Vent about Aunt's response...

[Thumper's Tara]

Okay. I am so mad right now! So here is the timeline...

About 2 weeks ago, I called my aunt to tell her about my Disney wedding. She seemed very excited about it and asked me details about it.

Last weekend, she was visiting my hometown. My DF and I made a special trip (6 hours each way) back to my parents' house for a 24 hour visit just so we could see her. While spending time with her, she brought up her husband's response to the idea of a Disney wedding and how he thought that it wasn't fair that I expected them to travel to Disney for a wedding and spend "all that money" to go there. She said that she thought that she and my other aunt would still be there, but that she didn't think that she would be able to take the whole family because her husband wouldn't necessarily agree with the cost AND that the kids would have school. I replied that the weekend we choose was Martin Luther King, Jr. weekend, so that the kids wouldn't have school. Anyway, she looked like she was honestly thinking about it.

Well, I just got off the phone with my sister and she told me that she discussed it with my aunt several times over the week and she just didn't think that she would be going to my wedding. My aunt didn't think it was fair to make the spend "all that money" and that she would be perfectly okay with having to travel to NY for a wedding, but not Disney. That it wasn't the right thing to do.

I just can't get over the two-timedness (is that a word?). She was cool about it to my face, but then to talk about it that way behind my back is not cool. I would totally understand it if this whole issue was about them not having enough money to go. I could respect that, but it isn't the case. My uncle is a pilot and makes six figures. They have all of their debt paid off, including their mortgage, and just paid $50,000 in cash to remodel their kitchen. I think the whole money thing is being blown out of purportion. I mean, I am not asking them to stay there a week and drop $10,000 on a trip. They would have to travel to Rochester if I had the wedding back home and if I had the wedding here (Westchester), then they would have to travel AND stay in a hotel.

I can't get over why she is saying it isn't fair. I guess I am upset about 2 things - 1) the fact that she is making me sound like a spoiled brat for wanting my wedding at Disney and 2) for the fact that she couldn't say this to my face. I thought I had a good relationship with her. I will get over the fact that she doesn't approve of my Disney Wedding. I was expecting that response for someone - most likely her husband - but I am really hurt by the other part of it.

Oh well, I guess I just need to accept that she won't be there and have my tagline ready..."I am sorry that you won't be able to make it. We will miss you. Hopefully, you will be able to make the at home reception."

Thanks for letting me vent here. Normally, I would call my MOH and vent to her, but for some reason my phone won't allow me to call out long distance. SO, I am sitting here on hold with my phone/cable provider and venting online.

Again, thanks for letting me vent. I so didn't expect this one already.

-TT

 

[TheSawas]

Awww, deary. This happens often with guests. I don't have the courage to tell my own grandmother about my Diseny wedding. You didn't randomly chose Disney for your wedding and you had very good reasons to help you make that decision. You may wish to explain those to your aunt. But do have confidence in yourself and your wedding. Let everyone know what a special day that will be for you. Don't be defensive . . . be kind. They are much more open to understand your decision through kindness.

Don't forget to mention the many discounts they will get as a guest of your wedding and that it doesn't have to be a two-week family vacation. Show them ways to save and they should give you the courtsey of an open mind.

We are all here for you and going through the same thing.

Good luck with your wedding!

Jenny

 

[Thumper's Tara]

Awww, deary. This happens often with guests. I don't have the courage to tell my own grandmother about my Diseny wedding. You didn't randomly chose Disney for your wedding and you had very good reasons to help you make that decision. You may wish to explain those to your aunt. But do have confidence in yourself and your wedding. Let everyone know what a special day that will be for you. Don't be defensive . . . be kind. They are much more open to understand your decision through kindness.

Don't forget to mention the many discounts they will get as a guest of your wedding and that it doesn't have to be a two-week family vacation. Show them ways to save and they should give you the courtsey of an open mind.

We are all here for you and going through the same thing.

Good luck with your wedding!

Jenny

I thought that I had explained the discounts and such to her. I also said that they didn't have to stay long, wouldn't necessarily need tickets, and such, but I think the word Disney = money in some people's minds.

I have also explained that if I have the wedding back home it would grow to be this huge affair with a ton of people I haven't spoken to in years. Not what I had in mind! At Disney it will be a much more intimate affair and it will be really special.

Here I am telling you all this when you guys totally understand!

Oh well. Because my sister told me what my aunt said in confidence, I can't say anything to my aunt about it. My only course of action is to pretend like I don't know.

Sigh.

I can't even talk to DF about this because he is picking up his parents at the airport AND telling them about our discision to have the wedding at Disney. I think I am even more upset about the Aunt thing, because I am scared that his mother is going to have a cow when he tells her.

