spot all the time) as long as they help keep the "public" parts of the house neat and orderly, they can do what they want with their rooms, provided they do a good cleaning job once a month.
My SIL has na immaculate house. She is obsessive about nothing ever being out of place. Her kids are out on their own now and it drives her insane to see how they keep their places!
My memories of my childhood and my mother are of her baking and cleaning. I don't recall ever playing a board game with her. My kids may have memories of a messy house but they'll also remember all those games of Monopoly Junior, tea parties, and just plain silliness.

 

[caitycaity]

When people are old and grey, no one looks back on their life and says "I wish I had spent more time cleaning"

i definitely agree with this philosophy. i set some time aside on the weekends to tidy up. but our apartment never looks perfect. there are other things in my life right now that are more important to me than cleaning.

 

[CathrynRose]

(throwing away!!!! How ridiculous is that?) .

***looking around*** Im assuming youre talking about me, since Im the only one who mentioned getting rid of stuff.

I dont think it's ridiculous. For my family, when you get to the bottom of the closet-drawers, and you get to the bottom of the toys, you find loads of things that are useless, any longer. Things dont fit - toys arent played with...

The cleanest homes are the ones with nothing in them. (Im Im not saying get rid of everything!) It's just a LOT easier to keep things neat & tidy, when you dont have as much floating around.

And for us - we do clean out, constantly. Those garage sales bring in mucho-bucks for Disney, or whatever else floats our boat. My boys, at age 10 & 14, know the value of a Dollar - and are willing to part with items no longer played with, in hopes of cold-hard CASH!!

And something we did use, when we were in a dinky place - the laundry basket method. They were assigned a color (those foldup ones from the dollar store) and their junk got dumped in the laundry basket - which sat outside their door. They had to unload it - which didnt keep THEIR room clean, just kept the junk out of the Front Room. <shrug>

 

[mickeyfan2]

***looking around*** Im assuming youre talking about me, since Im the only one who mentioned getting rid of stuff.

I dont think it's ridiculous.

It could also be me. I do think it is ok to get rid of or throw it out. Stuff that you are storing and will never use again or that prevents you from finding what you need so you buy more DOES cost money. So yes I will throw it out. I love clean sweep. Since DH has started to watch with me he sees the errors in his ways. BTW having less clutter means less time looking for stuff and more time to have fun. It is very nice to know where something is, since it is always kept there. No time lost in asking - "Did you see my ----?"

 

[In a hurry]

It could also be me. I do think it is ok to get rid of or throw it out. Stuff that you are storing and will never use again or that prevents you from finding what you need so you buy more DOES cost money. So yes I will throw it out. I love clean sweep. Since DH has started to watch with me he sees the errors in his ways. BTW having less clutter means less time looking for stuff and more time to have fun. It is very nice to know where something is, since it is always kept there. No time lost in asking - "Did you see my ----?"

These are young kids, not 10 year olds. I do not believe that children are developmentally in-tuned with the concept that if they forget to put away a toy, it will be thrown away. Older kids, yes. Not little ones.

 

[EthansMom]

I'm in the "get rid of some stuff" camp too. There is such a thing as too many toys. I routinely go through the kids' toys to get rid of the fast food toys, any broken toys and toys that aren't getting played with. This is the only way I can make room for the toys that the kids actually like and enjoy.

I have a bin-style organizer in each of the kids' rooms. If DS wants to play trains in the livingroom, he brings out the three bins of trains and builds a big train track. But, the rule is that the toys in the Livingroom have to be cleaned up before bed.

I'll often help clean up the toys, but if DS isn't doing some of the picking up, I'll tell him, "You've got 10 minutes to clean everything up and then I'll start throwing away anything that's left out." And if he doesn't clean up the toys, I throw them out. (Thankfully, haven't had to do this yet, but there's no power in empty threats.) It's amazing how fast the toys get picked up when DS faces having them thrown away.

I think the thing that helps the most is being willing to be the parent and (1) tell your child what to do (clean up the toys), (2) lead by example (help clean up the toys), and (3) follow through with discipline (actually perform appropriate discipline measures when your child disobeys). Sometimes, being the grown-up isn't very fun -- I hate being the "bad guy" and having to discipline my son because he isn't doing what he's told, but I'm the Mom and that's part of my job.

 

[sap1227]

We have that problem here BIG TIME. You can not walk through our playroom without stepping on something (every step). Last night we started our "spring cleaning" (hey its Flordia, it feels like Spring ).

My boys play with just a handful of things--the rest of the stuff just gets dumped while they are getting the things they really want. I got bins with lids, hoping to cut down on the dumping out problem. Every bin will have a picture of what belongs in there for easy clean up.

We will be having a huge garage sale once we are done (although somethings are just garbage and will go there). Things that do not sell, I would like to give to a charity that will actually give them to kids (not the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or anywhere else that will sell them)

My boys are 4 and 2 (he will be on the 29th). It is not their fault, we have allowed this mess for too long.

We will be keeping
anything Thomas
GeoTrax
Duplo Blocks
Matchbox type Cars
Rescue Heroes
a few larger push vehicles

Other than that it will be pretty much gone---I have to say I am pretty excited! Just typing this is enough motivation to get me off of here and back in the playroom for a while!

Christy

 

[mommaU4]

If you are spending time with your kids and creating life long memories then I'd say you are being a great example for your kids.

Actually I wish I could loosen up a little when it comes to that sort of thing. Not that my house is spotless, it isn't. But I'm big on things being put away. I feel like I spend more time cleaning and working around the house than I do enjoying my kids.

The other day as I was tucking in one of my twins for the night I sat down next to her bed and realized as I looked at her that I hadn't really seen her all day. I mean REALLY seen her. Sure she was there while I rushed around all day doing laundry and cleaning but we didn't spend any time together. It was quite an eye opener for me.

I don't want my kids to grow up and look back and only remember a mom who was compulsive when it came to keeping things picked up instead of making a little mess and having some fun. And right now that's what I am. And it's making us all miserable. I became a SAHM to enjoy my kids not clean all day. That's something I'm struggling with right now.

 

[Buttercup26]

I highly recommend Flylady to anyone who has issues with clutter, not being able to put toys away, etc.. Check out her website or her book, 'Sink Reflections', fantastic advice!!