**Update** Pet lovers - I could use some advice

[chrissyk]

**Update on page 2**

I really need some advice, and I welcome all opinions. Our cat has never been healthy. We've had him since he was 8 weeks-old, and he's now 10 years-old. He's been sick with a laundry list of things since we got him, the most serious being recurrent urinary blockages (potentially deadly). Last year, he underwent a "salvage" surgery to reroute his urethra through his abdomen because of a catheterization-gone-wrong (for yet another blockage). In retrospect, we hugely regret doing the surgery. We should have been selfless and let him go. Hindsight is 20/20, though. In the 8 months since the surgery, he has had several severe UTI's. We can't control these infections because of the shortness of his urethra combined with where it now opens. Dirt and bacteria just get up in there. Our vet says that there is just nothing we can do about it.

Anyways, here is the situation. We decided that when he got his next UTI, we would be selfless and let him go. We're like 99.9% sure that he has a UTI (just from subtle behavioral cues that he demonstrated during the last 2 UTIs), but he has been so aggressive at the vet that our vet couldn't get a urine sample. He has been defecating outside of the litterbox (twice in the last week), and he NEVER does this and it's not behavioral. I saw him do it once last week, and it was like he didn't even realize that he'd gone to the bathroom. Then, he'll have a string of days when he uses the litterbox like normal.

Otherwise he's acting like himself if that makes sense. He's still eating and drinking, he still comes to bed with us and purrs when you pat him, he still plays with his toys, etc. Our vet said that he is experiencing bowel incontinence and "multi-system failure," and he seemed to be indicating that it was time. 3 times in the past week, we've made the appt. to euthanize and then moved it out a few days. We have an appt. for tomorrow morning, and I'm sick over it. I know that DH is too. We don't want to put our pet through pain, but we can't tell if he's in pain. We don't know what to do. Part of me wants to call up and cancel the appt., but I know that either way this is coming soon. Do we wait until our cat shows us more clear signs of being in pain, or do we let him go now? This is really hard. If you've read this far, thanks.

 

[CookieGVB]

It's a tough decision. If your vet has been hinting that he's having "multi-system shutdowns", it sounds like he thinks the time has come, or is preparing you for that time.

You'll do whatever your heart feels is best.

 

[Virgo10]

Well first of all many to you and your kitty. The only thing that comes to mind is maybe getting a second opinion. No offense to your Vet but someone new might have a different take on the situation. Is there a major Vet hospital near you? That might be another option.

What a hard place to be in for you. When we lost our last cat, there was absolutely no doubt it was time to let him go. I can certainly understand your hesitancy in this case.

Please keep us informed of what happens. Best wishes to you and to the kitty too.

 

[chrissyk]

How do you know when the right time is, though? I feel like just picking a day is so arbitrary. I don't like feeling like I'm playing God. In retrospect, the "right time" was 8 months ago, but that doesn't change the present. I just hate how arbitrary this feels.

Virgo10, this is the 2nd opinion as far as the UTI's go. The ACVS surgeon warned us that his urethra was so short that she had a hard time even finding it when she was doing the surgery. We knew that the recurrent UTI's were a risk, but we didn't think that they'd be constant or that the very strong antibiotics wouldn't be able to get rid of them. I think that what's so tough is that our vet can't get a urine sample to even say that our cat has a bad UTI for sure. I know in my gut that he does, but that's not enough for me. We don't want to put him on more antibiotics because those do make him suffer by feeling sick, and they don't clear up the infection for very long before it recurs.

 

[jbdreamer]

I am so sorry, what a hard choice to make. I would be at a loss of what to do as well.

 

[debden]

I'm so sorry you and your pet are going through this.It is such a difficult decision wether to have your pet put to sleep or not.You love them and want the best for them and of course that includes being comfortable and not in pain.
We just recently had to make that same decision only our pet was 14yrs old and had CRF (Kidney Failure).It was so tuff to say goodbye.So difficult to bring him into the vets office and watch him die.Not an easy decision at all but it's one all pet owners need to make at one point in time or another.
Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is never an easy one.
No one can tell you when it's time.Only you know for sure.
I know my boy wanted to stay with us till the end but the thought of him dying in pain was worse than the thought of having him go peacefully with us by his side.
Good luck.I know you'll make the right decision.
Debbie

 

[chrissyk]

Debbie, how did you know for sure when it was time? Was it just a matter of getting the diagnosis and being selfless enough to see him go before he was in a lot of pain? Did it seem arbitrary to you as to just picking a day to do it? I think that that's what's getting to me. I know that our cat is not long for this world, but I also know that he would probably be OK for another week, or another month, or whatever before he was in real pain again.

