Vent: Bullying and Schools!!

[JoiseyMom]

My second grader was bullied this year and he only reported it to a teacher when he started to feel pain...he was pushed to the ground and told to eat dirt...then he said to me, "mommy that didn't bother me but when he kicked me in the stomach that really hurt". He also punched two other boys in the eye when they tried to help my son.
Know what happened to the boy. NOTHING. His parents are going through a separation and he has anger issues. I can guarantee if my son did this to another child he would be expelled. I was also told by other parents that this kid gets away with everything.

OMG!!! Why didn't you go to the police and press assualt charges against this little ***!!!! I don't care what the child is going thorugh!!

 

[JoiseyMom]

OMG, this horrifies me. I am so sorry that your DH was bullied so badly in school, but to do that to another person that is grieving is just heartless. I would never set that example for me children.

I don't think it is heartless at all. This mom went through hell with her son, adn this women's son caused it and she did nothing to stop it. It's called KARMA!!!

 

[MinnieForMe]

We have been there. Hugs! The bus is the absolute worst. Our peditrician says it's the most dangerous time of day for your children. He encouraged us to drive our son to school but I wouldn't back down. We asked for our son to sit in the front few seats with "nicer" kids and things have been much better.

I'll never understand schools. They have "no bullying policies" at schools but all bets are off on the bus!

I hope things get better just continue to be proactive and keep reporting the problems.

 

[JoiseyMom]

First graders can be so cruel, seriously! When my DS17 was in first grade we had problems with his teacher. He similar issues to your (op's) DS, mild asbergers, ADD, etc. Anyway, the teacher would not address these issues (she was just very strict overall though). One day, she would not let him go to the bathroom (around 9am) because "bathroom time" was not until noon, simply asking him why he didn't go before he left the house, and that it shouldn't possibly be an emergency yet anway because it was so early. He had to go so bad that before long he just couldn't hold it anymore, and it all came out in his pants. Obviously, his classmates began to tease him saying "Look, he needs a diaper!" and "EWW! He peed himself!" and he started to ball. The teacher was watching the whole thing, and still wouldn't let the kid go to the nurse, never mind control the other children! Apparently he asked again if he could go and she said "Well, recess will be soon, you can go then." So, she made a six-year-old boy sit in soiled jeans for nearly a half an hour! After I knew what was going on (call from the nurse, who was actually quite good about the situation) I just brought him home for the day and wrote a letter. I don't know how you can let a child sit in the classroom like that, in her place I would've forced the kid to go to the nurse! This is just one of many problems we've had with school, I used to only think that everyone around me was insane, but I'm now starting to feel that I may be the insane one! Is something wrong with me?

OMG!! Did you talk to the principal, the Super. of Schools? This teacher should be reprimanded. This is unacceptable teacher behavior. Did you son stay in that class?? I can't imagine!! So sorry for your DS and what he had to go through.

 

[Snow_White]

Yes, the normal jail sentence in most states calls for the kid to be locked up until they are 9...

WTH!!!!!!!!!!!! It's about sending a message! I guess you approve of that devil's behavior.

Threads like this really make me want to homeschool...

 

[_queenie_]

OMG!! Did you talk to the principal, the Super. of Schools? This teacher should be reprimanded. This is unacceptable teacher behavior. Did you son stay in that class?? I can't imagine!! So sorry for your DS and what he had to go through.

Thanks, the sad part is I've had to deal with worse.

I tried talking to everyone, nobody seemed to care. My DH knows/is friends with about everyone on the school board, not that I've ever expected any special treatment for that, but you'd at least think they would try to help us out a little. One problem at the time though was that the school population was way too large, his class had about 32 students. I really didn't want to switch him to any of the other classes though, his was the smallest! Luckily we were moving (same city different elementary school), so we didn't have to deal with that operation much longer.

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

I don't think it is heartless at all. This mom went through hell with her son, adn this women's son caused it and she did nothing to stop it. It's called KARMA!!!

I don't even know what to say. So many thought are going through my head, and whatever response I post probably won't be nice. So I will just stop reading this thread.

