Wedding Planning: MOSTLY SO EXCITING, but stressful also in some ways!

[jerseygal]

This is the most likely place to post, although our DS and soon to be DIL, August, YAY, SO SO EXCITED are not getting married at Disney.
They have had a wonderful two year engagement. At first, the wedding seemed SO FAR away, but in retrospect SO HAPPY that we all had 2 years to plan and take things slowly. Only one milestone to go,DIL bachelorette weekend in July. Shower was beautiful and DS just returned from a fabulous bachelor weekend.
Biggest stresser for us has been, handling close relatives who have VERY YOUNG children.
Youngest guest is 10 which was fine for our son and DIL to be, but we have a close relative who has 5 young children under 10(including a newborn, a week ago). It is financially prohibitive, they struggle financially and in our opinion, not smart to travel with a newborn and their 4 young sons to this wedding, which will be a destination wedding, Friday through Sunday. She seemed "put off" when she found out that our son and DIL were not keen on inviting very young children to the wedding PLUS the bride and groom thought it was ridiculous for the grooms cousin, DH and 5 very young children to attend this wedding weekend, which would involve 2 nights of lodging. I personally also thought it was RIDICULOUS.
Anyway, we come to find out now, 8 weeks before wedding that bride's cousin, also has 2 young children, 3 and 1 and now want to bring the kids and the bride wasn't keen on it, but is permitting the 2 kids to come.So NOW, I have always considered myself to be a very fair person, when I discussed with son, groom agrees that I should go back to niece and communicate that brides cousin is bringing the 3 and 1 year old. To give you background, the majority of the guests at this wedding will be son, 31 and DIL, 29 friends, young millennials who are quite successful professionally who enjoy "having a good time on weekends".
This will be an open bar event with what I think will be quite a lot of drinking. In our opinion, definitely not the setting for very young kids. It is a very lovely elegant venue, just not the setting for young kids under 10.
Out of fairness, I will communicate the facts that brides cousin is now bringing 2 young kids, but certainly hope for the sake of the new baby and very young children, she decides that "it just isn't the appropriate setting or time in her family's life" to attend this wedding. Other than that, just cannot wait for this wedding and SO HAPPY that we had 2 years to plan.
GOOD LUCK to all those planning weddings; it is so exciting!Hope that you have very little stress!

 

[AnnaS]

Have a great time at the wedding and congrats!! I remember many moons ago for my wedding, no kids were invited unless it way our nephews/nieces. Well there is always a distant family member who does not follow rules. They actually just showed up with a little one (barely any family ties with us (couple). Have fun.

We are starting the planning for my dd's wedding in Disney.........it does and will get stressful for sure!

 

[olafLover]

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[jerseygal]

Have a great time at the wedding and congrats!! I remember many moons ago for my wedding, no kids were invited unless it way our nephews/nieces. Well there is always a distant family member who does not follow rules. They actually just showed up with a little one (barely any family ties with us (couple). Have fun.

We are starting the planning for my dd's wedding in Disney.........it does and will get stressful for sure!

CONGRATULATIONS to you too! So exciting!
DH, youngest DS, and I just celebrated his college graduation, an awesome week in Aruba, just GORGEOUS! SERIOUSLY HOPING that when his time comes, we can do a very intimate family destination wedding with all of the Planning literally done by the wedding planners there, from "soup to nuts". Our youngest DS thought the weddings were beautiful there. Witnessed two weddings on the beach and I had tears in my eyes, just beautiful. Can't imagine how I will feel when August comes for our DS and DIL, WOW, happy tears! If guests are given 2 years in advance to plan a vaca around an Aruba true destination wedding, it MAY work. Would be a wonderful way to relax a few days after the wedding. Hope that you are extending your wedding time after, to enjoy relaxation at Disney! Wishing you VERY VERY LITTLE STRESS!

 

[jerseygal]

We had the same issue. We didn't set an age limit, just didn't invite the children of cousins, but my husband didn't want to word it to literally, because he was afraid people would be offended. First off our weddingplanner (in our country this is done by a family member, in our case my husbands aunt) was offended her grandson wasn't invited and when the RSVP's came in, the first two indicated they wanted to bring their children and the aunt whom already wasn't pleased with it, had to communicate it, which she was really reluctant to do. So annoying!

So annoying is right! I guess if this is the biggest stressor, I am doing pretty good. God Wiling, all continues to go well. But YEAH, guess that most families have some sort of WEDDING DRAMA! Counting my abundant blessings and trying not to "sweat the small stuff", deep breaths every morning!

 

[FSU Girl]

I'm having a wedding at Disney in November and I don't want any little kids at the wedding. My Fiance has two kids so obviously they are invited, but no one else is. I'm putting on my invitations the names of the guests to make it very clear they are the ONLY ones invited. I'm also going to include an insert that mentions child care that Disney offers so they can do that if they want to bring their kids to Disney. Weddings are expensive and if everyone brought their kids it would double my guest count.

