vent...rudeness IMHO

[kellyg403]

So a family member asks to borrow some money. OK, not a problem. The amount is not an issue as it is not thousands of dollars. They want us to Western Union it. DH (his family) says no, he would prefer not to have to pay the fee. He will send a check, MO, cashiers check made out to the particular company in question. They do not have their paperwork for this particular company so they don't know who to make it out too they would rather just have the money so they can pay it on Friday. Big drama conversation ends in asker getting up in arms and yelling about not sending it WU. After the call, dh calls and finds out how much to send it WU. Finds the fee not so bad and calls said relative back. Leaves a message to call him to get the information needed so they can go to WU and get money. No call back nothing. DH is upset that he upset this person. I am upset because 1) I think there is no bill (I didn't mention this to dh..assuming eventually he would think of it himself) 2) think this person is rude..you are asking to borrow money, money I and DH work hard for and if you can't have it your way you think you have a right to be upset and 3) If you ask for money be upfront in the very beginning...i.e. my bank account is overdrawn therefore I can not cash a check, I need the money for something like groceries or whatever, Or how about can I borrow money I am in dire straights at the moment.

And to be clear, no small children involved, both parties work but sometimes we hit hard times. The minute dh said he didn't want to send it WU you should have heard the yelling about inconsideration, whats the big deal etc. I just don't get it. Maybe there is not a good way for people to borrow money from me? Anyway, I use 'borrow' loosely. Lets face it we won't get it back and that is not a problem. We knew that. I told dh, well you called to get the info, they decided to play games because you wouldn't do it all their way right away, no one is ill, in the hospital, had an accident. So no emergency. If they don't you get to keep your hundred bucks. He is really upset about it. Not me, I don't feel bad at all. So...do you think I am less compassionate? That I have been burned and feel like adults who need help should act like adults and not be rude?

Just saying.
Kelly

 

[hentob]

Big drama conversation ends in asker getting up in arms and yelling about not sending it WU.

...And that is where I would wash my hands of this person. I would not even want somebody like this in my life, let alone lend money to them.

Don't give them a dime

 

[kellyg403]

...And that is where I would wash my hands of this person. I would not even want somebody like this in my life, let alone lend money to them.

Don't give them a dime

EXACTLY!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You were supposed to pay up and give in to their demands. How dare you have a say in your money!!!

 

[JESW]

We have let family members "borrow" money from us and it has led to nothing but grief and aggravation - not to mention that we will never see it again. For us it has been thousands of dollars. The bank here is CLOSED. Sorry for your drama but I don't see you having a good ending either....

Jill

 

[lovetoscrap]

Definitely sounds like they don't actually need it for whatever bill they said--they just want the cash--meaning they lied to you and I would have to really wonder what they want the cash for. No way I would use WU-- I would stick to check directly to the company unless they tell the truth and it is something you are willing to support.

Of course the yelling and screaming would actually be the point at which I told them to have a nice life--Bu-bye.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

When they started yelling and screaming, I would have told them "You know...I just remembered an extra bill (or an extra something) I have to pay. Sorry, you'll have to try someone else."

 

[java]

That is beyond rude. Family often forgets manners when it comes to dealing with each other.
I too would not lend the money after that.

 

[RitaZ.]

So, this person asked to "borrow" some money, then got upset when their conditions weren't met?

Your husband is too nice.

 

[ogreenlee]

does the family member have an addiction?

this "anger" happens a lot when their deal isn't met.

that or a bookie he has to pay.

 

[mumom95]

does the family member have an addiction?

this "anger" happens a lot when their deal isn't met.

that or a bookie he has to pay.

This is what crossed my mind.

Regardless, I wouldn't lend/give them the money after the way they reacted.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

does the family member have an addiction?

this "anger" happens a lot when their deal isn't met.

that or a bookie he has to pay.

Good point. They were certainly busted on the bill. I wonder what the money was really for?

I think I would request a copy of the bill so you can send the money in directly. Now it would become a sport to me., ie how much can you piss them off.

