wants to lock my kids in their bedrooms for the rest of their childhood!!!!!!

[threecrazykids]

Well I think you are all terrible parents. How DARE you say such horrible things about your sweet widdle snowflakes?! 3 angels are what I've raised. MY perfect children DS16, DS11 and DD9 sit in a circle each night sharing heartwarming stories of how much they mean to each other. Why...to be honest I don't think I've heard my children even raise their voices. Sheesh...what is WRONG with all your kids?




That bus couldn't come soon enough this morning!!

 

[Teresa Pitman]

The best strategy I found for dealing with sibling squabbles (I have four kids, now grown, and four grandkids, and we use it with them now) is based on mediation. It also helps the kids learn to communicate better, so you have to use it less and less as time goes on.

Here's how it works. You get in between them and interrupt the conversation and ask:

Child A, what do you want Child B to know?

(Child A says whatever he's upset about - wanting a toy, to do something first, whatever it is.)

Child B, what did you hear your brother saying?

(Child B repeats it back. Child A may correct it or add more. You keep saying "is there anything else you want him to know?" until he agrees he's made his point or had his say.)

Okay. Child B, what do you want Child A to know?

(Now he makes his point or says what he's upset about.)

Child A, what did you hear your brother say?

(Again, make sure A understands B's points and B feels satisfied that he's been heard.)

Now, does anyone have ideas about how we can resolve this?

(Child A might say "I get the toy all to myself.")

Is everyone happy with this? Does it work for everyone?

(Child B says NO!)

That idea doesn't work. Any other ideas?

(Child B says "Fine, we'll take turns. You have it for 5 minutes then I'll have it for 5 minutes. Mom, you can time it.")

Everyone agrees and off you go.

Sometimes it takes a while, of course, to come up with a solution. And you can propose solutions, too, and can also object to ideas they come up with if you're not happy with them. But the more you do this, the less time it takes. They get better and better at expressing their needs, listening to each other, and thinking of solutions that will work for everyone. Sometimes their solutions are very creative and surprise me!

Teresa

 

[DAPford]

my two are 15 and 23 and as I sit here are insulting each other to death sometimes I think its the only way they know how to communicate with one another and the funny thing is they think the get along

 

[lukenick1]

Like others here my kids are the best of friends...till they aren't. I was an only so I didn't get this and thought my kids needed therapy. My DH laughed and said that was just how he and his brother were. Well, that was good to know but how do I fix them?

Our biggest issue is space. I wish I could do something to fix it. There are 5 of us, 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, just under 1200sf house. Everything is small and we are always on top of each other. Even fun things like baking cookies or dinner together is a headache cause as my grandma says, "this is a kitchen for 1, everyone else get out." But I like those moments with them, but yeah, it isn't easy. Then there are the bedrooms, DD11 is a total neat freak (don't know who her real mother is ) and DD8 is a tornado (I KNOW who her daddy is! ) Of course, they share a room. DD16 has her own room and while the thought has crossed my mind to put DD11 in there, it wouldn't help, DD16 is also a mess plus she is very much a loaner. She just likes to be alone. She has been that way since she was a baby. I swear someday she will need her own bedroom from her own husband. So it wouldn't help DD11 and would make DD16 crazy so for now we are stuck. DD11 will spend all day organizing and DD8 can come in and in minutes have it destroyed. Thing is she seems to genuinly feel bad about it, but she just is a mess. I don't know how 3 kids can all be raised the same and turn out so different. There have been times I have considered buying a fold out couch for the living room for DH and myself so they could each have their own room, but then I remind myself that is truly INSANE!

The bathroom is our biggest issue. We had a system:
DD16 up at 6, bus at 6:45
DD11 up at 6:45 bus at 7:30
DD8 up at 7:30 bus at 8:15
If you got up early you had to stay in your room till your time. Two problems...
1-DH, poor man, wakes up at 5:50 to use the bathroom and take a fast shower, if he drags out of bed forget it. He keeps a razor, deodorant, etc at work and has on many occasions had to get ready there.
2- Since hitting pubery, DD11 can't wash her hair at night anymore. So now she has to be in the shower by 7:30 just when DD16 is going her makeup and hair. I bought her a nice mirror for her makeup and a full legnth mirror for her door to straighten her hair but she hates it and wants to do it int the bathroom so, fine, but then she gets mad at the steam. Well, sorry, you can't have everything. So every morning I now hear "why did you buy such a small house," "who buys a house with only one bathroom, "I can't wait till I graduate and can get my own place!" ETC
On the days I substitute I have to get up at 5 to get my sliver of bathroom time.

Course, I am sure if we had a bigger house they'd be able to find something else to bicker out.

I sure hope there is a special place in Heaven for parents of 3 girls with 1 very small bathroom.


Despite it all I missed them terribly today and can't wait for February break. I must be insane!

