What do you do as a SAHM? NOT a bashing thread!

[kpm76]

What a pretentious, mean-spirited post. are you serious? I hope you've made yourself feel better.

Agreed! I find that people who make such comments are typically insecure and feel the need to build themselves up by way of bringing others down.

 

[delmar411]

OP, unless you find something to fill your days that you enjoy then SAH will suck the life out of you. I stay home out of necessity as 4 kids in DC would be tons more than I could make. I'm counting down the years until all of them are in K and I can go back to work at least P/T during the day.

Although your kids ages (still pregnant and 5) are the same as when I first started as a SAHM. The first year or so was pretty good as it was a novelty and I had plenty of organizing to do and freedom to get around with a baby while older DD was at school. But since I got pregnant again only 3mths later then 2nd year of staying home was much harder. Not just because of now having 2 small children but because I'd run out of things to do with myself.

I've been home 6yrs now and I still don't enjoy it but I've got 2 more years to go.

I love my kids though and I know this time with them is pretty special so if I had to do it over again I'm not sure I would change anything.

ETA~ I 've read through a few more posts and I definitely agree that you will need an outlet. My outlet is an online mommies group. I have a handful of very close friends (yes we've met up in person) and we support each other in our day to day lives and have been together in our group for almost 5yrs now (WOW! Time sure does fly!). We are all very different SAHMs and that is also a big thing. Finding moms that are different than you and look at the world and handle things different than you will help to keep your perspective on life and possibly liven it up with some healthy discussions and debates. Spread out your horizons and you never know who might become your next best friend.

 

[DISNEYNV]

Question?

If you are a SAHM did you decide to go back to work after your kids started school full-time? My DH wants me to get a FT job ASAP after both of ours start first grade. Actually he would like me to go back sooner, but I love being able to be home with them and will be able to take DD to kindergarten this Fall and pick her up from school as well. I work two nights a week right now but financially we cant do this forever. Daycare is just too expensive to put both in AND work and be able to pick them up and drop off and take time off work if they are sick, etc.

So, I would like to hear from those who did go back after they started school and how it went personally. Not to take over the thread or anything just wondering if this is something some Moms who choose to stay home at first do.

 

[kpm76]

Question?

If you are a SAHM did you decide to go back to work after your kids started school full-time? My DH wants me to get a FT job ASAP after both of ours start first grade. Actually he would like me to go back sooner, but I love being able to be home with them and will be able to take DD to kindergarten this Fall and pick her up from school as well. I work two nights a week right now but financially we cant do this forever. Daycare is just too expensive to put both in AND work and be able to pick them up and drop off and take time off work if they are sick, etc.

So, I would like to hear from those who did go back after they started school and how it went personally. Not to take over the thread or anything just wondering if this is something some Moms who choose to stay home at first do.

I think it depends on what kind of work you are looking to go back to. When I decided to leave my FT job, I started doing consulting work because I knew if I gave everything up professionally I would never be able to pick back up years from now. I needed to maintain my skills and relationships.

 

[DawnM]

Well, I worked until 2005, so I have been home 4 years (I am 43 by the way, so I worked quite a while.)

My son ended up needing several surgeries, so that is what started me taking time off of work and eventually feeling like I just couldn't stand worrying about him while at work all the time.

I am also homeschooling, so that takes up a bit of our day. Then all 3 boys are into golf, cub and boy scouting, art classes, lego league, and field trips with other homeschoolers.

Some days I really miss working, but I know I will return to it eventually so I am trying to just enjoy being with my kids.

Dawn

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

As for the "who is raising my child" comment. Well, I guess it does not really bother me because I don't feel that way. I don't feel like if my child goes to daycare he is being RAISED by someone else. I am raising him. He is 5 and has been in daycare all his life. I know for a fact that he knows things and learns things there that I would never in my life think to teach him. I am not a teacher, they are. I send my child to a highly sought after daycare where all the teachers have 4 year education degrees. So to me, I don't feel like they are raising me child, rather they are educating him. For us, it works out great. But I do understand how people get offended by that comment. Being a mom is hard no matter how you look at it. There is no reason to make yourself feel better by trying to bring down someone else's decision on how they run their house.

Kristine

What a pretentious, mean-spirited post. are you serious? I hope you've made yourself feel better.

Couldent agree more on both comments. I am now a temporary Stay at home mom and not by choice. I am 8 months pregnant with my son and started having complications at 22 weeks requiring me to leave work and stay on bed rest as much as poss. I love my job and worked super hard going to the police academy twice to get to where I am. I love my children very much but being home all day and night is not me and I look forward to going back to work. While I applaud moms or dads that stay home, it does not work for us and I resent how some people, not implying anyone here, make me feel less of a person, women and mom for my choice. Best of luck to the OP on making her decision

 

[Aliceacc]

Question?

