Wedding! Ups and downs

[Christine]

The last couple of weddings I’ve been to have played out like this: cocktail hour, bridal party introductions, couple’s first dance, cake tcutting, dinner, everyone parties. It actually worked well. You have everyone’s attention for the first dance. The caterers can get going on slicing/ plating the cake to serve for dessert instead of having a delay between dinner & dessert.

That's a good idea. I'm going to a wedding next weekend so I'll be paying attention!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Is this not customary? I don’t think we have a ‘rule’ like this in the U.K., and you know how much we like our rules and traditions.

I'm another confused why taking desserts that were set out is "something". Maybe we don't understand the set up?

It has been customary to wait for the cake cutting to eat cake. But that was when we had deluxe wedding cakes and grooms cakes that would be enough desert for everyone. It would be considered a huge no no to cut yourself off a piece and deprive the bride and groom of the first cut. The bride and group usually feed each other a piece too. However, to save money, many brides and grooms are now choosing a small wedding cake and then having a desert table with cup cakes or other things So does the custom still apply? As a practical matter no. Taking a cupcake doesn't really hurt anything. So we'll see what happens to that custom.

 

[SirDuff]

It has been customary to wait for the cake cutting to eat cake. But that was when we had deluxe wedding cakes and grooms cakes that would be enough desert for everyone. It would be considered a huge no no to cut yourself off a piece and deprive the bride and groom of the first cut. The bride and group usually feed each other a piece too. However, to save money, many brides and grooms are now choosing a small wedding cake and then having a desert table with cup cakes or other things So does the custom still apply? As a practical matter no. Taking a cupcake doesn't really hurt anything. So we'll see what happens to that custom.

The OP said that the offending person ate "dessert" not the cake. Yes, cutting yourself a piece of the cake would be rude. Taking food that has been set out for taking? Not seeing the rudeness.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

The OP said that the offending person ate "dessert" not the cake. Yes, cutting yourself a piece of the cake would be rude. Taking food that has been set out for taking? Not seeing the rudeness.

Did I say someone ate the cake? No I didn't. I explained where the custom came from and how what is served at weddings has changed and why that custom may still be in practice despite not seeming to fit as a practical matter. You stated you were confused. I gave you everything you need to end that confusion. Whether you take it or not, is up to you.

.

 

[longboard55]

I think one thing I learned from out recent wedding is old rules are off the table, make your wedding yours.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

I wasn't aware of the dessert rule. Whatever wedding I've been to, if the food is out, no matter what, it's fair game. The cake cutting is a separate event not marked to kick off anything. It's usually done well after the finish of the main meal (much too long of wait for cake IMO, lol) and is kind of the end of formal ceremonies. If there was a dessert table out and it wasn't supposed to be touched, I think it should have been set back somehow.

The last couple of weddings I’ve been to have played out like this: cocktail hour, bridal party introductions, couple’s first dance, cake tcutting, dinner, everyone parties. It actually worked well. You have everyone’s attention for the first dance. The caterers can get going on slicing/ plating the cake to serve for dessert instead of having a delay between dinner & dessert.

My daughter and her boyfriend have been going to a ton of weddings this year. They’ve started making a list of the things they do and don’t want to do at their own eventual wedding (although they are not yet engaged). At a wedding last weekend, they missed the bride and groom cutting the cake and said no one really ate the cake or dessert buffet because they were too busy dancing. They thought the dessert buffet was a waste. They only want a cake when they marry, and they want to cut it right away after the first dance and have it served when people finish their entrees at dinner (sit down or family style vs buffet because buffet takes too long in their opinion). They want to get all the formal stuff out of the way and have minimal speeches so they can focus on the dance party! They are party people!

 

[DisneyHardin]

My daughter and her boyfriend have been going to a ton of weddings this year. They’ve started making a list of the things they do and don’t want to do at their own eventual wedding (although they are not yet engaged). At a wedding last weekend, they missed the bride and groom cutting the cake and said no one really ate the cake or dessert buffet because they were too busy dancing. They thought the dessert buffet was a waste. They only want a cake when they marry, and they want to cut it right away after the first dance and have it served when people finish their entrees at dinner (sit down or family style vs buffet because buffet takes too long in their opinion). They want to get all the formal stuff out of the way and have minimal speeches so they can focus on the dance party! They are party people!

I agree that the cake/toasts/etc need to be early in the reception. My sister got married a couple years ago and they did a cupcake bar instead of a traditional cake, but waited fairly late to open it up and do the toasts and hardly any of the cupcakes were eaten. They took home probably 200 cupcakes.

 

[jump00]

In true Canadian fashion I will start with “sorry”…….. but if you are invited to a wedding a gift is expected. Doesn’t have to be expensive but it is necessary.

 

[_19disnA]

Wedding reception practices have changed over they years. What used to be 'customary' now may no longer be relevant. What kind of budget there is for the reception also determines how a lot of things might work. Everyone can't afford (or doesn't want) a reception with an open bar, hors d'oeuvres, full sit-down meal & dessert. Have been to some receptions where the only thing served is punch & cookies while others have the full meal, just depends on their preferences/budget/local practices/etc.

Many years ago the wedding cake was often the only dessert and the bride/groom would cut the cake & take pictures prior to the meal so the caterer had time to cut up the cake to serve as a dessert. Large wedding cakes now can be VERY expensive so it seems more common lately to have a small wedding cake and then a variety of cookies/cupcakes/candy/etc. for additional dessert. It takes time to setup those areas so most likely you do that prior to the reception starting. I have never been to a reception where the caterer is still setting things up while the reception is underway, they do all of the prep work ahead of time. I agree as others have mentioned, cutting yourself a piece of wedding cake would be rude no matter what type of reception it is. However, as most threads go on here the discussions tends to ramble all over the place.

If someone wants to munch on a cookie or cupcake that is already out on display isn't that big of a deal to me. Who watches what others are doing at a wedding to even notice that? Most wedding guests are busy talking with other friends/relatives not looking for what someone else might be doing 'wrong'.