Well, I'm livid...

[The LK 4]

I think I would approach the teacher as well. While it doesn't seem as if your son was bullied into adding their names, they certainly took advantage of him and the situation. It's not fair for your son to do all of the work and for them to get credit for it. This may start to lay the groundwork for these friends to approach him again when other things are due. Your son should be able to feel comfortable about telling them "no". If they see that they got away with it here, I am certain they will try it again.

When I was in college, we had a huge group project in one of my marketing classes. I pretty much completed the whole thing by myself with minimal help from the other three in my group. I made sure to let my professor know that they barely helped me, and they ended up receiving a B in the course while I received an A. I wasn't going to turn in a crappy project and hurt my grade, so that is why I worked extra hard to make up for the work they should have done.

 

[Mishetta]

I guess I must live in a more sheltered environment....my son attends a small private Christian school & I know most of the parents (if not thru school activities, I know them thru church) & I do know that they would have preferred to know so that they could right the wrong. (Either have their child contribute more to the project or do one of their own.) That's how I would have handled it if my son was one of the lazy ones. Actually, not only would I have had him help out more with the original project, but I would have him also do another separate project AND he would have been grounded! So there!

I guess I'm not one of those parents who say "not my kid!"

 

[RitaZ.]

He will be able to keep his friends, that is VERY important to kids.
The school day can be agonizing if you don't have your friends to sit with at lunch.
You may say that they are not really his friends if you told the teacher and they didn't talk to him. But kids don't think like adults do. There friends are everything to them while they are in school, don't you agree?

I totally agree with this, that's the reason why I'm hesitant to open up this can of worms.

 

[Bottlejet]

Oompa Loompa Doompadeedo
I have a puzzle perfect for you
Oompa Loompa Doompadeedee
If you are wise
You will listen to me


Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who's to blame
The mother and the father


Oompa Loompa Doomadeedo
If you're not spoiled, then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompadeedo

 

[disykat]

This was not a group project gone wrong!

I think this is a very different situation than if he was in a group and the others didn't do their share. My understanding is that the other names were added as a last minute thing after the son had done an individual project. They were not unproductive group members (Everyone deals with that at some point) they were totally lying.

Please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[lindamg]

I'm a teacher (23 years worth)

I'm reading this with my jaw dropping.

In my classroom it's not okay to lie or cheat or practice fraud - but apparently it would be okay at home (in some cases people - some posters have the right idea!) I'm expected to teach your child right from wrong during the day, but then they get the opposite message when they go home. Isn't not bringing this to the teacher's attention basically saying it's okay to fool the teacher? And this is helpful in what way?

Maybe it is time to retire . . . . . .

 

[TIGGERSMOM]

First let me preface by saying I do not condone nor agree with what these kids did. But from what I think I am reading between the lines is your DS seems to know the score on his school.

I wouldn't go to the teacher or the parents this time. First if the parents cared they would have known about the project and known their kids did nothing. They would be wondering where they got the check from.

The teacher may have her suspicions so will probably keep a closer eye on them.

If another project is assigned make sure to tell your son to ask fo rdifferent partners or a solo project. This was how we avoided alot of these problems and believe me it happened a few times.

Here is the concern, while it may a sellout it is none the less very real. In school reputation is everything - it is your status, your popularity, your standing with other students. If you "rat" on the friends this time without trying to deal with it first it may make your DS's life miserable in school. Being labeled the kid who tells on friends and has to have Mommy fight his battles is worse than "friends" cheating off him once. This is the reality of school life. Christian, Hebrew or Public, most kids are the same, and this label will follow him through all his school years. 7 years from now when he is a senior he will still be remembered as the kid who rats on friends. Think back to your school days, who was the kid you teased, your friends ostracized every school had one or two. So before you take dastric action like calling parents or teachers I would try to deal with it with your DS.

Now you can flame me - call me names - berate me - call me immoral, sellout whatever. But having raised a DS I have seen it happen. You may not like it but that is the way off the world.