Have a nice day.

 

[JonS99]

WTH!!!!!!!!!!!! It's about sending a message! I guess you approve of that devil's behavior.

Threads like this really make me want to homeschool...

Yes, GREAT answer, then your kid can have the social skills of a hermit...

As a teacher, I get so sick of parents blaming the schools for EVERYTHING, a kid is lacking social skills and the other kids pick on him, lets go ahead and blame the school instead of looking at the parents who haven't taught the kid to interact with other kids.. Instead of griping about the teachers, teach your frickin kids social skills (or if its more convenient for the very lazy parents,pump them up with more pills)..

Yes, the teachers should not allow that to happen, but in todays society the duties of the teachers have changed from educator to babysitters because the parents are, in general, doing a HORRIBLE job of raising their kids, too worried about have dual incomes and the big house, two cards, etc etc etc.. I have been around many parents who can't control ONE kid, many classrooms have THIRTY and as soon as a teacher overlooks something, those very same parents are complaining until they are blue in the face..

 

[Snow_White]

Yes, GREAT answer, then your kid can have the social skills of a hermit...

I can't believe that you are insinuating that homeschooled children have the social skills of a hermit! Homeschooling != living in a bubble. That is so offensive on so many levels that I'm going to have to close my browser before I get some points.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I don't think it is heartless at all. This mom went through hell with her son, adn this women's son caused it and she did nothing to stop it. It's called KARMA!!!

I agree. I just told this story to dh and he said good for her MIL. Grieving or not, revenge is so sweet.
I know I'd be mortified to learn my boys were treating other kids mean even if it wasn't bullying. I constantly strive to teach them to treat others the way they'd want to be treated, no one likes feeling left out, etc. The fact that the bully's mother said "he must have had it coming" just says it all. This is why the bully grew up to be such a loser.
On a side note, I also constantly strive to teach them about never littering. Gum wrappers go in their pockets and if we ever see any trash on the side of a highway, I point out to my kids how ugly it looks and why didn't their parents teach them that a tiny bit of effort to use a trash can goes a long way.
I find it so annoying we stopped getting season passes to the Six Flags nearby b/c the parking lot is sooo full of garbage at the end of the day, you need a bull dozer to clean. Such a nasty crowd.
Not really the same as bullying but just part of overall being considerate of others.

 

[chief19spixi]

Yes, GREAT answer, then your kid can have the social skills of a hermit...

As a teacher, I get so sick of parents blaming the schools for EVERYTHING, a kid is lacking social skills and the other kids pick on him, lets go ahead and blame the school instead of looking at the parents who haven't taught the kid to interact with other kids.. Instead of griping about the teachers, teach your frickin kids social skills (or if its more convenient for the very lazy parents,pump them up with more pills)..

Yes, the teachers should not allow that to happen, but in todays society the duties of the teachers have changed from educator to babysitters because the parents are, in general, doing a HORRIBLE job of raising their kids, too worried about have dual incomes and the big house, two cards, etc etc etc.. I have been around many parents who can't control ONE kid, many classrooms have THIRTY and as soon as a teacher overlooks something, those very same parents are complaining until they are blue in the face..

I agree with everything you have said here with the exception of stating that home school children are hermits.

My daughter was in second grade last year and her TEACHER was the bully! Long story short that teacher put on a show and pulled a few legs but in the end the truth came out and that teacher was pretty much shuned by fellow co workers and my daughter got pulled out of that class and there were only 3 weeks left of school! Im sorry to say that she is still teaching at that school which disturbs me to no end. You know its bad when your students start calling you the warden behind your back!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Yes, GREAT answer, then your kid can have the social skills of a hermit...

As a teacher, I get so sick of parents blaming the schools for EVERYTHING, a kid is lacking social skills and the other kids pick on him, lets go ahead and blame the school instead of looking at the parents who haven't taught the kid to interact with other kids.. Instead of griping about the teachers, teach your frickin kids social skills (or if its more convenient for the very lazy parents,pump them up with more pills)..

