After that I went home and did three trial suitcase packs to get my PR time down for the Contemporary day, refreshed fastpasses just in case and sang “It’s a Small World” to the cats, which seems to make them *RECORD SCRATCHES*
*TV TURNS TO SNOW, THEN A SUITED MAN STANDING IN FRONT OF A ROOM AT THE HYATT PLACE APPEARS*
*LIGHTNING CRASHES DRAMATICALLY*
"Orlando, July 2019. Amidst the glitz and the glitter of a bustling theme park town at the height of its golden age, the Hyatt Place was a perfectly acceptable hotel one dollar under government per diem. Now, something is about to happen that will definitely not change that at all."
*A MAN IN CHEAP BLACK SHOES PASSES THROUGH THE DOOR, TRIPS, LANDS ON THE BED FULLY CLOTHED, AND BEGINS SNORING*
"The time is now, on an evening very much like the one we have just witnessed. Tonight's story on The Husband Zone is somewhat unique and calls for a different kind of introduction. This, as you may recognize, is a GMC Terrain, still in operation, waiting for you. We invite you, if you dare, to step aboard because in tonight's post, Hubby is the star. And this mediocre SUV travels directly to . . . The Husband Zone."
With all apologies and complements to Wifey’s storytelling skill, I’m going to borrow the mic for a few minutes, as over the next couple days after she left I decided to have as much fun as I could at Disney without a park ticket or resort stay or… family. This post originally had pictures, but the spam filter requires 10 posts for picture posting. So just imagine every paragraph is accompanied by a grainy, out of focus gem and you'll get the intended experience.
The first day after our AK DAH, I decided to do what we lovingly refer to as an “expense account relief day”. By going low cost on one day, you can even out peaks on other days and make your overall expense report look less obscene. With hotel breakfast, conference-provided lunch, and tacos for dinner, I was ready for some Signature Dining later on. The late night and early morning made the bed look incredibly inviting. I like Hyatt Places. It’s a newer chain so the rooms are less beat up, breakfast is free to rewards members, and you can funnel your points to American Airlines for maximum efficiency. Definitely worth a look if you’re staying off site.
After my conference concluded on the following day, I was ready for my big night out. I transferred to the LBV Hyatt Place and got ready for a night on one of my favorite places ever, Crescent Lake.
If you’ve ever had breakfast coffee in your resort mug, bought that Yacht Club scented candle, or used you
MNSSHP trick or treat bag to carry your lunch in everyday( that’s not weird, right? Right? Anyone?) you know theres a certain joy in nostalgia. Our previous stay at BWV was one of the best times I’ve had with my family, and “late” night on Crescent Lake was my time to decompress and reflect while everyone else slept. Just being back and hearing the Friendships honking put a huge smile on my face.
I had a 5:30 ADR at Flying Fish, and after parking free in the Boardwalk lot by showing my reservation, walked through the front door exactly one minute late. If it is possible to be fashionably late in wrinkled khakis and a polo with only small holes in it, I had nailed it. I was shown to a corner table with great positioning for some discreet people/theming watching. Flying Fish is a wonderful space with all the little design extras you would expect from a signature restaurant. The blue marble reminiscent of water, the crystal school of fish hanging from the ceiling. I especially liked that the silverware were shaped as fish, that put the experience over the top for me.
Having checked a couple blogs for recommendations, I was excited to see that the Blood Orange Margarita was on the paper menu despite being absent on the Disney website. I’m one of those guys who hates to order off menu. This drink is out of this world and nothing like the pre-prepared BOMs I’ve had elsewhere on property. I didn’t see it made but I’m sure the juice was fresh. Between that and the warm seaweed bread and salted butter I was happy as a clam. At least, one not being prepared next door in the kitchen.
My server was awesome, giving me time to savor the bread and drink, but stopping by frequently to make small talk since I was alone. I know she had plenty of tables to attend to so that little extra was really appreciated by me. I heard it said that if you had a really great experience at Disney, its because a CM went above and beyond what they were required for you, and I think that’s quite true.
I had the Filet Mignon for an entrée and it was cooked and prepared perfectly. The risotto was on spot and the asparagus was… asparagus. I ate every morsel without a single regret. I take that back. I regret not licking the plate. So it goes.
