Wha's the going rate for a H.S. Grad $ gift?

[Fire14]

When I graduated from HS I got 25.00 From my now Ex BF's Mother and a graduation cake and my Senior party(over nighter) fee paid by my parents. When I "graduated" college I got a hug from my parents, and gift card to uniform store from a few of my friends who attended my pinning cermomony. No announcements were sent for either occasion and I didn't expect anything from anyone at either occasion.

 

[FINFAN]

Thanks everyone...they are all neices and nephews so I guess we will do the $75 for H.S. and $35-$40 for the 8th graders. DH thinks $100/$50... but man. that will really put us in a bind...especially with them all getting cashed at once! Our DD will graduate 8th next year and I know she feels $25 is VERY generous, so I was going on her opinion, but better compromise W/dh. They are ALL on his side.

 

[Kallison]

I have 7 nieces and nephews -- two have graduated they each got $100. $20 when they moved up from elementary or grammar school. Anything below high school isn't really a graduation, it's just a promotion to a new school. If my kids were in high school and graduating with a bunch of friends I would feel obligated to send money to every party they attended. Maybe a small gift for the ones they are friends with.

 

[RUDisney]

I agree with Kallison. There is no need to send the kids off to their friends' parties with gifts. Most of the time, the kids party hop anyway. The only presents I got for/from my friends we for/from my very closest friends.

For those of you who give $100 for a HS graduation, what do you give for a wedding? We're usually in the $100-$150 range for those and if we're very close to the couple, we get them a gift, too... sent to the house, of course, and not taken to the reception.

 

[tiggerlover]

Originally posted by RUDisney
I agree with Kallison. There is no need to send the kids off to their friends' parties with gifts. Most of the time, the kids party hop anyway. The only presents I got for/from my friends we for/from my very closest friends.

For those of you who give $100 for a HS graduation, what do you give for a wedding? We're usually in the $100-$150 range for those and if we're very close to the couple, we get them a gift, too... sent to the house, of course, and not taken to the reception.

We usually give $100 for weddings, depending on who the person it. And since we live so far away we rarely get to attend the events so I think the $100 is just perfect.

On another note, I am suprised at the number of people who give gifts to 8th graders who are moving up to HS, I never would have thought of that, nor do a remember anything monumental when I moved to HS, is this something new that is customary...just curious?

 

[Disney Dee]

Tiggerlover, in my area, alot of people who go to catholic schools, go from elementary at 9th grade to high school. So they seem to do the 2 graduations more then the public schools that go from elementary, to jr high, to high school. Not sure about other areas.

 

[Tess]

In our small town, we seem to be invited to tons of "open house" for the graduate parties each year. We barely know the kids and are typically merely acquaintances of the parents (no social contact other than church/school functions or other parties). These children of our acquaintances receive $10. If they are close friends--these are few--we give between $20-30. Family, it's a case-by-case basis depending upon our relationship with them--i.e., do these kids even acknowledge our existence?

When you receive 10-15 of these H.S. announcements each year, some for college grads, grad school grads, wedding invitations, etc.--well, let's just say my husband is a banker, he doesn't own it!

 

[TRAPPED-PARENT]

I have 48 nieces and nephews ... $20 for HS graduation.

Other things like Christmas, birthdays, first communion, confirmation I give $15 to godchildren only. My family is large and many don't have much money so the kids don't expect a lot money-wise. (As a family we give gifts only to godchildren, this way each child will get at least 2 gifts and it doesn't break the bank for everyone.)

My DS just graduated and we had a family party for him. Most aunts/uncles gave $20, but some were $10. My BIL only has 4 nieces/nephews so he gave $50. My parents gave $100. We didn't give him a "formal" present, because he just got a new car (he's been saving/working since age 13) and we put some money down for that. We are also paying for his college tuition and computer.

We don't do 8th grade graduation.

Weddings for nieces/nephews we'll do $20-$25 ... my brothers/sisters I did $50.

If my teens are invited to an open house, it is not expected to bring a gift. Their friends are just glad to see you show up.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

Ok now I'm not a typical teen BUT I am graduating a week from Saturday (YEAH ) and I don't really care how much money I get from people.
EVen if it was just a card that showed they were thinking about me I would be happy.
My opinion is these people are taking time out of their lives to travel and spend an hour (yeah short graduation) to watch my whole class sob and sit on a stage and hear people give boring speeches so personally I think the time they give to come to the graduation is enough for me.

However if my mom reads this....this whole time giving thing does not count for you and dad.

 

[RUDisney]

Originally posted by TRAPPED-PARENT
Weddings for nieces/nephews we'll do $20-$25 ... my brothers/sisters I did $50.

In what part of the country do you live? I know that weddings are different all over, but if anyone gave $25 for a wedding gift in NE PA, they'd be thought of as cheap. Of course, knowing what their situation is financially, may make a difference, as that may be all they could afford.