 

[disneefamily]

Disnee Dad Says................................Wow, I need to take a liberal position on this and it is killing me! Let the son be the man this time, but he needs to let them know, next time the three need to do half and he'll do the other half. Then half will be done great and half will done shoddy, and the teacher may figure it out.
Doing half is a good idea, everyone gets a good grade, super kid is well prepared for life, and the other three will be saying "umm" at their first job interview.
DD used to complain about projects, cause she had to do all the work. The last couple years have worked out great, she looks at the project, figures the most important 50% and does it. The others are happy to do thier minor part, and sometimes do a very good job, then it's A+ all around!!!

 

[disneefamily]

Disnee Dad Says............................
Dear lindamg...I know how you feel, but we need to look at real life. I have always done more than my share on every project I have ever done. And my DD does the same. It's not we carry the lazy, it's we want that A! So we carry the weak, but if "you", not meaning you, continue to do group projects, then we must carry the lazy ones, so we get our A.
Just get rid of group projects, and the A team will shine!

 

[lindamg]

Dear DisneeDad,

A couple of things come to mind (none of them intended to be hostile) Unless you are a teacher yourself (and forgive me, if you are) then I don't think you do understand how I feel. If the situation was reversed and I told a parent your kid did a great project and students A and B didn't do theirs, so I'm going to share your child's A with those students, don't you think I'd be sitting in the principal's office with an irate parent? It would not be okay for a teacher to overlook cheating or a fraud, why should it be okay for the parent? It just gets really frustrating to be trying to do the best for your students, looking towards their future and to get constantly undermined by parents. Aren't they supposed to be on our side? Aren't we ALL supposed to be on the students' side?

While I appreciate your point about group projects and real life, I guess I prefer to prepare my students for the best of real life, not the worst. A basic sense of ethics are important. I prefer to perpetuate that in my class.

Lastly, on a personal note, many good teachers have discovered ways of structuring group projects so there are checks and balances, and ways of insuring that if everyone doesn't carry their weight, then at least it will be reflected in their grade. No two people in a group get the same grade in my class, unless they've EARNED the same grade!

Thanks for the opportunity to share ideas.

 

[RitaZ.]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and opinions.

On one hand, the boys cheated and took credit for DS's work, which is clearly unethical. On the other hand, DS will be affected by this personally/socially.

I think DS honestly thought he was helping his friends. When we talked to him about what it all meant, he was upset that he allowed it to happen and that his friends did that to him. There are two sides to this issue, it's not as clear cut as it may appear and that's why I'm struggling with it.

It's always interesting to me to see so many people viewing the same problem so differently. It goes to show that there is more than one way to handle a problem.
Again, thank you for the replies.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by TIGGERSMOM
You may not like it but that is the way off the world.

And that's exactly why I have to raise DS to be an HONEST person! Just because it's the way of the world doesn't make it right. I'm teaching him right from wrong, and what these kids did was wrong.

 

[TIGGERSMOM]

I resent the implication that my son is not honest. He is but he is also tactful and knows how to fight his own battles. I don't know about you but I don't live in Utopia I live in the real world.

You missed the whole point. My DS is honest, and extremely forthright. He is a star athlete will a full scholarship to a very prestifous college. He also is very aware of how the world works. He picks his battles, and ways the consequences of his actions.

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. And noone has ever gone their entire life being 100% honest all the time, if you say you do then you are lying. You have never told a friend you think she looks ok when she doesn't, you have never told the boss you were late because of traffic when you really overslept, you have always been 100% honest everyday of your life,obeyed every law including driving the speed limit?

You may not like it, you may rail against it, that is fine for you but he is a child about 9, I guess, so can he bear the consequences of his parents actions. Can he face being ostracized, ridculed, and bullied, because these are very real things in our world. All I said was to deal with it with him first on this occasion, work it out with him. He obciously now knows he was used and hopefully it won't happen again. Consider this a life lesson learned.