Were you taught to "Never return an empty dish?"

[wall*e2008]

I return the dish clean.

 

[disykat]

I have never heard of that. It doesn't make sense...if you are making something for someone because they need a little help (new baby, death in the family, etc.) you expect them to make you something in return? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? I don't get that at all.

Anyway, I usually use a disposable container so that nobody has to worry about it.

ITA - it doesn't make sense.

But then again, I come from an area where the only time you would leave a dish would be in those circumstances. Here, if you go to a "potluck" type event with a reusable dish, you take your own dish home and wash it yourself. I've seen threads here where people think that is the height of rudeness.

 

[Camicar]

I have never heard of that. It doesn't make sense...if you are making something for someone because they need a little help (new baby, death in the family, etc.) you expect them to make you something in return? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? I don't get that at all.

ITA. Why would I expect someone who is grieving or sick or dealing with cleaning out their mom's house to make ME a dish? I don't need the help, they do.

When I make a dish, I always use a disposable pan so they can just throw it out and don't even have to go to the trouble to wash it.

 

[VirtuallyMe]

I think it is a sweet idea to return it with something else in it

but the reason people usually bring you a dish of food is because your family is having some problem... death or major illness or maybe it is a happy occasion like moving to a new home or the birth of a baby.

In any case- most of the time- the dish of food is brought to take the load off the individual. If you have to return all dishes full- then it may take a while to return them- especially if you have a major ordeal going on.

what I usually do- is deliver the food in a disposable container- or in a plate/dish to be given to the recipient- with a "keep the dish" comment when delivered.

I don't expect anything in return that way

 

[missj1975]

I have never heard of that rule either. Seems very silly to me. Glad I don't know anyone who expects a gift in return for another gift. Seems like an endless circle of food giving.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My grandma made cookies for us one Valentine's Day and I cleaned the dish and returned it and she acted all put out and asked if I'd eer heard that rule! NO! I hadn't!!! Seems silly to give a gift and expect something in return!

I agree. It's like dumping it on the person you're gifting to gift back. I'd much rather get and give gifts when the giver isn't suddenly handed the requirement of baking something in return.

 

[pickles521]

I do it.. Never return an empty dish. If I take leftovers, get a birthday cake, get a "hey - i thought you'd love this dish" present, I always send the dish back clean with something else usually on disposable. A small batch of homemade cookies, a few cupcakes, even a specialty food product that I know the person loves.

However - I never expect anyone else to follow this rule, especially if given due to a hardship. Most of the people I know never heard of it. If I do get something back, it's a pleasant surprise and usually sparks a conversation about this rule.

I guess if I was on the recieving end of a dish for something like a funeral (where it was a help to me, not an actual gift) I probably wouldn't feel obligated. Thankfully, I've never been in that position.

I, personally, love the rule. It's a very easy, rather personal way to say thank you.

 

[figment52]

I always return the plate clean, but I've never heard of reciprocating on the food. It's a sweet idea, though. It sounds kind of small townish or perhaps southern?

I was taught to return a dish and return the favor; never return the dish empty. Never return the dish dirty. The only acceptable exception to this rule was food brought to some in need (funeral, hospitalization something like that). I was raised in Michigan in a community of about 30,000 people. My friend from Indianapolis was raised the sme way.

This custom was usually for sharing baked goods or excess from large gatherings. I think there is so much more available in the way of disposable storage that the custom had all but disappeared.

 

[dumboiu]

i always return the dish (clean) with something on it. so no, you are not the only one taught to do that.

 

[figaromeetsmarie]

I was taught to wash it clean and put a thank you note with it

 

[Mocoko]

I just learned of this "rule" about a year ago. I do it, BUT I kind of put my own twist on the rule and I return the dish with something small like a Biscotti or a small bag of 3 cookie's wrapped up really cute in celophane.

 

[ginna74]

I have only known that you are supposed to wash the dish.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I have never heard of that. It doesn't make sense...if you are making something for someone because they need a little help (new baby, death in the family, etc.) you expect them to make you something in return? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? I don't get that at all.

Anyway, I usually use a disposable container so that nobody has to worry about it.

I'm just adding myself to the chorus of "ITA".

 

[mjkacmom]

I live in a very Italian area, so it's an old tradition, but you can throw anything on it, a couple of mints, it doesn't matter.

 

[Saphire]

As far as my experience reaches, I had never heard of this in the New England area. That is until I read about it here on the DIS a few years back. Yes, it sounds 'Southern' and home-towny, and I love it, and then it happened to me.

We had some new neighbors move in from Texas last year, and I made some cookies and put them on an (inexpensive) glass plate that I didn't expect back (and said so). A few weeks later the plate returned with home-made cupcakes, and it was then that I fell in love with the tradition! It certainly broke the ice and I think it inspires 'community', which is always a good thing in New England.

 

[figment52]

Absolutely, that was pounded in my head as a child - never return a dish empty. I've lived in Michigan and Colorado and always practiced this. It was just polite.

The only exception was if you provided a dish for a funeral, sickness or birth or something like that and now you can use disposable dishware but that wasn't always the case.

 

[merryweather20]

ITA. Why would I expect someone who is grieving or sick or dealing with cleaning out their mom's house to make ME a dish? I don't need the help, they do.

When I make a dish, I always use a disposable pan so they can just throw it out and don't even have to go to the trouble to wash it.

Because you wouldn't just make food for people when they are sick or dieing, and you wouldn't just send over food that you'd made.

Where I grew up not all the neighbours grew the same fruits and vegetables, so you might return a dish with whatever's in season and pletiful in your backyard. We would also send along a dish weekly to one neighbour or another, depending on their tastes.

 

[Judy from Boise]

I have never heard of that....and if taken to the extreme could be ungracious, like you are incapable of graciously recieving a GIFT ? But I could understand if it was a little game in your family and the "return" gift was just a token.

 

[MIGrandma]

Yes, I grew up being taught that as well and I generally try to abide by it, especially with new friends.

Now if I make food for someone who has just lost a loved one, then I certainly don't expect them to return my dish wish something in it.

And lately I've been trying to just use disposable containers so I don't even have to worry about getting my dish back (sometimes I've had to ask). I recently was asked to make a pan of cheesy potatoes so I just used a foil 9x13" disposable pan. No need to get that back. But I wish I could get back the two potholders I left at their house, darn it!!

 

[C.Ann]

I'm in the "never return the dish empty" camp.. That's what my grandma did and my mom did and eventually it just rubbed off on me as well..