Okay...it will be okay. I am getting married to my prince in 9 months at the happiest place on earth. What more do I need?

Thanks again!

 

[TheSawas]

Okay...it will be okay. I am getting married to my prince in 9 months at the happiest place on earth. What more do I need?

Thanks again!

That's what I think of when I have wedding planning stress/breakdowns/bridezilla.

You are so right. People assume Disney=money and expense. Well so does a wedding at home!



Jenny

And congratulations to a fellow January 2008 bride!

 

[Lynn5700]

Omg I totally feel you. My aunt flipped out on me too and caled me selfish and made me feel like a spoild brat too.

I was upset at first because she called me selfish and said a lot of other hurtful things but I won't let it change my mind.

It does suck but trust me you will feel better soon. I was a nervous wreck when I had to tell my aunt. I had myself so worried and stressed out that my whole body felt like I got ran over by a truck.

Just remember it's your day it only happens one time and you have to make yourself happy. Don't let people take away your dreams.

 

[Tink143]

Except my source of stress is my own sister!

Totally agree with the comment on an at home wedding! I would so much rather go to my happy place and get married, with very little to stress over, than to have to pick a church (my sister joined a different church, just because she liked one sanctuary where they do weddings - uh hello?) - and not deal with everyone else's opinions on that, find a florist, a reception blah blah blah blah blah.

And I agree with the whole - not having a problem going out of town for another wedding. My mom is engaged too - weird, huh? And she and her fiance have talked about getting married on a Carnival Cruise. She talked it up saying it's only $1500 for the wedding and reception. And my sister said - oh that's not bad. And the whole time I'm thinking, But dear sister, you would have to pay to get on the cruise ship for the "cheap" wedding! Hello!? Contradiction of herself much!?

I got my dad to agree to Mickey and Minnie - so excited about that. Once I said that they could dance with and take pictures with my son, and nieces and nephews - that sold him! (No one please tell me that they won't do that, by the way!)

Anyways, just glad we all have each other to vent to about the stresses of our families. I just don't get how people wouldn't want to go to the happiest place on earth to go to a wedding!

 

[KStarfish82]

It really is your day and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If they are concerned about cost, does that mean you won't receive a gift either?

Ridiculous stuff....you make and decision and be happy!

 

[Tink143]

I thought that I had explained the discounts and such to her. I also said that they didn't have to stay long, wouldn't necessarily need tickets, and such, but I think the word Disney = money in some people's minds.

I have also explained that if I have the wedding back home it would grow to be this huge affair with a ton of people I haven't spoken to in years. Not what I had in mind! At Disney it will be a much more intimate affair and it will be really special.

Here I am telling you all this when you guys totally understand!

Oh well. Because my sister told me what my aunt said in confidence, I can't say anything to my aunt about it. My only course of action is to pretend like I don't know.

Sigh.

I can't even talk to DF about this because he is picking up his parents at the airport AND telling them about our discision to have the wedding at Disney. I think I am even more upset about the Aunt thing, because I am scared that his mother is going to have a cow when he tells her.

Okay...it will be okay. I am getting married to my prince in 9 months at the happiest place on earth. What more do I need?

Thanks again!

Hey, these discounts y'all are talking about, do the DFTW people tell you about those, or is there somewhere I need to be looking? Cause I am in the middle of making an information packet for everyone, and that would help (maybe) to include that! Thanks!

 

[Swmhc]

It is your day. You and your DF do what is right for the two of you. If they can't join in your happiness, that is one thing. If they choose not too, that is their loss. Enjoy your day !!! You've got friends here on the dis.

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

wow theres been alot of catty family members trying to spoil all these DFTW brides thunder?!?!?

Whats happened to the world!?!?!

I bet if you had it at home, someone would complain about something,,,why....its human nature!!! at least that what seems like lately

I would consider it their loss & keep your positive spirit & good attitude ...things will be awesome with or without them

 

[Lynn5700]

You know what I realized after I had gotten engaged..... that your wedding is supposed to be about you but other people tend to make it about them.

Why spend thousands and thousands of dollars to make your geusts happy. I just feel that weddings are not for what they are supposed to be for. Its about a happy couple that want to start thier lives together.

I feel as if the only reason people have extravagant weddings is to show off for the guests.

I went thru the whole planning process of doing the big wedding here at home and we just were not happy. We are so excited to have our wedding in Disney and whoever comes to share it with us will be great but I refuse to change my mind to make one person happy. Sorry this is our wedding not my guests.

