Wedding dresses and "Say Yes To The Dress" question..

[C.Ann]

Happened to catch a preview of "Say Yes To The Dress" last night and it set me to thinking.. The bride chose a dress that she really, really loved - but all of the people she brought with her to the store (friends, relatives, etc.) were all telling her it was "not" her - they didn't "like" the dress - it was too "girly" (or frilly or something like that)..

So - if you went to try on wedding dresses and brought other people along, how much weight would their opinions carry with you? If you really, really LOVED the dress, but they didn't (for whatever reason), would you not buy it?

While opinions are nice, if I loved the dress - if I liked the way it looked on me - and I felt comfortable in it, I would buy the dress - regardless of what anyone else thought..

How about you?

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

First of all, I wouldn't schlep an entire herd of people into the store with me. Two people who know me best, and know when I look best, is enough - my mother and my best friend. Their opinions have always rang true for me in the past, so I would definitely pay attention to what they had to say. However, the final decision would lie with me and only me.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

DD 23 and I were discussing this last night. I asked her what if we went to look at dresses and she liked it and I didn't, what should I say. We agreed on things like "It's not flattering" or "why don't you try on some others."

 

[Vixen]

i think you should not involve to many people in a wedding... i have a friend who owns a print shop and she makes wedding invites and she says that there are birdes that go in with mom , mil sisiters cousin and they all have different opinions and that its a headache

 

[MinnieMe87]

The only person I plan on taking with me if I ever need to shop for a wedding dress would be my Mom. She knows what would look best on me, and would tell me the absolute truth on how she thought I looked. That being said, she knows a lot of the dresses I like are not her style, so if I found something that was not her style that she didn't care for that I was in love with..if I felt it was "The One" I would get it.

 

[Scurvy]

I agree with Plannin'Shannon that I wouldn't have taken a bunch of people shopping for my dress. If the couple of people I did take didn't like the dress I liked, I think my reaction to that would depend on why they didn't like it. If they though it wasn't a flattering shape for my figure or that the shade of white made me look too washed out I would probably not have gotten the dress. If they just thought it was too girly or too princessy (or that type of thing) I wouldn't have paid too much attention to that. I guess what it boils down to is that I would have cared what they thought about how I looked in the dress, but not really cared if the dress was to their taste or not.

 

[Becky2005]

That would be me too. I only took my mom with me and she didn't offer much opinion at all which is how it should be. Basically, she was like -- if YOU like it then get it.

I was one of those that knew when I tried on the dress that it was the one I loved, so I highly doubt anyone could have talked me out of it unless they could have shown me another dress that met my "must haves" in just a slightly different style but doubt it. I was at my 2nd dress shop and had tried on about 7 - 10 different dresses at that time. They had very few in stock of what I wanted since long sleeved/high neck with lace between chest/neck seemed to be all the rage at that time & I didn't want that at all plus I wanted TONS of ruffles & as long of a train as I could get without it being detachable. The one I ended up with was basically a new season style that was just coming out. I hadn't even seen it in the bridal magazines yet (and if I would have I probably would have said "eww" as it did look a bit different -- it looked like you were wearing a wrap around the shoulders but it was attached. Hard to describe -- I don't think I've seen it around anymore either. LOL!)

 

[C.Ann]

When DD went to choose her wedding dress it was "supposed" to be just her and I.. Her MIL cried - hysterically - and since she would never have that opportunity (DD's DH is an only child), we decided it wasn't a hill worth dying on - along with feeling kind of sorry for her..

The very first dress my DD tried on she absolutely fell in love with.. It was "the" dress and she had no interest in trying on others.. MIL wasn't crazy about it and kept pushing her to try on others.. So - in order to avoid unnecessary crying - LOL - DD tried on 10 more (5 chosen by her MIL)..

In the end she got the first dress that she tried on - there was no changing her mind.. I happened to like the dress too, but even if I hadn't the choice still would have been hers.. Her wedding - her choice..

 

[NotUrsula]

I used to make wedding gowns for a living, and I've seen some showdowns in this regard. Also, my sister has been a wedding photographer for 35 years now, and in her files she has countless examples of bad bridal choices that would make your hair curl.

As a general rule, brides cannot be counted upon to be honest with themselves when it comes to how well a wedding gown flatters them. They almost always come in with a vision in their heads, and most of the time it is a vision in which they are 6 inches taller and 20 lbs. lighter than they really are. (Also, sometimes, 10 years younger, too.)

