weird situation: Ex Wife wants to join us, how to handle ADRs?

[Kat&Dom]

I think you are a very generous and kind person to be gracious enough to make room for her in your vacation. Your daughter is a VERY lucky girl, and I know that these memories will not be forgotten. She will always know that you made room for her mother - and that will just help to enforce her love and respect for you.

That said, I would not make ADRs with your ex. I also worry about the chance of her expecting you to foot the bill. Let her share park time, and counter service with you. These will mean as much to your DD as a fancier sit down meal.

Very honestly, this is about what is best for your daughter - not you or her mom. I think you are taking the very best of the middle roads. Bravo to you!

I totally agree with this.

One thing to keep in mind is that your ex-wife might not end up coming. I know that my ex-husband (who is a deadbeat similar to your ex) called and wanted to take my son to his hockey game but he didn't want me to be there - he wanted to do just the 2 of them. I said Okay because I knew it would mean the world to my son to have his dad at one of his hockey games - well, the morning of the hockey game, my ex called and couldn't make it after all. My son was obviously disappointed because at age 5, he realizes that he is the only kid at hockey whose dad has not shown up.

Your ex-wife might pull a similar thing with the Disney trip and back out at the last minute so I would not change any plans for her. If she shows up and wants to play "mommy" - let it happen for your daughter's sake but don't structure your vacation around the fact that she is "planning" on joining you. And really, she doesn't need to join you for all the meals - she is an adult and can take care of herself for a couple of hours. JMHO.

Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful time at Disney!

 

[santadog]

She is convinced Disney would let her come to the buffets for free if she promised to just sit and not eat

I took the time to set up an account for her and priced out and saved a vacation so she'd know what to get (basic ticket, meal plan and Magical Express for about $800). She wound up going through Expedia instead, and got the Magic your way ticket with water parks and park hopper, no meal plan no magical express and the wrong hotel for $975.

Should be an interesting week.

 

[macraven]

She is convinced Disney would let her come to the buffets for free if she promised to just sit and not eat

I took the time to set up an account for her and priced out and saved a vacation so she'd know what to get (basic ticket, meal plan and Magical Express for about $800). She wound up going through Expedia instead, and got the Magic your way ticket with water parks and park hopper, no meal plan no magical express and the wrong hotel for $975.

Should be an interesting week.

i have read that there is a surcharge to go to the buffets and sit, not eat.

don't know anyone personally that did that but i read it in one of the threads.


check the wdw website to see if there is a charge for a non eating person.
When the buffets have characters present, i don't see how someone can just come and sit without paying something.


people book buffets for character dining.
that way they don't have to stand in long lines inside the park for those meet and greets.


don't give her your schedule of your dining places.
just give her the times that are open and free for when you are in the parks.
that way you won't be stuck with paying her meal costs.........


i wish you the best.
i really do.

 

[Mama Who]

So, a slightly different viewpoint here:

I would not allow her to crash the vacation. I know there's a lot of pressure to do "what's best for DD" but honestly, sometimes that means telling a lousy NCP to stay away from special events.

My son's biodad has ranged from mediocre to truly poopy. There have been times that the best thing for my kid was NOT to spend time with a man who cannot everr seem to make him a priority. Certainly on our special vacations, BD would have been stressful for DS, not an asset.

If it isn't too late, I'd ask her not to come. If she's coming, I'd set serious ground rules and limitations. "We will meet you for 3 hours in Fantasyland at 12 on Tuesday. We will spend 4 hours together in DHS on Wednesday, break for a couple hours and meet up in the evening again." Give the kiddo some down time from the virtual stranger. She deserves time on this trip alone with her *parent*. She will need some space from biomom.

 

[Kat&Dom]

She is convinced Disney would let her come to the buffets for free if she promised to just sit and not eat

I took the time to set up an account for her and priced out and saved a vacation so she'd know what to get (basic ticket, meal plan and Magical Express for about $800). She wound up going through Expedia instead, and got the Magic your way ticket with water parks and park hopper, no meal plan no magical express and the wrong hotel for $975.

Should be an interesting week.

Well, you tried to be a nice guy and help her out.

I am hoping by wrong hotel, that means a different one from you and your daughter. That will probably be for the best anyway. It will give you and your daughter space from her and not have to be around her 24/7.

I hope you have a great vacation and laugh as much as you want because you will be at the happiest place on earth with your beautiful daughter. Don't let any drama affect your trip at all.

