Wedding cake vent....... parents didn't pay!

[Claudia1]

My daughter's good friend was married today and it was a happy occasion. The couple had little time to prepare for the ceremony and had little money (he is a Marine that just returned from Iraq and they wanted to get married between orders). The bride asked me to do her cake and I told them I would do it at cost to help them. It was a joy to watch them celebrate their new life. I had asked for $100 for a 200-serving, 4 tier cake with 2 sheet cakes. That was enought to cover my costs. (I do birthday cakes for friends but not wedding cakes. I'm good but just don't want to get into the cake business. They could not afford a professional to do it and they begged me to do it. The cake turned out very well and I overhead a comment that the cake must have cost them over $500. HaHa!)

I learned today that the brides parents (divorced, in 2 households) had not provided the wedding but the groom and his family had done all but $280. The groom used much of his savings and his family did the rest. It was a simple reception but very nice and just right for the family.

During the reception, I approached the brides mother about getting reimbursed. I had learned a long time ago that she was not responsible and should have gotten the money before the cake was done, however, she never returned my calls in 4 weeks. All of my communications were with the bride and his family.

To make a long story short, she tried to get the groom's family to pay me the $100. When they could not, she told her daughter (the bride) to pay me...... during the reception!!!!

The groom came up to me and handed me a $100 bill. He was so noble and being very responsible, in his dress blues too. I was touched but could not keep his money. They will need everything they have to start their new life. I expected payment from his mother-in-law, not the new couple, and told him so.

DH agreed with me that I should not take the couple's money. The groom's family don't have the funds, so I think I will not get paid for the cake.

I did make sure to get all of my plates and pillars before I left the reception.

I'm just appalled that the bride's mom felt she could push this off. I know that she doesn't have a lot of money but she had enough to get a great outfit for herself and other things for herself. If she could not pay for it, she should have contacted me earlier.

Some people........

 

[Blueberry]

That is such a sad situation, with a young couple who are trying to get on their feet. Some people are irresponsible no matter what their age, and I doubt you will ever get your money for the cake. Maybe you could declare it on your taxes as a business loss at least. I was wondering since her folks are divorced, any chance you could get the money out of her Dad and his wife. You could even suggest you would take payments on it..just my two cents..

 

[goofypiratehunter]

Claudia,
The bride's mom sounds very irresponsible. That was a really nice thing you did though. When things like that happen to me I try to think of it as building up major karma points. Here's hoping that the world is a 'what comes arounds, goes around' place.

 

[anewvance]

You could either non chalantly send her a "bill" for the cake and see if anything comes of it. Or just consider it an extra gift and leave it at that. That is just plain rude of her not to reimburse after saying they would... and for those 2 young newlyweds to have to shell over their wedding money to pay for it, yuck.

You sound like you did a very nice thing for them... did ya take pics of it? Would love to see!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I'm sorry for you and the bride & groom.
It sounds like a very sticky situation. You were very nice to have made the cake. I'm sure the couple appreciate so much.

 

[agnes!]

That was too bad, that the bride's family or her parents wouldn't or couldn't pay for the cake. If funds were tight, maybe she could have said something along the lines of can I make payments, etc.

I'm sure the cake was beautiful and delicious - probably the best thing to do would be to think of it as your wedding present to the young couple. Because, unfortunately? I think you are probably out the money. Chalk it up to a lesson learned about the content of the mother's character and also to next time get your money in advance, even when doing someone a favor.

And God Bless this young couple as they start their new life together.
agnes!

 

[luv2nascar]

I would have given them the cake as the wedding gift instead of money.
You did the right thing.

 

[mickeyfan2]

This is rude, but I doubt she will ever pay. Threat the cake as an extra gift to the happy couple.

 

[Jillpie]

As the saying goes....oh, never mind. As a sweet cake lady, you've probably heard it a million times .

 

[KathyTX]

Just a question--- you posted that the bride asked you to do the cake. Was your agreement actually with the bride or with the bride's mother?

Sticky situation, and a very nice thing you did for the couple. But the groom did try to pay you, and I think you probably should have accepted the money from him then if you ever expect to see it.

JMHO, and I really don't know what I might have done in your shoes...

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Did the bride's mother or parent's ever agree to pay for the cake or ask for the cake? If it was the bride asking, I would think that it would be their responsibility to pay unless it's it was agreed that someone else would pay.

It sounds like the bride and groom are barely able to make it financially, which I can identify with, since we were in that situation when we got married (almost 24 years ago). Looking back, we probably should have waited to get married until we could have better afforded it, but it's a little late to change that now.

Hopefully someone will pay you, either now or sometime in the future. Otherwise, like others have said, I guess it will be an extra gift. Bummer for you, though.

