WBRepo-Ship of Thieves-Remember the Magic Pt6

[edna mode]

Here is what the school counselor can do:

If it is a public school: The counselor can council your daughter about how she feels. They will bring the other child in and sit her down with a group of people and confront her. They will ask her if she has been hurt by her parent and would she like them to call the police and turn her in.

The child will 99% of the time say NO. This is exactly what happened to me 30 years ago and they still do it this way today because of the laws.

If it is a private school: The counselor will counsel your daughter and the other daughter. They will give her an option of outside help and will confront the parent about the claim. They will offer the parent counseling if it is a high end school.

Unfortunately, because I can guarantee that this is not a one time issue, if you talk to her without being specific she won't read between the lines because she feels no guilt about what she does. She calls it behavior and discipline. She probably does not realize that her striking her child is about her own stress. You'll need to be specific about how it affects you and your family other wise it will happen again.

I failed to mention that you need to have a talk with your kids about your choices of parenting verses others. While I was typing earlier, Zoe came in and asked what I was doing and we talked about how some parents get angry and spank kids and others talk about it and teach a lesson. She was shocked that parents would spank their kids and didn't know what spanking was. "what is a spanking mom?"

 

[edna mode]

Anyone who wants something fun to watch today. The soapnetwork is running Dirty Sexy Money marathon today. The new season begins next week.

 

[HollyTyler]

Anyone who wants something fun to watch today. The soapnetwork is running Dirty Sexy Money marathon today. The new season begins next week.

I've never seen that show. I'm just really bummed about not knowing Survivor started last night! There are only 3 shows I absolutely MUST watch: Survivor, Lost and Desparate Housewives, so I'm MAD about not knowing! I only found out just now when I went to cbs.com to find out when it starts because I figured it would be soon. GOOD news though, it says tonight at 8pm they're going to show both episode 1 and 2!

 

[scottishwee35]

Kelly, as always, we're all so lucky to have you around!

Agreed

OH Kelly you are GREAT and I worry about the kids and I pray that they are okay. Sound not right.

It's the same over here Deborah. Very scary.

Houses take at least 2 years to sell, some 3. It took Tyler's stepmom's previous house 3 years to sell. If I'd seen it before I bought my current house, I would have bought it. It's very cute, in a good area, same size, and sold for only 1/2 the price of mine (which was very low priced too).

There's a very cute house that I've fallen in love with just under a mile away from my house, it's been for sale for 2 years and they have an open house every Sunday. I really want to look at the inside and see if it's been re-done as much as the outside. The house has all new siding and windows and doors, new roof, new privacy fence all around the back yard. Of course I couldn't buy it because my own house won't sell since nobody's able to sell right now, but I just want to take a peek.

Holly

Very tempt but please dont go

because it might make you want it

and you cannot afford itand make you feel sad.

Just looking outside but dont go in.

Scottishwee35

 

[HollyTyler]

Agreed

OH Kelly you are GREAT and I worry about the kids and I pray that they are okay. Sound not right.



Holly

Very tempt but please dont go

because it might make you want it

and you cannot afford itand make you feel sad.

Just looking outside but dont go in.

Scottishwee35

No worries, Tyler and I both want to stay in our house forever. I'm just always curious about how houses are fixed up to sell. I like seeing if there are any ideas I can use at my house. That's it. I couldn't buy right now anyway, we're too happy where we are. And our neighborhood is very nice and quiet. I'd never give that up.

 

[HollyTyler]

This was a very exhausting week. I'm headed off for a nap. But since it's a beautiful day today, I plan on taking Tyler to the park after I pick him up (of course we'll have to stop home for a quick dinner first). I'll get rested up now so I can play too!

 

[TammyAlphabet]

Kelly,

Thanks so much for your response. I will definitely talk to my neighbor, as I hope this will not happen again. It really scared my daughter. But, she hasn't mentioned it today at all and that the neighbor girl has not been over. The worse part is that I have heard he say that her Dad has hit her too.

 

[BubbaGrump]

Kelly,

Thanks so much for your response. I will definitely talk to my neighbor, as I hope this will not happen again. It really scared my daughter. But, she hasn't mentioned it today at all and that the neighbor girl has not been over. The worse part is that I have heard he say that her Dad has hit her too.

I usually stay out of this stuff, but i cant this time. Hitting is NEVER NEVER aceptable. If you dont at least say something to somebody of authority, you will feel terrible if and when something worse happens to this girl! Iwas always the one who stepped up when I wittnessed bullying in school,and even out in public a couple of times. The only "fights" I have ever been in were the result of protecting someone I didnt even know, and I NEVER hit anyone first!. I absolutly cannot stand violence of any kind upon another being, this includes animals!!! CALL SOMEONE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!As is the popular saying on these boards....this is JMHO!!!