Yes, the teachers should not allow that to happen, but in todays society the duties of the teachers have changed from educator to babysitters because the parents are, in general, doing a HORRIBLE job of raising their kids, too worried about have dual incomes and the big house, two cards, etc etc etc.. I have been around many parents who can't control ONE kid, many classrooms have THIRTY and as soon as a teacher overlooks something, those very same parents are complaining until they are blue in the face..

I don't blame schools for a bully's behavior but I think they should discipline improper behavior while kids are at school. How can they just stand there and do nothing while witnessing it?
At the very least, if there's a meeting between the bully's parents and the one being bullied, have the school officials voice that what the bully is doing is wrong since those parents just don't see it. Just to have someone on your side. I wonder if that mom mentioned by a pp would have said,"he must have had it coming" in front of the principal too.
I know of a kid who has really needed medication and was almost non-functional without it. It was like switching a light on when she began taking it and now is graduating college this May. This isn't just a matter of lazy parents!

 

[moxiecola]

My son is 11 and has had a boy bullying him since Kindergarten (he's in 5th now). Our situation isn't quite like yours but it's annoying just the same. I have approached the mother many times, who I do happen to be friendly with. Her response is "boys will be boys," tell your son to tell my son "sticks and stones," "they will sort it out themselves," etc. you get the idea. Her son can do no wrong in her eyes. Just this past weekend we went away for a sports tournament which our 2 younger sons play on the same team together. The older boy which we have issues with told my son he was going to kick the SH$% out of him. The reason? Because my son tried to stop him from bullying another boy by pulling him off the kid as he was beating him up. The mother's response when I spoke with her about it, "my son said he was defending himself because the other boy was throwing snowballs at his head, you know how they are as a group-they will all jump on the band wagon with the popular kid." So in other words her son who is over 5 ft tall was being bullied by a kid who could blow away in the wind and my son was teaming up with the "popular kids" to gang up on HIM??!! So that means it's ok for him to tell my kid he's going to kick the you know what out of him??? Not in my book. There are quite a few families in town that have had an issue with this kid. Nobody speaks up. I do because I know the mother and feel I can speak to her and yet she STILL does nothing. She allows the kid to behave this way and by things she says to him, encourages it. It disgusts me. Keep fighting with those parents and the school system over this. Do not let those bullies take over! Good luck....I feel your pain.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Yes, GREAT answer, then your kid can have the social skills of a hermit...

As a teacher, I get so sick of parents blaming the schools for EVERYTHING, a kid is lacking social skills and the other kids pick on him, lets go ahead and blame the school instead of looking at the parents who haven't taught the kid to interact with other kids.. Instead of griping about the teachers, teach your frickin kids social skills (or if its more convenient for the very lazy parents,pump them up with more pills)..

Yes, the teachers should not allow that to happen, but in todays society the duties of the teachers have changed from educator to babysitters because the parents are, in general, doing a HORRIBLE job of raising their kids, too worried about have dual incomes and the big house, two cards, etc etc etc.. I have been around many parents who can't control ONE kid, many classrooms have THIRTY and as soon as a teacher overlooks something, those very same parents are complaining until they are blue in the face..

Ya know, my son has issues, but they are genetic. Not everything is because of the parents. I am a SAHM, and have been for my DS's entire life. I am there for him, and he has been the way he is since pre-school. It took alot for my dh and I to decide to medicate him and our DD and ya know what, the results were amazing. And their doctor, a Chief of Pediatric Neurology at a very well respected hospital in NJ, is not going to medicate my kids just to make us happy. They are medicated because they have neurological disorders, and need the meds to help them be the best they can be in school and at home.

I can control kids, I rasied to fine sons who are now responsible adults with wonderful lives. Thankfully my older 2 sons didn't have the medical issuses my younger 2 have. We are dealing with our sons social and neurological issues. We are getting him the help he needs at home and at school, we are going OUR job as GOOD parents.

I expect the school system to PROTECT my children from bullies. That is their job, to provide a SAFE place for my child to learn, from the second they get on that bus to the second they get off that bus. I PAY for that service, and I expect that service, and I expect nothing less.