If you are a SAHM did you decide to go back to work after your kids started school full-time? My DH wants me to get a FT job ASAP after both of ours start first grade. Actually he would like me to go back sooner, but I love being able to be home with them and will be able to take DD to kindergarten this Fall and pick her up from school as well. I work two nights a week right now but financially we cant do this forever. Daycare is just too expensive to put both in AND work and be able to pick them up and drop off and take time off work if they are sick, etc.

So, I would like to hear from those who did go back after they started school and how it went personally. Not to take over the thread or anything just wondering if this is something some Moms who choose to stay home at first do.

I went back to teaching when my youngest was 3. Ideally I would have waited until she started kindergarten this year, but we simply needed more money than my husband's full time teaching job, supplmented by his photography and my tutoring and freelance writing, would supply.

Most of the time it works fine. We have a sitter who comes to my house at 7 am, and picks up wherever I've left off. She gets the kids on the bus at 8. Then she picks them up after school and gets homework started until I arrive at 4 or 4:30.

 

[miprender]

Since dd6 was born I have been a part time SAHM working 2 days a week and I love it. It gets me out of the house just long enough to interact with people but still gives me enough time to get things done around the house and spend time with the kiddos.

Even when all mine are eventually in school I still can't see working FT if our finances allow it. There is always so much to do in the day that the days fly by.

OP have you considered seeing if you could work part time?

 

[buckirj1]

No judgements here, but I think you're smart to think long and hard about this. Your post reads like you don't really want to be an at-home mother, but somehow have gotten the notion you "ought" to. If nothing else, you should consider how the loss of work skills will affect your and your child(ren)'s future in the event you become the sole breadwinner. So many mothers are one husband and one job away from that well-known creek. I can't imagine how terrifying it must be to solely rely on someone other than yourself on a financial basis. Less important, perhaps, but the previous posts illustrated it better than I ever could: there are no more competitive folks on earth than parents in general, and SAHM's in particular. If one-upmanship nonsense offends you, know that it'll be hard to avoid.

 

[Colleen27]

Question?

If you are a SAHM did you decide to go back to work after your kids started school full-time? My DH wants me to get a FT job ASAP after both of ours start first grade. Actually he would like me to go back sooner, but I love being able to be home with them and will be able to take DD to kindergarten this Fall and pick her up from school as well. I work two nights a week right now but financially we cant do this forever. Daycare is just too expensive to put both in AND work and be able to pick them up and drop off and take time off work if they are sick, etc.

So, I would like to hear from those who did go back after they started school and how it went personally. Not to take over the thread or anything just wondering if this is something some Moms who choose to stay home at first do.

I didn't go back to work during the couple years when my older kids were in school before my youngest was born and I don't think I will when my youngest reaches school age either, but our finances aren't strained by me being home. Between having to pay for after school care that can/will drive the kids around to their activities and DH having to hire someone to handle the phones and other office work for his business, my salary wouldn't add much to the bottom line anyway.

Around here most moms do go back to work when their kids start school, usually just part time somewhere nearby. It probably sounds a little snobbish, and maybe it is, but I can't see myself doing that. If I was to go back to work, I'd want to go all the way - back to full time work in a field I enjoy, not working at the grocery or the dollar store for the sake of flexible hours and a short commute.

 

[Colleen27]

No judgements here, but I think you're smart to think long and hard about this. Your post reads like you don't really want to be an at-home mother, but somehow have gotten the notion you "ought" to. If nothing else, you should consider how the loss of work skills will affect your and your child(ren)'s future in the event you become the sole breadwinner. So many mothers are one husband and one job away from that well-known creek. I can't imagine how terrifying it must be to solely rely on someone other than yourself on a financial basis.

People talk about financial dependence as though it is the sole providence of the SAHM, but the reality is that *most* families live on the income they have coming in. The working mom often isn't in any better position to continue her kids' lifestyle if her husband up and leaves. It is all about trust, regardless of work status. Unless you're living on one income and banking the other, every parent is dependent upon the other for the well being of the family, and that is the way it is supposed to be.

