Wbo, what and when is it enough to buy for Christmas?

[MoniqueU]

k I posted this on another board where they know me in person so excuse tbe familiarity but I wanted to ask the dis at large since so many of you are into kids and christmas and stuff.
Since you guys were so helpful with the stocking ideas I have another Christmas question to ask you. Ok several LOL. We buy for my two best friends and one of my friends sons and our moms and then send some sort of picture to my grandparents. My grandma ded just after last christmas but I will still send him one of Justins senior pics. Neither one of us have sisters or brothers so we have never had to do that. We used to sometimes exhange gifts with the cousins little kids but there got to be so many of them and it wasn't always reciprocated so we figured it was added pressure on them.

however I have 3 kids. This year it's not a big deal as Justin is still living at home and I am not sure if he will be able to work by then. But next year when he is on his own I am planning on telling him he doesn't jave to buy for his sisters and they don't ever have to buy for him etc. If they want presents they ask mom and dad. I don't want the whole I have to buy for 20 people and what do I get my BIL I don't know well for christmas thing going on. If the kids want to get us something that is ok but honestly we don't need much and I can never figure out what to get Chris either so how could they? I am thinking once they are grown telling them PJs or Pictures or Coffee mugs, mothing expensive. Now I fully expect them to get presents for any nieces and nephews for sure. To me Christmas is all about the kids. So while my grandbabies are little I want them to get alot of gifts.

Also at what age do you cut back on gifts for your adult children? I would feel funny giving my girls that live at home more then I give justin even if he is out on his own? I know my mom doesn't go all out for Chris and I and neither does my MIL but I don't remember att what age that happened?? I LOVE to give gifts so thats not the issue I just know that there does come a point where you don't give as much. Is that when they are married? None of my kids have had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend how is that handled? The first chrstmas I met my MIL she gave me a silk and rose covered soap in my favorite color. It wasn't expensive but it was a dear gift to me ( I should call and tell her that) My MIL has a bit of disposable income but has never given lavish gifts to my kids rather put money away for them for college or helped pay for activiities or trips for them. Great by us. My mom has tended to be like me and gone all out. I finally told my mom thia year it was going to be a small christmas and to save her money my kids are getting oldet etc. So my kids are getting cut back on amount of gifts not necessarliy money. i am mostly giving gift catds and asking for them for them. They all enjoy picking out their stuff more then even being surprisd.

Just a few questions from a rabidly obsessed Christmas Shopaholic!!

Oh and BTW I send out christmas cards to anyone and everyone I have ever met but I lose the addresses each year and get embarrassed to ask again so if I skip you a year it's because I am too embarrassed to ask yet again or even for the first time for your address

 

[golfgal]

My parents still spend the same, or close to the same, amount on my sister and me and spouses and kids. I think once all of the kids are out of the house you can cut back if you want but I have to agree, I couldn't spend a lot on one child and not much on another.

As far as the kids exchanging with each other, I would still have them exchange gifts but put a limit of say $20 on the gift. We exchanged gifts with both sides of the family up until last year (we did a gift exchange game for a while, drew names for a while). We decided last year to put the money toward a charity instead. The grandkids still draw names with each other.

I don't know that there is a point where you "have" to stop giving as much-I would let your budget dictate that more then some arbitrary rule.

 

[monkeybug]

On my side of the family we used to draw names once we were over 18, and everyone bought for the kids.

A few years ago my adult cousin at the end of the night said that he wished Christmas was a week long, because he loved hanging out and eating everyones yummy food. It started a discussion, and my Mom mentioned how she always wanted to have an old fashioned Christmas in the snow, and my Grandma mentioned that she always wanted to have Christmas in Leavenworth Wa.

The next year as our gift to the family (a much bigger gift than normal) we rented a cabin in Leavenworth, paid for my little brothers plane ticket, and my grandmas, and invited everyone for a week. Everyone was responsible for cooking and buying food, and each person brought one gift under $40 to use in a Yankee gift exchange. We went sledding, sat by the pot belly stove on the porch watching the snow fall, took a horse drawn sleigh ride to a a lodge for breakfast, went to a german restaurant where the whole place started singing Christmas carols together, and just spent a whole week having fun and enjoying what we all felt like Christmas really should be like.

Now that's our new tradition! We find a cabin (not always as far as Leavenworth) split the cost between each person, buy gifts for our own kids, bring an inexpensive gift per person for a yankee gift exchange, and enjoy a week of hanging with family and doing things like Ice skating in old fashioned barns, and going out to cut down a tree.

My kids get far, far less toys on cabin years (we go back and forth between my family and my husbands) than they do with my husbands family, but to them the cabin is Christmas and those years are the ones they look forward to the most. I'm happy that we found a fun way to take the focus off of gifts that my kids actually prefer to the gift filled Christmas!
And I just want to add that not all the family can always come to the cabin for an entire week, so some come for a weekend, or just a night. It usually ends up being around 150-200 per couple if that couple is there for a week.

