We are survivors of a mass shooting and have a question about Disney

[HeidiGW]

Just wow. Great trip planned. And, I am so sorry for the horrific experience your family had to endure.
I think it is absolutely the right call to get out and about asap. Disney is the perfect place for it, too.
I have always had a very safe feeling at WDW. So many friendly castmembers, cameras, good transportation, most of the guests are great....It has been a place where all three of my older children have had the opportunity to spread their wings, so to speak. I really think age 12-13 nowadays is the age to develop a sense of confidence navigating in public. I know 18-years-old who go to college and are somewhat fearful given that they have almost never been anywhere without their parents. Given your special emotional circumstances, I think it is necessary.
Especially considering your son knows his way around the parks, I believe they will be OK. Slap on some sunscreen, make sure the phones are charged, go in and turn them loose.
I don't think you mentioned if you are on any sort of DDP, if so make sure they understand what they can/should do with it for meals and snacks. I would let them have charging priviliages (obviously, within reason/set amount/number of items/whatever). I know a lot of folks do the gift cards, but imnsho it is just one more thing they can lose. Their phones and shades/hats are more than enough to keep track of....the magic bands are so great, might as well use them!
And, I would let them eat a few meals on their own, too. Or at least order and meet them when they are seated. This is from experience where I have failed. I have 17 and 19-year-olds who can fly across the country solo, but hate ordering their own food. Like are afraid to talk to the cashier...Weird. (The other two, one older and one significantly younger, have no issues.)
We went with friends when our now 26-year old was 15 and the other teens were 14 & 13. With a little hesitation, we let them leave MK and go to EP solo. They didn't want to eat dinner at the castle with us. Nuts, I know. No cell phones for the kids then. They had a blast eating around WS, etc. The dads went and "picked them up" at midnight and did EMH Soarin and TT, getting back 1:30 am. Of all the fun things we have ever done, those now-adults STILL talk about that night as the best night ever.
Please post about your trip when you get back. Wishing you the best, and hope you get some pixie dust!!!

 

[Nancyg56]

I am so very sorry for your ordeal and pray that all of you continue to heal.

I am a nana to a 15 yo and remember 12 and 13 well. I honestly believe that young people do not get enough credit for recognizing when they need continuous supervision and when they do not. Couple that with the horror your son endured, I think that allowing and encouraging independent time is a great idea. I would stay in the same park or general vicinity, but would absolutely allow the boys some time away from you.

My DD has "find my phone" on dgd phone which gives them both the ability to allow freedom. Dgd knows what and where she is allowed and has never violated the trust. You know your son and have made provisions do he and you can remain in contact so I would be comfortable.

I go hope this trip is another step in your family healing process.

 

[Dakota731]

We did it with our kids the ages of yours in the same park, and they thought they were hot stuff lol. We always met them for lunch and dinner just to talk about their exciting day and catch up.

 

[my2lovedisney]

I am so sorry to hear that you were a part of that horrific event. I pray that you and your family continue to heal and can have a wonderful and relaxing trip to WDW.

My children are still young so I have zero experience. However, at that age my parents would've let me go on my own. Of course now times have changed. You explained the boys are mature and respectful. Seeing as this is the case, if I were you, I'd start small..give them 2-3 hours and a meet up spot. Meet at a specific ride or for lunch or dinner. If all goes well, then I'd gradually add the time.

Have a wonderful trip.

 

[kboo]

At those ages, and with cell phones, if you are ok with them being on their own, I think they'll be fine.

I know it's hard to let go after surviving something so horrific. My husband is a 9/11 first responder/survivor (he was technically there before first response because he was already there working as part of his regular patrol), and he still doesn't like flying, but does.The Ft. Lauderdale shooting brought out some lingering PTSD issues for him, and he considered driving on our next Disney trip because of it. I always tell him that he already survived the worst, nothing else could possibly happen, and life has to go on. I hope your trip helps put this behind you a great deal more.

I'm also a 9/11 survivor, and although I was not as close as either the OP or IrishNYC's husband - I just wanted to say that my heart is with you, and I hope your vacation is healing. I would add that even 16 years later, unexpected things can trigger me, I still have a hard time talking about that day, and so I would suggest that no matter what you decide or plan, go easy on yourselves and allow yourselves to change your minds on the day of, whether it be more or less permissive. I agree with other posters, to start small, and have frequent check ins.

I hope you make some wonderful and healing memories. xo

 

[Iowajes]

I didn't go through anything as horrific as you, but as a PTSD sufferer with horrible anxiety, I wouldn't be able to just let them go like a normal parent could. (I think their age are perfectly reasonable though, especially with a cell phone!)
I think I would want to do a few steps first. Maybe go on the same ride, but let them enter the ride 2 families ahead of you, and promise to pretend you don't know them. Or go to the same show, but have them sit away from you. Then, if that goes well, let them go on a ride while you wait outside of it. Then, allow them freedom with a check in scheduled after a short period of time and a boundary restriction like "this land". If none of these things are triggering, they can have longer check in times within the park.

 

[scrapquitler]

Hello
Let me get this out of the way. My wife, son and I are survivors of the mass shooting at the Ft. Lauderdale airport this past January. We are very lucky to be alive. It obviously ruined our cruise and we have had many sleepless nights..

However..