 

[fortcampers]

I have been both a working mom and a stay home mom. When my first child was born I had to go back to work after 8 weeks. I hated it, but also really liked my job and we needed the money. After 2nd child I had to return after 6 weeks----again, didn't like leaving him or the other one at daycare, but I held the insurance and we needed the money. Then my husband got a promotion, but we had to move. At that point I became a stay home mom and loved it. It's challenging at times and you do kind of lose your identity (if you were a working woman) but for me the rewards of being home with them was greater than what I wanted to be or feel. It is not for everyone. Some people enjoy working part time or shorter hour days. Some woman go back full time. Currently I substitute teach and I started doing that when my youngest started kindergarten. I sub at the school he is in and my other 3 kids have attended and it works out great for everyone. I love what I do and he knows I am there if he needs me and the hours are perfect! I go to school when my kids go to school and I come home from school when they do. I will never get rich or even close to it doing this, but it is extra money coming into the house and I get to feel useful and feel like i belong somewhere. I had spent 12 years at home and in that time we moved 4 times. Your child is not going to love you any less because they are in daycare. You will still see your child smile and crawl and walk and it's okay if your child learns to enjoy the company of people other than you----they will never love another person like they love you. My older 2 kids did well in daycare, although they got sick a lot and my youngest 2 have done fine being at home with me helping me do errands, cleaning, playing with the dog, etc. You don't have to be an artsy person to be a stay home mom. Spending time with them on the floor playing, reading them a book, talking to them while you change their diaper and feeding them---all those things are part of bonding with your child and what helps parent and child become close and you can do that and still work. I am so glad I got to be a stay home mom and I wouldn't change it for the world, but I don't regret that I had to work with my older two either. If i had to choose again, i would choose to be a stay home mom. Keep thinking about it and do what you think is right for you and your family!

 

[kpm76]

Around here most moms do go back to work when their kids start school, usually just part time somewhere nearby. It probably sounds a little snobbish, and maybe it is, but I can't see myself doing that. If I was to go back to work, I'd want to go all the way - back to full time work in a field I enjoy, not working at the grocery or the dollar store for the sake of flexible hours and a short commute.

Let me preface my comments by saying that I in no way mean to offend anyone who works a job that is not considered "professional" (i.e. teacher, lawyer, doctor etc). However, if you fall into the category of having what would be considered a professional career, you cannot leave it completely for 5-10 years and expect to pick back up where you left off. Nor can you expect to make the same salary as the people who did not take a leave of absence. In some cases, your skills would be so out of date that you would not even be qualified anymore for a position you once held. In my line of work if I left completely there is no way I could ever expect to work in the field once my kids are grown. If we are talking about people going to back to work as waitresses, retail etc. that's a different story.

 

[StitchFanZ]

One more thought. I had a terrific professional well-paying job when my children were born. I chose to work while they were young and set a goal to be home for the middle/high school years. Between my DH cutting back his hours and my mom and then my DH deciding to be a SAHD, we didn't need to do daycare. It was a juggling act to say the least. I had very flexible hours - i.e. it didn't matter when I did my work just so long as I put in my 60+ hours per week. I spent a lot of time on the laptop late at night and early in the morning getting work done while everyone else was sleeping.

I made the switch to SAHM when they were around 10 or 11 and have loved every minute! I have time to know their friends and love having teenagers and thier friends around. I also made the choice to homeschool which has kept me busy enough to not miss having a full time job. The only things I miss are the extra cash and having a maid come to clean my house.

 

[Colleen27]

Let me preface my comments by saying that I in no way mean to offend anyone who works a job that is not considered "professional" (i.e. teacher, lawyer, doctor etc). However, if you fall into the category of having what would be considered a professional career, you cannot leave it completely for 5-10 years and expect to pick back up where you left off. Nor can you expect to make the same salary as the people who did not take a leave of absence. In some cases, your skills would be so out of date that you would not even be qualified anymore for a position you once held. In my line of work if I left completely there is no way I could ever expect to work in the field once my kids are grown. If we are talking about people going to back to work as waitresses, retail etc. that's a different story.

It really depends on the position, though obviously everyone is going to face a tougher road in the current economy. I don't think anyone expects to step back in without losing a beat, much less where they would be had they not left the workforce, but educated professionals are seldom doomed to the ranks of waitstaff and cashiers because of an absence from the workforce. I've known professionals who have gone back without trouble and I've known women who decided getting back up to speed wasn't worth it and changed professions entirely. I know for myself, I'd have to update my certifications but my degree is still solid, and I'd be starting a step below the position I left but still earning a reasonable salary. I didn't like what I was doing, though, so when I had school aged kids I earned an associates in an entirely different field that I will finish out into a bachelors when the youngest goes off to school. I don't know if I'll ever use it in a full time capacity, but I would like to have it as a fall-back option and to enhance my freelance sales pitch.

 

[Aliceacc]

Maybe my situation isn't typical.

I was math department chair at a large local Catholic high school when I quit in 2000 to be a SAHM.

Six years later I came back. I got a $3000 raise over what I had been making in 2000. I'm no longer department chair, since someone else has that job. But I was able to spend six years with my kids and return to work without a problem. The fact that I teach math meant I was also in a position to turn down 2 other jobs so I could return to my "home" school.