I always advised brides not to get a dress that they actively disliked, but to try to be open-minded about styles that they had never tried on, or styles that they might have only worn once when they were 15. Also, color is a HUGE issue. Most people cannot wear bright white very well at all, and I long lost count of the number of women who convinced themselves that all it would take was a tan. Nope -- it it makes you look sallow when you're pale, it will just make you look sallow AND grubby if you wear it with a tan. Another important issue with bridal gowns is that they will mostly be seen from a distance, so colored bands and trims can look very different in photos and from your guests' POV. I always remember that poor girl who got married in a televised ceremony in the MK a few years ago who had a brown sash on her gown, one that wasn't too much deeper than her skin tone -- in the photos it looked like the dress was two pieces with a bare midriff.

Up until the late 1970's bridal gowns were largely above fashion. There were "in" trends, but you could still choose from a really wide variety of styles and cuts to arrive at the very most flattering look for your body and coloring. No so now. Salons are completely given over to the trendy these days, and if you want something in a very different style you are going to have to go custom to get it.

Second opinions are important, and so is taking a photograph in the gown (easy to do now with cell phones). Sometimes a dress looks totally different in photos than it does in a mirror, and it is the photos that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Still, too many second opinions are not good, either, because the party ends up taking sides; some will want to "stand up for" the bride even if she's making a poor choice, while others will not be able to get past their own taste to see the merits of a design that they themselves could never successfully wear.

 

[luvmy3]

I only brought one person with me, I knew she would be completely honest with me and I really valued her opinion on my dress. Luckily we both agreed on the one, but I think I probably would have gotten it even if we didn't.
I think its a bad idea to bring an entourage of people with you, everyone has differnt styles, tastes and opinions and getting everyone to agree with your choice may be hard. I would want to know if I looked hideous, but if I was in love with something, I wouldn't want my girls to dis it just because it wasn't a style they liked for me.

I'll be watching so I'll get to see what she picked. Say yes to the dress is my guilty pleasure

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I love Randy!

 

[Disney Doll]

I brought my mother. I bought the 3rd dress I tried on. It was very "me"...v-neck, short sleeves, lace bodice, plain poufy skirt, lace trim on the bottom. I was not then, nor am I now, a "frilly" girl. It had enough "frill", IMHO, to look special and "wedding-y", but not so much that people were going to be like "I have never seen DisneyDoll so frou-frou'ed up".

Believe me when I tell you, I could have trusted my mother to say "oh dear God, no" if I tried on a terrible dress.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I love Randy!

Me too! I have a list of gay men I adore. (Randy, Tim Gunn, David Tutera, Thom Filicia, Carson Kressley...)

I got married 25 years ago. Just my sister came with me to get my dress. I kind of resent that my mother didn't make the effort, but she said that we wouldn't agree, so she didn't want to come. I bought the only dress I tried on, and loved it at the time. But I was SO skinny (I wish now! ) I don't think I'd really look good in anything. Now, I'd go for a completely different style. And now, I'd have to lose weight first!

 

[Boo'sMom]

DD 23 and I were discussing this last night. I asked her what if we went to look at dresses and she liked it and I didn't, what should I say. We agreed on things like "It's not flattering" or "why don't you try on some others."

any particular reason why you were talking about this Carol???

 

[okeydokey]

Do people really take 6 people with them to try on dresses. I always figured they did on this show because they all want to be on TV, but not so much in real life. I went with one person to look at dresses, sometimes my Mom, sometimes a friend. Heck, I even went to a couple of places alone.

 

[suzannen]

I used to make wedding gowns for a living, and I've seen some showdowns in this regard. Also, my sister has been a wedding photographer for 35 years now, and in her files she has countless examples of bad bridal choices that would make your hair curl.

As a general rule, brides cannot be counted upon to be honest with themselves when it comes to how well a wedding gown flatters them. They almost always come in with a vision in their heads, and most of the time it is a vision in which they are 6 inches taller and 20 lbs. lighter than they really are. (Also, sometimes, 10 years younger, too.)

I always advised brides not to get a dress that they actively disliked, but to try to be open-minded about styles that they had never tried on, or styles that they might have only worn once when they were 15. Also, color is a HUGE issue. Most people cannot wear bright white very well at all, and I long lost count of the number of women who convinced themselves that all it would take was a tan. Nope -- it it makes you look sallow when you're pale, it will just make you look sallow AND grubby if you wear it with a tan. Another important issue with bridal gowns is that they will mostly be seen from a distance, so colored bands and trims can look very different in photos and from your guests' POV. I always remember that poor girl who got married in a televised ceremony in the MK a few years ago who had a brown sash on her gown, one that wasn't too much deeper than her skin tone -- in the photos it looked like the dress was two pieces with a bare midriff.

Up until the late 1970's bridal gowns were largely above fashion. There were "in" trends, but you could still choose from a really wide variety of styles and cuts to arrive at the very most flattering look for your body and coloring. No so now. Salons are completely given over to the trendy these days, and if you want something in a very different style you are going to have to go custom to get it.

