Utah? Anyone? Completely and totally of topic!!!

[Mickey'snewestfan]

A friend of mine (not my partner or girlfriend) and I are planning on taking our kids on a ski trip for the kids' spring break. We found an incredible deal on tickets to Salt Lake City and snagged them, but now I'm starting to wonder if that was a good idea.

Here's the issue: My friend and I are both middle aged white women, our kids (one hers and one mine) are both African American, with dark enough skin that it's pretty apparent that we didn't give birth to them. When we travel together, or even just go together to a party, it's not uncommon for people to assume that we're a couple and that both of us are the parents of both kids.

In the area we live in and social circles we travel in, that's fine, because there's no "judgement" attached to it. If appropriate we'll correct them (e.g. if someone says something like "your daughter's so smart", I'll say "actually she's Melanie's daughter, Jonah's my only child", or if they ask where "we" live I'll say "I live . . ., and Mel live in . . . ". However, there have been a couple of moments when we've travel where we've gotten comments or looks, or other behavior from people who clearly disapprove of us. For example, we stayed at a hotel with a pool once. The pool didn't have a lifeguard, but the guy in the office could monitor it on a monitor. Every single time our kids did something remotely against the rules (e.g. running a step before we told them to stop, taking a toy in the pool, going in the hot tub, swimming without one of us physically in the water) he'd come out and yell at them and us, even though around us there were lots of other kids doing all of those things to a much greater degree (e.g. other kids are in hot tub for 20 minutes, ours stick their feet in and he comes and yells at them, but doesn't say anything to the others who are younger and still sitting in the tub).

I'm not sure how much of this is racism, how much is homophobia, and how much is "adoptism", but to be honest I'd rather not deal with it on vacation. I'd also really rather not correct people's misconceptions that are leading to it -- e.g. I'm not going to say "I'm not gay so don't discriminate against us" because I feel like it carries an unspoken message of "if I were it would be OK". My son is a very bright little guy and he would certainly pick up on that message.

So, my question is, am I going to have trouble in Utah? Will we be miserable? Are there some resorts or areas that we would feel more comfortable in? I know I'm stereotyping Utah, and I'm sorry, but I'd love to hear from people about their experiences there.

 

[Viki]

All good questions. My partner and I are two middle aged white women with two African American teens that we've raised since birth and we've traveled quite a bit, even through Utah. In eighteen years of this the only REAL time we felt threatened by people's reactions was at a 4H Fair near Erie PA. The vibe was so wrong and so strong we literally fled after only 30 minutes of walking the grounds - and I am really not the fleeing kind

In Utah we were fine, but really we were only passing through.

I know we've got some folk from Utah on these boards, perhaps one of them will see this post and chime in.

 

[PghLybrt]

In eighteen years of this the only REAL time we felt threatened by people's reactions was at a 4H Fair near Erie PA. The vibe was so wrong and so strong we literally fled after only 30 minutes of walking the grounds - and I am really not the fleeing kind

.

Sorry to comment off topic but in Erie really!! was it more in the farm country of erie? I lived there for 8 years and never had any problems or situations. I am so sorry that you encountered it.

 

[Viki]

Sorry to comment off topic but in Erie really!! was it more in the farm country of erie? I lived there for 8 years and never had any problems or situations. I am so sorry that you encountered it.

Yes it was much closer to the farm country than the city. For several years we visited Conneaut Amusement part - this was before the adoptions were final and we couldn't leave the state.

 

[LoveMyLAP-BAND]

Hi,

I lived in Utah for four years. On the surface, people are very friendly and nice so I don't think you'll have any problems. I would recommend Park City- it's about an hour up the mountains from SLC and has wonderful skiing. I used to say that Park City is "in" Utah but not "of" Utah. It is more "mixed" and it is a beautiful little place. Great skiing, great restaurants, great shops.

Have a great time and don't worry about it. Just don't move there.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

I was hoping Utahmama might spot your post and chime in. She is a very funny (and totally adorable/sweet) lady. I am from the state next door (culturally though -- pretty dang similar) and I don't think you are likely to run into any more problems in Utah than anywhere else -- maybe less. Cross race adoption isn't uncommon (and highly regarded at that) and neither are instances of women travelling/vacationing together (frankly -- most of us couldn't spot a lesbian if our lives depended on it).
Lotsa snow right now -- I'd say "Go for it!"

 

[Vijoge]

I'm guessing you will be fine. I have a friend (African American male) who lives with his significant other (Caucasion female) in Utah (in a small town at that). He's lived in Utah for years and wouldn't live anywhere else (unless he gets his dream job and moves to Texas!). I'll ask him what he thinks and let you know.

 

[Vijoge]

I asked and this is what he said:

Hi Sweetie,

You're correct in asking me. I feel I am very in tuned to the racial attitude in Utah. If you can......send this to them.



Utah is a very nice place to live or visit. It is also easily "The kid capitol" of the United States. There are more kids per capita here

then anywhere else in our country.



On the subject of racism: It's a very strange place racially. Adults are not treated the same way as children. Where and how do I start this?....Hummmm. There are a few kids (Black) here that are being raised by white families, and some single white females as well. Not knowing for sure but I also think that a great deal of these children are from Africa. Most (Black) adults here are either college athletes or from Africa. There are very few people here like myself. I chose to live here, and I've enjoyed it very much. There is racism everywhere you go, so to let that bother you is foolish. For the most part the "LDS" (Mormons) believe in strong family values, contributing to your community, and just being the best person you can be.



Children are treated like gold here (All Children). No place is perfect, but this place comes real close.



I feel that I've had or lost some job positions because I'm black, but then when one door closes several others tend to open. Such is the case with me anyway.



To the "LDS" children are our most important resource.



Suffice to say...A white or two white females with black kids shouldn't have any problem here. In fact if they needed any kind of assistance, they would get it in a heartbeat.



I’m not a skier, but I’ve performed at most of the resorts around here at one time or another. You must remember that Utah is a major ski state, and a lot of people from all over the world come here to ski.



I say this for this reason. If they do encounter a problem, or attitude, it probably won’t be caused by a native Utah’n.



Believe it or not, they seem to still be fascinated by black people. I get asked a lot “How do you like it here” I tell them I love it. Let me know how this turns out.

Hope this helps

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Thanks everyone, you have put my mind at ease!