Was the first year the hardest for you?

[Divamomto3]

I'll be married 15 years in August. I can't classify any of them as "hard." We've always had a good marriage. But, if I had to look back on times that were less than blissful, it would definitely be the years the kids were newborns.

 

[Papa Deuce]

First year of marriage, I mean. We've been married nearly 8 months, and I can only hope this is as hard as it gets.

LOL... well, it could be just ME, but year one was the EASIEST year by far.

 

[disykat]

Our first year was definately the easiest. We had a great time starting our life together. It was definately more challenging once we had kids. We ran into our first MAJOR disagreement about 5 years in when we totally disagreed on a major lifestyle change dh wanted to make. I think every couple runs into that at some point - and I would guess it's easier for couples who already have a few years in.

 

[Michelle2]

For us, it seemed like the first 5 years were the hardest, with the kids, DH finishing school, money being super tight and all.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We were young when we were married and I wouldn't say that it was hard. We were in college, were dirt poor, I was working to support us (if you can call it support ), we lived in roach infested married student housing and had a wonderful first year--first couple years, actually. We've always had our ups and downs, though.

Five years later when we started having kids we didn't have a real hard time, either. I would say that probably the last year has been the hardest (we've been married almost 24 years), but things seem to be looking up. Marriage is constant hard work. The payoffs are there in the long run, but it is easy to sometimes lose sight of that. Also, for us, our kids are now at an age that they provide us with the biggest challenge--they all have strong opinions of their own and none are afraid of telling us what they think about any topic. With 4 children, 6, 12, 15, and 18, they are full of wonderful ideas. Really, sometimes it is wonderful, but othertimes we want to pull our hair out. Is there a "pull hair out smilie"?

 

[jsmith]

The first 20 were a cake walk compared to the last three-between DH being in iraq, my loosing my job, the fact that the time we have spent apart has been greater than the time spent together, the kids leaving home and financial issues its just been a tough few years-but you weather the storms and go on

 

[RUDisney]

First year was the hardest for us. The week before we got married, we had to pick out everything for the house that was being remodeled for us to buy. That was stressful, but we knew that the contractors were working hard to get the job done. After a 2-week honeymoon, we came back and found that NOTHING was done. That, plus the existing owner's wife cancelled all of our orders and wanted everything cream with a white kitchen.... long story, but we didn't buy that house after that.

The house he had been living in needed to go back to the owner's DD. They are friends of ours and would have extended our stay, but DH was trying to be nice to them since owner's DD was pregnant. We had to move out of that house 6-weeks after our wedding.... DH wouldn't rent somewhere because we'd have to sign a lease and we wanted to get into our own house quickly. He moved me into his mother's basement. We used his best friend's lake house on weekends, but he wouldn't stay at the lake all week with me because he didn't want to commute.

Six weeks later, I moved out of his mother's house, in with my parents. I slept on their pull-out couch each night. I moved out because his brother, who had been behaving very badly and was thrown out prior to our arrival came back home. If his mother was content to put up with his abuse, that was fine, but I wasn't willing to do that.

The house that we bought was being used by another family who was building a 6,000 sq. ft., one floor home. They needed the house until September.... then October... then... So, from May 1st until late October, we lived with his mother, at the lake and when it was too cold at the lake, he'd stay with me on the couch in my parents' house on weekends.

It seemed like the day our 1st anniversary came around, the badness and the difficulties all went away. The former owners of our house DID make it up to us. They spackled every nail hole in the walls and painted each room before we moved in. They also left the custom draperies. The day that we did move in... a Saturday... they had finished moving out around 2:00. We moved in at 3:00 with our sleeping bags, some clothes, towels and a coffee maker. All that mattered to us was that we were finally together and in our own home.

 

[bananiem]

I'd say Year 1 was the hardest. We'd lived in separate states for 2 years prior and so it was an adjustment being together so much of the time! We also were away from family and friends, which was hard but we had to make friends together and we couldn't run off to mama an daddy any time we had a fight.
We were so thrilled to have kids that was a breeze! We pretty much treated them like toys anyway.