So, at least for me, it was possible.

 

[Picabo]

I've been a SAHM since our first DD was about a year old and I was pregnant with the 2nd. The first year (with DD#1) switched from working in an office to working part time at home. I'm a people-person and I have to admit that I MISS having the interaction with adults, especially other women. None the less, financially it didn't make sense for me to continue working and paying daycare for 2 kids AND I always wanted to be home with them when they were little.

There are so many times I WISH I could go back to work (at least part time) to be around adults. I find it difficult being with 2 toddlers all day long, keeping them entertained and happy. My days are NONSTOP between caring for them, keeping the house in order, getting meals ready, doing laundry, etc. People often think being a SAHM is easy but in reality it is HARD as heck - at least when you have more than one toddler. Having one at home probably wouldn't be as hectic/stressful but I have a 2 and 3 yr old and it is tiring and stressful.

My recommendation would be to find other moms to have activities with so you have adult interaction and time with other women. Also make sure you get plenty of outing out on your OWN - lunch with friends, etc. I don't have any of those things, unfortunately. But I think that would be important to keeping your identity as a WOMAN and not always feeling just like "mom".

None the less, I love my girls to pieces and as hard as it is right now (at this age) I wouldn't trade it in. I love seeing every little change they make and knowing their every move. My husband misses out on so many things - and I feel bad for him in that regard.

Good luck deciding. I'm sure it's not an easy decision!

 

[kpm76]

It really depends on the position, though obviously everyone is going to face a tougher road in the current economy. I don't think anyone expects to step back in without losing a beat, much less where they would be had they not left the workforce, but educated professionals are seldom doomed to the ranks of waitstaff and cashiers because of an absence from the workforce. I've known professionals who have gone back without trouble and I've known women who decided getting back up to speed wasn't worth it and changed professions entirely. I know for myself, I'd have to update my certifications but my degree is still solid, and I'd be starting a step below the position I left but still earning a reasonable salary. I didn't like what I was doing, though, so when I had school aged kids I earned an associates in an entirely different field that I will finish out into a bachelors when the youngest goes off to school. I don't know if I'll ever use it in a full time capacity, but I would like to have it as a fall-back option and to enhance my freelance sales pitch.

Good points! I love being a SAHM and I love the chance to do consulting work. I have friends from college who went on the earn Master's degrees and left their professions once having kids. The thought of going back to work terrifies them, not because they feel unqualified but because they have been away from the workplace for too long and their comfort zone has changed from climbing the corporate ladder to rearing children. My advice to them is to do something that will allow you to interact with adults so the transition is not as difficult. Not every profession is flexible enough to allow for PT or contract work, but even volunteer work is fine. I think you make a great point though that advanced education will almost always allow you to do some type of professional work......

 

[dznybound]

People often think being a SAHM is easy but in reality it is HARD as heck

I completely agree! Like the OP, I worked since I was 16 and became a SAHM 8 months ago when my ds was born. I can say that being a SAHM mom is one of the hardest things I have done. Going to work was a cake walk. I am constantly busy all day long and am completely exhausted by the time dh comes home from work.

 

[alloyd1170]

I just happy to read that many of you don't have clean homes! My dh comes home and wants to know what I did every day, all the while eyeing the mess around the house. I wish for a few days that he could stay home and see what it's really like!

I love being a SAHM and dread the day I have to go back to work (with the economy, that might happen sooner than I had hoped). I know I won't go back into teaching!

I have a 7.5 yr old and a 4 yr old. I help out in their classes, did photography for the preschooler's class. I help with the homework after school and drive them to their activities (swim lessons, soccer, dance). I also stay on site while they are doing their activities.

The playgroup thing was never really for me either and thankfully I became good friends with a mom from my son's preschool class. Her two kids are the same age as mine and are good friends (my dd and her dh play to get married-they're only 4)! We do a lot together-waterparks, zoo, kids museum (all of which we have annual passes to), playgrounds, swim, boating, hanging out on the lake where we live, go to lunch, play at our houses. Sometimes we need a down day or two just for a break. If one of us needs to do something, the other will usually watch all the kids.

During my downtime, I'm on the computer or reading. I don't enjoy housework (who does) and it shows. My kids will watch tv, but aren't glued to it. I play video games with my son, read to both kids, play Legos, etc. Yes they drive me crazy most days, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Time has flown by so fast and before I know it, they will be off to college. I was there for their first words, steps, etc. I'm there when my son gets off the bus. My mom did the same thing and I'm so glad she did. She's gone now, and it's a huge hole in my life.