Ugh: vent - my spouse - hold me back

[themilesfamily]

I'm so mad right now.

My aunt passed away a few years ago and left me a $10,000 inheritance. $8000 of that I put towards completely revamping our kitchen and dining room and doing some landscaping around the house. One thing I did was have the floors redone with wood flooring. (And they're beautiful. We had kitchen/dining room floors that were original to the house -- built in 1970 -- and they needed to be done.)

The carpet cleaner is coming this week and I asked my DH to move a few pieces of furniture down into the garage. When I came home, instead of moving things into the garage, he'd moved everything into the dining room -- onto the redone floors.

I looked at the floor and apparently he just dragged the heavy furniture across the floors and there are huge scrape marks in the finish, cutting into the wood.

I haven't talked to him yet, (he's out of town right now), but I just know what's coming. I'm going to get an "oh well" or "if you don't like how I did it, you should have moved the stuff yourself." DH gets very defensive when he's confronted and this would be a very typical response from him.

Aaarrgh. What am I going to do about the floors? What should I do with DH? We don't have the money to redo these floors. This was a one-time influx of cash and I was so happy to be able to do some improvements on the house.

I'm sorry -- I know I'm so lucky to have a house, a spouse, money to remodel. But I'm just sick about this right now. Should I just let it go? It's just a "thing." Nobody died. It's not fatal. But it was something that I was proud of.

 

[monkeyboy]

Small things not worth sweating.

Be glad you have someone to love.

 

[720L]

You can fill them in....you still see them but they are less noticeable. First try one of those furniture crayons for wood....they have them at Bed Bath and Beyond. If that doesn't work try Bona Floor Refinisher (I think that's what it's called....it's by Bona also available at BB&B). I'm sorry I know how bad it hurts when you get a scratch!!

 

[NikkiLovesWDW!]

That so sounds like something my DH would do. Men just don't think sometimes....

 

[a1tinkfans]

Sorry OP, thats just terrible...what the heck was he thinking....is it worth arguing over, likely not though.
Maybe a floor guy could come in to tell you if they can be repaired easily? Such a shame really..........they sell those great furniture "thingies" you place under furniture and they are very easy to use (for future moves)
Good Luck!

 

[themilesfamily]

You can fill them in....you still see them but they are less noticeable. First try one of those furniture crayons for wood....they have them at Bed Bath and Beyond. If that doesn't work try Bona Floor Refinisher (I think that's what it's called....it's by Bona also available at BB&B). I'm sorry I know how bad it hurts when you get a scratch!!

Thanks -- that's super-helpful. I'll give that a try!!

The furniture-moving aids are a great idea, too. (Seeing as everything is going to need to be moved back in a few days.)

Whew! Just typing out what happened actually made me feel a lot better.

 

[shortbun]

I don't think people/men should be cut a break just because they are men. He was thoughtless, ruined something nice in your home because he was lazy. He should own it.

 

[momof1princess]

I don't think people/men should be cut a break just because they are men. He was thoughtless, ruined something nice in your home because he was lazy. He should own it.

MTE! it might not be worth FIGHTING over, but he does need to be made aware that what he did was not acceptable (you TOLD him where to put the furniture, and he took it upon himself to put it somewhere else) and should not happen again, due to what it does to the floors. OP, you might try orange glo-it supposedly helps scuffed floors. good luck!

 

[bethy]

Small things not worth sweating.

Be glad you have someone to love.

I TOTALLY agree. Reading him the riot act will do absolutely nothing to repair the floors and will only tear down your relationship. He is more important than the floors.

He'll see the scratches for himself soon enough, I'm sure.

 

[bethy]

MTE! it might not be worth FIGHTING over, but he does need to be made aware that what he did was not acceptable (you TOLD him where to put the furniture, and he took it upon himself to put it somewhere else) and should not happen again, due to what it does to the floors. OP, you might try orange glo-it supposedly helps scuffed floors. good luck!

Uhm. He is is not her child. These are just as much his floors as they are hers.

