Wedding disaster

[hinodis]

My son and his fiance are planning a destination wedding. The wedding will be taking place at a resort that we have been going to for 11 years. We have over the years formed close relationships with several employees. DS proposed while on vacation and we began planning the wedding while we were there. The wedding slaes manager made promises of great discounts for the wedding. From the beginning we were VERY honest about what the budget was. She reassured us we had enough money. For 2 months over the phone we have been working on this wedding. We went back there to sign the contract and found out that her boss would not approve any of the prices she had told us. We were told rooms for our guests would be $139. Now we are told, sorry, it will be $189 after we gave told several people the price is $139. Then the discount for the reception? NOPE, not getting that either. The guest list went from 100 people down to 60 and we probably can not afford alchohol. The manager was telling me what a great deal the guests are getting on the rooms and the bridal party got $99 rooms. P I said OK that helped everyone except us. Please do not tell me that I should have gotten it all in writing. I was far away and I have had a great relationship with these people. I have no Idea what to do.

 

[SoonerSarah]

What is unfortunate is that apparently, there was a need for it to be in writing.

However, as my cousin just learned, even writing doesn't mean much. She got married last Saturday and the hotel ballroom that she was supposed to have was double booked. Both parties had contracts, the person that booked the first contract did not put it on the calendar. However, theirs was booked more than a year before my cousins, and it was a valid contract. She found this out less than 48 hours before the wedding. There was nothing that could be done. There was no other place for her to go, so they had to use the pool atrium area, which was public and open to everyone, including the guests that had no problems walking through her reception with pictures being taken, in their bikini's. Anyway, she was obviously very upset about it at first, but there was nothing that could be done, so she just made the best of the situation. Other than the hotel guests walking through her reception, she ended up being happier with the location.

The hotel only gave them a few hundred $$ discount.

I really have no advice for you either, but good luck!

 

[csharpwv]

If I were you I'd put the deal on the line - you give us the prices you quoted to us in good faith - OR - you loose our business altogether.

I realize that there are great ties at the resort - but a quote is a quote - and you have a history or loyalty at the resort, and if they aren't willing to narrow their bottom line, then the deal is off.

There is a big different between $139 and $189 - especially when you are asking friends and family to pay that - inviting fewer of them to the wedding - and having to trim back on what you want - ESPECIALLY considering that you were very open and honest about the entire budget from the beginning.

It sounds like they don't really value your business as much as you value theirs.

Loyalty comes at a price - and when that price is shared between the business and the consumer both parties typically come out satisfied at the end.

In this situation, if I were you, I would get a price quote from a competing business/resort if for nothing else than a piece of mind - and - if it is more in line with what you are looking to spend, you can either book it - OR - use it as leverage for your favorite resort to once again earn your business.

We booked all of our wedding plans over a year in advance and were able to lock in prices at the level of the date we booked.

If all else fails - cut the guest list - and DO IT AT DISNEY!

But - DO NOT let them push you around - you have the ability to say - SORRY, We've decided to take out business elsewhere!

Let your feet do the talking - walk away if you aren't getting what they promised you.

If you want me to be your Wedding plan negotiator - I'll do it for free - I love to haggle with companies - I saved us over $1,200 on our cable bill last year and we kept all our channels plus gained HBO and Showtime and are paying less than we were!
3 Years on the debate team in college worked wonders for building a hard edge!

In all seriousness - don't let them push you around - there are hundreds if not thousands of resorts out there in great locations who will work with you just to get your business - think about all the resorts along the Gulf Coast that would LOVE to work with you. If it is a destination wedding - don't get caught up and stuck/fixed on one destination. Do your shopping - you will either be surprised - or realize you already have a good deal!

Either way - good luck!

 

[figaromeetsmarie]

No flames anyone...but I don't think $139 to $189 is that big of a difference. If the guests are spending $$$ to go to your son's destination wedding, really what is the difference? For the person that can afford to go to their destination wedding, that isn't that much extra. Plus, you can check expedia and orbitz for discount codes.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I remember you talking about it in a previous thread, it is on Mackinac Island, right? I'm sorry, that is desapointing.