 

[EthansMom]

does the family member have an addiction?

this "anger" happens a lot when their deal isn't met.

that or a bookie he has to pay.

I'm going to agree with this. Most all of the people I've known who'd go off in such a way had chemical dependancy issues.

By using WU, they would know they would have the cash tomorrow and could get their fix.

I've NEVER been the type to lend money to anyone. If the person truly NEEDED the money and it was mostly due to unforseen circumstances, then we'd give them an amount we could afford. But, so far, our family members who ask others for money (note, they've never asked us), want the money to help fund their "live beyond their means lifestyle". If, or when, that house of cards falls DH and I wouldn't have enough money to help prop it up.

Now, if one of our nieces or nephews needed medical treatment not covered by insurance (say, for cancer or something), then we'd be there with our checkbook out in a heartbeat.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

If they made up a story, its probably because they are imbarrassed. Personally, I think if you were going to give money, its really no business of yours what its going to. As long as you know you are getting it back at some point, what do you care what its for?? (as long as its not for something illegal)

If your DH didn't want to pay the WU fee, tell them that the fee will be included in the pay back price, simple and done. Seems to me like you guys are the ones who made the big deal out of it. YOU make it out to the company?? Your treating them like children. As I said, give the money, or don't give the money, but why the stipulations??? Are you their mom and dad?

 

[DVC Sadie]

No, you aren't being mean or insensitive.

The giving of money (gift not loan) should not cause you or your DH undue stress. The people who asked to borrow the money sound like they were having a temper tantrum because you wanted to mail them a check and when you tried to call them so you could send it WU they didn't answer the phone.

Don't worry about them, people like them will always find someone to give them money, no matter what it is supposedly for.

 

[Chicago526]

No, your reaction is fine...I'd feel the exact same way in fact. Beggars can't be choosers, but it sounds like your relative is certainly trying!

 

[Disney Doll]

If they made up a story, its probably because they are imbarrassed. Personally, I think if you were going to give money, its really no business of yours what its going to. As long as you know you are getting it back at some point, what do you care what its for?? (as long as its not for something illegal)

If your DH didn't want to pay the WU fee, tell them that the fee will be included in the pay back price, simple and done. Seems to me like you guys are the ones who made the big deal out of it. YOU make it out to the company?? Your treating them like children. As I said, give the money, or don't give the money, but why the stipulations??? Are you their mom and dad?

OK, people who need to borrow money & react the way they did need to be treated like children because clearly they can't handle their life.

OP, my guess is, as PPs have said, that whatever they wanted the $$ for was not what they told you they wanted the $$ for and when you guys called them on it, so to speak, by saying you'd send a check directly to the companyto pay the bill, they freaked.

I wouldn't let it upset me, but I wouldn't be giving them $$ either.

 

[princess momma]

I don't lend out money. It never ends well.

I will help out when and where I can, but only when I won't be needing the money back.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

OK, people who need to borrow money & react the way they did need to be treated like children because clearly they can't handle their life.

OP, my guess is, as PPs have said, that whatever they wanted the $$ for was not what they told you they wanted the $$ for and when you guys called them on it, so to speak, by saying you'd send a check directly to the companyto pay the bill, they freaked.

I wouldn't let it upset me, but I wouldn't be giving them $$ either.

But thats my point. Why does OP need to send a check to the company for them? Are they playing mommy and daddy? If OP doesn't feel that the money will be put to "good use" and that bothers them, then just don't give it. Without knowing these people, maybe they are down on their luck, and are embarrassed by it. Maybe they need to pay that bill, but are asked for a little extra for another reason, and thats why they don't want OP to write the check directly to the company. To me, its none of their business, and doesn't matter what they are going to spend the money on (as long as its legal). If I'm lending the money, I'm lending the money, end of story. As long as I get it back in the long run, it really doesn't matter to me what its going for. Now if this is an on-going situation, then thats something different.

 

[MariDisney]

Are you sure it was indeed the family member on the phone with you? Friends of mine had the exact thing happen except it wasn't REALLY the family member, but someone who had his name and made the call.