ugh. What do I do now? (hugs and advice needed)

[simba928]

Ok, so I might confuse you a bit and it might be long, but here it goes:
A little background info: I am in my school's color guard. We generally get a long. There are a couple major conflicts, but we won't go into that. There are 16 of us (1 senior, 1 junior, 12 sophomores (I am one of them) and 2 freshmen). The junior is our captain. I have been friends with like 9 of the 11 other sopohomores since middle school and I get along decently with everyone else. Every year for our school's talent show (we call it collage), the color guard performs in it. This year, only 8 out of the 16 are doing it. A few other dropped out a couple days ago and the rest had no interest in it. There are 7 sophomores and 1 freshman.

All the "old people" (the people that were in it last year) constantly say how much better it was last year than this year. I'm sure it was by the way this season went, but if you keep dwelling on how awesome last season was, then obviously your not going to have fun this year. But whatever.
So today at practice, "T", "D", and "J" broke off into their own seperate group and started talking. Well, weren't they just saying that we have to practice our routine so that we know it? Fine, whatever. So, me, "M", "E", and "G" go into our own group and start talking. I said something to M, E, and G about how T ALWAYS snaps at me whenever I say anything. Today it was because I asked if we were waiting to decide which routine we are doing for auditions, which are Wednesday, at the end of practice or are we definitly doing the one that we are working on. T looks at me and says with this attitude "We don't know yet, that's what we are trying to decide" I just said "Well, that's what I was asking" and walked away. She always snaps at me like that. Well, when I told M, E, and G that T always does that, T looks at me and glares and then D and J turn and look at me. They didn't hear what I said, they just heard T's name.

At this point, "R" comes back from wherever she was and is really mad. She starts talking about how she doesn't think anybody wants to do this anymore and its not fun. So we sit in this circle for 15 minutes talking about our problems. Thats fine, whatever. My problem was that they brought people into this that had absolutely nothing to do with this. They brought up how bad of a captain our captain is. Well, she's not doing collage, so what does she have to do with anything? What's even worse is that they started talking about another girl in our grade, who I must admit is a diva and is convinced she is the next J.Lo. She isn't even in band let alone color guard. What does she have to do with anything? Then they started talking about how they hate when people break off into their own groups and exclude people from the groups. Ummmm, what were you doing not even 10 minutes earlier? And we shouldn't be talking about people behind their backs. OK, that I agree with, but everyone that was saying that has talked about people. Noone has said anything to our captain about how bad she is. Yet we always talk about it behind her back. Does that make any sense? I will admit though that I do talk about our captain, but I don't say bad things about her as she has always been nice to me. The only thing I talk about are her skills as a captain. A lot of people in our guard say that she thinks she is too good for us because she never talks to us in school, not even an acknowledgement. Anyways, M looks right at me and says "Is there anything else that anyone would like to add" and then G looks at me and says "I know you have something to say" I just said no, I don't. M and G just looked at me. Whatever.

So when we were leaving, J was standing there and T came up right after we got upstairs. My grandma was here, but J's mom wasn't, so I offered to wait with her. T was walking away talking on her phone and just as I offered, she came back. T just stood there and glared at me and J said no, thats ok. I was like fine, whatever, I was trying to be nice.

So now I am at home and most of the people are on IM right now. They all have comments in their away messages concerning today. I really don't care at this point, though. I feel left out as is and today didn't help much. I am seriously thinking of quiting collage. They make up the routine and don't even bother to teach anybody it. I am not too coordinated, so it takes me a little longer to learn everything and they have no patience with me. I will ask them to teach me something, but they start and they either tell me not to worry about a certain section because they are changing it (they never do and never come back to teach me) or they will walk away and go into those "little groups" that they have such problems with.

I have no problems with people (other than T and usually we just ignore eachother even though our lockers are only 1 locker apart) outside of guard. Everyone just seems to be at their worst when we have a flag in our hand. Uggggggghhhhhhh. Hopefully everything will be back to normal on Wednesday. Just to clarify, I am not trying to blame everyone else for our problems. I think that we all have equal reponsiblities in creating the tension.
Thanks for listening, I just had to vent. I feel better now. Wow, that was longer than I thought it would be. Sorry it was so long.

 

[Kallison]

Sorry you are having problems, I often remembered that high school sucked. I'm 44 now and try and remind my kids that most of the people they have problems with will be a non-issue when they graduate. I keep in touch with my best friend since 8th grade and that is it. Hope the rest of your week is better.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Hope it all works out.

