Venting about a store's return policy...

[DisneyCowgirl]

Not exactly true - you spent money on someone else in the gift exchange, so you are, in effect, out whatever the agreed-upon amount is because you gave with the expectation of receiving, according to the way the exchange is set up.

Look at it this way... if you went to a Blockbuster, and gave them $5 with the expectation of renting a movie for a night worth $5, and instead they gave you a $5 value meal from McDonalds, wouldn't you be irritated? I don't really see that this situation is so different. If someone gave me that gift apropos of nothing, sure... I wouldn't have had the same reaction. It is a kindness that is nothing reciprocal - just a gift. But a gift exchange is different, in my opinion. People participate and agree to abide by the rules of the exchange.

Hmmm...this could be the topic of a good discussion...

 

[Princesca]

I think you're onto something for next year with the yankee gift exchange, you must be from the south though because I've never heard it called that? We call it a "White Rabbit" gift exchange in my part of the country and it's tons of fun.

Yep! And it would save us the mess of having to coordinate lists... we often run into the issue of our parents and grandparents buying off the list, and no one knows who's gotten what already, etc. I think I only heard the term yankee swap when I was living in New England, ironically. I've also heard White Elephant swap. You just always have to check, because sometimes they mean a new item anyone would want, and sometimes they mean something in your house you've always wanted to get rid of. It can be very embarrassing to choose the latter when they mean the former.

But yes, it can be a blast... certain things that are very cool people get really competitive over!

 

[Marionnette]

Not exactly true - you spent money on someone else in the gift exchange, so you are, in effect, out whatever the agreed-upon amount is because you gave with the expectation of receiving, according to the way the exchange is set up.

Look at it this way... if you went to a Blockbuster, and gave them $5 with the expectation of renting a movie for a night worth $5, and instead they gave you a $5 value meal from McDonalds, wouldn't you be irritated? I don't really see that this situation is so different. If someone gave me that gift apropos of nothing, sure... I wouldn't have had the same reaction. It is a kindness that is nothing reciprocal - just a gift. But a gift exchange is different, in my opinion. People participate and agree to abide by the rules of the exchange.

 

[Princesca]

Okay, Mari... let us know how you feel the next time you go to a restaurant, EXCHANGE your money for an equal value of food that you chose from the menu, and they bring you something that you not only did not order, but will not, cannot, eat. I fully expect you to honestly say, "Oh, no, I cheerfully gave my meal to a starving person on the street corner and went without dinner that night, having no ill feelings at all toward the restaurant. Oh, no! I'd never send it back!"

 

[Marionnette]

Okay, Mari... let us know how you feel the next time you go to a restaurant, EXCHANGE your money for an equal value of food that you chose from the menu, and they bring you something that you not only did not order, but will not, cannot, eat. I fully expect you to honestly say, "Oh, no, I cheerfully gave my meal to a starving person on the street corner and went without dinner that night, having no ill feelings at all toward the restaurant. Oh, no! I'd never send it back!"

You're really comparing a family gift exchange to a business transaction?


Really?

 

[Princesca]

It's called a gift exchange:

ex·change/iksˈCHānj/
Noun:
An act of giving one thing and receiving another (esp. of the same type or value) in return.

 

[crashbb]

Okay, Mari... let us know how you feel the next time you go to a restaurant, EXCHANGE your money for an equal value of food that you chose from the menu, and they bring you something that you not only did not order, but will not, cannot, eat. I fully expect you to honestly say, "Oh, no, I cheerfully gave my meal to a starving person on the street corner and went without dinner that night, having no ill feelings at all toward the restaurant. Oh, no! I'd never send it back!"

That analogy (along with your Blockbuster/McDonald's one) only works if you view gift giving as a business transaction. Clearly you do. Many of us don't.

 

[Princesca]

I don't consider it a business transaction. However, I do consider it a transaction that is consentually entered into under a proscribed set of guidelines that people should be expected to follow. You don't enter into a $20 gift exchange, for example, and spend $5, or $500. You don't enter into a gift exchange where names are drawn and buy a gift for someone other than the name you drew. You shouldn't enter into a gift exchange based on lists and then not use those lists, unless you have no other recourse. It's pretty simple to me.

 

[dsny1mom]

I did say in a previous post that I would just honestly state my experience there. It's up to other people if they want to do business with them, knowing that.

And the price tag was on the item. This was purchased just a week or two before Christmas, so they probably have a pretty good idea if 50% would be fair, or not. But, like I said, it's their rule, and that's fine. Would love it if they could be flexible at all, but they can't, and that's their prerogative.

An item with a price tag attached tells the store nothing about how much was paid for it. Temporary markdowns aren't reflected on a prcie tag and stolen items are usually returned with a price tag attached. By no means am I saying that your gift was stolen, however the retailer doesn't know that, unless you have a reciept.

dsny1mom

 

[crashbb]

It's called a gift exchange:

ex·change/iksˈCHānj/
Noun:
An act of giving one thing and receiving another (esp. of the same type or value) in return.

Even by that definition, the other person fulfilled their "duties". The monetary value of the mug was the same/similar to the monetary value of the gift you contributed (I assume we would have heard your whinging about it if it wasn't).

Nothing in that description says that you have to like the gift you got as much as the person liked the gift you gave.

