U.S. FINDS, LOSES WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
They Were Here Just a Minute Ago, Garner Says
U.S. forces in Iraq searching for Saddam Husseins arsenal of banned weapons found an enormous cache of the deadly weapons today but then lost them, retired general Jay Garner revealed.
They were here just a minute ago, a red-faced Garner told reporters. I dont know where they went to.
General Garner said that the constant interruptions of electrical power service in Iraq, resulting in lights blinking on and off unpredictably, might have contributed to the loss of the deadly weapons cache, which was described as gargantuan.
We had the weapons before the lights went off, and when they went on again they were all gone, General Garner said. Id be lying right now if I said Im a happy camper.
General Garner refused to describe the exact nature of the weapons of mass destruction that were found, saying only that they were massively destructive and that there were just loads and loads of them.
Informed of the U.S.s capture and subsequent loss of the weapons of mass destruction, President Bush gave reporters on the White House lawn a jaunty thumbs-up and said, Mission accomplished.
But White House spokesman Ari Fleischer later tempered the Presidents upbeat assessment somewhat, saying that although losing the banned weapons cache was disappointing, finding them in the first place was an important step in the right direction.
Saddam Hussein designed these weapons to be hard to find and easy to lose, Mr. Fleischer added. When we see such palpable evidence of the unspeakable evil of this man, it should make all Americans very thankful that we may or may not have killed him.
**** ANDY BOROWITZ ****
They Were Here Just a Minute Ago, Garner Says
U.S. forces in Iraq searching for Saddam Husseins arsenal of banned weapons found an enormous cache of the deadly weapons today but then lost them, retired general Jay Garner revealed.
They were here just a minute ago, a red-faced Garner told reporters. I dont know where they went to.
General Garner said that the constant interruptions of electrical power service in Iraq, resulting in lights blinking on and off unpredictably, might have contributed to the loss of the deadly weapons cache, which was described as gargantuan.
We had the weapons before the lights went off, and when they went on again they were all gone, General Garner said. Id be lying right now if I said Im a happy camper.
General Garner refused to describe the exact nature of the weapons of mass destruction that were found, saying only that they were massively destructive and that there were just loads and loads of them.
Informed of the U.S.s capture and subsequent loss of the weapons of mass destruction, President Bush gave reporters on the White House lawn a jaunty thumbs-up and said, Mission accomplished.
But White House spokesman Ari Fleischer later tempered the Presidents upbeat assessment somewhat, saying that although losing the banned weapons cache was disappointing, finding them in the first place was an important step in the right direction.
Saddam Hussein designed these weapons to be hard to find and easy to lose, Mr. Fleischer added. When we see such palpable evidence of the unspeakable evil of this man, it should make all Americans very thankful that we may or may not have killed him.
**** ANDY BOROWITZ ****
