Was this a Horrible thing to do?

[TnKrBeLlA012]

My daughter is friends with a girl she met when dating her ex-boyfriend. The girl's boyfriend was a good friend of her ex. They would all go out as couples. They had great times. When my daughter and the ex broke up my daughter stayed friends with the girl and her boyfriend. The boy my daughter dated came from a well to do Italian family. We are just middle class. I know money and how much we don't have played a part in the breakup. The friends also are Italian and come from money. My daughter does see the ex and still talks to him once in awhile. Last week my daughter went to lunch with the girl. She just found out she got engaged. My daughter was thrilled. She called my daughter and asked her to be in the wedding.My daughter said,"yes". A couple days later the girl asked her to lunch. The whole time she asked my daughter if she was sure she wanted to be in the wedding. She said my daughter didn't seem excited. My daughter told her that she was honered to have been asked. The girl then said to think about it and if money was a problem than she would understand if my daughter backed out. She left and told me she did not understand why the girl would say what she did. The next day she gets a message on her voice mail. The girl says that maybe it would be more comfortable for my daughter to come as a guest. That she would not be in the wedding party. She could be a guest. My daughter is very hurt. She has no idea why she would do this. She does not want to call her and she does not want to go to her wedding. I cannot believe someone would do this. I think this is the lowest. Her ex is also in the wedding. I wonder if he said something? I would love to call her myself. It amazes me how low people can be. I want her to call the girl I just don't know what she should say? Any advice?

 

[Mimi Q]

Just makes you crazy when someone messes with your kid. I'm sorry I really don't know what she should do. Personally, I would just drop it and not be friends with the girl any longer.

 

[goodeats]

I think she should call and say that she's disappointed that the bride feels that way, but she was looking forward to being in the wedding party. I would also ask why she asked her in the first place and changed her mind? In other words - take the high road!

After I got the answers I was looking for I would not socialize with this person again. She's definitely not a friend.

 

[kidzmom3]

I don't think you should do anything. If these are people old enough to legally marry, then your daughter should be able to deal with this on her own. It is her decision, either she will call the girl and have a discussion about it, or she will let it go and attend the wedding as a guest, or she will drop the girl as a friend and move on with her life. None of these choices is horrible, and she will have learned a valuable life lesson on human behavior.

PS, i feel for your daughter, its crummy when you are treated poorly, perhaps the wedding will be VERY expensive. And by very I mean thousands, thats how much a friend ended up paying to be a bridesmaid for a friend.

 

[liamandcaili]

I would suggest having your daughter talk to the bride-to-be. Maybe the bride is having her bridesmaids buy really expensive, custom-made gowns that they will never wear again, and out of courtesy, wanted to spare your daughter the expense. I think it was rude of the person to invite your daughter to be in the wedding party and then un-invite her; however, if your daughter wants to remain friends, she should call. If she is willing to let these people leave her life, then no action is necessary.

 

[momrek06]

I would "move on"...like some of the other Posters have said. If no one has told her the REAL reason for the change by now (which IMO they should have been upfront and honest and said it right away...whether is was $$$ or the EX)...then NO one will tell her.

To go from being a PART of the wedding and the all the excitement that comes along with it...to just being a GUEST...is absolutely to me!

I would not call the bride or anyone, either you or your DD....believe you me, they know EXACTLY what they have done to your DD and how MEAN this is...yup, they do. DD does not have time to have friends like that...Life is to Short...DD needs to find friends that VALUE her relationship/friendship with them as she does with all her friends.

Life throws us challenges and we have to sort them out and deal with to the best of our ability.

to DD and YOU, OP, in whatever decisions DD makes.

 

[becjlek]

I went from being a bridesmaid to not even being invited to the wedding once. The reason I was removed from the bridesmaid's list.... the groom's sister would look better in the dress even though she didn't really like her.
Brides to be do thoughtless things sometimes. I am sorry this happened to your daughter.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, yeah, it was an awful thing to do. I think all you can do is suck it up though. If I were DD I sure wouldn't want to go to the wedding at this point either.

My nephew was supposed to be in my other nephew's wedding--best man, in fact. So nephew N calls nephew J to find out when the rehearsal is about 6 weeks before the wedding because he has to buy a ticket from out of state. He is told, "Oh, we are not getting married." N is like "WTH??? Were you planning to tell me this or just wait until I got there?" Then oh, maybe two months later, J is engaged again and gets married in like a 2 month time period and N was not even invited to the wedding!!

 

[momrek06]

Well, yeah, it was an awful thing to do. I think all you can do is suck it up though. If I were DD I sure wouldn't want to go to the wedding at this point either.

My nephew was supposed to be in my other nephew's wedding--best man, in fact. So nephew N calls nephew J to find out when the rehearsal is about 6 weeks before the wedding because he has to buy a ticket from out of state. He is told, "Oh, we are not getting married." N is like "WTH??? Were you planning to tell me this or just wait until I got there?" Then oh, maybe two months later, J is engaged again and gets married in like a 2 month time period and N was not even invited to the wedding!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'd tell my DD that girl just saved her some money on a dress and a nice wedding present!

Yes, that was a terrible thing to do. I don't think it was a perverted courtesy. The bride-to-be stated if money would be a problem she would understand. And it wasn't. Told your DD she didn't seem excited for her. (?) She was looking for a way to get your DD out. She knew what she was doing.

I'd tell DD to chalk it up to a bad experience and move on. Who needs friends like that?

Oh, and I'd treat my DD to a girl's night out and maybe a little shopping trip with the money saved from wedding expenses.

 

[MorganLeFey]

I would suggest having your daughter talk to the bride-to-be. Maybe the bride is having her bridesmaids buy really expensive, custom-made gowns that they will never wear again, and out of courtesy, wanted to spare your daughter the expense. I think it was rude of the person to invite your daughter to be in the wedding party and then un-invite her; however, if your daughter wants to remain friends, she should call. If she is willing to let these people leave her life, then no action is necessary.

seems to me, if money and embarassment were the considerations, the bride would never have asked ...

sounds to me like there was something else going on.

if it were me, I would not go to the wedding and I'd stop socializing with my "friend".