what can I do for her?

[L107ANGEL]

So I have this friend that has decided to let me in on a very personal matter. He has divulged to me that he has hated being a man for as long as he can remember and has decided he is going to start the process to become a women provided his medical testing come back ok.
Basically he will be a male to female transgendered.
Heres the thing, it is NOT about sex!!! It is about being ok in the skin in you are in. She was not, her whole freaking life! Think about that please. Hating your gender, forever!
I will be honest, I was floored, but the more I thought of the pain that she must have endured her whole life, I can say that I can understand the need to move forward to save her sanity and her life.
So how can I be supportive?
I mean, she, yes I will call her she now as that what she has been on the inside her whole life, is in need of support, not judgement.
Have any of you had any experience and can offer anything?
Again, I was thinking about this in one of my quiet moments, and thought, how would you feel if it was you, or one or your kids?
I was so saddened to think of being this alone and not knowing where you can turn!

 

[srferson]

Well, it seems like she does know where she can turn. To you. So, it sounds like you're doing something right already.

I don't have experience in this particular kind of situation, so I can't offer specific advice. Just wanted to say that the way you've described everything, it seems like you're going to be able to offer her support she really needs. Just make sure she knows that you're glad she confided in you and you're there to help in any way you can.

She may not be lucky in the respect that she's had such a hard time for so many years. But she is lucky to have such a supportive friend.

 

[Saxton]

Your friend obviously knew she could turn to you and you would be accepting. I think you're doing all the right things - being a completely supportive friend. I've never had to deal with so I can't offer any specific advice but kudos to you for being so wonderful. Just be there to listen, talk and be a friend because she'll need someone to lean on.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I have no personal frame of reference but can only continue what you have started; encouragement, support and respect for your friend's decisions. It will not be an easy road, the physiological changes alone will be at minimum uncomfortable, and not a little distressing.

She will emerge not only a physically changed person, but an emotionally changed person. Imagine how incredible it will be for her to finally have the gender that she was meant to have!

And yes, you are utterly correct. It is NOT about "sex" whatever that is.

Take care now and stay strong for your friend.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Nothing to add here except be a friend, and listen.....

Sometimes people just need a friend to talk to.....

 

[cmpdw4me]

Yes, keep being a good friend. Be there, listen and love unconditionally.

 

[hematite153]

Sounds like you are already on the right track. I've known several trans people and acceptance from their friends, family and acquaintances generally seems to be the biggest stumbling block.

The one other thing that I can suggest that you might be able to do is to find a way to involve her in a community that is women-only. I say "might" because I don't know your gender. Obviously, if you are male, this option is out, although you might suggest it to a female friend. Hormones and surgery take years to complete and some people never quite feel accepted (by the world at large) in their new gender. But, some people get accepted right off the bat and that can make a world of difference if family members, work colleagues (etc.) don't understand.

If you can find a women's retreat, a church women's group, an all female AA meeting (used as an example because someone I know did this rather than an assumption) to attend together and she can find acceptance from the world as a woman it might make things smoother. That said, walking in cold to such an environment also has the potential to be damaging and that's where you would come in. Talk to the organizers in advance, maybe attend yourself first. Meet some people, provide some information (careful, get your friend's permission first) and then attend together. The world at large isn't very comfortable with trans issues, but, I find that when you talk to people they move more than they would have realized they were capable of.

P.S. I knew one trans woman who never took hormones nor had surgery. She simply identified as a woman (and tended to wear heavy makeup and dress in far more frilly stuff than I could have ever stomached on myself). So, even if the medical results aren't what she wants to hear, she can still move forward.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Thank you everyone. Yes, I am very happy she is able to journey down the road she needs to travel. I am so very humbled she opened up to me as well.
Yes, I am a woman, lol.
I am PROUD of her!!!! She needed this for so long, and its high time she gets to love the skin she is in!
Thank you for the thoughts, I truely appreciate it

 

[MonorailMan]

I have a transgendered friend as well, and she just likes being treated like she's "everyday people". I'd say the best thing you could do is to just continue being her friend and don't change much about your friendship--That way she'll feel as though her change isn't really a big deal. Being there and treating her normally shows you're supportive but without getting too over-the-top about it. If she needs to talk to someone about something, try to be there for her.............but try not to ask too many questions unless she starts volunteering a bunch of information.

 

[paulasillars]

Just continue to be the great friend that you obviously already are - if she's has felt she can open up to you about this huge life change then she obviously holds your friendship in high regard. Just be there to listen.

Good luck to your friend, its going to be a difficult road for her.

 

[arminnie]

I've known a few transgendered people. I think the one advice I would give to a man who realizes he is really a woman is NOT to dress like a hooker to emphasize femininity. That is a mistake than too many make when trying to become more womanlike.

I've met some people that I never knew in their previous gender - it didn't seem to be an issue at all. I only knew about it because they chose to share in newspaper articles.

 

[KarenF]

OMG Angel! I just came across this. As bad as things might get, I just have to remember Ill never alone with friends like you.

So I have this friend that has decided to let me in on a very personal matter. He has divulged to me that he has hated being a man for as long as he can remember and has decided he is going to start the process to become a women provided his medical testing come back ok.
Basically he will be a male to female transgendered.
Heres the thing, it is NOT about sex!!! It is about being ok in the skin in you are in. She was not, her whole freaking life! Think about that please. Hating your gender, forever!
I will be honest, I was floored, but the more I thought of the pain that she must have endured her whole life, I can say that I can understand the need to move forward to save her sanity and her life.
So how can I be supportive?
I mean, she, yes I will call her she now as that what she has been on the inside her whole life, is in need of support, not judgement.
Have any of you had any experience and can offer anything?
Again, I was thinking about this in one of my quiet moments, and thought, how would you feel if it was you, or one or your kids?
I was so saddened to think of being this alone and not knowing where you can turn!

 

[KarenF]

I've known a few transgendered people. I think the one advice I would give to a man who realizes he is really a woman is NOT to dress like a hooker to emphasize femininity. That is a mistake than too many make when trying to become more womanlike.

Eeeeek! I wish I would have read this yesterday. I just ordered some grey capris for lounging around the house but now Im thinking I should have purchased something from Fredricks with like floss up my bum to better fit in with other T-people. I'm really confused now cause the other day I met this girl who was totally spilling out of her top and dressed all kinds of inappropriate. I tried to show her the secret handshake, but it turns out she was a genetic girl and not a T-girl.

 

[L107ANGEL]

OMG Angel! I just came across this. As bad as things might get, I just have to remember Ill never alone with friends like you.