 

[Beth76]

You said the bride ordered the cake, so I see no reason that you didn't need to take thier money. But since you didn't want to take money from them, it sounds like you are out that money. I would consider it a gift and forget about contacting the mother. Just because a couple is getting married doesn't mean that their parents automatically pay for everything.

 

[disykat]

I'm glad I wasn't the first to say it. The bride ordered the cake, so while it would have been nice, it doesn't seem to me it was her parent's responsibility to pay for it.

I guess that's because I think anything parents pay towards a wedding is a gift - not a responsibility.

I certainly agree that it is very sad if the mom offered to buy the wedding cake and then didn't follow through.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

I'm glad I wasn't the first to say it. The bride ordered the cake, so while it would have been nice, it doesn't seem to me it was her parent's responsibility to pay for it.

I guess that's because I think anything parents pay towards a wedding is a gift - not a responsibility.

I certainly agree that it is very sad if the mom offered to buy the wedding cake and then didn't follow through.

I was thinking the same thing. I couldn't figure out how the mom was responsible for the cake if the bride asked for it. However, if the mom offered to buy it and didn't follow through then that is a different scenario.

I am not sure that I would have even brought up being paid for the cake that day. I think it would have been easier to just give the cake as your gift.

I do want to say though that people who can create things like that even if you aren't a professional have my utmost respect and I too would love to see pictures of the cake.

 

[MsDisney23]

I am so sorry that this happen! Sounds like your cake was beautiful. I think that after calling for 4 weeks with no return phone calls, I would have spoken with the bride before baking the cake. I guess now at this point you might just have to let it go. You did do a good thing by not taking the money from the young couple. Remember when you do something good, it will come back to you!

 

[Claudia1]

I realized about a week ago that this would become a sticky situation but decided to do the cake anyway as a personal favor.

The young bride still lived at home and the agreement was for the mom to pay. I saw the mom while I was setting up the cake and she avoided my attenpts to talk about it. Since she had never returned my calls in the previous month, I decided to catch her near the end of the reception. I knew that she would never respond after it was all over.

As I reread my post, I don't think I articulated my thoughts very clearly. I am upset with the bride's mom for not paying as agreed and especially for dropping this on the new couple during their reception. I had previously decided that I would not take money from the couple, even if it meant that I would not get paid. The whole thing was a favor anyway.

A couple of years ago, the bride was at our home getting ready for prom with our DD. I ended up paying for her hairdo and she wore some of my DD's things because her mom did not provide what she said she would do.

The bride is a neat gal and I was/am glad to help her.

 

[Sleepy]

A couple of years ago, the bride was at our home getting ready for prom with our DD. I ended up paying for her hairdo and she wore some of my DD's things because her mom did not provide what she said she would do.

Sounds like the bride already was aware of Mom's lack of participation and unwillingness/inability to pay for the usual things that go along with a special occassion. I knew my parents could not afford a wedding for me and I also knew my husband's parents could not afford either. We had a wedding we could afford to pay ourselves. (hubby is in the Navy). No cake, no fancy dress, only 3 guests. The point is, you plan a special occassion based on what you know you can afford and on the history of those who offer their assistance.
I would never approach a person to make a cake at cost not knowing if the person who agreed to pay it would ever cough up the money. Sounds like the bride had a clue already that it might not be paid for. Personally, I would have only gone after the person who agreed to pay for the cake (mom) and never would have approached the bride and groom on their wedding day about a business deal gone bad. (JMO)

 

[Lisa F]

You still didn't say that you made an agreement with the mother herself to pay for the cake, just that the bride lived at home and "there was an agreement." It sounds to me by the way you phrased it that the bride said "my mom will pay for the cake" and you took her at her word. Also if these people are so poor that they can't afford $100 for a cake, what are they doing throwing a wedding for 200 people? $100 is not all that much money nowadays but if things are THAT tight that the $100 would have to be wrung out of the budget of both sets of parents or the bride and groom themselves, why are they throwing such a large wedding? Something more modest would have been more appropriate. The groom even tried to pay for the cake and you refused, which means that you just gave the couple a very nice gift. It won't help your checkbook but it will rack up lots of good karma.

Maybe it's because I've always been very independent (paid for own college education, paid for own wedding) that I don't "get" the expectation that parents are going to pay for these things. It's one thing if your parents offer and you accept (and my parents did offer to pay for certain things in our wedding) but I would never just assume that to be the case.

 

[Daxx]

I have not read any of the other posts, but if it were me, I think I'd send a sweet note stating that the wedding cake was your wedding gift to them and hope it helped make their wedding extra special.

I think you're a very kind person for not taking the $100 from the groom. He prob. went through the gift envelopes in hopes of finding $100 in cash.

Obviously, you could see that this couple needed the money more than anything and that is very admirable of you!!!!

While it sucks to lose out on $100, in the grand scheme of things, they will remember your kindness forever. And, good Karma for you!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

This is precisely why I made sure everyone was paid BEFORE our wedding.