I have the utmost respect for most teachers. My mil is a retired NYC special edcuation teacher, this women has seen it all. She is with us every step of the way to help us with our kids and to make sure that the schools give them what they are entitled too.

Your response is so uncalled for. Have you been reading anything?? Kids today, yesterday and 40 years ago are scape goats for the bigger bullying kids and their uncaring parents. The schools need to step up and shut those kids down and protect the others from them. Not every kid asks for it, and NO CHILD DESERVES TO BE BULLIED!!!!

When it happens in school, and that is where it usually happens it is the TEACHERS, and the ADMINSTRATORS JOBS TO STOP IT!! They are there to teach our kids in a SAFE environment. As a teacher if you don't agree to that, then maybe you should find a new job.

Parents are not perfect, and neither are the teachers. And there are PLENTY of teachers that I wouldn't leave with my dog let alone my children, and many of us have seen them. So please get off your teachers are perfect soapbox and parents are the bad ones. Everyone can take a little blame..but when it comes to bullying in school, the TEACHERS have to stop the bullies!!!

 

[TheDizMom]

Ya know, my son has issues, but they are

I expect the school system to PROTECT my children from bullies. That is their job, to provide a SAFE place for my child to learn, from the second they get on that bus to the second they get off that bus. I PAY for that service, and I expect that service, and I expect nothing less.

I have the utmost respect for most teachers. My mil is a retired NYC special edcuation teacher, this women has seen it all. She is with us every step of the way to help us with our kids and to make sure that the schools give them what they are entitled too.

Your response is so uncalled for. Have you been reading anything?? Kids today, yesterday and 40 years ago are scape goats for the bigger bullying kids and their uncaring parents. The schools need to step up and shut those kids down and protect the others from them. Not every kid asks for it, and NO CHILD DESERVES TO BE BULLIED!!!!

When it happens in school, and that is where it usually happens it is the TEACHERS, and the ADMINSTRATORS JOBS TO STOP IT!! They are there to teach our kids in a SAFE environment. As a teacher if you don't agree to that, then maybe you should find a new job.

Parents are not perfect, and neither are the teachers. And there are PLENTY of teachers that I wouldn't leave with my dog let alone my children, and many of us have seen them. So please get off your teachers are perfect soapbox and parents are the bad ones. Everyone can take a little blame..but when it comes to bullying in school, the TEACHERS have to stop the bullies!!!

genetic. Not everything is because of the parents. I am a SAHM, and have been for my DS's entire life. I am there for him, and he has been the way he is since pre-school. It took alot for my dh and I to decide to medicate him and our DD and ya know what, the results were amazing. And their doctor, a Chief of Pediatric Neurology at a very well respected hospital in NJ, is not going to medicate my kids just to make us happy. They are medicated because they have neurological disorders, and need the meds to help them be the best they can be in school and at home.

I can control kids, I rasied to fine sons who are now responsible adults with wonderful lives. Thankfully my older 2 sons didn't have the medical issuses my younger 2 have. We are dealing with our sons social and neurological issues. We are getting him the help he needs at home and at school, we are going OUR job as GOOD parents.

You are completely right. We as parents have to do our job with our kids, but when they are at school we aren't there to deal with the other child or their parents, and that is where the teacher like it or not has the obligation to step in and put a stop to inappropriate behavior. They of course need to then tell the child's parents about the situation. Yes, teachers can't see everything and be everything with a classroom full of students, but they do have to make the move when necessary. If this is the kind of reaction children are getting from the school when someone is being a bully to them it's no wonder they begin to take matters into their own hands in violent and often deadly ways. There is no one person responsible for everything it's supposed to be a team effort.

 

[wdwdasiy]

erased

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Ya know, my son has issues, but they are genetic. Not everything is because of the parents. I am a SAHM, and have been for my DS's entire life. I am there for him, and he has been the way he is since pre-school. It took alot for my dh and I to decide to medicate him and our DD and ya know what, the results were amazing. And their doctor, a Chief of Pediatric Neurology at a very well respected hospital in NJ, is not going to medicate my kids just to make us happy. They are medicated because they have neurological disorders, and need the meds to help them be the best they can be in school and at home.

