Weding Dilemma.....

[aaronandterri]

My SIL is getting married in may, i have spoken to her today about her plans and she informed me im only allowed to rbring 2 children as she has capped the amount of kids people can bring....
i didnt say anything to her yet because 1) i wanted to discuss with dh first
2) I felt it would upset the applecart, its only been a year or so weve been on ok terms since they had the baby and before this things were strained after a big row.

Now i have 5 kids ranging from 3 to 15, and my dd is gutted she wasnt asked to be bridemaid and weve made a big thing about saying well buy a lovely dress etc for her anyhow...now im just unsure what to do or say....i feel i cant be asked to choose bewteen my kids, there here nieces and nephews for gods sake......i also get the feeling this is aimed directy at us as nearly all her friends only have 1 or 2 children anyhow.....the defensive bit of me wants to just say fine no one will go......i understand its her day and all but feel a bit miffed at her request.

Am i being unreasonable,? im worried ill come across this way......

 

[kieras nana]

how can she realistically ask,that you only bring 2 children,when you have 5?
it's not like you are a friend,with 5 children,you are her family,as you say,they are her nephews & nieces.
what an awkward position,to put you in.i personally would back out of going,so to avoid all the stress,of trying to do the right thing.SHE has put you in this position,how on earth,does she expect it to pan out.
some people never cease,to amaze me!
good luck,in deciding,on the best way,to handle this.
tracy x

 

[Ware Bears]

Goodness, I can't believe your SIL has said this. And about her own nieces and nephews! It's unbelievable!

Whilst I have no issue with people preferring to have child-free weddings, IMO that shouldn't extend to family, especially immediate family. And it's even worse to limit the numbers than to say no children at all!

Is she your DH's sister? If so, I bet his (their) mum won't be too happy hearing that not all her grandchildren are welcome.

 

[Pinky166]

WOW some people are unbelievable!!!!

I would not be attending their wedding!!! If it upsets her then it's her own doing, IMHO she is totally out of order.

 

[ely3857]

I think it's very odd. To have a no children wedding is one thing but to limit the amount of kids is just bizarre and I agree, of you're relationship is shaky and you're the only guest with more than 2 kids how can it not be aimed directly at you.

Have you spoken to your DH yet?

 

[scottish mum]

I find this very strange, either all the kids should be invited or none of them.

I have been invited to a few weddings where there were no kids and that was fine we just arranged for a babysitter. I certainly would not be choosing which kids I would take, we just would not be going!!!!!!

 

[princess_ariel_85]

I find this very strange, either all the kids should be invited or none of them.

I have been invited to a few weddings where there were no kids and that was fine we just arranged for a babysitter. I certainly would not be choosing which kids I would take, we just would not be going!!!!!!

I agree.

I think thats unbelievable harsh of SIL to say that when she knows you have 5 children. It's shocking that a family member would say that. If it was me I wouldn't go, it's a different thing to say no children but to put a limit on it is ridiculous. Hope it all works out for you xx

 

[mandymouse]

I find this very strange, either all the kids should be invited or none of them.

I have been invited to a few weddings where there were no kids and that was fine we just arranged for a babysitter. I certainly would not be choosing which kids I would take, we just would not be going!!!!!!

I totally agree, it's either all the kids can go, or none of them Sorry you've been put in this situation

 

[dolphingirl47]

Again, I would have understood if she had said no children, but to allow you to bring two and leave the other three at home is very odd to say the least. I smells like she is trying to cause trouble. I would not go if I was put into this kind of situation.

Corinna

 

[izzie-wizzie]

I have never, ever heard of anyone ‘capping’ the number of children each adult guest can take! That is just ridiculous!

I have no problem with no-children weddings – but this is something entirely different. I doubt that your SIL didn’t realise that this would put you in an awkward position either.

However, giving her the benefit of the doubt - the only thing that I can think of is she is concerned her wedding will be overrun with children – and getting stressed about it , and making irrational decisions?

I think that your husband could have a word with his sister (face-to-face) to ask if this really is the case and that there is no room for compromise on this matter. Explain that you understand she may not want a wedding overrun with children, but she cannot possibly ask you to chose between your children – the very thought of this is in-comprehendible. Explain how each of them would be delighted to share in this special occasion with them and the rest of the family and reiterate that they are her nieces and nephews! It all sounds like stating the obvious but you never know she may be really stressed?