We had a similar thing happen to us when we were planning our wedding. We had an outdoor wedding planned at Mattheai Botanical Gardens at U of M. Well we had arranged to marry at the reception hall just in case of bad weather. We too didn't get it in writing and as the date got closer and we were going to get the invitations printed something told me to double check that it was fine. Suddenly it was going to be an extra $500 to have it on hold in case and another $1000 if we needed to. (We were the only reception there that day so it wasn't going to be an inconvince to anyone.) Anyway, I was more upset about the lies then the money (though that was a lot) and scrambled to find a new location and was able to (we got married on a Sunday so it was easier then a Saturday.) I lost my deposit but was happy to go to the new place "just in case." Well, the day of my wedding a tornado touched doen in Ann Arbor, we in fact did need to be married at the reception hall. They were amazing there, charged us nothing more and it was perfect.

I know you don't have a lot of options on the island but I hope that this bump is just that, a bump, and their day turns out beautiful. I know it isn't a good feeling to feel you are being taken advantage of.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I am sorry this is happening and adding stress to what should be a happy occasion. I would also begin making some phone calls and looking at other options. The fact that you were basically "lied" to to get your business would really turn me off the original venue. Good luck and I know you will find a solution.

 

[hinodis]

If I were you I'd put the deal on the line - you give us the prices you quoted to us in good faith - OR - you loose our business altogether.

I realize that there are great ties at the resort - but a quote is a quote - and you have a history or loyalty at the resort, and if they aren't willing to narrow their bottom line, then the deal is off.

There is a big different between $139 and $189 - especially when you are asking friends and family to pay that - inviting fewer of them to the wedding - and having to trim back on what you want - ESPECIALLY considering that you were very open and honest about the entire budget from the beginning.

It sounds like they don't really value your business as much as you value theirs.

Loyalty comes at a price - and when that price is shared between the business and the consumer both parties typically come out satisfied at the end.

In this situation, if I were you, I would get a price quote from a competing business/resort if for nothing else than a piece of mind - and - if it is more in line with what you are looking to spend, you can either book it - OR - use it as leverage for your favorite resort to once again earn your business.

We booked all of our wedding plans over a year in advance and were able to lock in prices at the level of the date we booked.

If all else fails - cut the guest list - and DO IT AT DISNEY!

But - DO NOT let them push you around - you have the ability to say - SORRY, We've decided to take out business elsewhere!

Let your feet do the talking - walk away if you aren't getting what they promised you.

If you want me to be your Wedding plan negotiator - I'll do it for free - I love to haggle with companies - I saved us over $1,200 on our cable bill last year and we kept all our channels plus gained HBO and Showtime and are paying less than we were!
3 Years on the debate team in college worked wonders for building a hard edge!

In all seriousness - don't let them push you around - there are hundreds if not thousands of resorts out there in great locations who will work with you just to get your business - think about all the resorts along the Gulf Coast that would LOVE to work with you. If it is a destination wedding - don't get caught up and stuck/fixed on one destination. Do your shopping - you will either be surprised - or realize you already have a good deal!

Either way - good luck!

The wedding is on Mackinac Island and the only other place that can come close to having the ambience this resort offers is way out of budget. This is what is making it so tough to walk away. This is the brides dream wedding we are talking about. I am still working on the negotiations with them. It has gotten really ugly over the last few days. I do think I have been a little too nice. It would be easier if I could find somewhere else on the island that was less expensive but I am struggling to find something comparable. Is it in poor taste to have a cash bar? Father of the bride is having at fit about the room rates. He actually started calling relatives and told them that it is going to be to expensive to go.

 

[hinodis]

I remember you talking about it in a previous thread, it is on Mackinac Island, right? I'm sorry, that is desapointing.

We had a similar thing happen to us when we were planning our wedding. We had an outdoor wedding planned at Mattheai Botanical Gardens at U of M. Well we had arranged to marry at the reception hall just in case of bad weather. We too didn't get it in writing and as the date got closer and we were going to get the invitations printed something told me to double check that it was fine. Suddenly it was going to be an extra $500 to have it on hold in case and another $1000 if we needed to. (We were the only reception there that day so it wasn't going to be an inconvince to anyone.) Anyway, I was more upset about the lies then the money (though that was a lot) and scrambled to find a new location and was able to (we got married on a Sunday so it was easier then a Saturday.) I lost my deposit but was happy to go to the new place "just in case." Well, the day of my wedding a tornado touched doen in Ann Arbor, we in fact did need to be married at the reception hall. They were amazing there, charged us nothing more and it was perfect.

I know you don't have a lot of options on the island but I hope that this bump is just that, a bump, and their day turns out beautiful. I know it isn't a good feeling to feel you are being taken advantage of.

I am so impressed that you remembered!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Personally I would offer no bar as I think a cash bar is tacky, but everyone is different. Does it have to be on Macinaw (sp?) Island? I know it is the bride's dream wedding, but after 23 years I can say that being married to my husband is what is important. Not the where or the how.

