What does this mean? (relationship question)

[Maleficent13]

I have been in a LTR for over a year. He and I have discussed marriage. I love him and he loves me.

Lately, I have been wanting to spend more time by myself. Is this odd? I don't want to spend all the time by myself, but the other night, I stopped at the grocery to get what I wanted for dinner, went home, put on my sweats, sat on the couch, ate my dinner and read a book. It felt great!

But I think he was put out that I didn't go to his place. And his mom has stated on several occasions that if I really loved him I would want to be with him all the time. I would hate to be without him. I wouldn't want to go out with my friends on the weekends, I'd want to be with him.

Do you guys think this is true?

 

[caitycaity]

Do you guys think this is true?

if you had just started dating or something, maybe. but no in general, i don't think that is true. i am married. i love dh, but having time apart is healthy.

 

[coliebird]

I have been with my husband for 11 years (married for 4), there are definitely nights I want to be alone. It is perfectly natural to crave alone time and I feel that it is necessary for the well-being (at least it is for me).

 

[Big V]

NO!
I have been married to my dear wife for going on 28 years this month, and I love her dearly, but we both need alone time once in a while. There's nothing wrong with your relationship IMHO.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I don't see anything wrong with wanting your own space occasionally. I don't think it means that you like your BF any less. Too much togethorness can get claustrophobic. It's good to do your own thing once in a while. How many guys want to go to the mall and tag along while you try on clothes and shoes? I would much rather do that by myself.

 

[monkeyboy]

I am alone far to often

 

[piglet too]

I love my DH, but need to have "me" time once in awhile. I think it goes to show how strong your relationship is if you don't have to connected at the hip to feel like a couple.

 

[RitaZ.]

Mal, excuse my ignorance, but what is "LTR"? For a second there, I thought you were referring to Lord of The Rings.

 

[snarfer1]

It is very hard to balance me time versus we time.

I'm a guy (Yes it's true!), and all of my guyfriends like to have some alone or boys time. I think it is reasonable for the ladies to have some alone or girls time.

Trouble starts when you don't agree on the amount of time.

This is a subject you should discuss together. (I usually hold these type of relationships during my DW's girl/alone time - so as not to waste my guy/alone time!)

Seriously, be open and honest, discuss this. It is not healthy to spend every minute together, nor is it health to always be a part!

-Tony

 

[SC Minnie]

I am married and love my husband and daughter very much but I still want my 'me' time. DH took DD to the movies the other night and I was all alone for 3 hours-- it was wonderful.

Wanting to be alone does not mean that you don't love someone to me it is actually healthy and it means that you are comfortable in the relationship and respect each others 'space'.

Does that make sense?

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by monkeyboy
I am alone far to often

Poor MB...you can come hang out with my SO and play Tiger Woods 2004 on the Playstation...

 

[cynsaun]

I completely agree, Caity. I look forward to time to myself. I am usually packing for him when he is leaving for a trip! I love spending time with him, but I need my "me" time, too.

Always remember not to give up your own identity just because you are in a relationship.

 

[mickeyboat]

NO! It's not true. Part of being comfortable in a relationship, as far as I am concerned, is being comfortable with yourself and by yourself. Of course you want to be with that special someone a lot - after all you are planning on spending the rest of your life with him - but it is not selfish to enjoy spending time alone.

Go for it! Enjoy it! A sense of self is one of the most important things which needs to be preserved in a relationship. How can you be interesting to one another if you ejoy no interests outside of your relationship?

Don't worry about what others say about your relationship as long as both of you are happy.

Denae

 

[snarfer1]

Originally posted by monkeyboy
I am alone far to often

Some problems only G-d can fix!

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by RitaZ.
Mal, excuse my ignorance, but what is "LTR"? For a second there, I thought you were referring to Lord of The Rings.

Yes, my SO is Viggo (yeah, right!)...

"LTR" = "long term relationship"

 

[Crankyshank]

I love my husband dearly, but God help me I would go insane if I had to spend 24/7 with him.

I think spending too much time together, and not enough alone time, actually damages relationships because you start losing a sense of yourself beyond the relationship.

 

[VampHeartless]

Space is a healthy part of any relationship. I'd be more worried if you were say you didn't need any

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Being together 24/7 is NOT healthy. If you did that, you lose sight of who you are. Remember, being together as one unit does not mean you are no longer two people.

Chris and I have lived and worked together for years. We wake up together every morning, commute together, lunch together (with other people too), see each other a few times in the building during the day, commute home together.

We have many of the same hobbies and our weekend time is often spent with our mutual friends playing rpgs. BUT, we both recognize that we NEED our own time too. Often, I will go out for the afternoon, or he will bunker down in one room writing or reading while I do something else. We can often be in the same house in different rooms for hours working on our own things. Sometimes, even in the same room working on different things.

I know a couple where neither of them can bare to be seperated. They fight alot. When one of them has to go away for the night, the other has a hissy fit. If one of them has to work late, the other has no idea what to do. That is not healthy at all.

I agree with Tony. You two need to sit down and discuss what you each think is an acceptable amount of time to spend alone/ together and in between.

Open and honest discussion is the key to a successful relationship.

 

[RitaZ.]

Originally posted by Maleficent13
Yes, my SO is Viggo (yeah, right!)...

"LTR" = "long term relationship"

Got it!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time alone. We've been married 16 years and we both enjoy our time alone. Some folks need time alone/away from their SO and others can't be apart from their SO. As long as it is not affecting your relationship or upsetting you and your SO, I don't see a problem.

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by Maleficent13
Poor MB...you can come hang out with my SO and play Tiger Woods 2004 on the Playstation...