 

[Chilly]

I agree with everyone else. No kids or all kids.

 

[LindaBabe]

So, interested to hear what your husband (the brides brother) said? (Old lady here, keeping her lip zipped on her opinion)

 

[joolz1910]

I would not be going. What she is suggesting is ridiculous.

You could always get 3 family members (who don't have kids of their own) to take one each with them.

Hopefully your DH can talk some sense into her.

 

[Chilly]

You could always get 3 family members (who don't have kids of their own) to take one each with them.

Oh I love that idea!

 

[aaronandterri]

Hi
So sorry for late reply, Izzy been unwell so busy here....
Yes this is my sister in law my hubbys ittle sister, his dad is dead and were estranged from his Alcoholic mother......

Shes basically got 55 spaces for the wedding (church) and sit down meal hence the invite for only 2 children.

My dh has tried to talk to her but she wont budge." reckons her handas are tied) and theres no room for them, my brother in law and his girlfriend even got involved saying its family first everyone else second...but no joy, wwe now even have our invite that says only 2 children...:-(.

At the moment ive still kept my mouth shut (amazingly)...but am very stressed by it all...once again my ids are the ones missing out.....beginning to think it was easier whe we didnt talk to them.....

 

[aaronandterri]

Hi
So sorry for late reply, Izzy been unwell so busy here....
Yes this is my sister in law my hubbys ittle sister, his dad is dead and were estranged from his Alcoholic mother......

Shes basically got 55 spaces for the wedding (church) and sit down meal hence the invite for only 2 children.

My dh has tried to talk to her but she wont budge." reckons her hands are tied) and theres no room for them, my brother in law and his girlfriend even got involved saying its family first everyone else second...but no joy, wwe now even have our invite that says only 2 children...:-(.

At the moment ive still kept my mouth shut (amazingly)...but am very stressed by it all...once again my kids are the ones missing out.....beginning to think it was easier whe we didnt talk to them.....

 

[loobzuk]

OMG - can't belive anyone would actually say this, let alone to immediate family.

I can see it's a tricky situation as you've only started to rebuild broken bridges, but she sure seems hell bent on not mending them any further. I can't see how you can possibly choose just 2 of your children and it's totally unfair of her to expect you to do so. The hard hearted cow in me would take pleasure in telling her where to stuff her wedding and I admire the way you've mainted a dignified silence - you are a stronger person than me!

 

[aaronandterri]

OMG - can't belive anyone would actually say this, let alone to immediate family.

I can see it's a tricky situation as you've only started to rebuild broken bridges, but she sure seems hell bent on not mending them any further. I can't see how you can possibly choose just 2 of your children and it's totally unfair of her to expect you to do so. The hard hearted cow in me would take pleasure in telling her where to stuff her wedding and I admire the way you've mainted a dignified silence - you are a stronger person than me!

hmm ive been tempted to blow believe me..... and say how dare you back me into a corner, i will not choose bewteen my children, your nieces and nephews and there 55 places so thats 51 people more important to you than us!!......but i know they;ll twist my words and it will all end up being my fault as that is how it usually works.

Just for once i want someone to stick up for me...someone to think of me and do things for me i would do in a heartbeat...but alas no life never works that way...i think im a giver not a taker.......:-(.....
sure his brother said something bu not strongly enough so blassee about it all , i would be like fine if they dont go neither do we and false the issue.....sigh...its rearly stressing me out!

 

[Booknut]

Hi Terri

Sorry you've been put in such a tough situation. I agree with almost everyone else, all the kids or no kids.

You are being so good in not saying anything so far, i've been in similar situations with my family and know how hard it is to stay quiet for the sake of peace.

I think if I was in your shoes I would say thank you so much for the invitation but we cannot find a babysitter for the wedding so sadly won't be able to make it...blah blah blah...can't wait to see the photos and videos...blah blah blah...hope you have a wonderful day...and then take the kids to Chessington for the day lol!

I can't think of any other way you can face this without falling out as only taking 2 kids is just wrong and she's a bit thick if she doesn't see that.

Hope it all works out