 

[hinodis]

Personally I would offer no bar as I think a cash bar is tacky, but everyone is different. Does it have to be on Macinaw (sp?) Island? I know it is the bride's dream wedding, but after 23 years I can say that being married to my husband is what is important. Not the where or the how.

There is definately no changing her mind. She said if its just her and DS and us it will be fine. She just wants it to be there.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I am so impressed that you remembered!

Well I grew up in Michigan so I have been and it was familiar when you spoke of it.

For our wedding we went with no bar. DH's family has a lot of alcoholism and mine does as well but in the past and now no one drinks at all. We opted to just have a bottle of champagne on each table. It was much cheaper, not sure if that is an option.

 

[disneybound31]

I agree that no alcohol would be better than a cash bar- guests might not be prepared for that and have no $ on hand and be taken by surprise- and printing it on the invite or program would be more tacky.

 

[bumbershoot]

Is it in poor taste to have a cash bar? Father of the bride is having at fit about the room rates. He actually started calling relatives and told them that it is going to be to expensive to go.

On the East coast it's generally considered to be more tacky than in many other parts of the country, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. If it's what you must do, try to find some kind way to make mention of it so that people can be prepared. My oldest friend had a cash bar but had NO indication of it until we were at the country club. Don't do THAT. We had our wedding in Oregon (we live in WA as does hubby's family...my family lives in CA and VA and FL with some friends in OR, so absolutely everyone had to travel, in some way, at least 3 hours, which we felt was fair, plus with WA's sales tax, it was nearly a 10% savings b/c OR has no sales tax LOL) on the grounds of a brewpub (it was nice, I promise), and we provided wine and beer. If people wanted a drink they could walk up to the restaurant bar and buy one. No one complained. And I don't really care if they whined about it; too many people with hard booze problems in my family for me to provide them with the vodka and whisky.

The poster who offered to be your wedding planner...honestly, thikn about taking her up on that offer! It's amazing what can be done when someone who is *not emotional* about it calls. My sis in law once called to take care of something for me, and they were groveling at her feet by the end of the call; when I would call, they would have me in tears. I would PM that Dis'er!


How many days will guests and parents be staying there? One, maybe two? $50/night extra isn't inconsequential, but if it's just one night... It's pretty rude of the FOB to be saying it's too expensive to come. Unless he was planning on paying for the rooms on his side, of course. But I bet even then, family would rather go to the wedding and pay than not go b/c the bride's father flipped out about it.

Weddings are STRESSFUL! And, sadly, the family of the groom gets a very short shrift in the whole matter. In my particular case, the whole "poofy" wedding was FOR my hubby (I wanted Vegas), but no one wanted to include him in conversations. You're going to require all of your skills of diplomacy and negotiation if your son's future in laws are that easy to fly off the handle, if you are going to continue helping out. So have the Dis'er be your quasi planner!

 

[kelly1218]

On the East coast it's generally considered to be more tacky than in many other parts of the country, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. If it's what you must do, try to find some kind way to make mention of it so that people can be prepared. My oldest friend had a cash bar but had NO indication of it until we were at the country club. Don't do THAT. We had our wedding in Oregon (we live in WA as does hubby's family...my family lives in CA and VA and FL with some friends in OR, so absolutely everyone had to travel, in some way, at least 3 hours, which we felt was fair, plus with WA's sales tax, it was nearly a 10% savings b/c OR has no sales tax LOL) on the grounds of a brewpub (it was nice, I promise), and we provided wine and beer. If people wanted a drink they could walk up to the restaurant bar and buy one. No one complained. And I don't really care if they whined about it; too many people with hard booze problems in my family for me to provide them with the vodka and whisky.

The poster who offered to be your wedding planner...honestly, thikn about taking her up on that offer! It's amazing what can be done when someone who is *not emotional* about it calls. My sis in law once called to take care of something for me, and they were groveling at her feet by the end of the call; when I would call, they would have me in tears. I would PM that Dis'er!


How many days will guests and parents be staying there? One, maybe two? $50/night extra isn't inconsequential, but if it's just one night... It's pretty rude of the FOB to be saying it's too expensive to come. Unless he was planning on paying for the rooms on his side, of course. But I bet even then, family would rather go to the wedding and pay than not go b/c the bride's father flipped out about it.