Second opinions are important, and so is taking a photograph in the gown (easy to do now with cell phones). Sometimes a dress looks totally different in photos than it does in a mirror, and it is the photos that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Still, too many second opinions are not good, either, because the party ends up taking sides; some will want to "stand up for" the bride even if she's making a poor choice, while others will not be able to get past their own taste to see the merits of a design that they themselves could never successfully wear.

I'm so happy I found this thread. I am actually going wedding gown shopping next week for my oldest DD at 4 different places, including Kleinfeld, so we have all been watching this show. DD also asked her stepmother and future MIL to come along as well as my youngest DD who is 15. I'm thinking it's too many people with different tastes, but that's what she wants, so that's fine with me.

NotUrsula, what great advice about the cell phone photos! My youngest is great with photos, especially cellphone ones, and I'm going to give her that task. I would have never thought of that at all.

Any other advice would be appreciated too. Part of me is looking forward to is, part of me is a little anxious, because I think having the other "mothers" around may make me a little more guarded with my opinions since I really have no idea how their tastes run and how much my DD might let it affect her final choice. I'm thinking my youngest will probably be the most honest opinion of all!

 

[Rora]

This is was my problem when I went wedding dress shopping..

I took my mom, my future MIL, 2 cousins, DFi's sister, and my aunt. I WAS CRAZY. Everyone had different opinions and kept pushing me in one way or the other.

DFi was furious everyone was so difficult when I came home and told him. So.. secretly, we went to the bridal store together and picked out the dresses we liked best. Then, I invited that whole crowd back again and only showed them the 2 dresses we liked. I tried them on again. Still no decision.

I was fed up by this time and went back to the store the next day and bought the dress I liked best.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm so happy I found this thread. I am actually going wedding gown shopping next week for my oldest DD at 4 different places, including Kleinfeld, so we have all been watching this show. DD also asked her stepmother and future MIL to come along as well as my youngest DD who is 15. I'm thinking it's too many people with different tastes, but that's what she wants, so that's fine with me.

NotUrsula, what great advice about the cell phone photos! My youngest is great with photos, especially cellphone ones, and I'm going to give her that task. I would have never thought of that at all.

Any other advice would be appreciated too. Part of me is looking forward to is, part of me is a little anxious, because I think having the other "mothers" around may make me a little more guarded with my opinions since I really have no idea how their tastes run and how much my DD might let it affect her final choice. I'm thinking my youngest will probably be the most honest opinion of all!

I would first ask about photos, I remember on the show once the bride wanted to take a photo, to show someone who couldn't be there, and there were problems. They evetually let her, but it may have been for the show. It was also when the show first aired so things may have changed, but I would just check out any store's policy.
If you can do that, it would be a great way for your dd to go back home and look through them without everyone else there, and when she makes the decision she can come to just you, or someone else for advice. And the rest of the ladies never have to know

This is was my problem when I went wedding dress shopping..

I took my mom, my future MIL, 2 cousins, DFi's sister, and my aunt. I WAS CRAZY. Everyone had different opinions and kept pushing me in one way or the other.

DFi was furious everyone was so difficult when I came home and told him. So.. secretly, we went to the bridal store together and picked out the dresses we liked best. Then, I invited that whole crowd back again and only showed them the 2 dresses we liked. I tried them on again. Still no decision.

I was fed up by this time and went back to the store the next day and bought the dress I liked best.

Good for you!!!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Well, when I got married in '98, I only took my mother with me, and I have to admit that I pretty much let her make the decision. I never really found a dress that I actually liked and thought looked good on me.

So now it's 11 years later; I'm divorced and have a wonderful boyfriend (of one year) and we're talking marriage (no set plans, though), and I'm just perusing dresses that I like. And my mother is involved again. However, she has admitted that in looking at the photos, she doesn't think my old dress was particularly flattering; she agrees that a traditional wedding gown doesn't suit me, and also that I took terrible in white and ivory. I've found some lovely evening gowns in browns and blues and greens that she thinks would be appropriate for a second (and last!)-time bride. The best part is, they're only around $200

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Do people really take 6 people with them to try on dresses. I always figured they did on this show because they all want to be on TV, but not so much in real life. I went with one person to look at dresses, sometimes my Mom, sometimes a friend. Heck, I even went to a couple of places alone.

me too. it was never more than 2 other people at a time. But when the final decision came, it was mine to make...I did take into consideration what my mom and my 2 best friends said looked good, but ultimately it came down to me. Now, I didn't LOVE my dress. I never had that moment where I put on a dress and knew it was the one, but I liked it and I felt comfortable in it, so that's what mattered.