 

[bellarella]

Not exactly true - you spent money on someone else in the gift exchange, so you are, in effect, out whatever the agreed-upon amount is because you gave with the expectation of receiving, according to the way the exchange is set up.

Look at it this way... if you went to a Blockbuster, and gave them $5 with the expectation of renting a movie for a night worth $5, and instead they gave you a $5 value meal from McDonalds, wouldn't you be irritated? I don't really see that this situation is so different. If someone gave me that gift apropos of nothing, sure... I wouldn't have had the same reaction. It is a kindness that is nothing reciprocal - just a gift. But a gift exchange is different, in my opinion. People participate and agree to abide by the rules of the exchange.

Yup -- this was my last point -- this isn't a GIFT anything if you look at it this way. Your choice; either speak up that you think this tradition isn't working for you anymore, or change your attitude. Personally, I go into gift exchanges choosing to still see them as GIFT exchanges rather than "gift" EXCHANGES. Attitude is everything. If you give freely and stop expecting the exchange to match what you give, it is hard to walk away with the feelings you obviously have about this.

As, I said in my last paragraph, this is an issue between you and your family. The store has nothing to do with it.

 

[Princesca]

Or here's a non-business example...

You and a friend both have children, and are both in occasional need of a babysitter. Though it isn't something you keep score on, it's generally expected that when you babysit their child, they will reciprocate and babysit yours. So you do your part, in this friendly exchange, and then when it comes time for them to do yours, they take your child and deposit them at their local Y childcare, with strangers, while they go off and run their own errands. They still gave you babysitting, fulfilling perhaps the letter of the law, but it's certainly not what you agreed upon when you worked out the way to help each other out as friends.

 

[Princesca]

Even by that definition, the other person fulfilled their "duties". The monetary value of the mug was the same/similar to the monetary value of the gift you contributed (I assume we would have heard your whinging about it if it wasn't).

Nothing in that description says that you have to like the gift you got as much as the person liked the gift you gave.

No, they didn't fulfill the duty. The duty is to abide by the rules of the exchange, to get the person a gift off their list, just like I did the person whose name I drew, and they did theirs, and so on. I don't see how this possibly fulfills their duty.

 

[bellarella]

No, they didn't fulfill the duty. The duty is to abide by the rules of the exchange, to get the person a gift off their list, just like I did the person whose name I drew, and they did theirs, and so on. I don't see how this possibly fulfills their duty.

It seems to me that where this tradition went horribly awry was when the recipients of gifts were allowed to start dictating what forms of holiday good wishes were acceptable and which were not.

 

[livndisney]

“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” - Winnie the Pooh

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Oh my! I can't believe all of this over a $20 mug that the original purchaser probably thought was a great gift. I hate coffee but have been given tons of Starbucks gift cards over the years. I gave them to my dad. I give gifts because I want to, not because I expect something for an exact value off of my list in return. I would hate to be part of a gift exchange where if you did not give the right gift you were looked upon as not fulfilling your contractual duties.

 

[Marionnette]

It's called a gift exchange:

ex·change/iksˈCHānj/
Noun:
An act of giving one thing and receiving another (esp. of the same type or value) in return.

gift noun ('gift)

2: something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gift

I guess it all depends on your perspective and where you place importance on things. I prefer to focus on the "gift" aspect.

 

[Princesca]

Anyway, this conversation has drifted, and having nothing really better to do on a work night is the main reason I've kept with it. A few of you have made some valid, logical points and I really appreciate that and am taking them into consideration. I've already emailed my family about the possibility of the Yankee swap... I think it could really make life a lot easier for us next year, as well as make sure we're all on the same page by eliminating any expectations, really.

To bring the thread back full circle to customer service... as is taught in business school, it takes years to develop loyal customers and just seconds to lose them. My initial point was just that I think more small businesses could profit from remembering this. There are some big corporations that have mastered the concept, but I have generally seen it practiced more often in smaller business, where you have a more intimate relationship with your customer. Nothing really sticks with you more than a real 'WOW' experience with a business... and oftentimes it doesn't even take anything massive, just a real feeling that the business/business owner sympathizes, or understands. It takes maybe thirty more seconds to be a little less terse in a response, and for such a small time investment, it can pay big dividends.

 

[RRL38]

“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.” - Winnie the Pooh

 

[Lewisc]

An item with a price tag attached tells the store nothing about how much was paid for it. Temporary markdowns aren't reflected on a prcie tag and stolen items are usually returned with a price tag attached. By no means am I saying that your gift was stolen, however the retailer doesn't know that, unless you have a reciept.

dsny1mom

The OP was willing to accept 50% as a store credit. Stores frequently only offer the lowest price the item has sold for as a credit. The store could have even said something like the coffee mug was offered as a free with any purchase incentive on a particular date or it was offered for sale on black friday for $1 with a coupon.

The store didn't. Many stores will accept an item for store credit, without a receipt--even against posted store policy--in the week after Christmas. I wonder if the OP made his request in person or on the phone.

I'd have no problem asking for a receipt if the item was the wrong size. Normally I'd agree with the pp and let it go. It sounds like this is a "tradition" to only buy off the list. Assuming that's correct asking for a receipt isn't as bad as it otherwise would sound BUT Is it possible the mug was re gifted because the donor was short cash and didn't have the money available to purchase a gift?