At this point I was at the Rubicon. I should stop here. Dessert would be a mistake. I was full. I was at my expense limit. I was going to stop. Definitely walking away. So much to do, so little time. Then I saw the chocolate-hazelnut “Cocoa Breach” cake, and that was that. Willpower destroyed. There’s a bit of a show to this dish. I was warned by the server to take a video. However, I was once told life looks better if you’re not seeing it from behind a viewfinder, so I opted not to. This was a huge mistake. The desert has a hollow middle covered by a hard chocolate “roof”. They pour warm chocolate over the item and it melts into a pool. It was a fun experience only rivaled by the taste, which I do not have adequate words to describe. I will anyway. It was rich, creamy and the hot sauce contrasted the cold cake. I couldn’t finish it, so its definitely perfect for two or three or seven. Probably seven.
The server asked how I liked everything and noted that was their most popular drink, entrée and dessert. I gushed and started apologizing that I would be paying with a variety of credit and gift cards. I wrote it all out, explaining slowly and she laughed saying: “Don’t worry, we know all about per diem here.” Right. Convention resort. Oops.
Dining alone can be hard, especially if you’re used to hyper-talkative kids and a smart, funny wife. I’ve gotten used to it over years of business travel, but even then I find myself occasionally returning from the restroom disappointed to find an empty second chair.. But enough of that Meloncollie business. We’ve got explosions to talk about.
My next goal was one more Illuminations from the International Gateway bridge. A quick word about fireworks. If you ask my father what his favorite holiday is, he will begrudgingly say Christmas. This is a lie. Its really the 4th of July, and the reason is fireworks. As a child, my father would list out a schedule of every fireworks display in our area and plan out how to see as many as possible. To say I inherited this gene is an understatement. I love fireworks, and Disney does great spectaculars. Illuminations will always hold a special place in my heart. Over 600 shells, so much show, pyro and great music. Its one of the best.. I was not missing this.
After a quick jaunt around Crescent Lake and a change into shorts in the Boardwalk bathroom, I was ready for a nighttime spectacular. I had forgotten a bag for my pants, so I just carried them under my arm the rest of the night. Not weird at all. If you position yourself just right on the bridge, you can see all the aerials and a bit of the show. The music carries really well. A wonderful nightcap, and where I thought my adventure would end.
I was still feeling uncomfortably full so I decided to walk down to HS to burn a few calories and see the skyliner station. By the time I hit the overpass at a slow mosey, I was astounded to see Star Wars fireworks over the Chinese Theater! If I had bothered to look at the times on the website, I would have seen that HS was open late that night and the fireworks were going off late to match. This was a really nice vantage point. The distance put the pyro in perspective and the way it lit up the park like daytime was fun to watch from further back. On the way home, the heavens opened up in the kind of momentary deluge you can only get in Florida in July. Fully soaked, I balanced my pants on head as a poncho and made my way back to the Terrain. A great night, complete.
The next morning was my getaway day. I had a 5PM flight scheduled and pre-check, so still plenty of time to play. After an unremarkable breakfast and checking out of my hotel I moved on to my first stop: The Character Warehouse, A.K.A. the Outlet. For those unfamiliar, Disney operates two stores to liquidate park merchandise (not
Disney store merchandise) in Outlet strip malls at Vineland and International Drive. I went to the Vineland shop since it was much larger. All the bad ideas and stuff they couldn’t sell wind up here. Hanukkah items in July? Got you covered. Last year’s
Disney Cruise line merch? Absolutely. FoP apparel in sizes that fit kids too short to ride? Racks of it. There are a few gems, but mostly this is for the giggles. And giggle I did. I didn’t wind up buying anything, but did look hard at a lightsaber blueprint mug and Trials of the Temple nametags for the kids before glancing at the e-ticket level checkout line and pulling the eject lever. If you have some time to kill on a non-park day, its worth the ride or Uber. Also the gas station next door is selling unleaded for $6.99 a gallon, so that’s fun to watch too. Some of my favorite items included: light-up avatar banshee flip-flops in adult sizes, a shirt that says “Simba, I am your uncle!” (Why?!), Letter magnets in such popular name starters as X, Q, Z, and J (unlike wheel of fortune, you couldn’t even buy a vowel). There was a Galaxy’s Edge shirt, but it was so thin as to be see through. My assumption is it was a bad run.