 

[MoniqueU]

I feel your pain. When I was first married we had just gotten an expensive dining room table. My DH was painting and smoked at the time and left a cigarette in an ashtray and it fell on my table and burnt it, Oh lord have mercy did we have words!! I think I even cried. He call all around and found a furniture refinisher to fix it as best he could. He did take the action to make it right but there is no way I would be able to hold back. I think it is worth bringing up IMHO. 15 years later it is an ok story with the dining room table but at the time it was a crisis to me.

 

[Holly]

I'm so mad right now.

My aunt passed away a few years ago and left me a $10,000 inheritance. $8000 of that I put towards completely revamping our kitchen and dining room and doing some landscaping around the house. One thing I did was have the floors redone with wood flooring. (And they're beautiful. We had kitchen/dining room floors that were original to the house -- built in 1970 -- and they needed to be done.)

The carpet cleaner is coming this week and I asked my DH to move a few pieces of furniture down into the garage. When I came home, instead of moving things into the garage, he'd moved everything into the dining room -- onto the redone floors.

I looked at the floor and apparently he just dragged the heavy furniture across the floors and there are huge scrape marks in the finish, cutting into the wood.

I haven't talked to him yet, (he's out of town right now), but I just know what's coming. I'm going to get an "oh well" or "if you don't like how I did it, you should have moved the stuff yourself." DH gets very defensive when he's confronted and this would be a very typical response from him.

Aaarrgh. What am I going to do about the floors? What should I do with DH? We don't have the money to redo these floors. This was a one-time influx of cash and I was so happy to be able to do some improvements on the house.

I'm sorry -- I know I'm so lucky to have a house, a spouse, money to remodel. But I'm just sick about this right now. Should I just let it go? It's just a "thing." Nobody died. It's not fatal. But it was something that I was proud of.

I think you have a bigger issue than your scratched floors if a typical response to your concerns is something as rude and dismissive as "oh well" or "you should have moved it yourself."


Sorry

 

[Christine]

I have all hardwood floors and have made a few accidental "dings" in it but nothing that purposeful or thoughtless.

Two weeks ago I got a brand new, cream colored area rug for my family room. I had the other area rug for many years and it was a drab gold color. I figured that now that my kids were grown and not walking around with food on them anymore, I'd be safe. My only warning to my husband was: please be careful walking in from the garage and then onto the carpet with your shoes because we've had grease spots get on the carpet before. I don't want it to happen again.

Well, yesterday, we have these grease spots all over the carpet and on the throw rugs in the bathroom. No one has fessed up to doing it; however, my husband was quietly doing spot removal as he watched the sports update.

 

[Magic Mom]

I don't think people/men should be cut a break just because they are men. He was thoughtless, ruined something nice in your home because he was lazy. He should own it.

But if she knows ahead of time that he won't own it, then she has to decide whether or not it is worth having a big fight over. I have a hard time dropping things especially important things like ruining things in our house, so I understand that it might not be easy to let it go. But if she knows its not going to change anything to confront him, then it might be smarter to move on.

 

[FireDancer]

If the furniture was so heavy it had to be dragged from room to room maybe he couldn't get it into the garage single handedly. I don't know how your house is set up but there is no way I could get my couch, dinning room table, or a lot of things into the garage by myself. I'd have to get it lifted, pivoted around the door jam (it isn't fitting through the door just sitting as it does on the floor), and down two steps.

Of course I also wouldn't drag anything across my hard wood floors either because I'm an adult and should know better but if I wanted it moved the way I wanted it moved I'd just do it and if I couldn't do it alone I'd ask for your help.

 

[Maryr1]

First let me say I am so sorry this happened!!! I hate it when stuff like this occurs in my house...... You might be able to have a floor person come in and just fix the "real" bad areas. They can do things on a small area that might not cost that much but could make the damage invisable. Is your husband being passive agressive? Like if I mess this up bad enough she won't ask me to do anything else??????? KWIM? I dated someone like that but only for a very short time........Good Luck!

 

[Imzadi]

I don't think people/men should be cut a break just because they are men. He was thoughtless, ruined something nice in your home because he was lazy. He should own it.