Weddings are STRESSFUL! And, sadly, the family of the groom gets a very short shrift in the whole matter. In my particular case, the whole "poofy" wedding was FOR my hubby (I wanted Vegas), but no one wanted to include him in conversations. You're going to require all of your skills of diplomacy and negotiation if your son's future in laws are that easy to fly off the handle, if you are going to continue helping out. So have the Dis'er be your quasi planner!

I totally agree with the bolded part. having a 3rd party is sometimes a total blessing!

 

[cseca]

There is definately no changing her mind. She said if its just her and DS and us it will be fine. She just wants it to be there.

Hmm... what about doing a really small wedding up in Mac and then doing a bigger reception closer to home? And at a cheaper venue of course.
That way you won't feel like you are shortening the guest list too much.

Since the B&G already know what they want to do I don't think they're going to be too upset with a smaller ceremony up north.

I'm sorry they dink around with you that way. I would be PO-ed too but I think a small ceremony and a bigger reception somewhere else would be a good compromise (plus you wouldn't be giving more $ to that darn resort who wouldn't honor their promise).

Take a deep breath... it'll all turn out great whichever way you guys decide to celebrate the wonderful day...

 

[okeydokey]

Can you do beer and wine only instead of a full bar?

 

[LuLuO]

Hmm... what about doing a really small wedding up in Mac and then doing a bigger reception closer to home? And at a cheaper venue of course.
That way you won't feel like you are shortening the guest list too much.

Since the B&G already know what they want to do I don't think they're going to be too upset with a smaller ceremony up north.

I'm sorry they dink around with you that way. I would be PO-ed too but I think a small ceremony and a bigger reception somewhere else would be a good compromise (plus you wouldn't be giving more $ to that darn resort who wouldn't honor their promise).

Take a deep breath... it'll all turn out great whichever way you guys decide to celebrate the wonderful day...

I think this sound like a great idea.

 

[hinodis]

We suggested having the reception back home and both said NO. They want it following the wedding. There is no mother of the bride and FOB has not even asked about the plans after losing the battle to have it here. He wanted her to have it the gym of his mother's church in a questionable part of town because it was free. He thought they should use the wedding money for something more practicle. One option they gave us for the alcohol was drink tickets. It would be around $800 for 120 tickets. Open bar is $1800 for the first hour and $480 for the second. It is really hard planning this thing when you really have NO idea how many people will travel. Its a 5 hour drive for most and then a ferry ride to the island. We are getting ready to send the save the dates very soon.

 

[hinodis]

OK here is their proposal. The entess do include choices like slamon and beef tenderloin so it is very nice food. I am curious to see what you guys think is a reasonable cost per person as I have not priced a wedding in years. This is a package price that includes the gazebo and recption room. The recption room is all glass with a breathtaking view of the lake.

2 Hour Rehearsal Dinner Buffet
Mixed Green Salad with Assorted dressings, Marinated Cucumber and Tomato
Salad, Cole Slaw, Sliced Watermelon
Corn on the Cob, Corn Muffins, Hot Dogs, Burgers, Brats & Assorted Vegetable Medley,
Chef’s selection of assorted desserts
Freshly brewed coffee, decaffeinated coffee and herbal teas
Assorted Soft Drinks



Day Two

Your Wedding Day
The Great Lawn Gazebo Ceremony
$750.00 (not included in F&B Threshold)


The Reception
Your choice of Two Hot Hors d’ Oeuvres
Your Choice of Two Cold Hors d’ Oeuvres
And one Display
Assorted Soft Drinks
Cash Bar Optional (not included) $75.00 Set up Fee
Drink Ticket Prices: Call Brands - $6.25, Premium Brands $6.75,
Domestic Beer $4.75, Imported Beer $5.50, Wine $6.25,
Cordials $7.75, Soft Drinks & Juice $3.50, Bottled Water $3.75


The Dinner
Your Choice of One Salad
Intermezzo
Artisan Bread with Sweet Butter
Your Choice of Entrée

Chocolate Dipped Strawberries served with your Wedding Cake Selection

 

[dunbarfamily]

The wedding is on Mackinac Island and the only other place that can come close to having the ambience this resort offers is way out of budget. This is what is making it so tough to walk away. This is the brides dream wedding we are talking about. I am still working on the negotiations with them. It has gotten really ugly over the last few days. I do think I have been a little too nice. It would be easier if I could find somewhere else on the island that was less expensive but I am struggling to find something comparable. Is it in poor taste to have a cash bar? Father of the bride is having at fit about the room rates. He actually started calling relatives and told them that it is going to be to expensive to go.

Mackinac Island is only about an hour from where we live!!

What resort, if you don't mind me asking?? Mission Point?