I can control kids, I rasied to fine sons who are now responsible adults with wonderful lives. Thankfully my older 2 sons didn't have the medical issuses my younger 2 have. We are dealing with our sons social and neurological issues. We are getting him the help he needs at home and at school, we are going OUR job as GOOD parents.

I expect the school system to PROTECT my children from bullies. That is their job, to provide a SAFE place for my child to learn, from the second they get on that bus to the second they get off that bus. I PAY for that service, and I expect that service, and I expect nothing less.

I have the utmost respect for most teachers. My mil is a retired NYC special edcuation teacher, this women has seen it all. She is with us every step of the way to help us with our kids and to make sure that the schools give them what they are entitled too.

Your response is so uncalled for. Have you been reading anything?? Kids today, yesterday and 40 years ago are scape goats for the bigger bullying kids and their uncaring parents. The schools need to step up and shut those kids down and protect the others from them. Not every kid asks for it, and NO CHILD DESERVES TO BE BULLIED!!!!

When it happens in school, and that is where it usually happens it is the TEACHERS, and the ADMINSTRATORS JOBS TO STOP IT!! They are there to teach our kids in a SAFE environment. As a teacher if you don't agree to that, then maybe you should find a new job.

Parents are not perfect, and neither are the teachers. And there are PLENTY of teachers that I wouldn't leave with my dog let alone my children, and many of us have seen them. So please get off your teachers are perfect soapbox and parents are the bad ones. Everyone can take a little blame..but when it comes to bullying in school, the TEACHERS have to stop the bullies!!!

Very well said.
I'd also like to add (not directed at anyone in particular) that being a working mom doesn't make a bad mom just as being a SAHM doesn't make a good mom. There are kids who run wild, unsupervised, while their moms stay home and can't be bothered. There are working moms who do all they can while they're home and still volunteer @ school, go on field trips, help with parties, etc.
There are good & bad either way.
To the cranky teacher: not all working moms are striving for the big house, etc. Some of us just want to pay for our little house and old car & avoid that thing called poverty. nuff said.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Very well said.
I'd also like to add (not directed at anyone in particular) that being a working mom doesn't make a bad mom just as being a SAHM doesn't make a good mom. There are kids who run wild, unsupervised, while their moms stay home and can't be bothered. There are working moms who do all they can while they're home and still volunteer @ school, go on field trips, help with parties, etc.
There are good & bad either way.
To the cranky teacher: not all working moms are striving for the big house, etc. Some of us just want to pay for our little house and old car & avoid that thing called poverty. nuff said.

Thanks, and you are so right. I went to school full time and worked full time until my older 2 sons were in high school and their youngest brother was born. They turned out pretty good, well most of the time LOL. You can be a good parent if you work outside the hosue and a bad parent if you are home. Working in or out of the home isn't an indicator of your parenting skills.

 

[ellenmiele]

And after reading this thread I am even more convinced than ever of one thing - you can't change the bully. So many stories are the same - no matter who you go to for help, the bullying continues. A few weeks ago I was searching the web for advice about bullying and I stumbled upon a program called Bullies2buddies - here is the link:

http://www.bullies2buddies.com/

When I found this website I thought that the overall concept makes sense - since you can't change the bully, you have to change yourself. I know it may sound odd but if you read the website it does make sense. I have just started talking to my kids about the techniques - we'll see what happens...not sure I really want the bullies to turn into our buddies

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

But, I did want to post a suggestion. I truly feel for all of you who have children being bullied. It is truly an awful thing. At my sons school, all the children...from pre-k all the way up to 8th grade...sign an antibullying contract. It states that they will not bully others, and if they see someone else being bullied, they will take appropriate action. Then there are a list of consequences if they do bully. I believe the school should be working with you, but if they are not, I would round up other parents and present a similar policy to your school department. Get a policy in place to help your kids in the future. It does work, especially since it helps to give the teachers and principles some guidelines in discipline.