 

[olafLover]

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[FSU Girl]

Yes, we had the exact same thing (double the guest count), which is the only way I got my husband to agree to not invite the kids. Please be advised that the names on the invitations isn't fool proof, that's what we did (only name the adults) and we still got RSVP's for kids

I'm not surprised lol. I have relatives trying to invite themselves to my wedding that I have no intention of sending an invite to. I'll call everyone personally and tell them if they show up with their kids they can't come inside. I don't think people understand how expensive these things are

 

[olafLover]

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[FSU Girl]

I like the idea of adding an insert for child care! That might make it more clear. We actually got the question how people were supposed to manage if both the parents and grandparents were invited... As if that seriously is my problem? Where everybody get's their child care! In the end one cousin didn't make it because she couldn't get childcare for her son (the comment how people where supposed to manage was from her mother)

It shouldn't be the bride's responsibility to figure that out they shouldn't have put that on you. I figure having the information about what to do with them will clue them in that the kids should be going there and not to the wedding. I figure someone is going to complain when they see my Fiance's kids, but it seems pretty clear his children should be at his own wedding.

 

[olafLover]

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[ALegrande]

We were the EXACT same way with our wedding! We had SO many frustrations with the issue of kids. Initially, we were not going to have any kids AT ALL. When we counted up the friends and family members that would potentially bring kids, we were up to 28 kids! one of the groomsmen had 4 kids under 10 on his own, DH's close friend had 3 kids all under 5... it was nuts! We were offering to cover the cost of 2 hours of Disney child care for those who had kids old enough to attend.. everyone SCOFFED at that idea like it was so horrible and that they didn't feel comfortable leaving their kids at the kids camp (come on people, its DISNEY!). We eventually had my cousins and some other family members say that they wouldn't attend the reception past dinner if their babies couldn't be there. I'm super close with my family, so this had me in tears, and eventually DH and I agreed to allow children under 2 years old to attend. That covered pretty much all of my family members, and there were 2 older kids in the family that we made ring bearer and flower girl to justify their attendance. In the end some people RSVP'd no because they couldn't bring their kids, which was a shame. But we just couldn't have potentially 28 kids running around our reception! I don't regret our decision and I'm glad we stuck to our guns! People just don't understand that kids add up too and when you have a lot of them, it can throw off the vibe of the reception. To me, weddings are for adults to begin with, but I get that not everyone has that view point. I'm sorry you're having all of that stress and hopefully the last few weeks will pass by easily and with not any other added issues!

 

[weeniecat2442]

Enjoy the planning -- the guest list was the most stressful part for me and it wasn't even all that bad.

I just got married April 14th -- not in Disney. Most of friends now have children but our rule was only children that were family members were invited. We did this for budget reasons. Luckily, we don't have too many kids in the family at the moment. There were maybe a handful under the age of 11, including a baby born in January. My MOH was my cousin whose daughter was born in January. They live very far from us so it was our first chance to meet her and it was wonderful! She didnt even make a peep the entire time.
Our flower girl was not related -- she is one of my closest friends 3 year old daughter that I am very close to but otherwise that was it. I think most of our friends were happy to have the nite out without their kids. We had only one person ask about bringing their toddler and I explained only family kids would be present which she totally understood.
You have to draw the line somewhere otherwise cost and other things can get out of hand.

I hope everything goes smoothly and you enjoy it all -- it goes by so fast!

 

[jerseygal]

We were the EXACT same way with our wedding! We had SO many frustrations with the issue of kids. Initially, we were not going to have any kids AT ALL. When we counted up the friends and family members that would potentially bring kids, we were up to 28 kids! one of the groomsmen had 4 kids under 10 on his own, DH's close friend had 3 kids all under 5... it was nuts! We were offering to cover the cost of 2 hours of Disney child care for those who had kids old enough to attend.. everyone SCOFFED at that idea like it was so horrible and that they didn't feel comfortable leaving their kids at the kids camp (come on people, its DISNEY!). We eventually had my cousins and some other family members say that they wouldn't attend the reception past dinner if their babies couldn't be there. I'm super close with my family, so this had me in tears, and eventually DH and I agreed to allow children under 2 years old to attend. That covered pretty much all of my family members, and there were 2 older kids in the family that we made ring bearer and flower girl to justify their attendance. In the end some people RSVP'd no because they couldn't bring their kids, which was a shame. But we just couldn't have potentially 28 kids running around our reception! I don't regret our decision and I'm glad we stuck to our guns! People just don't understand that kids add up too and when you have a lot of them, it can throw off the vibe of the reception. To me, weddings are for adults to begin with, but I get that not everyone has that view point. I'm sorry you're having all of that stress and hopefully the last few weeks will pass by easily and with not any other added issues!

