VENT: Tired of being neighborhood drop-off AND food pantry

[DVCisME]

My kids are 5 and 3. I am a stay at home mom. But if you came by my house anytime after 2:30, when the bus arrives, you would think I am the mom of 7 kids, all boys no less.
Two of the 5 year olds are allowed to roam the neighborhood by themselves. One 4 year old gets let out of the house, on the same court, while the dad plays on his phone. On dad actually asked if his kid could come play with my son, both 5, I said sure. Then the dad said ok, I'll be back when dinner is done! I didn't realize I would be watching him. The other child is 4 and I really like his family and would consider them friends. But as he is outside, he has some behavior issues, his mom just sits in her chair.
So my "job" seems to be to break up every fight/disagreement and keep track of all these children. Hate to say it but they also expect me to feed them more than once and drink all of our juice.
Today I had had enough and decided I was taking my kids to the park so it couldn't happen again. My sons and I were just walking in from the bus when one of the kids walks right in as his mother, my friend stays outside talking. He takes all of the toys of my 3yo and had an ice pop and juice box. When they go outside the mom actually was yelling at my son, who was upset that the other child has his toys outside, that he had to share!!! Then we packed up and left...

 

[Hillbeans]

Make it a point to not be home after school for the next 2-3 days or just tell the kids they need to go home.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Make it a point to not be home after school for the next 2-3 days or just tell the kids they need to go home.

Yep. Close shop.

 

[MIGrandma]

They can only do this if you allow it. I understand how frustrating it must be for you, but you're either going to have to stay indoors with your kids and lock the doors, or go to the park to get away from them, or just tell their parents you're not a built in babysitter.

 

[trip]

Don't feed them!! If they are thirsty give them water. If they are hungry send them home. If it's treat time for your kids, bring them in the house or in the back yard (hopefully it's fenced). You don't have to care for everyone on your court. You will be taken advantage of.

 

[iwrbnd]

Oh my goodness I could have written your post! You are living my life! I've tried everything for the past 15 years and nothing works. I've even considered moving! I can have up to 15 kids show up from the neighborhood to play.

It sounds so easy to just say they can't play but the problem is once they show up mine WANT to play. I've tried the "You have to stay outside" deal but then one of my kids will come in to use the bathroom/get a drink/whatever and another child will follow him and then before I realize it there are 5 kids in the house. The list goes on and on with what I've tried and failed. And don't get me even started on the food issue!!!

I'm bumping in on this thread to see if there is any ideas out there I haven't tried!

Hang in there from one koolaid house to another!

 

[Stacerita]

Close your door and learn to say no.

 

[Sorsha]

Boy am I glad I don't live in your neighborhood! Your neighbors sound like real joys. *insert sarcastic smilie here*

Now, mind you, we live in a very close-knit neighborhood, and all of our kids are up and down the street, in and out of eachother's houses and yards quite a bit. If one parent doesn't want them there just then (like baby is sleeping or mom is tired), that's OK, they just relocate. If one of us needs someone to watch their kids for a while, we just ask, someone is always willing, and then next time its their turn to "host". No one takes advantage. Now, I do admit, kids are in my house a LOT because I am the "stay at home mom". If they need somewhere to go when they get off the bus or want somewhere to play, its often here at my house. I don't mind, as long as everyone behaves. I have rules and all the kids know what those rules are, and they are good at behaving.

I keep the fridge well-stocked with Capri Suns, and anyone can always help him or herself to crushed ice and water out of the fridge. I buy cheap snacks in bulk at Costco (goldfish crackers, granola bars, popsicles in summer, popcorn, etc). I don't mind feeding the kiddos when they are feeling snack-ish; I know a lot of their parents have probably fed mine too. Now mind you, when we first moved in here, I asked every one of the families with little kids if A) they minded me giving their kids snacks and B) if there were any food allergies.

Anyhow, I guess the important thing to me is, that kids always need to know that there are places they can go if they are feeling sad or scared or threatened, and it is very important to me that they feel like I will always be there for them, even if they aren't technically *my* kids.

HOWEVER if people were taking advantage like it sounds like your neighbors are, I would definitely have to reconsider my roles and responsibilities.

 

[DVCisME]

I do say no they can't play but there are some problems. One my oldest son might have asperger's and has a hard time making friends, so I do feel bad. Two, I have to fight with five year olds to go home because there are no parents of these children around. I do think that we are going elsewhere at least until Monday. To make the matter worse right now we own a townhouse, so there is no backyard. But good news, we are moving at the end of the month! I think that might also be making matters worse, because I am so stressed out. Usually I don't mind, but this weeks seems to be from hell!

 

[lovebuzz]

Our neighborhood is like this. However, the kids take turns playing at each others houses.

We are moving in 2 weeks. Out of the neighborhhood, and only 2 miles away, but no more spur of the moment play dates. now I will have to call and schedule them. We are going to miss this.

 

[m&m's mom]

I do say no they can't play but there are some problems. One my oldest son might have asperger's and has a hard time making friends, so I do feel bad.

My DD technically is "on the scale" and the best thing for her is a house and neighborhood full of roaming kids. She does not have to make the leap by herself (which she never would do) and gets great social interaction that she would not have otherwise.
Our neighborhood has a lot of both parents home all day. A lot of us work from home and we have some pilots on the street so it is not a matter of one person getting "stuck w/ the kids" and it all works out.

 

[Kirby]

It may be a pain now but one day you may wish you were the home where everyone hung out. It is a great way to keep up with who, what, where and when is going on in your child's life.

Hope your new neighborhood is a lot better!

 

[krcit]

I do say no they can't play but there are some problems. One my oldest son might have asperger's and has a hard time making friends, so I do feel bad. Two, I have to fight with five year olds to go home because there are no parents of these children around. I do think that we are going elsewhere at least until Monday. To make the matter worse right now we own a townhouse, so there is no backyard. But good news, we are moving at the end of the month! I think that might also be making matters worse, because I am so stressed out. Usually I don't mind, but this weeks seems to be from hell!

There's your answer!! You're moving so just try not to get too stressed over it. I can deal with anything if I know it's a finite problem, you knwo what I mean?? I would still take your kids to the park to try to escape but really don't get all worked up b/c in 2 weeks, it's not your problem! I had a similar issue over here with a neighbor. Since I was out side with my kids she felt she could just leave me to watch her kids. Very annoying!

 

[luvmy3]

Send them home with an itemized bill, plus your babysitting fees of course, maybe they will get the hint
I really don't have any advice you haven't heard, you just really need to tell them "no" from time to time. I can relate but once I told the kids that they couldn't come over every time the wanted, it was stress free. I have also read on this board I think that a mom would hang a sign on the door "xxxx" can't come out and play today so that the friends wouldn't even bother ringing the doorbell.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

The best thing I did as a parent was allow the kids at our house when they were little. My house became "a comfort zone" and once they became teenagers we were still the house that everyone came to. Trust me, that is how you will want it later on. Don't sweat the little stuff now. Good luck in your new neighborhood.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Close your door and learn to say no.

Agreed - this is a problem of your own making.