 

[BubbaGrump]

On a very sad note....Rest in peace Paul Newman!!!! You were a h e l l of a good race car driver!!!! You will be missed!!!!

 

[Tink rules]

We're off to see the Disers......da dum da dum da da

Because Because Because.......Because of the wonderful friends they are.

I'm sooooooooooo excited! I'm about to head out the door and go get my hugs from Lisa and Darrell and Monica. Then we'll take on Epcot and all the food and wine.......should be a great day.......pictures to follow.

I am GREEN with envy!!! Enjoy!!! Post pictures!!!

Holly and Deb,

Thanks for the replies. In a situation like this, I am worried that i am doing too much as well as worried that i am doing too little.

Tammy... I think you have gotten some very good advice here... I hope things work out ok...

 

[Tink rules]

On a very sad note....Rest in peace Paul Newman!!!! You were a h e l l of a good race car driver!!!! You will be missed!!!!

Yeah.. and he made really good salad dressing...

He will be missed... I think it's time to go and see how many movies I have that I can watch this weekend...

Still cold Bubba... Any advice? I know... move out of the north!!!

 

[BubbaGrump]

Yeah.. and he made really good salad dressing...

He will be missed... I think it's time to go and see how many movies I have that I can watch this weekend...

Still cold Bubba... Any advice? I know... move out of the north!!!

As is my answer for everything it seems........a couple of shots will warm you up!!!! And I think its a nice cool mid 70 degree day here today.

 

[edna mode]

I usually stay out of this stuff, but i cant this time. Hitting is NEVER NEVER aceptable. If you dont at least say something to somebody of authority, you will feel terrible if and when something worse happens to this girl! Iwas always the one who stepped up when I wittnessed bullying in school,and even out in public a couple of times. The only "fights" I have ever been in were the result of protecting someone I didnt even know, and I NEVER hit anyone first!. I absolutly cannot stand violence of any kind upon another being, this includes animals!!! CALL SOMEONE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!As is the popular saying on these boards....this is JMHO!!!

On a very sad note....Rest in peace Paul Newman!!!! You were a h e l l of a good race car driver!!!! You will be missed!!!!

Bubba, you and Paul ... you da men! Jonathan gives you one of these

 

[Tink rules]

I totally agree Kelly!!!

 

[iankh]

I sure hope you guys can give me some advice. Yesterday, my daughter (10 years old) was playing at the neighbor's house. She and the neighbor girl are close to the same age, and sometimes play together very well, sometimes they fight.

Well, yesterday my daughter comes home crying. She said that the friend was running down the hall of her house and bumped into her little sister and the little sister started crying. The mom jumped up and called the friend a "b" word, (that is what my daughter said), and proceeded to hit her twice strong enough to knock her head on the wall behind her.

The mom told my daughter to go home. She ran home, and cried for quite a while. She was worried that the mom would crack the girls head open or hurt her. And she was a bit traumatized by the whole thing. She wanted me to call Child services and report it. I did not see what happened. Although, this is not the first time that my daughter has seen hitting in their house.

She was upset for over half an hour, crying and yelling, because it made her so mad. I didn't know what to say. I didn't witness anything and I don't think that child services would pay much attention to a 10 year old. But, I did tell her to discuss it with her counselor at school, I thought she needs to discuss this with a professional as it was disturbing to her.

I don't want to start a war with my neighbor. She has been good to me and helped me with my daughter after my husband died and I believe is, basically, a good person. I believe that she just went over the edge and snapped. The other occurrences were not quite like this one. I never seen her hit her kids or use bad words around them.

I would like to think that she really feels bad about it and would never do something like this again, because she has always been so good to the kids. Taking them out to do fun things, throwing big birthday parties, and generally spoiling them. I just don't know how to proceed.

I guess I am just looking to people that I know can be objective and that I trust to have good sense for some advice. Thanks for listening....

Tammy this subject is one of my final selections for my dissertation. It is something I've studied extensively and mildly discuss in my parent meetings.

A parent who raises their hand to a child has lost control of their emotions. A parent who strikes a child in the head out of anger is a parent who began at the butt, moved up the body to the arms and back and advanced over the years to the head. It is a parent who doesn't know how else to react as it is a reactive behavior, not a proactive behavior. It is a parent who lacks communication skills.