MTE! it might not be worth FIGHTING over, but he does need to be made aware that what he did was not acceptable (you TOLD him where to put the furniture, and he took it upon himself to put it somewhere else) and should not happen again, due to what it does to the floors. OP, you might try orange glo-it supposedly helps scuffed floors. good luck!

I agree. He's an adult and should know what his actions have done. The OP didn't say the man was mentally disabled. (Just a little emotionally so. ) He shouldn't be treated as such, just because he's a man. He needs to put his big boy boxers on and deal with the repercussions.

I TOTALLY agree. Reading him the riot act will do absolutely nothing to repair the floors and will only tear down your relationship. He is more important than the floors.

He'll see the scratches for himself soon enough, I'm sure.

He needs to take responsibility for his actions. He CAN repair the floor by paying to have them re-sanded or repaired.

Uhm. He is is not her child. These are just as much his floors as they are hers.

I've noticed the person who didn't actually pay for items rarely has the same respect for it as the person who actually shelled out the money. When HE has to pay for the repairs, maybe he will think more about how his actions have effects.

 

[Hannathy]

I would be furious and believe me he would know it! He would be finding out how to fix his mistake and he would be giving up something he wanted to fix it. I agree with the he is an adult he should have known better. What I find malicious and yes I said malicious is after he made the first scratch he didn't stop and say oh shoot look what I did this isn't working and stopped That is an honest mistake that can happen to anyone but instead he kept doing it and continuing to scratch the floor. I would be asking for an explanation. That is purposeful and mean. I have been with my husband either dating or married for nearly 35 yrs and although we have both made mistakes neither has maliciously caused damage and then acted flippant about it.

I wouldn't write this off without a fight.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I would be furious and believe me he would know it! He would be finding out how to fix his mistake and he would be giving up something he wanted to fix it. I agree with the he is an adult he should have known better. What I find malicious and yes I said malicious is after he made the first scratch he didn't stop and say oh shoot look what I did this isn't working and stopped That is an honest mistake that can happen to anyone but instead he kept doing it and continuing to scratch the floor. I would be asking for an explanation. That is purposeful and mean. I have been with my husband either dating or married for nearly 35 yrs and although we have both made mistakes neither has maliciously caused damage and then acted flippant about it.

I wouldn't write this off without a fight.

This is my opinion exactly.

 

[Imzadi]

I would be furious and believe me he would know it! He would be finding out how to fix his mistake and he would be giving up something he wanted to fix it. I agree with the he is an adult he should have known better. What I find malicious and yes I said malicious is after he made the first scratch he didn't stop and say oh shoot look what I did this isn't working and stopped That is an honest mistake that can happen to anyone but instead he kept doing it and continuing to scratch the floor. I would be asking for an explanation. That is purposeful and mean. I have been with my husband either dating or married for nearly 35 yrs and although we have both made mistakes neither has maliciously caused damage and then acted flippant about it.

I wouldn't write this off without a fight.

I
I haven't talked to him yet, (he's out of town right now), but I just know what's coming. I'm going to get an "oh well" or "if you don't like how I did it, you should have moved the stuff yourself." DH gets very defensive when he's confronted and this would be a very typical response from him.

I agree. The OP's DH is PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE. He probably didn't stop after seeing the first scrape is because he didn't want to have to do it in the first place. It was his way of saying, "Maybe she will get someone else the next time. She should have done it herself in the first place or gotten someone else who cares." He didn't pay for the floor, no skin off his back.


I had a cleaner in this past week. It was a one time job. So he knew he wasn't coming back. He started scrubbing the floor with a small scrub sponge, on his hands & knees. I told him THREE times, to please the mop. That it was okay to use the mop. He said that kind of mop didn't work well on these types of floors. Even though I had given him permission three times to take the easy out and do less of a job, he didn't. (I tipped him well for his above & beyond work. )

The cleaner was a man. He is an adult. He CARED about his actions, even though he didn't own the home. He had respect for me. Big difference in his actions & standards for himself and those of the OP's DH. I can't believe the posts that said to let the DH get away with it because he's a man, or that it doesn't matter. It matters to the OP.


If the DH doesn't like confrontations of this kind, maybe he should modify his actions accordingly, so he won't get them.