(You just gave me a flashback to highschool days. It does get better. )

 

[simba928]

Ok, so now im worse.
So T knows it was me talking about her, which I don't care. I know I shouldn't have said anything about it, but if I didn't, I was going to explode. T was talking to M on instant messaging earlier. T refuses to talk to me, but she'll talk about me to other people. I can't talk about her, but she can talk about me. I'm not saying that we should talk about eachother, in fact, I know we shouldn't, but isn't that a bit hypocritical? So anyways, she told M that she might quit color guard next year because of it. She said she hates how I was talking behind her back. She called me a witch, only she used a different letter. I don't know, but isn't that talking behind my back? And if what I said is enough to make her quit guard...(I don't even know if she knows what I said. So M is now making it seem as though it was my fault. It partially was. Like I said, I shouldn't have said anything, but she is blowing it out of proportion. I didn't do anything to her to deserve the way she treats me. I am done talking about it to my friends, for several reasons including that I don't want to put them in the middle of this. It is between me and her, even though she won't even talk to me about it. I keep telling M to tell her to talk to me, but she hasn't IMed me yet. Honestly, I would be perfectly fine if we never speak, but I know that won't happen.
It honestly is very immature and compared to some of the problems that others have, this is nothing. I just don't get why she is like this.

 

[simba928]

OK, so I talked to T just now. I am like crying. She said that I was being a baby for taking everything to heart. She claims she never said anything behind my back. She says she never hated me. I told her that that might not have been her intentions, but thats how I felt. She told me I needed to grow up. I apologized and admmitted that I made a mistake, but she is still insisting that she never said anything behind my back, never hated me, was never mean to me, blah blah blah. She won't drop it. I told her if she wants to quit guard, thats not my fault. I told her that I hope she doesn't (and I honestly hope she stays in) and she said that it is all my fault and she doesnt want to do guard next year. She told me that next time I had anything to say about her, say it to her face and all that I made her want to do is punch me. She said that she is done being nice (like she ever was). I don't know what to do now. So I just sit and wait and see what happens? What else am I supposed to say?

 

[simba928]

I'm a little nervous as to how tomorrow is going to go (we didn't have school today). Not only is her locker next to mine, but we have auditions after school tomorrow. I was thinking last night and I have come to a conclusion. I didn't do anything to MAKE her quit guard. Yes, I shouldn't have said anything behind her back, but I did apologize several times and I admitted that I made a mistake. I don't know what else to do. I think I am being the better person right now by apologizing and admitting my mistake. She keeps insisting that it is all me and she is not taking any responsibility for this. What do i do now? Should I just sit there and wait to see what she does because I have done all that I can think of doing? I have a feeling that she will drag so many people into this that don't need to be involved. Last night she told me she wasn't quitting collage because she "wouldn't leave J by herself". Ummm, J is hardly by herself. We all get along and had it not been for her holding a grudge, this would be all over now and we would all be friends again. That is what we do best. We fight but the next day its like nothing happened. We love eachother, but I feel like if we both stay in guard, that would create ALOT of unneeded tension. I have no clue what to do now. I definitly need some advice.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I hope everything works out. Usually this things past.
Your situation sounds similiar to what my 14 DD went through last Friday
and she was in tears also.

 

[simba928]

Thanks! I knew I could turn to you guys. But I still have no clue what to do tomorrow. Do I just act normal so that it is up to her of what happens or what?

 

[simba928]

Today we had auditions for the talent show. We were there a LONG time, but anyways... T basically ignored me all day, which is fine and thats what she usually does. All my friends (most are in guard) meet at the same spot every morning, so I was walking over there (my locker is right there) and I guess T saw me because when I was about 5 feet away from the "circle", she walked away. OK, whatever. Then at auditions, I couldn't tell if she was still mad at me. I would say something and she would smile or laugh or whatever and then it seemed like she would all of a sudden "remember" that she was mad at me and then give me a glare and turn her back to me. She didn't really say anything to me, but if anything she was nicer to me today than she has been all season. Go figure. I just hope it stays this way and she doesn't flip at me next practice.

 

[mjc05]

I forgot what high school was like.

The best advice I can give you is to stop focusing on the whole thing and go back to normal. If she wants to walk away from you and act up, then let her. If you don't feed her drama, then she will tire of it sooner or later. The best thing about a group like yours (mine were basketball and volleyball teams) is that there is always another explosion in the works that will focus on two other people and your problem will be a thing of the past. Don't bother trying to discuss it with her anymore, just let it die. Someone else in the group will have a bigger, better, newer drama before you know it.

Hang in there, it will blow over.

 

[Dan Murphy]

's Simba

 

[simba928]

Thanks everyone! It seems things are back to normal...for now, but we'll see what happens next practice. And as you said, mjc05, unfortunatly something else will happen.