We are dong really good now and decided to try our luck driving to Disney at the end of the month. We are long time Disney fans and know the parks well. We decided to spend a small fortune this go around and are spending 4 nights at the Hard Rock Hotel Univerasal and 9 night in a 2 bedroom Beach Club Villa. Good choices? Never stayed at either. Usually we stay at the Poly or Contemporary. A few times at the Boardwalk.

My son was shot at on his 12th birthday so this time we decided to bring his buddy (age 13) with us to make it a memorable visit. My question is this.. the boys want some freedom (understandable) but we are a little skittish. What is a good age to let them explore on their own a bit (Im thinking within park). I trust this wont turn into some horrible flame fest as it is a genuine inquiry as to thoughts. We need a good vacation here. We aren't demanding people. We are very go with the flow (I hate hate hate having to book restaurant reservations so far in advance). Anyway...thoughts from y'all?

You know your child and his friend better than we do. If you are comfortable with it, I don't see why there's a reason to not give them a bit of freedom in the park.

 

[Kerriowl]

Okay, here is something that I haven't seen mentioned. Keep in mind that you don't know exactly how you are going to react when you allow the boys to have an hour or two. I would explain to them that you are trying to give them some freedom, but that you don't know how it is going to go on your end. I would let them know that it is a possibility that the first separation might not go well, and that it might not be there fault.

 

[katyjeka]

We live in a beautiful area of Western Pa, less than twenty miles from Shanksville. We were in our car as the plane descended and it was very obvious that the plane was too low. I pulled off in shock, not quite knowing what to do. I was on my way to pick up our oldest who was in first grade at the time and had our second oldest in the car with me. She was a baby and thankfully had no idea what was happening. I will never forget the sight of the plane or how close it was to our friends and families homes. It took awhile for me to "recover" from that day but time does work magic..The best advice I was given is to treasure every second and live with no regrets. We as a family have decided to do just this. We have traveled a lot since then as we are trying to teach our girls to not live in fear. We actually visited cities this past December that have been getting a lot of bad publicity.(on purpose)We fell in love with St. Louis, Chicago, and Detroit. It was a fun two weeks, everyone we met made us feel so welcome. As a matter of fact St. Louis is one of our favorite places we have ever been. Disneyworld is a great place to recharge. Surrounding your family in such a happy place is a great way to heal. I can't answer the question about your child on his own as each kid is so different.(We could let our oldest go anywhere and we wouldn't trust our second to go across the street!!!) My only advice which I'm sure you don't need is to have an emergency plan just in case. A very convenient meeting place. Have a great trip your family has earned it!!!!

 

[rdesear]

I want to thank everyone for their kind suggestions. All very helpful. Sometimes a kind word or two is all that is needed. One week to go!

 

[jo-jo]

I may be overreacting but remember the great movie ride at DHS has some bad guys shooting scenes. I don't know if the kids might have a problem with that part.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

I want to thank everyone for their kind suggestions. All very helpful. Sometimes a kind word or two is all that is needed. One week to go!

have a great and safe trip

 

[dmea10]

Both boys have cell phones FYI and are great kids. Respectful of others and very kind. Also I just wanted to say I don't use the term "survivors of mass shootings" lightly. Everyone in a circle around us died. Everyone. God watched over us that day. The ironic part is I cancelled our original vacation In early December as I run a major hospitality destination in a major resort town that had massive wildfires the previous month. So it was a really bad few months for us and I think we can be forgiven for being a bit skittish!

I was going to say as long as they are behaved and not acting up in lines and annoying other guests I say go for it. My son brought a friend at that age and we split up in the parks one day and another day they wanted to go to Blizzard Beach and we went to another park. We met them back at the hotel and they were fine. My son had been to WDW 20 times at that point so he knew his way around. So sorry to hear about your experience. I hope this trip brings many happy memories and healing.

 

[JeanfromBNA]

You picked two great resorts; we've stayed at both. They each have a great combination of laid-back and active pursuits to suit your moods or needs, as well as a plethora of dining options.

 

[katie111]

So sorry you went through this. I would have an idea in mind of what you are going to allow them to do but you may not even need it. We just went to Universal/SW/and Busch Gardens with our 3 kids, ages 10, 13 & 14. We don't always get along that great but honestly, the kids never asked once if they could leave us and go off on their own. I probably would have been fine with it but it just never came up. They did go down to the pool a few times on their own but that was about it. Especially after what your son went through, he may get there and just want to keep you close. Honestly, I would have been bummed if they left us as my DH doesn't like theme parks all that much & I love going on all the thrill rides with the kids.

Not sure how well you know the other friend, but I would probably tell them that on the first day they need to stay with you just to get the lay of the land. You could give them a small amount of freedom that day and then gradually increase it. MY kids have friends that I thought were great but once I spent a lot of time with them (particularly on trips) sometimes you see another side of kids. One of my DD"s friends (who I really liked & trusted) told my DD that they didn't need to meet us when were traveling one time. It caused a big mess as my cell phone was dead and it took a really long time to track them down. I was furious and my DS backed up my DD's version of what happened. I was really surprised by her friend & they lost a lot of freedom for the rest of the trip.

Your hotel choices are great, I've stayed at both. Boys are the perfect age for Universal. Have a great trip!

 

[rdesear]

I suppose I havent picked the best screen names for anonymity. It kind of defaulted to my last name!