OMG I feel for you. My BFF has 3 daughters the exact same age as your girls and lucky for her they have 2.5 bathrooms. Anyway, do you have an area finished in your basement that you can build a room for DD16?? She being a loner would probably love her own quarters in the house. Maybe even add a small bathroom down there with a stand up shower?? Just a suggestion.

 

[pigletto]

Just some encouragement for all of you.. and something I try to remember with my kids.
I am the oldest of 6 and we would do anything for one another. We're all very close and they are my best friends. And we fought like cats and dogs growing up.
It can get better

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

OMG I feel for you. My BFF has 3 daughters the exact same age as your girls and lucky for her they have 2.5 bathrooms. Anyway, do you have an area finished in your basement that you can build a room for DD16?? She being a loner would probably love her own quarters in the house. Maybe even add a small bathroom down there with a stand up shower?? Just a suggestion.

Oh that would be a dream, and its's a great idea. Unfortunatly our basement is wet. We run a dehumidifier but it is not suitable for anyone to be down there long. The cost to get it in shape would be very excessive and our house has already lost value. Despite the 1 bathroom, my biggest regret with this house is actually the basement. We thought we'd fix it up but didn't know about the wetness issue. 14 years ago we were young and dumb when we bought our house.

We'll look back on these days and laugh someday, right?

 

[lukenick1]

Update......went to Bed Bath and Beyond tonight and DS9 wanted to buy a pillow pet with his money. DS7 was sad because he wanted one too but had no money. So, DS9 felt bad for the brother he always beats up on, and bought him some candy Deep down they really do love each other. Let's hope tomorrow is a good day too.......

 

[wangmichelle]

Anyone have kids who are constantly fighting??????? I cannot take it anymore! My New Years Resolution is to punish them more. I have 2 boys ages 7 & 9 and it's constant bickering and physical. I'm DONE!!!!! I see all the Mom's at the bus stop kissing their kids goodbye wishing them a good day, while I'm refereeing mine and anxious for them to leave. I hate sending them off to school mad!!!!!

but now, iam a single , i don't have kids.lol

 

[MomToOne]

Just some encouragement for all of you.. and something I try to remember with my kids.
I am the oldest of 6 and we would do anything for one another. We're all very close and they are my best friends. And we fought like cats and dogs growing up.
It can get better

Same here - except I'm the 4th of 5. My sister and I had to share a room growing up. But somehow we managed not to talk to each other at all from ages 12 to 20

Today? My sister and I are great friends. My brothers are, well, my brothers. They aren't perfect (don't get me started on the latest family "crisis" that one brother started Jan. 1st - Happy New Years everyone! ) but I'd walk through fire for them if necessary.

When I adopted my daughter, my social worker asked me to describe my family. I said that we show our love by insulting each other The social worker apparently didn't come from a large family and didn't get the joke

 

[Singleminnie]

I am so glad to find this thread! My DD 14 and DD11 fight all the time! It is driving me crazy, to the point I have threatened to send them both off to military school, there is one not far from my parent's house. I told them both all I wanted for Christmas are mornings without fighting! I am a single parent, with another DD5, who is smart enough to stay out of their fights or she is my informant! To top it off, we live in an apt. since leaving their Dad, so I have to contend with neighbors too. We spent Christmas with my parents, they even said my brother and I did not fight that much! (I knew I was a good kid, we are 3 years apart). I have been sitting here reading new ideas from other posters for new punishment, when my DD14 asked me what I was reading and I told her. She decided it was not a good idea for me to read these any more, wait till her sister hears my new ideas... lol!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I am so glad to find this thread! My DD 14 and DD11 fight all the time! It is driving me crazy, to the point I have threatened to send them both off to military school, there is one not far from my parent's house. I told them both all I wanted for Christmas are mornings without fighting! I am a single parent, with another DD5, who is smart enough to stay out of their fights or she is my informant! To top it off, we live in an apt. since leaving their Dad, so I have to contend with neighbors too. We spent Christmas with my parents, they even said my brother and I did not fight that much! (I knew I was a good kid, we are 3 years apart). I have been sitting here reading new ideas from other posters for new punishment, when my DD14 asked me what I was reading and I told her. She decided it was not a good idea for me to read these any more, wait till her sister hears my new ideas... lol!

Wow, as a mom of 3 DDs I feel for you. Do they all share a room? I don't think sharing a room is a bad thing for them, but it isn't easy on us.

 

[ilovemonk]

The best strategy I found for dealing with sibling squabbles (I have four kids, now grown, and four grandkids, and we use it with them now) is based on mediation. It also helps the kids learn to communicate better, so you have to use it less and less as time goes on.

Here's how it works. You get in between them and interrupt the conversation and ask:

Child A, what do you want Child B to know?

(Child A says whatever he's upset about - wanting a toy, to do something first, whatever it is.)

Child B, what did you hear your brother saying?

