what is up with my step daughter

[experiment626mom]

This has been an on going thing and I am really at my wits end. My stepdaughter will be 13 in a few months. She eats like a 4 year old. Food all over her face and clothing. (Sometimes her hair) If she doesn't drink something through a straw, she has either a mustache or a ring around her mouth of whatever she has drunk. Don't even ask about ice cream bars or cones!! When you tell her to wipe her mouth and clothing she laughs.

I've talked to her several times about this and she just doesn't seem to get it. Her mother looks at me like I have 3 heads when I mention it. So, what do I do?

 

[MosMom]

Leave her alone and she will get over it....especially when she realizes she doesn't want "Bobby" to see her eating like a pig.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Sounds like she's trying to get a rise out of you (and it's working, LOL). Ignore it.

 

[goofy4tink]

Peer pressure can be a good thing!!! I remember when my now 29 y/o dd had a friend over for dinner. The girls were about 14 or so. So, there we were sitting at the table...dd's friend was sitting on the chair crosslegged, and chewing with her mouth wide open, all the while holding a conversation with us. Finally dd had had it...she says to her friend.."You know Tracey, that's so rude to chew with you mouth wide open and see what's in there!! You wanna close your mouth for just a minute while you chew??" The poor girl had a mother at home who just wasn't into the 'social graces' evidently. But when she ate at our house, her manners improved considerably.
So, maybe she'll be told by her buddies that she needs to have better 'social graces' or worse...she'll not get invited because of it. Maybe your dh should have a heart to heart with his dd. Seems that mom doesn't have much imput in that dept.

 

[NMAmy]

Is she doing it to annoy you, perhaps? That may be why her mom looks at you like you have 3 heads--she might not be doing the same thing at home. (I have a 14 yo dd, it seems like the kind of thing she would do. )

If not, perhaps you and your husband could have some family dinners in which proper table manners are emphasized? You're in a tricky position as the step-mom but it seems like, by this age, your stepdaughter would be embarassed in front of her friends by eating this way.

 

[halestrm]

I was much younger, but when I could not have manners at the table I was told leave the table until I thought I could behave. (Much younger, like 7 or 8) When I left I was not able to take food.

 

[experiment626mom]

My mil has mentioned it too, so it's not to get a rise out of me. MIL has tried talking to her and show her how to "be a lady". I'm hoping peer pressure will eventually work. I just don't get it. This is a smart kid, A and B's in school. It just seems that the common sense, maturity for her age thing seems to be slow catching up.

As for her mom, well that's a totally different thread. Let's just say, her children's table manners are the last thing on her mind.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm convinced that my 15yo son does not have the normal nerve endings in his face and does not feel food in his face like most of us do. drives me nuts that he'll eat and have food on his face and I have to remind him to wipe his face. I was hoping that when he got to be a teen that peer pressure would help him to eat neater, but teen boys don't exactly have the reputation for polite eating so it hasn't helped. I really thought that once he started hanging out with more girls that he'd improve, but he's not the type to change his ways so that hasn't helped yet.

Is this a recent thing with your StepDD or has she always been a messy eater?

 

[Mysteria]

As for her mom, well that's a totally different thread. Let's just say, her children's table manners are the last thing on her mind.

If she spends the most time with her mother then you may have just answered your own question. If her mother doesn't care then why should she...and/or she is doing it to get her mother's attention and it carries over to your house.

Myst

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I was much younger, but when I could not have manners at the table I was told leave the table until I thought I could behave. (Much younger, like 7 or 8) When I left I was not able to take food.

If we did this in our extended family I'm afraid that my MIL would still be leaving the table. I'm afraid that my 15yo takes after her--she sees no issue in his eating since she smacks her food, shovels it in, belches, etc, etc. Thankfully my son doesn't spent too much time with them!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Girls at that age go thru a "I am NOT going to grow up phase"...at least mine did. Personal hygiene went out the window.
We would threaten a Manners class on the girl. She grew up and now has dropped into full fledged teenagerhood.

Things I did were to have her look nice with clothes, hair, etc...then they want to look nice. Be careful going that direction becuase they might not want to come back.

 

[lulugirl]

Leave her alone and she will get over it....especially when she realizes she doesn't want "Bobby" to see her eating like a pig.

I agree...wait it out.

 

[experiment626mom]

I'm convinced that my 15yo son does not have the normal nerve endings in his face and does not feel food in his face like most of us do. drives me nuts that he'll eat and have food on his face and I have to remind him to wipe his face. I was hoping that when he got to be a teen that peer pressure would help him to eat neater, but teen boys don't exactly have the reputation for polite eating so it hasn't helped. I really thought that once he started hanging out with more girls that he'd improve, but he's not the type to change his ways so that hasn't helped yet.

Is this a recent thing with your StepDD or has she always been a messy eater?

She's never been the most neat eater on the block and I chalked it up to being a kid. But at this age, I would think it would start dawning on her to wipe her face.

There are times when I want to set up a mirror in front of her so that she can see what this looks like. My fear is that it will encourage her to do it more!!!

 

[ElizaB39]

What does her dad, your DH, say?

 

[experiment626mom]

What does her dad, your DH, say?

He's not too thrilled about it either. He takes her home alone on Sundays so that they can have just alittle bit more time together. He says he's talked to her about it. He will hand her a napkin or discreetly point to his face when we are out. Sometimes she just puts the napkin on the table and keeps eating or she laughs.

 

[disneygals]

Since she has been told, it sounds like a "control" thing. My dd is 13 and spends hours beautifying. But if I tell her that she has something on her clothes or face, she will just ignore it.

 

[karebear1]

Stop taking her out to eat- at some point she'll want to know why you don't go out to eat anymore and then you can inform her that when she shows proper table manners, dining out will be reestablished. Ignore it otherwise. If she's laughing about this- she's either embarrassed or thinks it's really funny and does it for attention.

 

[Nana Annie]

There is also the remote possibility that she has fine motor issues and cannot control what she is doing. Don't jump to the immediate conclusion that this is a control issue.

If it continues to be really bothersome, have her evaluated by a trained speech pathologist to see if there are tongue, lip and jaw motor issues. It may be that she needs a few sessions with a speech pathologist to learn how to properly move her mouth to eat correctly.

You would hate to punish the child if it really is a physical thing she cannot control. It really would take a lot of concentration for a child to purposefully make the mess you describe with every, single meal.

 

[karebear1]

There is also the remote possibility that she has fine motor issues and cannot control what she is doing. Don't jump to the immediate conclusion that this is a control issue.

If it continues to be really bothersome, have her evaluated by a trained speech pathologist to see if there are tongue, lip and jaw motor issues. It may be that she needs a few sessions with a speech pathologist to learn how to properly move her mouth to eat correctly.

You would hate to punish the child if it really is a physical thing she cannot control. It really would take a lot of concentration for a child to purposefully make the mess you describe with every, single meal.

GOOD POINT!

 

[experiment626mom]

Well since she is in her's mother care, and stepdad's insurance, and mom doesn't see anything wrong with the way she eats, you can bet there won't be any doctor's (much less specialist) visits. I guess we'll just wait and see what happens!