 

[EvilQueenT]

we're in a similar situation. my son has had full custody of his daughter since she was 2 (she's 7 1/2 now). we planned her 3rd birthday to include a 3 day weekend at wdw, which was also her 1st trip. because my son has a big heart we sucked it up and brought the mother with us. those pics and memories were for my granddaughter...the rest of us just bit our tongues and...well had a shot of tequila once in a while lol. the mother (in our case) is a total looser, has never contributed financially, has since the above mentioned trip developed a problem with drugs, has actually stolen from my son's home, and has been in jail twice so believe me i get it when you say things are a bit one sided financially.

when it comes down to it if you and the ex can get along in order to give your child some great memories then do it and either forget for the time being that she owes you money and go all in or stay all out. if you include her in the trip then for your child's sake you go all in...meals etc...you should be able to work her into the adr's unless you're going during christmas week or some other crazy time.

if you don't want her there then just say you're not coming with us this trip.

if you do a half and half (like her coming on the trip then having to explain to a 6 y/o that mommy's not invited to dinner) you'll only create negative drama.

divorce always seems unfair to the custodial parent who has to be the real adult when the problem person just seems to come and go and never have the same responsibility...that will change once your child is old enough to grasp the bigger picture. it's then that she'll know it was you who did the extra things to give her a great childhood.

 

[ars0525]

She is convinced Disney would let her come to the buffets for free if she promised to just sit and not eat

I took the time to set up an account for her and priced out and saved a vacation so she'd know what to get (basic ticket, meal plan and Magical Express for about $800). She wound up going through Expedia instead, and got the Magic your way ticket with water parks and park hopper, no meal plan no magical express and the wrong hotel for $975.

Should be an interesting week.

And I would not let her ruin it. You & your daughter have plans...don't let her hold you up. Don't change your touring plans. Don't change any of your restaurants. Change nothing--she can join the plan as is or not at all. If she whines about not knowing where to go or how to get there (cause she is at the wrong hotel), hand her a map (Disney has lots of those). And direct her to the front desk of her hotel (they are very helpful).

Hope you & your daughter have a great time.

And I agree with a PP--if your daughter has only seen her 5 days in the last 5 years how much does she care if mother joins or not? Obviously this is a screwy situation & I give you much kudos for your patience.

 

[lynn71092]

Oh I have to subscribe to this one just to find out how it turns out!!!

 

[santadog]

I am hoping by wrong hotel, that means a different one from you and your daughter. That will probably be for the best anyway. It will give you and your daughter space from her and not have to be around her 24/7.

I called the resort, and explained the situation, and my concerns.
They suggested that I be sure to bring a copy of the custodial paperwork with me, and I went over the child protection tips I'd already put in place (giving the daughter a throw-away cel phone with my number programed as the only contact, so if she gets lost, she can find a CM, hand them the phone, and say, please call my Daddy).

One cool thing is, they are going to have me check in under an alias at the resort, so she can't call at all hours. (she's been known to call up to 20 times a day if she's felling uppity).
They are also going to make sure that, if she does change her reservation, she will not be in the same are as us.

 

[macraven]

I called the resort, and explained the situation, and my concerns.
They suggested that I be sure to bring a copy of the custodial paperwork with me, and I went over the child protection tips I'd already put in place (giving the daughter a throw-away cel phone with my number programed as the only contact, so if she gets lost, she can find a CM, hand them the phone, and say, please call my Daddy).

One cool thing is, they are going to have me check in under an alias at the resort, so she can't call at all hours. (she's been known to call up to 20 times a day if she's felling uppity).
They are also going to make sure that, if she does change her reservation, she will not be in the same are as us.

i'm glad you got all your bases covered now.
it will go fine.

 

[capricorn19]

I'm so glad that Disney is helping you out in this way.

I hope with all the unsolicited challenges this situation has brought you, it doesn't take away from the magic for you and your DD.

 

[NewEnglandCamper]

Are you still in love with her? Do you hope things will work its way out? How do you hope things will turn out?

I hope it works out for you! You are very generous. You DD needs her mom. Wish she would step up!

 

[santadog]

Are you still in love with her? Do you hope things will work its way out? How do you hope things will turn out?

I hope it works out for you! You are very generous. You DD needs her mom. Wish she would step up!

To be candid, I love the person she was: she has an illness, and that person just plain doesn't exist anymore.
We're talking "quitting your job because she thinks all of her co-workers are actors hired to spy on her, writing letters to the attorney general asking his help because Steven Spielberg has hidden cameras around her apartment and is stealing details of her life for his movies" crazy.

