What Have Your Children Done...

[FayeW]

to deserve to be so priviledged?

I just watched that ridiculous program "My Super Sweet Sixteen", for the first time. The birthdayzilla had a party that cost $200K, and included aerial performers, and 4 different gowns. She had a mouth like a sewer, by the way.

I often read posts about people saving for/paying for their daughter's extravagant wedding, and there seem to be a disproportionate number of 16 years old getting cars for their birthdays.

I have to be honest. I really don't get it. Buying cars for children (especially when most of you plan on paying for university education, too) seems very extravagant to me. Likewise paying outrageous amounts of money for weddings. If someone is old enough to get married then surely they are old enough to plan and pay for the party themselves!

For those of you who have purchased a car, or plan to purchase a car as a gift, may I ask what motivates you to be so extravagant with your children? Why do they deserve their own car at 16? Aren't you afraid that so much priviledge and largesse is going to set unreasonable expectations for them in the future?

Not trying to , just genuinely interested as this isn't the norm in Canadian culture.

 

[TimeforMe]

For those of you who have purchased a car, or plan to purchase a car as a gift, may I ask what motivates you to be so extravagant with your children? Why do they deserve their own car at 16?

Firstly, that show is disgusting and is not indicative of the average american teen by ANY means.

We bought my dd18 a car when she was 17, but it's a 92 Ford Escort. It gets her from point a to point b, helped me in getting her brother to his games, etc., and generally was used as a second car as dh and I share ours. She's now in college but was not allowed to take the car with her.

I can't imagine why on earth a parent would buy their 16 yo a brand new, expensive car---especially given how disrespectful and bratty those kids are.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

well we gave my son a car for his 16th birthday but we didn't purchase a new car. We bought a new car for my husband and gave my son the old 1996 Isuzu. He doesn't have his liscense yet though, so right now it is just sitting in our driveway. He goes out and visits it often. He already has 3 bumper stickers on it.

What has he done to deserve it? Well really not much, although he is a pretty good kid and I enjoy him intensely. I didn't give it to him as a reward for a good life. I will say however, our motivation was not simple.

#1 We can afford it. We have a standard of living and I really don't mind sharing that standard with my kids as long as they respect the things we give them, respect us, and act like decent humans.

#2 We do not live in town or close to anything. I long for him to have a car because being his taxi service is very time intensive for me.

No sweet 16 parties here though. We took him and his girlfriend to dinner at the China Buffet.

 

[DVCLiz]

to deserve to be so priviledged?

I just watched that ridiculous program "My Super Sweet Sixteen", for the first time. The birthdayzilla had a party that cost $200K, and included aerial performers, and 4 different gowns. She had a mouth like a sewer, by the way.

I often read posts about people saving for/paying for their daughter's extravagant wedding, and there seem to be a disproportionate number of 16 years old getting cars for their birthdays.

I have to be honest. I really don't get it. Buying cars for children (especially when most of you plan on paying for university education, too) seems very extravagant to me. Likewise paying outrageous amounts of money for weddings. If someone is old enough to get married then surely they are old enough to plan and pay for the party themselves!

For those of you who have purchased a car, or plan to purchase a car as a gift, may I ask what motivates you to be so extravagant with your children? Why do they deserve their own car at 16? Aren't you afraid that so much priviledge and largesse is going to set unreasonable expectations for them in the future?

Not trying to , just genuinely interested as this isn't the norm in Canadian culture.

Well, my daughter could go beat her clothers clean on the rocks in the creek, but I splurged and got a washer/dryer, too!!!!

As to your question, it's my decision as to how and why I spend on my children. I bought my daughter a used car with 23K miles on it, because:

I wanted her to be able to drive herself to school and to her activities.

I wanted to have a second car in our family.

I didn't equate the purchase with spoiling her, although I suppose you could make that case. The purchase wasn't extravagant in the larger picture of our family's circumstances. If it had been, I wouldn't have done it.

As far as weddings go, it would be the norm in my circle of friends to pay for a daughter's wedding. That would possibly be a Southern tradition, although I read lots of wedding threads and people seem to do all sorts of things. Again, if the wedding costs were excessive in comparison to our family's particluar circumstances, I wouldn't go into debt to provide something extravagant.