 

[auroralark]

I usually lurk on this board because I'm not having a Disney wedding, but I just have to say your aunt sounds just like my FI's mother. She also said nice things about the Disney wedding idea to my face and bashed it behind my back. In the end, FI really wanted to have the wedding close to home (we are in Westchester as well!) so I gave up on the Disney wedding idea. (My parents and my family were all for it - we love Disney!)

Anyway, I feel your pain. I still wish we were having a Disney wedding. If it's really what you want and you don't mind if they come or not, just do it. Their loss! Not a week goes by where I don't wish I was having a Disney wedding. It's what a really wanted. I know my home wedding will be very nice, and FI did promise me a Disney vow renewal, but I get very jealous looking at everyone's beautiful Disney wedding pictures!

I guess what I was trying to say in all of that is do what you and your FI want...don't worry about the other people. In the end it's your wedding, not theirs.

 

[FayeW]

You know what I realized after I had gotten engaged..... that your wedding is supposed to be about you but other people tend to make it about them.

Why spend thousands and thousands of dollars to make your geusts happy. I just feel that weddings are not for what they are supposed to be for. Its about a happy couple that want to start thier lives together.

I feel as if the only reason people have extravagant weddings is to show off for the guests.

I went thru the whole planning process of doing the big wedding here at home and we just were not happy. We are so excited to have our wedding in Disney and whoever comes to share it with us will be great but I refuse to change my mind to make one person happy. Sorry this is our wedding not my guests.

Boy, have you got your priorities wrong! You should want to make your guests happy. YOU ARE THE HOST! If you truly thought it was about "a happy couple that want to start your lives together" you would elope and start working on the marriage, not focusing on a wedding where you don't care about your guests.

 

[Lynn5700]

Boy, have you got your priorities wrong! You should want to make your guests happy. YOU ARE THE HOST! If you truly thought it was about "a happy couple that want to start your lives together" you would elope and start working on the marriage, not focusing on a wedding where you don't care about your guests.

Ok well that may be your point of it but I refuse to change MY wedding plans because one person can't go.. IF THEY WANT TO THEY CAN COME!!!!! Nobody is pulling their guests arms and making them go and MAKING THEM PAY too. We are basically eloping just asking people if they want to go.

I appreciate that my guests will be coming and spending the money but I am nor is the person who started this post forcing them to go. We are giving them an oppurtunity to share OUR SPECIAL DAY.

And BTW you sound like someone from theknot.com In another post you post nothing but stupid and ignorant remarks. If you don't like what people are venting about then don't post here. Yeah I realize that this is a National board but don't qoute me if you are going to have anything ignorant to say. I am right in the way I think.
Oh and btw if I was even going to go have my wedding is Vegas I would still ask people if they want to go. I want to share it with my family and close friends that's why we asked.

I'm done I don't even want to waste my time trying to proove a point to somebody like you. Ho way and leave the wedding boards. Your advice is horrible

 

[Lynn5700]

Oh and I forgot. You misunderstood what I was saying about making geusts happy. I will make sure they enjoy themselves at the wedding and that they will be very taken care of.

I'm just saying that I will not change my wedding for someone who wants me to have it somewhere where we don't.

 

[Maggimus]

Boy, have you got your priorities wrong! You should want to make your guests happy. YOU ARE THE HOST! If you truly thought it was about "a happy couple that want to start your lives together" you would elope and start working on the marriage, not focusing on a wedding where you don't care about your guests.

I frequent this board a lot-- and Ive noticed that you have only posted on threads where you provide a lot of negative feedback. I don't understand it.

I'm afraid that here, on this board, you will find that a lot of the brides do feel that this is 'their wedding day'-- because, well, IT IS! Its the only day that they have that is ALL ABOUT THEM. I completely agree with Lynn-- she should do what makes HER happy-- and her guests should be very pleased to be able to be there in celebration of 'their day'... not 'the day that we celebrate the guests'.

You wont find a lot of support here about what you just said-- and i'm afraid with your negative feedback you have turned 2 threads now in a downward spiral. We very rarely have trouble on this board and I don't understand why we are having it now. Please don't take this the wrong way-- I do believe your opinions are of great value. But throwing in a nice comment every now and again wont exactly hurt you-- especially considering the brides here are having enough stress on their own-- without less than nice comments on the DIS boards.

JMO

 

[FayeW]

Ok well that may be your point of it but I refuse to change MY wedding plans because one person can't go.. IF THEY WANT TO THEY CAN COME!!!!! Nobody is pulling their guests arms and making them go and MAKING THEM PAY too. We are basically eloping just asking people if they want to go.

I appreciate that my guests will be coming and spending the money but I am nor is the person who started this post forcing them to go. We are giving them an oppurtunity to share OUR SPECIAL DAY.

