Upset Daddy

[Jaxy0408]

I have a five yr old son who for the last month has been getting u at 3am and coming in mine and wife's room and asking her to put him back to bed. For the first couple of weeks she just went along, I warned her she was starting a bad habit but I let it be. Every night he comes in she is getting more upset, I am trying to mind my business cause he goes to her knowing she will give in. He cries she cries we all wake up.

Anyhow when putting him to bed tonight he started crying so I left his room with him crying. My wife says I was being mean. I want him to understand just cause he cries does not mean he gets what he wants. I let him cry or a half hour and then had him go pee and back to bed. I told him if he wakes mommy or daddy or big sister up in middle of night I was gonna lock our doors. After a last kiss good night I talked to his sister and explained I am not trying to be mean just need him to understand the crying thing she says she understands. She is 8 and loves to sleep....

I feel bad. My wife is mad at me but I love my son but I know we all need sleep. Please someone give me ideas if he don't sleep through the night.

Disney couple weeks away I need a vacation

Thanks From a sad Dad

 

[mrsklamc]

Is he scared of the dark or something?

 

[happygirl]

Is this a brand new thing? Has his routine changed has he started school or a new daycare

 

[kidzmom3]

threatening to Lock the Doors is a bit extreme. You need to work with a child this age to find out 1. what is the problem? 2. Is there anything in his routine that needs to be fixed

If it truly is just a bad habit, then you calmly and with love try to break this habit. One night is not going to do it and in my opionion you are being unreasonable to a 3 year old.

 

[Jaxy0408]

Nothing has really changed he woke up one night and said he had to pee. The next night it was turn on my radio. The next I just want a kiss. my wife always did everything for him. I asked him are you scared of something "no". Did you here a noise "No". Now its just a habit. i pray he sleeps tonight I do not ant to be bad guy, and if he sleeps I want to take him out tom and get him a new book. Just the two of us cause now I feel like the bad guy. Wife is sleeping on couch so far, kinda funny. She never goes down stairs after nine. i just feel like I need to try a different approach with him.

 

[mrsklamc]

One night is not going to do it and in my opionion you are being unreasonable to a 3 year old.

The son is 5, not 3.

 

[happygirl]

threatening to Lock the Doors is a bit extreme. You need to work with a child this age to find out 1. what is the problem? 2. Is there anything in his routine that needs to be fixed

If it truly is just a bad habit, then you calmly and with love try to break this habit. One night is not going to do it and in my opionion you are being unreasonable to a 3 year old.

I think the kid is 5

 

[Jaxy0408]

He will be six in Dec.

 

[lisateaches]

Assuming nothing is wrong, here is what I remind my husband.

Are you willing to do that indefinitely? He's up for the "QUICK FIX" in the middle of the night. I remind him it fixes nothing, but sets up a new habit. He is starting to see the wisdom of my ways. Our daughter started that at 2.5 and trust me it is really hard to explain to her. They won't be harmed from crying- assuming nothing is wrong.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I have a five yr old son who for the last month has been getting u at 3am and coming in mine and wife's room and asking her to put him back to bed. For the first couple of weeks she just went along, I warned her she was starting a bad habit but I let it be. Every night he comes in she is getting more upset, I am trying to mind my business cause he goes to her knowing she will give in. He cries she cries we all wake up.

Anyhow when putting him to bed tonight he started crying so I left his room with him crying. My wife says I was being mean. I want him to understand just cause he cries does not mean he gets what he wants. I let him cry or a half hour and then had him go pee and back to bed. I told him if he wakes mommy or daddy or big sister up in middle of night I was gonna lock our doors. After a last kiss good night I talked to his sister and explained I am not trying to be mean just need him to understand the crying thing she says she understands. She is 8 and loves to sleep....

I feel bad. My wife is mad at me but I love my son but I know we all need sleep. Please someone give me ideas if he don't sleep through the night.

Disney couple weeks away I need a vacation

Thanks From a sad Dad

If I remember correctly, my kids went through night terrors at that age (maybe a little younger). About an hour and a half after falling asleep, they'd wake up upset and crying, for no reason that they could tell us.

Bizarre thing -- I bought a southwestern dream catcher for each one -- before bed, I explained the story (it's online, too), and neither one ever had one again (almost 6 years apart).