BTW, the ONLY person I know who bought their child a brand new car at age 16 was Canadian, and it was a Lexus. Go figure!!!!

 

[Joanna71985]

When I was in HS, I used an old car that had been my older sister's and had been given to us when my uncle died. It was OLD (a Chevy Sabel {is that spelled right?} at least 15 years old. However, when I graduated HS, my dad brought a 2004 Chevy tracker that I use for college. But, it is technically a family car (as my mom uses it, as does my sisters).

 

[tinkerbell615]

I have to say that watching "sweet sixteen" on television actually makes me angry. I can not believe that people really spend this kind of money on a sixteenth party. They spend more money than most people make in quite a few years.

I did, however, buy my son a 1990 used toyota camry for his sixteenth birthday. We searched for many months to find a car that we could afford that was reliable for him. And yes! he did appreciate what was done for him. He began working approx 20 hours a week at 16 years old to pay for the insurance and gas that went in the car. He was only able to drive the car if he could help to pay for those things. He kept up his grades, graduated HS with honors and is a very responsible college student that is still driving the used car. We also do not have busses for our high school so it was very nice for him to be able to drive himself back and forth to school and to work as DH and I both work every day.

And by the way... He is taking out loans to pay for his own college education.

 

[Evil Queen]

My oldest didn't get a car until he was 18. He had dropped out of highschool, but turned around and went to Culinary school. He caught the public bus to the Tri-Rail station 5 days a week to RIDE an hour away to school. Same routine coming home for 18 months.

When he graduted from there, I bought him a 1990 Honda Accord for $800.00. He'll be 24 on Monday and still drives that same car.

He also, took out his own loans for school.

He is in no way what I would call privledged. Younger DS is a bit more spoiled than the older one was, but he'll have to do some sort of graduting (high school or other) just as other son did, before I'll buy him anything.

But, the town we live in, does have money, and I do see what the OP is talking of OFTEN. I can't believe what some of these kids get and have. But it's not really up to me to judge. I just do what I feel I need to for mine.

 

[ZuZugal]

You just have to take those silly "reality" shows for what they are......anything but reality for 99% of the population. My kids know that I will help to buy their first vehicle by matching whatever they have saved by that point. Might not get them a lot but that gives them some incentive to work hard and save all they can. Those parents that "give" their kids everything just make life harder on the rest of us.

 

[Pugdog007]

I bought my DD18 a beetle for her 16th birthday. It had about 30k miles on it. And now I'm paying for her college education. Why? Because she's an only child, and I like doing these things for her.

 

[sugarpie]

My parents gave me a car when I turned 16 because they could afford to & because it saved them from driving me around. It was not a new car but it was dependable. I had decent grades & was fairly well behaved. If my kids are the same I hope I can buy them a car, too. I think it teaches responsibility, rather than being shoved out into the real world with no skills.

I hope to be able to pay for their college education. I don't think that's unusual. As for their weddings I plan to help out, but I will not pay for the entire thing. I hope they wait until they're financially able to pay for it themselves, otherwise they're out of luck.

 

[DisneyFan06]

I watch that show every so often and it disgusts me. I didn't get a Car when I was 16, although all my friends did - I didn't. My parents didn't pay for my education - I am; however, they did give me a life! My parents raised me the hard way and I respect them for that. My parents life a good life financially and could have afforded to get each of their children a car but they didn't - why? Well because I think they love us! They taught us the value of a good dollar and I respect that!

 

[annegal]

My kids' High School had no bus service & We worked , so a car was almost a necessity.


Both recieved a paid for used car when they got their driver's license. They also got another car in college. We could afford it, & they both had full college scholarships and had part time jobs for expenses.

But if they had ever talked to us in the disrespectful way those "brats" on My Sweet Sixteen" speak, no way would they have a car.

 

[FayeW]

Thanks for the honest replies, and for not flaming me! I realize now that my post may have seemed harsh, and I apologize if I offended anyone.

All of your reasons make perfect sense to me, and they don't seem extravagant at all. Older used cars, or adding a second family car that the child has priviledges to use, is very reasonable. I forgot to add, that on the program today, the birthday girl also got a brand new, $49K BMW. Her parents spent more on that party and gift than I would spend on a new house!