 

[Buckalew11]

First 3 years were extremely tough for me. I really wanted out of it for the first three years. I hated being married. But I don't think I was really ready for marriage even though I knew I wanted to be married to DH. Hard to explain. We've been through some very hard times financially and those were easier than those first 3 years! Having a baby after 7 years of marriage wasn't as hard as those first 3 years!

So, I hope this is as hard as it gets for you! I think it is great that you are happy in your marriage. After that 3rd year, I have found marriage not too hard. I know it takes work but it isn;t as hard as I think I was making it those first three years! LOL

Best Wishes to you!!

 

[ahutton]

For us the first year wasn't the hardest, but the "first year" of some of our major life changes were the hardest. The first year of being parents, the first year of living more than 1000 miles away from family... those were hard. We never lost sight of the fact we are in this together though, and that has made all the difference.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Nope. First year was awesome, second year was awesome. Working on an awesome third

 

[DisneyJen0504]

Of couse everyone's situation is different. For DH and I, the first year was wonderful! Our 2 year anniversary is this May and we are hoping for another amazing yearto follow the last one!
Best of luck!

 

[Brianne]

The first 5 years were the hardest for us, looking back on it all. We waited to have kids since everyone was always stressing about "spending time together first". Didn't seem to make much of a difference--DS came 3 years almost to the day & it was still tough. Throw in in-law issues, money issues, etc.? It was almost a recipe for disaster--we came *thisclose* to getting divorced. We worked through it though, moved away from those in-laws & things got a lot better. We're coming up on 15 years now & I can't imagine not being married to DH.

Keep the lines of communication open--I think people have a tendency to bottle everything up. I don't believe in the "don't go to bed mad" theory though--sometimes you just need to call it a day & wake up in a better frame of mind. However, you'll have to figure out what works for you.

 

[manchurianbrownbear]

DW and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary this June. I think if you totaled all the arguments we’ve had in those 20 years, half of them were in the first year! And I can only remember arguing once or twice while we were dating.

We were married two weeks after I graduated from college. I was still looking for a job. DW had had a job for awhile, but she had lived in a dorm and then with her parents, so she had never really lived on her own. So we were broke and we had some growing up to do!

Somewhere, I heard someone say, “when you catch yourself in the middle of an argument, think about whether you’ll be glad the next day that you held your ground”. When I was able to do that, I found that many of the stupid things we fought over were not worth fighting about.

If we have an argument today, it’s most likely to be related to money, or how to handle a “situation” with one of the kids.

 

[suzannen]

Like others here, we've been married for 16 years and the hardest for us was right after DD was born. Our relationship definitely grew stronger because of it, but it introduced a new stress level as we spent so much time worrying about this tiny creature we'd brought into the world without a detailed play-by-play guidebook. That and the lack of sleep which interferes with plans for passion in your relationship.

One good piece of advice I received early on from a friend who had been happily married for 50 years: when your partner comes home at the end of the day, always greet each one another with love, hugs and positive comments. Don't INSTANTLY start complaining about everything that went wrong with the day. Spend a little time talking and re-connecting before you start with your list of complaints. And, every single night make sure you say "I love you" and complement your partner on those traits you love. It's worked for us.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Every year was hard until we got divorced. Haha.

 

[swea_pea1]

We've been married for 8 years and without a doubt the first year was the hardest. I distinctly remember Christmastime was extremely miserable.

In that first year everything was so new (we didn't live together either) and DH was a little bit of a mama's boy. His mom was perfect in his eyes and I did everything so differently. I put too much ground meat in the spaghetti sauce and not enough in the chili, I made tuna salad wrong, I wouldn't peel his oranges (I couldn't actually believe she had done that for him!), and it went on and on. That old adage "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" prevailed though and we worked through the problems to have a great marriage.

Although, I still don't peel his oranges and come to think of it I don't think he's ever eaten one the entire time we've been married

 

[redshoes]

In all honestly, this has been the hardest year of marriage for us. We have been married 6 years (7 on Monday). This year we have sold our house, moved into a very very small apartment with a two and three year old, are currently building a new home, and have had a failed IVF cycle- our stress level is a little high to say the least. Our first year of marriage was pretty easy- but an adjustment for sure. I guess that with each new stage of life it brings new trials and challenges to a marriage.