What do YOU say at funerals/wakes/visitations?

[Dizneefamily+4]

A casual friend's father passed away on Monday and my dh and I are attending the visitation tonight. I've been to far too many wakes and funerals in my 43 years, but I still get uncomfortable with figuring out what to say to the family in the "receiving line." I usually say the typical, "so sorry for your loss" as I either hug them (depending on the familiarity with the family) or just approach them when it's our turn in line.

I know that nobody is comfortable in these instances, but I'm just curious as to what YOUR modus operandi is at wakes/funerals.

 

[Dawnlight]

I might say:

May you find comfort in your faith, family, and friend in your time of grief (adjusting as necessary if they aren't religious)

May his/her always be a blessing to you and those who loved him/her.

If it's someone close to you, in addition to the above, I might include a personal happy memory.

If the family is Jewish, I'd offer the traditional saying reserved for such situations.

 

[NFLDERS]

When the person is a relative or close family friend; I find myself referring to the love that was held for that person. That they will be sadly missed but, remembered lovingly. Lastly, ask if there is anything we may do for them? If it is a co-worker ie I tell them how their loved one was appreciated, and that they will be missed. If I'm called upon to give a eulogy or it's an open mic so to speak then, I'll recant a humourous memory.

 

[slo]

I'm a hugger, so I normally always hug and tell someone I'm so sorry. I'll also tell them they are in my thoughts and prayers.

If I barely know them then I'll leave it at that.

If I know the deceased then I'll talk about good memories I have from spending time with them.

If I'm close to them then I'll say, "What can I do to help you?"

In the end, every time is different.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I'm so sorry for your loss. He/she was a good person (or whatever else you can say nice about them) or if you can think of something like, I always loved how she had perfect bows on all of her presents. Something to hang your hat on.

Then, let me know if you need anything, do not hesitate to call.

And when you are done, make a calendar appointment in your smart phone to call in a few days and then weeks to check in on them and let them know that you thought the service was beautiful.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I'm so sorry for your loss, please let me know if you need anything.

 

[SLP958]

I say I'm sorry. Usually give them a hug, tell them I am praying for them.

 

[SMD]

We recently had a memorial for a family member, but didn't do a receiving line. Not everyone who was there spoke to us are the service, and that was fine. We had pictures and many people just said something like, "They had a great laugh." or "I'll remember their smile." Maybe they got that from all of the smiling pictures, I don't know, and honestly, I'm not really worried about it.

 

[Miskey]

I just simply and honestly say, "I'm very sorry for your loss".

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I'm sorry for your loss + a hug.

It is just one of those things where words just fail, but that's all we have I guess.

 

[kuhltiffany]

Usually nothing. A simple hug or handshake and your presence is all that's needed…

 

[Dizneefamily+4]

Op here. We went to the visitation last night and I fell back on my old stand-by - a hug with an "I'm so sorry for your loss." So I wound up hugging 2 of the adult sons that I didn't know (my dh knew them from his childhood) and the 2 adult sons (and their wives) that I DO know. All in all it wasn't as uncomfortable as some that I've been to since this was pretty much our whole town coming to pay their respects (small town, prominent figure who passed) so it was very social.