My final stop was Disney Springs. I’m more of a buyer than a shopper, so I did my engineer thing for about an hour watching construction at the NBA experience, Cirque, and enjoying random theming bits and balloon launches. After a bit more wandering I shuffled over to my ultimate target, the Boathouse. At 12:30, the place was surprisingly dead so I moved out to the dockside bar which I highly recommend. This gives a great view of the Amphibicars launching and returning, the balloon, the water taxis, and with a great bartending staff and TVs if that’s more your speed. I had my eyes on the Filet sliders, and they did not disappoint. The Boathouse is a Gibson property, which is a fairly impressive Chicago steak chain. It was probably a travesty to put the cuts of meat I got in a sandwich, they were so tender and delicious. The roll was grilled and buttered, just perfect. Coupled with fresh cut fries, it was the ideal amount of food for one hungry dude.
The bartender gave us a wink wink nod nod piece of trivia that there is no gate lock at the OKW pool, which is reachable by boat. I had no intention of trying it, but thought a short jungle cruise might be fun. I took the slow boat out past Saratoga Springs and got off at OKW. We passed the golf course, the treehouses, and some other nice sights. After a couple stressful days of being on my A game for work, it was a relaxing voyage. My kids were very disappointed I did not see a single crocodile. The captain looked mildly suspicious to see me on the immediate return voyage, but kept to himself.
At that point, it was time to get a little something for the kids (Pins! Cinderella Legos! Please don’t hate me for going to Disney without you!), the Wifey (Chocolate!), and the cats (haha forget that, they never get me anything anyway). The weather was looking ready for a mid-afternoon shower, so I asked the
Lego Store CM if she could double bag the girls legos. She replied that she always does, just in case. Disney difference, it’s a small thing but made me happy. I enjoyed a little live music before the skies opened up, and then an abandoned kiosk roof when it eventually did. When the rain let up it was time to head back to the car for my flight.
And that’s where this story should end. I should be jumping on a flight and home by 8PM. Hoo Boy, did that not happen. As I pulled onto the MCO exit, the American Airlines App informed me my flight was cancelled, and I was automatically rebooked for 11:48 AM tomorrow. Now, there are a lot of things I wish I could say I did at that point. I have some regrets. I wish I had put the Terrain up on two tires and hung a U-turn Lights, Motors, Action!-style, booked a room, and an after five ticket to Epcot. I wish I had driven to Tampa to get on a 5PM flight. I wish I had cancelled and grabbed the last seat on the Frontier flight. In addition to my flight, a Washington flight was also cancelled. There was weather, and the flight crews were out of time on their safety clocks. What I did do, was book a flight to La Guardia (NYC) that would get me in bed by midnight-ish after a decent drive. This is what’s generally referred to in the sporting community as a “bad call”. Long story short, that flight was also delayed, and at 1:30AM I was still trying to get to the LGA
Avis lot while the shuttle languished in bumper to bumper traffic. At 1:30 AM. The city that never sleeps is not just some slogan.
At that point, the Subaru Legacy I was supposed to get was long gone. I noticed my paperwork listed the rented category as “Cool cars”, so as I walked out to the lot, I was cautiously optimistic this day might end on a good note. What met me was an overwhelmingly red Dodge Charger with a V-8 Hemi. I wish I had someone to high five at that point, because that level of Detroit muscle is right up my alley. It also had a cracked bumper, which is why I was getting it on a one way rental (repair is now someone else’s problem, in LGA’s mind). I was saddened, but not surprised, to see reports of a blackout the next day in NYC, as I had taken their Charger.
And that is the story of how I broke the land speed record on the NJ Turnpike, and finally hit my bed at 3:30AM. Thanks goodness the kids were still out of town!
So now I return the Microphone to my much more entertaining wife so she can relate our awesome August trip, with all apologies for hijacking her thread. I hope you enjoyed my little intermission.
I do not have that problem. The minute I shut that door behind me, it's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