THANK YOU! The groom said to be the other day, "Mom, you are not going to please everyone in life"...He is so right, SO TRUE!

 

[lorimay]

I just received a wedding invitation and on the response card it said "We have reserved 2 seats for you at the reception".
I have never seen this before, but I think it really gets the point across on exactly who is invited. Of course, that won't stop people from trying.

Good Luck!

 

[jerseygal]

I just received a wedding invitation and on the response card it said "We have reserved 2 seats for you at the reception".
I have never seen this before, but I think it really gets the point across on exactly who is invited. Of course, that won't stop people from trying.

Good Luck!

Thanks! I like that; VERY CLEVER!

 

[Melissa Perez]

We used the language on our invitation "respectfully, this is an adults only celebration"... people without kids have been reaching out to us to say how much they LOVE that it is a kids-free day. and those with kids LOVE that they can blame the hosts for why their kids have to stay home

good luck! guest list is such a tricky subject but it's so true, you definitely CANNOT and WILL NOT please everyone

 

[jerseygal]

This is the most likely place to post, although our DS and soon to be DIL, August, YAY, SO SO EXCITED are not getting married at Disney.
They have had a wonderful two year engagement. At first, the wedding seemed SO FAR away, but in retrospect SO HAPPY that we all had 2 years to plan and take things slowly. Only one milestone to go,DIL bachelorette weekend in July. Shower was beautiful and DS just returned from a fabulous bachelor weekend.
Biggest stresser for us has been, handling close relatives who have VERY YOUNG children.
Youngest guest is 10 which was fine for our son and DIL to be, but we have a close relative who has 5 young children under 10(including a newborn, a week ago). It is financially prohibitive, they struggle financially and in our opinion, not smart to travel with a newborn and their 4 young sons to this wedding, which will be a destination wedding, Friday through Sunday. She seemed "put off" when she found out that our son and DIL were not keen on inviting very young children to the wedding PLUS the bride and groom thought it was ridiculous for the grooms cousin, DH and 5 very young children to attend this wedding weekend, which would involve 2 nights of lodging. I personally also thought it was RIDICULOUS.
Anyway, we come to find out now, 8 weeks before wedding that bride's cousin, also has 2 young children, 3 and 1 and now want to bring the kids and the bride wasn't keen on it, but is permitting the 2 kids to come.So NOW, I have always considered myself to be a very fair person, when I discussed with son, groom agrees that I should go back to niece and communicate that brides cousin is bringing the 3 and 1 year old. To give you background, the majority of the guests at this wedding will be son, 31 and DIL, 29 friends, young millennials who are quite successful professionally who enjoy "having a good time on weekends".
This will be an open bar event with what I think will be quite a lot of drinking. In our opinion, definitely not the setting for very young kids. It is a very lovely elegant venue, just not the setting for young kids under 10.
Out of fairness, I will communicate the facts that brides cousin is now bringing 2 young kids, but certainly hope for the sake of the new baby and very young children, she decides that "it just isn't the appropriate setting or time in her family's life" to attend this wedding. Other than that, just cannot wait for this wedding and SO HAPPY that we had 2 years to plan.
GOOD LUCK to all those planning weddings; it is so exciting!Hope that you have very little stress!

AND I have been stressing over being "fair"??..
Fast forward, come to find out that this close relative I was stressing over NEVER RESPONDED to the bride's mother about the shower NOR has she responded to the wedding invitation, response date 2 weeks ago! Rude to ignore two important invitations! Forget it, I certainly am not worried about NOT "BEING FAIR" to communicate about the other relative from bride's side bringing 2 young children. Offended!

 

[AnnaS]

Two of my sons are already married. We had the obvious two bridal showers and two weddings.........there are always people who choose not to respond. I find it rude also. What is the big deal. No explanation is needed. No calls, just write down NO.

It is and always will be stressful jersey gal (and thank you).

 

[Woth2982]

Two of my sons are already married. We had the obvious two bridal showers and two weddings.........there are always people who choose not to respond. I find it rude also. What is the big deal. No explanation is needed. No calls, just write down NO.

It is and always will be stressful jersey gal (and thank you).

I do a happy dance every time I get a no! We are sweating it out right now on guest count. We will be under the 250 of our venue max, but I want to be closer to 220. We were expecting to have to chase down my dad's brothers response card, he is a very nice generous man, but very irresponsible, it came back yesterday! I was shocked!

Side note, we also had one of my DF's relatives ask if she could bring her son, who will be almost 2 come wedding time. I told her we are not having kids because if we invite one we have to invite all, and our kid count would have been 52. No. I want 52 friends there, not 25 of my friends/relatives kids. I am not offended if someone cant come because of their kids. I completely get it, but please dont be offended when I dont want kids there.