WAY OT: DD8 is asking about ....

[delmar411]

i am a stay at home mom and im not really following the rest of the question.

Her point is that all moms/parents are passionate about certain things when their children are small. Then once they grow and change, parents realize a lot of our ideals about raising our children just aren't going to happen and we adjust.

Here's a real life question that my 10yr DD asked me last spring....

She wanted to know if her friends were lying when they said you could have a baby at 14 and that some of their moms had her friends when they were 14.

How exactly would you gloss over that one? I haven't discussed sex or periods w/ her at all although she will be getting AF very soon if her irrational behaviors aren't pointing me wrong.

What I did tell her was that you could get pregnant and have babies very young but that wasn't what most ppl planned to do. And then I reminded her about one of her good friends who's mother had her first baby at 14 as well as a few other examples of families that we know. And even her aunt was pregnant in HS. I referred to it as unexpected and bad planning on their parts but that they clearly loved their children and cared for them. I also stressed heavily on how it took away their youth and that they had to not do all the fun things that teenagers and college aged kids get to do. I hope I got my point across that they were not 'bad girls', that her friends were not lying and that I expected her to not get pregnant in HS!

I was one of those kids that got those books..the where did I come from and what's happening to me. Personally I found them gross/crepy and swore I'd never do that to my own kids. But now I've found myself searching those books out on Amazon!

 

[imthatgirl]

I'm very curious, imthatgirl, where you get all your knowledge from? Are you a teacher or counselor or something? I've been reading some of your posts lately in other threads I've visited, and you come across very passionate about many things that I'm sure you haven't had to experience with only having an 8 year old child.

oh and just to clarify, i dont only have an 8yo. i am the biological mother of 3. an 8yo girl, 4yo boy and 4yo boy. i also the gaurdian for my 13 yo sister in law, who has been living with us for about 2 years.

 

[kitsch4]

maybe its not these kids fault they are talking about it so young, it seems from this thread parenst are pushing these things on their children younger and younger.

I don't think being open with my daughter when she has questions about sex is "pushing it on her." It is too bad that they have to grow up so fast. I think a lot of it is that kids hear things from their older siblings.

This is such a bittersweet age. They are still so innocent! My daughter knows about sex and still believes in Santa Claus!

 

[bjscheel]

Well I got my first shot this week when we were driving home from school. We were talking about their cousins and I'd mentioned their aunt who just got married would probably like to try to have a baby. DD almost 10 said "How do you TRY" so I sort of explained the mechanics. I'm not sure if she got it completely or not. Of course DD7 was there to listen, so here we go.

My sister's son learned it in class in 5th grade and came home and explained it all to his 3rd grade brother! So she got by without having to do the initial explanations...

 

[t-beri]

I was 17 when my mom had "the talk" with me. Jay Leno was on and it was when they were making a big deal about high schools handing out condoms and they mentioned having a talk w/ your kids and my mom looked at me and said "you know, right?" and I said "uh huh" and she said "Good"

I did call my ex husband to tell him that his weekend dad butt was being called on the carpet...it is his turn to pull his parental weight and talk to the boy before he gets it all on the playground. DS is in 5th but goes to a k-8 school so who KNOWS what he'll hear???

UGH, I hate them growing up. I wish the hardest thing I ever had to do was get the 3 yo to stop acting like a puppy and licking my face....seriously if she doesn't stop I'm going to giver her up for adoption

 

[DVCLiz]

oh and just to clarify, i dont only have an 8yo. i am the biological mother of 3. an 8yo girl, 4yo boy and 4yo boy. i also the gaurdian for my 13 yo sister in law, who has been living with us for about 2 years.

In that case, what was your experience with the 13 year old?

 

[Cdnmommy]

I agree with the majority who have posted. I think that if they are old enough to ask questions, they are old enough to get some answers. This way you are sure they are getting the correct information and not something that is totally wrong and potentially harmful.

That being said, I think your words need to be age appropriate. At this age children do not need a lot of detail, just the basic answers are likely all their looking for and all they would really understand.

One other thing is always ask what they think something means first, you'll be very surprised at how close they are and sometimes will get quite a chuckle out of it. My ds once told me that his friends were having sex on the playground (this was when he was 9 or 10), at first I was horrified that he would say that but then I asked him what he meant by sex and he said, "you know....hugging and kissing". So sometimes what they say isn't always what they mean.

In our school board the curriculum actually teaches them about this (as well as drugs and alcohol abuse) as early as grade 5. These days kids know so much more at a younger age that they really need to be educated about it properly so they are not misinformed (i.e. you can't get pregnant the first time you do it etc.), not that you'll be getting that far into the talk yet but you know what I mean.

Good luck!

 

[mickeywho?]

When my then 3-year old son asked my mom "what does sexual mean?" she answered, "it's a type of sofa" Although it seemed kind of funny at the time I know it was more than I ever got from her!

Tell your kids what they are ready to hear. Use your best judgement and when you have no idea reach out for help - there are some great resources, books, etc. out there to help give you a start.

 

[imthatgirl]

In that case, what was your experience with the 13 year old?

that is a much different situation than my other children. i dont air all my laundry here.
this conversation was about 8yo and sex so i stayed on topic.
of course the things i talk about with my 13yo(ive been in her life since the day she was born, i consider her mine) are on a much different level than what i talk to my 8yo about. there are almost 6 years between them. but of course we still talk to her about waiting.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

When my then 3-year old son asked my mom "what does sexual mean?" she answered, "it's a type of sofa" Although it seemed kind of funny at the time I know it was more than I ever got from her!

