wedding etiquet.. Questions...

[DMickey28]

I am planning our wedding for October 11, 2004 in St. Thomas USVI while on a cruise.

We have invited about 30 people by word of mouth, Save the Dates and offical invitations have yet to go out. We will probally have about 15-20 close friends and family. We will not be having a reception when we get home.

I am unsure what the proper thing to do is. I am sure that people would want to get us something for the wedding, but we honestly don't want anything because them coming on the cruise with us is enough for us. However, since someone may want to what would the proper thing be to do..... register somewhere or something?

I have no idea how to do all this....

Thanks!!!

 

[joats]

This is a tough one, but I'm wondering if someone might throw a bridal shower in addition to the wedding? I think I would go ahead and register someplace. Do not put where you are registered on the invitations - word of mouth only. Also, make sure to try and have a huge $$ range of items. I've always hated when the registry only has expensive items. Do a lot of inexpensive, moderate and maybe a few higher priced.

I am assuming that people will have to pay their own way for the cruise right? I went to a weekend wedding that required travel. The bride and groom had spread the word through friends and family about not wanting gifts. While I appreciated they were aware the weekend would be costly, I still gave them a gift.

Congratulations! and good luck!

 

[2bemarried]

Registering would be proper...but if it were me I would do a letter to them saying that you're honored they are attending your wedding and that you would like to request no gifts. I doubt they'll mind...and if they do still give it gift...it'll be monetary.

Just my opinion.

 

[bekkiz]

To be honest, many people think it's more rude to request no gifts, then to just simply register. (I am not one of them, but go to a wedding msg board like www.ultimatewedding.com, and all kinds of people will weigh in!) Now, you don't need to send little cards or anything asking people for a gift, but many people will want to send a little something. Pick one or two common stores, that have web sites, and go from there. Let you friends and family spread the place by word of mouth. No one will think you are expecting a gift, I promise!

 

[Lewski709]

Are you having a bridal shower? Write on the invites, "Please no shower or wedding gifts, your attendance is plenty." Make the shower a lot of fun and do games where there are good gifts for them. You are most likely going to get gifts anyhow.

My wedding gift from my SIL was fried chicken for the wedding meal. They live on a farm. No JOKE. No one asked her to bring it. I found out later she did and that was the gift. I would have rather not known as someone not bringing a gift or not was not going to stop the invitation or wedding.

 

[Octoberbride03]

Wedding Channel

I did a lot of my wedding planning with the help of this site. Sign up for a membership(its free). Go to the messageboards section under community and plunge in. There are thousands of members and pros here to help you with every single question on any type of wedding you can imagine.

I know you'll get lots of advice here too. But the best advice possible will be on this site guaranteed. I posted everything from ettiquette questions to invitation polls and my wedding came off really nicely.

I hope this helps and i wish you lots of luck

 

[mrsv98]

For a wedding, people will want to be generous and buy you something, even for a destination wedding. Also, I bet there will be people who can't go who still want to celebrate with you.

My suggestion is to register at two or three places making sure you have a varied price range. For example, go to Target, Bed, Bath and Beyond and Marshall Fields (or the equivalent). That way people can chose to get you a little or a lot and won't feel funny just guessing.

Congratulations, it sounds like a beautiful wedding!

 

[disykat]

I see nothing rude about a nicely worded request for no gifts (your presence is our gift etc.). My brother and his wife did this since their wedding was in Hawaii and it was her second wedding. I also had a friend who married someone wealthy. They asked that instead of gifts they would be honored if people would donate to their favorite charity. Both were worded nicely and I honored both requests.

Since you'll know who's coming in advance I wonder if you could include an "our gift is your presence" insert that goes into the invitations of those who are actually planning on attending?

 

[trishy]

Register on your cruise line. Stateroom credit

Seriously, I agree with 2bemarried and since it's just 30 of your closest friends/family, they will know you well enough to not be offended at a note saying their attendance is more than enough of a wedding gift. I do believe you will receive cash instead, though. At least, that's what I would give.

 

[DMickey28]

Thanks for all the responses.....

 

[ahutton]

We did the destination wedding, with only 4 of our friends and many of our family attending. For all the other people our family would have wanted to send something to we sent wedding announcements after the fact.

I went ahead and registered, as there were some people that although invited were not able to attend. I decided not to put "your presence would be gift enough" as I didn't want them to feel badly if they couldn't make it, and was worried that wording would make them feel bad.