DD would still often get up and come in to our room -- for a while, we kept a blanket on the floor for her beside the bed. Then we weaned her by having a goal -- first a night, then two, etc. without going to our bedroom, and had a treat at the end of the week. She still (at 12) has some troubles, but she has an iPod speaker system and listens to music when she has trouble.

It's a phase -- it'll pass. Has DS started kindergarten or preschool? Sometimes it's just the changes in routine that can affect sleep.

Hang in there.

 

[C.Ann]

threatening to Lock the Doors is a bit extreme. You need to work with a child this age to find out 1. what is the problem? 2. Is there anything in his routine that needs to be fixed

If it truly is just a bad habit, then you calmly and with love try to break this habit.

Really not comfortable with the threat of locking doors..

 

[rascalmom]

We went through this with one of ours at about that age - it was out of character because she'd always been a good sleeper. Turned out she had a urinary tract infection.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I have a five yr old son who for the last month has been getting us at 3am

Kindergarten? School anxiety?

Maybe if you better understand where it's coming from you can better deal with it. Remember he's just 5 and has had a major change in his life. Every kid is different but with him, it may just take him a little extra time to adjust. Try to stay even tempered here or his anxiety could increase.

Have you ever read Ferber?

 

[kidzmom3]

sorry about the age mix up!

I stand by my statements even with a 5 year old. If this is a new habit, something is going on his little mind. Threatening him (and yes I can tell you do love him and would never harm him) would not be my way of dealing with it. Do you personally respond well to threats? I believe it breaks the parent child trust bond. Anxiety issues are known to come out around first grade. When children begin the first steps to realizing that their world is not invulnerable.

 

[happygirl]

Really not comfortable with the threat of locking doors..

I have no problems with parents locking there doors, If they lock the kids in there rooms that another story

 

[mrsklamc]

He cries she cries we all wake up.

Why does she cry? Just cause he's crying?

 

[brockash]

threatening to Lock the Doors is a bit extreme. You need to work with a child this age to find out 1. what is the problem? 2. Is there anything in his routine that needs to be fixed

If it truly is just a bad habit, then you calmly and with love try to break this habit. One night is not going to do it and in my opionion you are being unreasonable to a 3 year old.

ITA! That sounds pretty ridiculous You're going to lock your doors, so when/if your 5 year old gets up in the middle of the night he/she can roam the house freely, getting into who knows what? It sounds mean and unsafe; not to mention I find it pretty hard to believe that your wife would go along with it.

You might want to try putting a gate up. I get that the 5 year old can take it off if he wants, but it's more to set a boundary. If he does still get up and get through the gate; either you or your wife could just take him straight back to bed, with very little interaction. If he really is doing it just because it's a bad habit, then at this point, he's getting something out of it. If you just take him back to bed immediately without much interaction, then him getting up and going to your room will stop being worth it to him. If you can't get your wife on the same page though as this, than I'd just let her deal with it, and try your hardest to ignore it and sleep through it. Getting up in the middle of the night sometimes is kinda just part of being a parent. Both my kids have gone through stages of getting up at night. They'll get over it. If it really bothers you that much, leave it for your wife and work on ignoring it.

 

[Disney Doll]

First of all, tell your wife to stop crying. She's the parent, for God's sake..

And yes, it's a habit. And yes, you have to break it. And yes, there will be some tough nights till you do.

I agree with you, FWIW.

 

[mrsklamc]

ITA! That sounds pretty ridiculous You're going to lock your doors, so when/if your 3 year old gets up in the middle of the night he/she can roam the house freely, getting into who knows what?

If it really bothers you that much, leave it for your wife and work on ignoring it.

1) the kid is not 3

2) if the wife starts crying because her kid is crying, she's in no position to handle it.

 

[YodaGirl]

I know most won't agree with this, but about a 1.5 years ago, DD started getting in our bed in the middle of the night. She didn't wake us up, and we wouldn't know until the morning. About a year ago, she started sleeping in our bed the entire night. She goes through spurts of wanting to sleep in our bed and wanting to sleep in her own bed. At this point, I'm pretty sure that she's done sleeping in our bed. She's really content in hers. For us, it's not something that we're that concerned about. She'll only be little for so long, and I'm fairly certain that she won't be sleeping in our bed at 16.

Really not comfortable with the threat of locking doors..

I was unclear as to who's door that he is locking, but if he is locking the child's door, that could be pretty dangerous in a fire.