 

[eclectics]

What a rough thing to have to go through. I'm so sorry. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I think you'll be the only one who knows when the time is right. The only thing I can offer is that cats are very good at masking pain and sometimes it's hard to tell how they are really feeling. My thoughts and prayers go out for all of you.

 

[LUV4EEYORE]

Sorry to here what you are going through. I had a cat, Newcents yes I know it is a weird name but she was my sisters cat first so I take no blame. Anyway, I had News the last 16 years of her life, she was 21 when I finally had to put her down. She had stopped using her litter box was my first clue that something was wrong, then the weight loss stated literally overnight andshe started sleeping alot more but also started being glued to my side wherever I was. I think that ther was other signs before I figured were from old age.I took her to the vet thinking medicine or something was all that was needed. They opened her mouth to check her out and she had a huge mass under her tounge that I had not seen. I still to this day regret that I did not know, and that my cat who trusted me to love and protect her had to be put down that day. She was telling me all that time as I look back that she needed my help to go and I just did not see or maybe ignored it but what I amd trying to say is that maybe it is for the best if you can be strong enough to let him go. I know it is hard and I am sorry. I also think that a second opinion is not a bad idea if it helps him and maybe you.

 

[mickey65]

I am sorry you are facing this decision. It is never an easy one. I don't know what advice to offer but I can share my story with you when I was faced with the decision. My Lucy kitty go sick quickly, she had high blood pressure and lost her sight. We got her on meds for that. She was still eating and drinking and playing and wanting to cuddle. My friends said I shoul let her go, but I knew in my heart it was not time. Then she needed meds for thyroid. She gradually started sleeping more and playing less. At the encouragement of my friends, I made the appt. But I could just not do it (maybe it was time for her but I was not ready..selfish I know). I had another 6 months with her before her decline became more and she stopped playing and had more difficulty. I knew in my heart it was her time. I made the appointment and did what I knew was the best choice for my darling kitty. She purred and cuddled right up until her last breath. I was greatful for the extra time I had with her and thankful I did not listen to my friends who encouraged me to let her go the 6 months before. They did not see her everyday and did not understand that she was still playing and cuddling. They saw her blindness and that she was sick. Probably the rational side is what they saw.
Listen to your heart and your soul. I know it is a very difficult decision. I know some people will say that do the humane thing, but the fact is, you are the one who knows your kitty the best and you alone have to make that decision when you know the time is right.
My thoughts will be with you.

 

[jacksonsmom]

Hi ChrissyK

First I want to offer you a
I am not sure if you remember me but I had a baby kitten last year (Herbie) that you helped me with. He had a urine blockage also, from an injury he got has a tiny kitten and we did end up doing surgery. On a side note he is still doing great. Thank you for all your help.
I wish I could be of some help to you now.

I have always wondered how your cat was doing. I am so sorry to hear he isn't doing very well.
I like how someone suggested a second opinion. Sometimes just a second opinion helps.

We become so attached to our pets. We want to do the right thing but sometimes it is hard to know what is the right thing.

Our other cat, Charlie, had a brain tumor. Although I knew it I still could not let him go at that point. Looking back now I see just how sick he was
Finally one day it just hit me that it was time. Although it was hard to say good-bye and yes I did want to cancel 'the appt', if I stepped back and didn't think of MY feelings I knew it was time. He was tired and sick and nothing could be done. We said good bye to Charlie Jan. 13th, 2005
Sometimes you have to look really deep in your heart and you will know if it is time or not.

Sometimes having a second opinion helps too. I am so sorry you are going through this.

PLEASE keep me updated!!!!

 

[Sherri]

I keep going back to the fact that he is playing with his toys, eating and still purring when he cuddles in bed at night. To me it seems like he still has some quality of life. Once that starts slipping away then I would say it is time.
It's a tough choice and i'm so sorry for you and your DH. Pets become our family.

 

[jacksonsmom]

I keep going back to the fact that he is playing with his toys, eating and still purring when he cuddles in bed at night. To me it seems like he still has some quality of life. Once that starts slipping away then I would say it is time.
It's a tough choice and i'm so sorry for you and your DH. Pets become our family.

I just want to add to this.
It was once my Charlie started walking around confused and in circles, stopped playing, had to spoon feed him, that I knew it was time.
It really is a hard decision!

before that we did have signs, losing weight, accidents outside the litter box, etc
but it just didn't seem 'right' to me at that point, although friends were telling me I should let him go.
Don't listen to any 'good meaning' friends, listen to your heart and listen to your kitty! Sometimes if you look really deep in their eyes you can 'hear' what they are saying.
I talked with Charlie the day before his 'appt' and I looked deep into his eyes, it hit me that my Charlie was gone! He just had a blank expression in his eyes, he really wasn't 'there' anymore.