I think that I have to remember that a Disney discussion board may not reflect an accurate cross section of the North American culture. I mean, those of us who are fortunate enough to travel to WDW once, let alone multiple times in our lifetimes, are a much smaller percentage of the total population than perhaps we realize. As such, I think there may be a disproportionate number of folks with more disposable income, and perhaps a higher standard of living, and it make it seem like "everybody" is doing something (giving out new cars, extravagant holidays, etc), when in fact it is a much smaller group.

Certainly there are some Canadians who have the resources and the desire to be "extravagant" with gifts to their children, but I don't see it so much in our middle class community.

 

[bzzelady]

My DD is only 7, but we have already impressed on her that a car (as well as other material goods, will be earned with good behavior, good grades, and necessity.

Speaking of this sense of entitlement, I have to tell you a cute story.
My mother often refers to herself as "the queen" and calls my DD and I "the princesses" (my DH and DF jokingly call themselves the "court jesters" when they hear this).
The other night, I was trying to motivate the child towards bedtime and she was giving me a little bit of attitude (pronounced "At-ti-toooode"). She asked me why I get to make the rules to which I responded, "I'm the queen of this house."
She took time to correct me and let me know that "Nana hasn't abdicated the throne...so you are only a princess on the same level as me!"

She quickly found out that it didn't matter if Nana has abdicated or not....

I do think, however, that what parents choose to give their children is their business.

 

[barkley]

some probably think my kids are privelidged by virtue of the vacations they take (cruises, wdw, hawaii next) but they don't see the inner workings of our family and realize that allot of things their kids take for granted our kids go without (no extracurriculars, most movies wait for video release, never go to local fairs, carnivals, only clothing purchases are those that are needed and mom gets at walmart vs. trendy stores, we also make the bulk of our food from scratch and go so far as to plant a garden and can fruits and veggies). so our kids have been educated from an early age that in order to afford some luxuries you go without/cost cut on others.

i was just talking to dd today about how one of her classmates' homes was undergoing some reconstruction such that a 2 bedroom was being converted to a 3 so the oldest girl (6th grade) would'nt be sleeping in the same room with her much youjnger siblings. i said to dd 'you probably don't realize it-but you've been very fortunate that we've always lived in homes that afforded you and your brother to have your own rooms'. she was genuinly surprised that anyone would house sibs of different sexes in the the same room. so i think to some degree the 'spoiled rotten' kids on these shows and in real life have no basis of understanding that their expectations/life styles are totaly outside the norm.

i got a car from my parents when i was 18-it was a combo bday/grad present. it was also 14 years old and i was expected to keep up the maintainance on it (they covered me under their insurance). if given the choice i would not have had a car-i caught rides to college with friends, and for extracurriculars there were always people i could travel with. but my parents realized that i needed to become responsible for my own traveling and they felt having a car would facilitate that. depending on my children's lifestyles when they are older teens/young adults i might consider buying/helping them buy a car (not a high end expensive one) but it will be based on their individual circumstances. as far as college goes, we are already educateing dd about how grades play a part in securing financial assistance for education, and while we will help her go to college we feel that an education earned by a student is an education far more valued by a student. weddings? be it our son or our daughter we will likely set a monetary figure and give them the option of using it for their wedding or putting it towards some other goal. we believe that monies that go towards a wedding are THE gift from the parent-so if our kids want to use their gift for a big blowout fine, if not they can use it for someother purpose (but they will know ahead of time that aside from perhaps a small momento-the money they receive from us IS our wedding gift to them).

 

[Becky2005]

I know why my parents got me a car (and it was by no means a new car -- it was a used AMC Spirit! ).

I had a job when I turned 16, it was at our local restaraunt that closed at 10 pm (sometimes 11 pm). One night I didn't get out of there until 1 AM by the time the last customer left, we got the kitchen cleaned up & everything taken care. My parents were out in the parking lot waiting for me to get off work.

It was if by magic I got a car within a day or 2 of that. My parents didn't want to wait in the parking lot that late again. They weren't too happy it was 1 AM before I was done anyway. Usually it was by midnight. I had to pay for the gas in the car though. My dad did the upkeep but honestly, I would have rather paid someone who knew what he was doing. Every time my dad touched my car, it worked worse than the problem I told him about.