Thanks for that! That is so my mother!

 

[I_Know_You2!]

why would anyone assume i dont have an open relationship with my children? because i choose to relate sex to marriage? like i said before at the age of 8 i do not feel a child needs to know about sex drives, pleasures or any of the emotions that come along with sex. at this age we teach our children that sex is something done in marriage to have children. i stand by that this is an appropriate answer to the 'what is sex' for an 8yo.
i plan to teach my children that sex is best enjoyed between a married couple. especially at the age of 8. then as they get older i will still teach them that its best to wait to have sex and i will give them the knowledge and tools they need in case the choose otherwise. but to not even give them the option of waiting, thats sad. it seems too many people arent even bothering to teach their children to wait any more. we're too busy trying to beat them to the bunch and forget that they are children and they will come to us when they need us.

and yes there are signs a child is getting ready to start her period. they include the introduction of breast buds and ******l discharge.
here are some FACTS for everyone.
the median age in the US for a girl to start her period is 12.43.
there has been NO significant change in this number in the last 30 years.
a girls period usually occurs 2-3 years AFTER the early breast roundness appears.

I never had a need to keep track of my daughter's ******l discharge, that is for sure. And people aren't statistics. And medians are only half the story. 10% are under the age of ten.

 

[imthatgirl]

I never had a need to keep track of my daughter's ******l discharge, that is for sure. And people aren't statistics. And medians are only half the story. 10% are under the age of ten.

no, only 10% will have their period by 11.
i would think any parent that does her daughter laundry would be aware if her daughter was experiencing discharge. but i could be wrong.

 

[jennifer293]

OP HERE!!!

We talked, and she handled it just fine...

I told her that I wanted to go ahead and talk to her about it because I want her to feel comfortable talking to me about anything and she said, "Of course I do you are my mom".. and then she proceeded to say, "She is never having sex because that is JUST SICK".. If she will just feel that way until she is out of college and has a good job it would be great!!

I got a lot of good ideas from the family planning website given to me earlier on here and I found another site that had pictures of the male and female reproductive organs. Of course she snickered when she saw the pictures, but as I talked about how they work she thought that was neat as to how babies actually come about. I DID NOT tell her that the only reason people have sex is to have babies because it is not.

But anywho it is done now,and we both feel better!!!

Thanks for all the help and info you have all given me!!!

 

[DVCLiz]

OP HERE!!!

We talked, and she handled it just fine...

I told her that I wanted to go ahead and talk to her about it because I want her to feel comfortable talking to me about anything and she said, "Of course I do you are my mom".. and then she proceeded to say, "She is never having sex because that is JUST SICK".. If she will just feel that way until she is out of college and has a good job it would be great!!

I got a lot of good ideas from the family planning website given to me earlier on here and I found another site that had pictures of the male and female reproductive organs. Of course she snickered when she saw the pictures, but as I talked about how they work she thought that was neat as to how babies actually come about. I DID NOT tell her that the only reason people have sex is to have babies because it is not.

But anywho it is done now,and we both feel better!!!

Thanks for all the help and info you have all given me!!!

Sounds like you did a great job, OP!!

 

[imthatgirl]

on a very serious note

many people on here have talked about early menstration in their children, family or friends. i cant really remember the specifics, i didnt go back through the thread. i wanted to share with you something i read in a text book years back. i would assume your dr's have already shared this information, but i like to be safe. i know most people dont read medical test books, yes im strange, lol. this is not the source i originally read it in, but it is the most plain text explanation i could find in a 2 minute search.

http://www.drgreene.com/21_356.html

Now for the crucial information: The earlier before age 12 a girl starts her period, the higher her lifetime risk for breast cancer (probably from the prolonged estrogen exposure). The highest average risk for breast cancer is in non-Hispanic white women, where it is 1 in 8, or 12.5%. In all girls who start their periods before the age of 12, taken together, the risk is 16.25%. As she reaches maturity, she needs to be made aware of controllable risk factors for breast cancer, such as use of estrogen-containing birth control pills (10 years of use would raise her risk to about 22%), first pregnancy after age 30 (if she did this also, it would raise the risk to about 35%), high-fat diet, alcohol use, fertility drugs, pesticides, and radiation exposure. Each of these factors multiplies her accumulated risk. If she is aware of these she can make informed decisions for herself.

She can also learn what can reduce her risks. During adolescence, it is vital to teach her the habit of regular breast self-exam. If she has a child, breastfeeding will lower her risk. Strenuous exercise (particularly before the first baby), such as running, gymnastics, and ballet have all been shown to reduce estrogen exposure and thus reduce risk. Diet seems to be more important in the development of breast cancer than any other single risk factor. A low-fat diet, high in natural sources of vitamins A,C,E and zinc, is protective. Vegetables seem to be protective for other reasons as well, which is why the National Cancer Institute has come out with their "five a day" plan (which sounds hard, but is not so bad when you see what they call a "serving" -- one carrot is a serving). A healthy diet is also one low in pesticides. (Wash fruits and vegetables thoroughly and/or use organically grown foods.) It should also be low in artificial hormones, like those found in beef in the U.S. (your friends are friends indeed).