The last time she came to visit, she had no hotel reservations, and bought no luggage/clean clothes with her. For DD's birthday this year, she sent a used computer monitor (bear in mind DD doesn't have a computer).


I agree the DD needs her Mom. I have lived the last 5 years with the philosophy that it's my job to make sure DD knows who her mom is - it's ex-wifey's job to teach her what a mom is.

I am fortunate to have several female friends and co-workers who have stepped in, and been a mentor/big sister to her. Everyone from Executives at Fortune 500 Companies, teachers and stay-at home Moms to Roller Derby Queens.

I am very careful not to bad mouth my ex in front of DD, bug after so many broken promises, DD just rolls her eyes, and say's "Mama just likes to make stuff up"

 

[roxysmum123]

From your description of "Crazy" I'm guessing it's a personality disorder. More fun than a barrel of monkeys hunh? Your DD may need her mom, but a sick mom will do more damage than good so I'm hoping she's getting the help she needs & taking any meds she's been put on. One of my best friends was "raised" (I use that term VERY loosely) by a "crazy" mom (the tinfoil on the head walking down the street so you can't hear her thoughts kinda crazy) because her dad went M.I.A. because he couldn't "deal" with it, so I more than applaud you and what you've done for your DD. Your DD isn't blind to this, and she's taking in every time her mom lets her down or does something wacky. But more than that, she's taking in every time you were there to dry her tears or make her smile after a close encounter of the mommy kind. I think I speak for many women on here when I say we can only hope to find a man like you who will care so deeply for our own children one day.

As far as the hotel thing goes, I'm sure Disney has difficult custody cases often and trust they will treat your situation with the upmost confidentiality and respect.

Looking forward to hearing all about your and your DD's adventures in Disney!

 

[Camno's Mama]

Your daughter is very lucky to have you. She will understand and be grateful for your love and support when she grows up. Mental illness like that is suffocating and life altering in a way that most people will never understand, especially for the people that love the mentally ill person. Especially if you are the child of someone like that. And while you are right to do your best to include her mother, it is best that she is not involved in your daughter's life on a daily basis. She will grow up to be stronger and more complete because of it, oddly enough. We can't pick our parents...we just do the best with the hand we're dealt.

Have a great vacation...I agree with everyone else here. Set your boundaries, and she will follow them or she will not come. And then you and your daughter can be happy no matter what. Good luck!

 

[Lumiere Lover]

Your daughter is lucky to have such a great Dad. I just hope you are very concerned when her mother shows up. Don't let Mom take her anywhere, not even the bathroom.

I am not sure how you are going to make sure Mom doesn't follow you outside of the park, please be careful.

I use the term Mom loosely. You're a great Dad, taking care of your child. She is a Mom in the giving-life sense, not living-life sense.

I hope you enjoy your vacation with your daughter.

 

[buckeev]

Such a tough situation! Sounds like you've covered as many bases as anyone could possibly cover and I join in the chorus of wishing y'all the best of times while in Florida, and for many, many years going forward.

 

[santadog]

Well, Mom showed up on the 24th, and wouldn't leave the hotel since it was raining.
On Thursday, she joined us at Epcot, and over dinner told DD that she regretted that she'd ever given birth to her, and said she didn't want to go with us to the parks anymore.

On Friday, she got mad at me for not letting contacting her before we left for Animal Kingdom. She met us at Hollywood Studios later.

On Saturday she attempted to snatch the child from Downtown Disney. She took her into the World of Disney and changed her into an Ariel dress. Fortunately Disney security (as well as the local Sheriffs) intervened, and after showing them my paper work, Mom was charged with attempted custodial interference.

As the police were giving us a ride back to the hotel, DD made the comment: "Sometimes Mama does weird things..."

 

[roxysmum123]

Wow, a lot more than I had hoped to hear about. I was REALLY hoping to see that it went off without a hitch.

Your DD is one tough little cookie.

Time to revisit visitation agreements? Or is this behaviour pretty typical now?

Sorry to hear there was a bit of drama, how was the rest of your trip? Did you and your DD have a good vacation together despite "mama" doin "weird things"?

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I am sorry you had to deal with this at Disney (or even at all for that matter). You are a great dad and I know your daughter will have a wonderful life because of it. I hope you were able to enjoy some parts of your trip.