Anyway, just wanted to add that

 

[4chitlins]

I keep going back to the fact that he is playing with his toys, eating and still purring when he cuddles in bed at night. To me it seems like he still has some quality of life. Once that starts slipping away then I would say it is time.
It's a tough choice and i'm so sorry for you and your DH. Pets become our family.

I am very sorry about your cat. My opinion is that if he isn't in pain then just let him be. Why put him to sleep right now if he isn't suffering. If his system starts to shut down, maybe he will just go comfortably in his own home. If he appeared to be suffering I would say go ahead, but a cat that purrs and plays with toys hardly seems to be suffering. Anyway good luck to you and take care

 

[Rajah]

I keep going back to the fact that he is playing with his toys, eating and still purring when he cuddles in bed at night. To me it seems like he still has some quality of life. Once that starts slipping away then I would say it is time.
It's a tough choice and i'm so sorry for you and your DH. Pets become our family.

I agree, wholeheartedly. If he were my furbaby, I'd be doing whatever it takes to treat him until he no longer has interest in us, in playing, or in his food.

We've lost two furbabies, one died naturally in my arms and the other we put down. Sage wouldn't "let go". He never told us it was time, even the day he died. Blaze, on the other hand, was telling us for a week that he had given up and to let him go. It was a glazed expression in his eyes, inability to eat, drink, use the litterbox... He wouldn't respond to contact unless it was to "say" "please make it stop?" The spark that was Blaze had already left us by the time we made the decision.

If your baby's still playing and such, he's still happy enough that he wants to stay with you. I, personally, would keep him going at this point.

 

[mousey]

Chrissy,
You also helped me with Mr. Bojangles when he was diagnosed with the fast spreading facial tumor and you suggested some food and holistic care for him. I'm so sorry your going through this. It is probably the most difficult thing I had to do in my life. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about him. It was a year 6/13/06 that we put him down and I'm still having second thoughts if the time was right. This was 6 months longer than the vet gave him to live. Thanks to you and several other peoples good advice we had him extra time which I will never forget. It would be so easy if they would just die in there sleep--but its not that easy!!! Best of Luck to you.

 

[debden]

ChrissyK,For us we had been giving him Fluid treatments for 3 weeks.During that time he was eating and drinking but then he just stopped eating one day and hardly had anything to drink.It had been three days with no food or water.On the 4th day we tried to feed him and give him some water and again he refused both.It was just too much to see him like this anymore.Every night we went to bed wondering if we would find him gone in the morning or even worse in distress (not being able to breathe or going into convulsions) and not have any help available to take his pain away.His eyes looked sooo bad and every time he took a deep breath I thought it was his last.We knew that 4th day it was time to say goodbye.So at 2:30pm on June 9th,2006 our boy was put to rest.He went and he went very peacefully and with us by his side the whole way.I would not have it any other way.
It's a decision only you can make.If you feel your cat still has 'quality of life' then let him stay with you a while longer.
I wish I could help more but there's no way to help you make this decision.
It's what's right for you and your cat.
Hugs to you and your kitty cat...
Debbie

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No one can make the decision but you. My sister's cat is experiencing constipation, he is 17 I think. They believe he has a tumor or something.

She is doing everything she can to keep him comfortable but is not going to take extreme measures because even if he survives the surgery to find out what it is the recovery may kill him. The chance is very high of perforating his bowel due to the cat's issues.

HUGS to you...so, so sorry about your kitty.

 

[outstandinfarmer]

I keep going back to the fact that he is playing with his toys, eating and still purring when he cuddles in bed at night. To me it seems like he still has some quality of life. Once that starts slipping away then I would say it is time.
It's a tough choice and i'm so sorry for you and your DH. Pets become our family.

I agree. I think if he is still playing with toys and purring, I would push back the date. I have two cats and I can't imagine how hard this is.

 

[Sherri]

I just want to add to this.
It was once my Charlie started walking around confused and in circles, stopped playing, had to spoon feed him, that I knew it was time.
It really is a hard decision!

before that we did have signs, losing weight, accidents outside the litter box, etc
but it just didn't seem 'right' to me at that point, although friends were telling me I should let him go.
Don't listen to any 'good meaning' friends, listen to your heart and listen to your kitty! Sometimes if you look really deep in their eyes you can 'hear' what they are saying.
I talked with Charlie the day before his 'appt' and I looked deep into his eyes, it hit me that my Charlie was gone! He just had a blank expression in his eyes, he really wasn't 'there' anymore.

Anyway, just wanted to add that

And I totally agree with you and what you did for Charlie, and it was a tough thing that you did and you did it out of love. And you were right to give him the gift of peace.
My statement about as long as he is eating, playing and purring was in reference to what chrissyk's last paragraph of her original post said.
Sometimes we know when it is time to let go. What I was saying was that if he still has quality of life then maybe it isn't time yet.
It sounds like your Charlie was ready.