(Child B repeats it back. Child A may correct it or add more. You keep saying "is there anything else you want him to know?" until he agrees he's made his point or had his say.)

Okay. Child B, what do you want Child A to know?

(Now he makes his point or says what he's upset about.)

Child A, what did you hear your brother say?

(Again, make sure A understands B's points and B feels satisfied that he's been heard.)

Now, does anyone have ideas about how we can resolve this?

(Child A might say "I get the toy all to myself.")

Is everyone happy with this? Does it work for everyone?

(Child B says NO!)

That idea doesn't work. Any other ideas?

(Child B says "Fine, we'll take turns. You have it for 5 minutes then I'll have it for 5 minutes. Mom, you can time it.")

Everyone agrees and off you go.

Sometimes it takes a while, of course, to come up with a solution. And you can propose solutions, too, and can also object to ideas they come up with if you're not happy with them. But the more you do this, the less time it takes. They get better and better at expressing their needs, listening to each other, and thinking of solutions that will work for everyone. Sometimes their solutions are very creative and surprise me!

Teresa

This is what we've done with our kids, too. Fighting is natural, but they learned how to fight fairly.

I grew up fighting with my siblings and all we got out of it were hurt feelings. I wanted better for our kids. I wanted them to learn how to communicate with each other and know how to mediate amongst themselves. So far, so good.

 

[madcat]

I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old, both boys. I like to make them do all of the "house chores" that I don't want to do so if they bicker back and forth someone will get the windows to clean and the other will have to wipe down the base boards in the house. If they are fighting in the store they have to hold hands until we get back into the car. One day my 8 year old had to go to the restroom and my 10 year old said, "do I have to hold his hand in the stall too?" Making them hold hands has worked very well in the store . I love the idea of them owing a dollar everytime you have to raise your voice!

 

[heartsy77]

Op it could be worse you could have two teenage girls sharing a room! Welcome to my HELL!

 

[madcat]

Update......went to Bed Bath and Beyond tonight and DS9 wanted to buy a pillow pet with his money. DS7 was sad because he wanted one too but had no money. So, DS9 felt bad for the brother he always beats up on, and bought him some candy Deep down they really do love each other. Let's hope tomorrow is a good day too.......

nice! I was an only child so I didn't have to deal with a sibling but I notice this about my boys too wyatt (the 10 year old) will always feel bad if he buys something and does not get something for kyler (the 8 year old).

 

[ccgirl]

This thread makes me feel so grateful! My DD is 8 and my DS is 3. WHile they may argue once in a great while they really get along great. I have insisted this right from the beginning. When they do fight; they get separated. They each have to go to their rooms for a cooling off period. My Niece and Nephew are the same ages and they get into knock down drag out fights; literally. My Nephew showed up at the last family outing with scratches all over his face from my Niece. So strange how different kids can be. SiL just says it is "normal" for them to fight. When I tell her mine don't, she says my children are the ones who are not normal. Funny....I never said her children were not normal. Sorry....I digress. We insist on respect in my family. If none is received; off to the bedroom with all electrical and battery operated things removed. They can get sick of each other (different than being disrespectful) and that's when they just need some alone time and not necessarily punishment. BTW, did you know I am the meanest mom in the world? That is what I am told.

 

[lukenick1]

Noooo, according to my kids I am the meanest Mom in the world!!!!

 

[rubato]

Update......went to Bed Bath and Beyond tonight and DS9 wanted to buy a pillow pet with his money. DS7 was sad because he wanted one too but had no money. So, DS9 felt bad for the brother he always beats up on, and bought him some candy Deep down they really do love each other. Let's hope tomorrow is a good day too.......

This is so nice.

I was the oldest with 2 brothers. We fought all the time and hard. Very physical and just mean. So...............
I am the mother of 1 child. He can't fight with anyone. Well, okay, he fights with his best friend a lot (they might as well be brothers), but they aren't together in my house that often, so I can handle it.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Noooo, according to my kids I am the meanest Mom in the world!!!!

My DD16 would disagree with you both. Oh wait, I'm not the meanest, I'm the worst mom ever. Thanksfully the other 2 still disagree and stand up for their momma.

 

[v.t.]

Well I think you are all terrible parents. How DARE you say such horrible things about your sweet widdle snowflakes?! 3 angels are what I've raised. MY perfect children DS16, DS11 and DD9 sit in a circle each night sharing heartwarming stories of how much they mean to each other. Why...to be honest I don't think I've heard my children even raise their voices. Sheesh...what is WRONG with all your kids?

That sounds just like my house. DS11, DS11, and DS9 end the day the same way. After doing the dishes, they volunteer to take showers (with soap), wash hair (with shampoo) and brush teeth (with toothpaste) , they come in to thank me for all I do for them everyday. They talk about all the sacrifices DH and I make for them and how they have more than they could ever dream of.