Weddings here have an open bar cocktail hour with hors deuvers, then a sit-down dinner and dancing. Per plate charges are not inexpensive, and $25 would not cover the cost of one dinner, let alone two dinners. Plus, you can't go to most places, even Perkins for dinner, for two people, have appetizers and a full course dinner and dessert for $25.

Now, OTOH, my aunt lives in the NW. She has said that most of the weddings that she goes to aren't fancy, and many are held in backyards with a BBQ going. People wear jeans and cowboy hats to them.

I have been to others in the south that were hors deuvers and no alcohol, during the afternoon. I can see justifying less for these, even though we gave our usual amount. Heck, we were invited because we are close to the bride and groom, so we may as well help them to start their life together.

I'm not criticizing your choice of gift. I'm just trying to understand the type of party that is thrown in your area.

 

[Disney Dee]

RUDisney, Pa must be extravagent for wedding gifts! LOL! My son got married in Oct, and i was surprised at the amount most people gave as gifts. A few of their friends who came solo, gave 50.00, but most guests gave them at least 100.00, some close relatives and friends gave between 200.00 and 500.00! I was very surprised. it was an expensive reception, but I was still shocked.

 

[FOV]

We live in a suburb of Boston.

Weddings: $100 minimum, $150 for close friends. $200 for close family.

HS Grad: $100 for neices and nephews, $50-25 for others.

College Grad: Probably same scale as HS, although our neices and nephews are not that old yet...

 

[kidzmom3]

i just wanted a quick comment on the wedding gifts. It is not the guests place to "pay" for their meal. They are invited to share a special day with someone who obviously wants them to attend. I think that the mentality that you must offset your cost with your gift is wrong and rude. According to most ettiqute books, a guest has the right to give any gift they want. And if the person recieving the gift, thinks it is not enough, they are the rude ones.

 

[Disney Dee]

I don't think its wrong or rude to want to give a newlywed couple enough of a gift to cover my meal and my familys. I think its natural to want to help the couple start out. I would give the same gift if it was a barbeque or a fancy sit down dinner, if they choose to use it to pay off the wedding, thats their choice! But I give the gift to help them, and I do hope it exceeds what they spent to have me share their special day, and I would hope they would want me there because they care enough to invite me, not for the gift I give.

 

[RUDisney]

Although I agree with what you have said, in good conscience, I couldn't go to someone's wedding, knowing what the cost per plate is and only give $20 to the couple. I couldn't go out to dinner for that amount of money, so I wouldn't expect to be fed for such a little amount. Now, when we go to a wedding at a very swanky place, that has cold shrimp buffets and pasta stations, etc., that you know add up to big money per guest, I'm not concerned about covering my cost. I'll give the standard $100, because that is what I'd expect to pay if I went out with my DH for a nice evening. The fact that they have provided more elegance is a bonus.

It's funny about people saying that they give more to siblings and close friends. When we got married, only one of my DH's 4 siblings gave us a gift. His mother didn't even give us a card. That's when I knew that his mother didn't want to have a good relationship with me. It was more insulting not to be given a card by her than to not get any money from her. Even my then 3yo sister gave us a bride and groom stuffed animal that we still display with our wedding candle.

 

[Disney Dee]

RUDisney, I think you have me confused, i was saying in my last post that i could never go to ANY wedding and give 20.00 as a gift, no matter where the wedding is. Now If I were to poor to give more, I might. I would hope the couple would realize I gave what I could. But my circumstances don't require such a small token, so I wouldn't feel right giving such a small amount.

As far as your MIL goes, that was a slap in the face for sure! That was a mean thing to do no matter how much she didn't care for you, that had to hurt your DH!

 

[RUDisney]

Sorry to have confused you. What I mean, and I hope I say this better, is that the standard base gift that we give, whether it is to a cocktail reception, a backyard BBQ reception (haven't been to one yet, but you never know), or a swanky reception, is $100. We'll give more to relatives and close friends. If the bride and groom choose to pay $100 per plate, we don't know that, necessarily, ahead of time, so we don't base our gift on the price of the meal itself. But, I wouldn't give less than $100, whether it's just one of us who can attend, or if both of us do.

One thing that I realized at our wedding was that the relatives that we invited because we really wanted them there but we knew that they were on a fixed income and probably couldn't afford much were very generous. The ones whom we thought were more well off gave less than $100. I guess its the whole "Millionaire Next Door" theory in action.

We were invited to 2 more graduations today. One is the daughter of close friends, and my DS adores her. Her party is being held at a ritzy country club. We'll be giving her $100 for her graduation. The other is a neighbor girl whom we don't really know. We wave to her parents when we're outside, and exchange pleasantries sometimes. She'll get $25. The party is in their backyard, so we'll go and eat, stay for awhile and then go to my parents' house to swim.

 

[Disney Dee]

Ok, and i agree with what you are saying, I thought you were saying I was wrong and rude for wanting to give more of a gift according to where it was (thats not true) I did say I would never give just 20.00 for a wedding gift since I can afford more. Just wanted to clear that up! LOL!