So, what do you do? Tell her you want to have coffee immediately. Tell her the truth without making excuses. "My daughter came home really scared after she saw you hit your daughter in the head and into the wall." She will insert her excuse here. Continue you with how it makes you feel without accepting her excuse. "I'm really uncomfortable with this..... but, I'm worried about it and wanted to talk to you." "I don't want you to lose your children and in many places people will take your kids away from you when they find any hitting going on in the home." "maybe in the future when you feel anger rising up you can practice taking a deep breath and finding another way to talk to your kids."

She will make excuses and act like it is a one time event and that she was having a bad day and over-reacted. She may tell you it is none of your business how she parents. Say that you understand and that you were worried because your daughter was so very, very scared. Offer her any help when she is having a bad day as she helped you when you had a bad day.

Leave it at that. You have put her on notice. I'm not saying this will be easy, it may be one of the harder things you have gone through with a neighbor (and you've already leaped some serious hurdles!) But, it will make her think and she won't do it in front of your child again or anyone else who can see her. She will continue to beat her children and it will scar her children for the rest of their lives. It will change who they are as people and as parents themselves. They will probably go on to hit others as well. Hitting comes from a legacy of hitting.

My family beat me severely and always told me I was lucky that it wasn't their parents doing it with a belt. It was always violent and out of control. We now know with science that parents who hit cause damage they can't even begin to understand in the name of "discipline." Children go on to experience lives of drug abuse, violence, hurting themselves, abusive relationships, weight issues and overall unhealthy lifestyles and choices.

We have the opportunity to change our legacy of hitters and spankers. There are so many other ways to discipline that actually teach a lesson instead of making the child fear the parent, which results in hate and lack of communication for the rest of their lives. many adults I talk to will say, "but it didn't hurt me permanently." They are almost always alcoholics, impulse spenders, screamers, binge eaters, emotionally disturbed adults but have no idea that their current behavior is a result of that initial parenting they had. This may put a small wedge between you temporarily, but you may save her children a smidgen of pain.

This won't be easy and nobody wants to hurt their neighbors feelings, but your responsibility is your own daughter who has experienced violence in the past year that no child should ever experience. She doesn’t need her mind and emotions cluttered with more violence in her life right now. By telling her that you are worried about her you are being honest and telling her how you feel. By telling her that your daughter was scared it tells her that it is about your child and guilts her into thinking about her behavior and how it affects others. You are speaking from "I" statements about how you feel. It is honest and she will see that you are just trying to protect your own children from anymore fear of life.

Good luck, Kelly

Tammy,

First, let me say that I admire you for being concerned and then seeking advice here. The more comfortable path would be to turn a blind eye and you are to be commended for not wishing to do so.

I don't have much experience with children if any at all, but before I read Kelly's reply I was starting to think that it might be appropriate to discuss with the neighbor the incident, from the perspective of the sequence of events at your house and your feelings.

I think that being honest and speaking from the heart is always so important.

 

[iankh]

Finally sitting down for a moments peace. I'm exhausted.

I lead 2 WW meetings this morning and then Sukie and I went off to do our shopping.

I'm sorry to say that I have nothing to report. It was uneventful and very quiet.

 

[HollyTyler]

Wow, I just woke up from sleeping almost 4 hours and feel like I could have continued sleeping all night. Must have needed the extra sleep, so I'm glad I did it, though I hate to waste a beautiful day. OH well, I'll definitely take Tyler to the park to enjoy it, unless he wants to go peddle more popcorn.

 

[HollyTyler]

Finally sitting down for a moments peace. I'm exhausted.

I lead 2 WW meetings this morning and then Sukie and I went off to do our shopping.

I'm sorry to say that I have nothing to report. It was uneventful and very quiet.

I'm glad you're home and can relax now, but am sad there's no fun story from your shopping outing today.

Oh well, I hope you and Sukie can enjoy the rest of your day!

 

[Tink rules]

Just got a text from Nan... this is what she said...

Wil came in 2nd in his heat. It was a great race. His main race is up in an hour... send him good vibes please, pass the word along if you are posting.



Prayers and Pixie dust all around!!!!



GO SPEED WILSON!!!!!

 

[TammyAlphabet]

Tammy,

First, let me say that I admire you for being concerned and then seeking advice here. The more comfortable path would be to turn a blind eye and you are to be commended for not wishing to do so.

I don't have much experience with children if any at all, but before I read Kelly's reply I was starting to think that it might be appropriate to discuss with the neighbor the incident, from the perspective of the sequence of events at your house and your feelings.

I think that being honest and speaking from the heart is always so important.

Thanks Ian, it will be difficult to bring it up. I don't want to judge her, because I am far from a perfect parent. But I have to say something.