 

[golfgal]

On my side of the family we used to draw names once we were over 18, and everyone bought for the kids.
A few years ago my adult cousin at the end of the night said that he wished Christmas was a week long, because he loved hanging out and eating everyones yummy food. It started a discussion, and my Mom mentioned how she always wanted to have an old fashioned Christmas in the snow, and my Grandma mentioned that she always wanted to have Christmas in Leavenworth Wa.
The next year as our gift to the family (a much bigger gift than normal) we rented a cabin in Leavenworth, paid for my little brothers plane ticket, and my grandmas, and invited everyone for a week. Everyone was responsible for cooking and buying food, and each person brought one gift under $40 to use in a Yankee gift exchange. We went sledding, sat by the pot belly stove on the porch watching the snow fall, took a horse drawn sleigh ride to a a lodge for breakfast, went to a german restaurant where the whole place started singing Christmas carols together, and just spent a whole week having fun and enjoying what we all felt like Christmas really should be like.
Now that's our new tradition! We find a cabin (not always as far as Leavenworth) split the cost between each person, buy gifts for our own kids, bring an inexpensive gift per person for a yankee gift exchange, and enjoy a week of hanging with family and doing things like Ice skating in old fashioned barns, and going out to cut down a tree.
My kids get far, far less toys on cabin years (we go back and forth between my family and my husbands) than they do with my husbands family, but to them the cabin is Christmas and those years are the ones they look forward to the most. I'm happy that we found a fun way to take the focus off of gifts that my kids actually prefer to the gift filled Christmas!
And I just want to add that not all the family can always come to the cabin for an entire week, so some come for a weekend, or just a night. It usually ends up being around 150-200 per couple if that couple is there for a week.

That sounds like a BLAST!!! I am trying to convince DH that we should start taking trips at Christmas vs buying a lot of presents but he doesn't like to travel and I am not getting anywhere with that .

 

[monkeybug]

That sounds like a BLAST!!! I am trying to convince DH that we should start taking trips at Christmas vs buying a lot of presents but he doesn't like to travel and I am not getting anywhere with that .

I was going to say that a few of the cabins we have gone to are only a few hours away from where the majority of my family lives (the Sacramento area of Ca.), and was going to suggest looking close to home, but I see your in Minnesota, so your problem certainly isn't finding snow at Christmas like ours is!
My mom is from Minnesota and most of my extended family (my Grandmas brothers and sisters) still live there, the majority of them wouldn't be heading to the snow at Christmas if they had a choice!

 

[Sugardimples]

I think you should let your kids decide if they are going to give gifts to each other. This is not your decision to control.

 

[DVCLiz]

I would say that grown children living out of the house can make their own decisions about who and what kind of gifts they buy for family members without any input from their parents. My daughter recently graduated from college and moved out on her own and it would never occur to me to tell her who I thought she should or shouldn't buy gifts for. If she wants to cut back on family presents, that will be her decison and we either will or won't get gifts and we will be gracious about either decision.

However, having said that, that will never happen because we are all about the PRESENTS at Christmastime!!!! We all enjoy shopping for each other and it's a big part of our Christmas celebration.

And I will NEVER stop buying presents for my children at Christmas, no matter how old they get. And I won't cut back, either - it's just as much fun to buy someone a new gas grill for their first house as it was to buy the Barbie Dream House. I have no intention of depriving myself of the pleasure I get from gift giving because I am no longer shopping at Toys R Us.

Just my personal opinion, of course. Every family makes different decisions about their gift giving traditions.

 

[golfgal]

I was going to say that a few of the cabins we have gone to are only a few hours away from where the majority of my family lives (the Sacramento area of Ca.), and was going to suggest looking close to home, but I see your in Minnesota, so your problem certainly isn't finding snow at Christmas like ours is!
My mom is from Minnesota and most of my extended family (my Grandmas brothers and sisters) still live there, the majority of them wouldn't be heading to the snow at Christmas if they had a choice!

I like having snow at Christmas. I couldn't imagine getting into the Christmas spirit in say, California, wearing shorts and flipflops .

 

[monkeybug]

I like having snow at Christmas. I couldn't imagine getting into the Christmas spirit in say, California, wearing shorts and flipflops .

Yes! That's one of the big reasons we started going to a cabin. Thankfully there is lot's of snow to be had in CA (my parents live where it snows), you just have to head to the Mountains.
I have some friends who grew up in So. Cal. and they like to point out that a warm Christmas has it's perks. If you get a new bike or roller skates, you get to use them that day! I do remember waking up to new bikes under the tree for the whole family when I was a kid, and being so bummed that we had to wait forever to be able to actually ride them!

 

[golfgal]

Yes! That's one of the big reasons we started going to a cabin. Thankfully there is lot's of snow to be had in CA (my parents live where it snows), you just have to head to the Mountains.
I have some friends who grew up in So. Cal. and they like to point out that a warm Christmas has it's perks. If you get a new bike or roller skates, you get to use them that day! I do remember waking up to new bikes under the tree for the whole family when I was a kid, and being so bummed that we had to wait forever to be able to actually ride them!

We just rode them anyway

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

For my family, it has been more of the content of the gift versus the amount.

When we were younger, yes, my parents and grands gave a lot, and as we grew the pile started getting smaller, but more meaningful. Last year, my parents got into collecting gemstones, so the only thing we got was a small lot of gems to keep or have set. It was special to my parents, so that's what they did (and all I asked for was a pot holder )

For my kids, since they are still really young, we put a "salary-cap" of $75/each kid. I was also given $100 to spend on each of them in lieu of my MIL shopping for the kids.

My mom and grandma both start Christmas shopping in July - lead to some sad instances of forgetting a present (it wasn't Christmas unless grandma forgot to give one and ran around the house looking for it, OR she put the wrong tag on a box and someone got a surprise...) or finding our presents during day-to-day chores. I found a present from Santa in our closet in August one year, another time, found my present in the back of my dad's car when asked to retrieve a blanket from the car... my gift was under said blanket.

That being said, I think it's perfectly okay to back off on the gifts as your kids get older. I'll restate that it's more about the reason for the gift than the gift itself KWIM? I kind of see Christmas as an adult as getting the things from family that I'd like to buy for myself, but never do.