We are still discussing the *car* issue between DH & I. I feel we should do it like my parents did; DH thinks it should be done like he did, which was paid for the car out of his own pocket. My parents deal was we had to cover gas costs but they covered the insurance & upkeep (the cars were in their names -- so technically it wasn't our cars), so we all worked but we were also able to be involved in school sports, etc...

I have heard things that a lot of the stuff on the Super Sweet 16 show is umm...embellished (I've heard the kids don't get to keep the car at the end of the show) and I think MTV pulls a few strings for the *I really want THIS* performer to show up. I saw one where they couldn't get a performer and wah-lah, the specific one they said they wanted the most showed up. It's still way over the top.

 

[Julia M]

I have a 14 year old (as well as a 12 and 9 year old)

Four or five years ago, I couldn't imagine getting a third car.....now, I'm looking forward to it! It would be such a big help having oldest ds ferry his siblings around.

I really do enjoy driving my kids around.......I find it's a great time to have some private time with them. On the other hand, when they all have to be somewhere at the same time, having another driver will help alot!!!!

julia

 

[LilyWDW]

I recieved a car once I got my liscence... but in turn I had to drive my father to and from work. It just was not possible for either of my parents to take me to and from class as they both worked. My mother would leave after I did and get home later, my father worked strange shifts at the police station.

When we moved where we are now, it was not long until I had my own car. I go to a college that is about 20 mins away and I have no access to public transportation where I am at. My job is also 20 mins... all my friends... my boyfriend... yea, wasn't going to be doable without my own car. However, I did not ASK for one... it was a surprise and as such all I had to pay for was gas.

I do not think it is fair to get a car for a child as a surprise and then expect them to pay the car payments and insurance, without any warning. I saw this happen to a friend of mine. Suddenly she was saddled with 2 payments she could barely make since she only worked part time. She hadn't asked for a car and was saving up for her own, but was holding out until she knew she could afford the expense.

 

[CEDmom]

I think people do it because it's easy. Saying no is hard. I'm far from the perfect parent but one thing I made DH promise was that we wouldn't spoil DD with material things. It would be so easy to do. She's an only child and we have a decent amount of disposable income.

My thinking though was the more you give the more they expect. I love the fact that DD gets excited when I let her pick out something from the Target dollar bins every now and then. I love it even better when she decides something isn't worth it when we tell her she has to spend her own money on it.

As far as the car thing we don't plan on buying one for DD and certainly not when she's 16. However, I'll leave open the possibility that we likely will get her one at some point. She's very bright and may be in a position to take college level courses in HS. We're in an area with lots of colleges that have programs to accomodate advanced HS students. If that happens she may need a car to get back and forth. This is just one possibility.

 

[MrsPete]

I must agree with the other posters: This show is in no way realistic. I teach high school, and I'm not aware of a single kid who has ever had such a ridiculously-expensive "Sweet 16". I think most families treat that birthday much like any other: a small party or a nice meal out. Those who do have a "Sweet 16" are likely to have a nice cookout or a get-together at the pool.

As for getting cars at age 16, however, the great majority of my students DO receive cars for their 16th birthday. We live in a fairly affluent Southern town. Most of them even get their cars in the months preceeding their 16th birthday; it's very common for a kid to get his own car when he gets his learner's permit (usually 15.5 here) so that he can learn on what he's going to eventually drive. NEW cars, however, are not typical. Most of my students drive moderate, late-model used cars. I'd estimate that a 3-4 year old Ford or Honda is typical. I think lots of parents get a new car for themselves and pass on thier own "old" car to the kids. I'd estimate that half of the kids are required to pay something towards their cars: payments, insurance, gas.

While this is typical, though, I'm not convinced that it's a wise choice. I see MANY of these 16-year olds who are in no way ready to drive. They behave foolishly in front of friends as they leave school each day, and I'd guess that half of them have multiple wrecks and tickets before they've had their license a year. I see a wreck just off the school grounds about every two weeks, yet the kids continue to drive. Some parents even keep replacing their kids' wrecked cars for them again and again. For MANY KIDS, it's too much responsibility and too much freedom too soon.