And BTW you sound like someone from theknot.com In another post you post nothing but stupid and ignorant remarks. If you don't like what people are venting about then don't post here. Yeah I realize that this is a National board but don't qoute me if you are going to have anything ignorant to say. I am right in the way I think.
Oh and btw if I was even going to go have my wedding is Vegas I would still ask people if they want to go. I want to share it with my family and close friends that's why we asked.

I'm done I don't even want to waste my time trying to proove a point to somebody like you. Ho way and leave the wedding boards. Your advice is horrible

I didn't suggest you change your plans. Nor did I give you any advice. It is pretty hard to misunderstand a post that says "why spend thousands and thousands of dollars to make your guests happy". That's pretty self explanatory.

And actually, this is an INTERnational board. I was a bride once myself, and perhaps all the brides-to-be are going to say all the things you want to hear, but I am going to tell it like it is. People, in general, are not honoured to be invited. They are not honoured to spend your special day with you. Most of the threads on the CB about weddings will tell you that the invitees and the participants mostly see it as a duty and a financial hardship. THAT is the reality. Nobody respects a bridezilla. NOBODY.

 

[Maggimus]

I didn't suggest you change your plans. Nor did I give you any advice. It is pretty hard to misunderstand a post that says "why spend thousands and thousands of dollars to make your guests happy". That's pretty self explanatory.

And actually, this is an INTERnational board. I was a bride once myself, and perhaps all the brides-to-be are going to say all the things you want to hear, but I am going to tell it like it is. People, in general, are not honoured to be invited. They are not honoured to spend your special day with you. Most of the threads on the CB about weddings will tell you that the invitees and the participants mostly see it as a duty and a financial hardship. THAT is the reality. Nobody respects a bridezilla. NOBODY.

...and NOBODY MUST attend. It is a decision and you make it. The day is about the couple-- hello-- its wedding? You are invited to MR. & MRS wedding-- not the wedding all about the guests , what do you want so we can cater to your every need, make your light bill, and get you comfy chairs to sit in with nice pillows.

You are right, this is an international board but its for people who are getting married at walt disney world or honeymooning. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion-- and we accept peoples opinions who arent like the OP-- but you are a little less than tactful about presenting it. JMO

 

[msmayor]

I can completely understand why a bride would be disappointed that certain guests she wants to share her special day with cannot be there...for whatever reason.

Its very generous that many of you have chosen to offset some of the costs for these guests.

But what you must also realize is that the cost is not just monetary...there is a time factor involved.

Regardless of whether the wedding is held over a holiday weekend or not, your plans involve your guests taking more that the usual one or two days out of their lives to participate. It still may require them to take time off work. And no matter what anyone thinks, just being at Disney is going to cause them to spend money...money they may have planned and budgeted for some other type of vacation they wanted to take their family on.

Its simply not fair for you to be so offended that they are choosing to forego being there. Most of them will, I'm sure, be disappointed that they won't be there...but its THEIR choice.

As others have stated, if this is your dream to marry at Disney, its just that...YOURS. Keep it yours, make it what you want...but understand that your choice may involve compromise in who can be there.

 

[FayeW]

I frequent this board a lot-- and Ive noticed that you have only posted on threads where you provide a lot of negative feedback. I don't understand it.

I'm afraid that here, on this board, you will find that a lot of the brides do feel that this is 'their wedding day'-- because, well, IT IS! Its the only day that they have that is ALL ABOUT THEM. I completely agree with Lynn-- she should do what makes HER happy-- and her guests should be very pleased to be able to be there in celebration of 'their day'... not 'the day that we celebrate the guests'.

You wont find a lot of support here about what you just said-- and i'm afraid with your negative feedback you have turned 2 threads now in a downward spiral. We very rarely have trouble on this board and I don't understand why we are having it now. Please don't take this the wrong way-- I do believe your opinions are of great value. But throwing in a nice comment every now and again wont exactly hurt you-- especially considering the brides here are having enough stress on their own-- without less than nice comments on the DIS boards.

JMO

I appreciate your comments. I very rarely post on this board. Actually, only when the first topic catches my eye, as one did today, which led to me viewing a second, similar, topic. I have been married for 17 yrs (next month) and frankly I just don't understand the attitude of brides in this day and age. I wasn't negative in the other thread. I just told the OP (rather politely, I thought) that she should let her sister of the hook for the MOH duties. A couple of other posters misquoted or misunderstood the OP's original post, and I corrected THEM. I wasn't about to let them jump on the bandwagon without correct information. In future I will remember that brides on this board must never be corrected, told they are wrong or be shown a different point of view. I will also remember that if I venture onto this board for any reason, I can only blow smoke up their butts like everybody else.