Two kids under 2?

[Iggipolka]

Not really a Disney question, although we certainly will be taking the kid(s) to Disney!
I just had a baby 4 months ago and she's the cutest most exhausting thing I've ever done in my life. I love her to pieces, but damn, babies take a lot out of you. I haven't even gone back to work yet and am dreading how I'm going to function after getting less than 5 hours of sleep a night!

Anyway, my wife (yes, we're both female) wants us to have another baby as soon as possible. I'd try and get pregnant again because I'm younger, but I'm still of "advanced maternal age", so it's not going to be an easy process.

I'm reluctant simply because I'm already so tired and I can't even imagine having two children under the age of 2! Anyone have kids this close together? How have you saved your sanity? Any benefits to having kids this close in age?

Thanks!

 

[QVCshopper]

Hi! My DD and DS are 16 months apart. I got pregnant with my 2nd when my first was 7 months old (planned). The beginning of the 2nd pregnancy was exhausting. I was working full-time and had an infant. But, then it got better. Two in diapers was difficult, too. But then it got better. Looking back now, I realize how young my oldest was when her brother was born. They both needed a lot of care.

They are now 3 and 4, and it's much easier. But the years from then til now were hard, but mostly due to additional health issues (my oldest and my own) that I won't bore you with. We're all healthy now, and doing well.

Would I do it again? Well, they are great friends and love each other. They fight as well. But, I'd say yes, if those health issues didn't come up. And I can tell you that I'm the only mom at our preschool who has 1 kid in the M/W/F class and 1 kid in the T/R class, since they are 1 year apart in school.

Right now, I'd like a third, but DH isn't sure, so we'll see. If not, I do love the freedom of two preschoolers who are potty trained, can walk, play together, etc.

Good luck!

 

[MKB419]

Hi,
Just wanted to say I enjoyed your trip reports from your trip with your daughter. My kids are 14 months apart. It was hard but I would not have it any other way. MY dd 5 and ds 4 are best of friends most of the time. It is much easier once they are out of the infant stage. We even went to WDW last year and it was great. You and your wife will know whats best for you and your family. Feel free to ask any questions.
Mary Kay

 

[emcreative]

There are plusses and minuses to either way, I've done both.

My first two girls are 3 years apart. I was in my 20's when I had them. I had more energy, for sure. I somehow worked, too. But other they "Hey, that's my little sister!" they never really had much in common. Just now, as they are approaching 13 and 10, do they have some similar interests age-wise.

I had my third daughter 1.5 years after daughter #2. To be honest, those first few years are a complete blur. It was HARD! They were both "babies", in a sense, but not at the same stage. However, they did seem to bond a lot easier as they were much closer in age. They are completely different little girls with different personal interests, etc (one is my animal loving tomboy athlete, the other my dancer diva princess) but they are the best of friends. They are a year apart in school, doing about the same things age wise, etc. It's made them very bonded to be so close in age.

Now, in my late 30's, we've adopted two boys. They are ages 1 and 2...and only 11 months apart. Again, they are both babies and they both demand a lot of time, but aren't at the same stage, which makes it VERY difficult (not that all multiples develop on the same timeline, but they are a lot closer that way and doing about the same things at the same time.) I joke that it's a very good thing they are adopted and not "birthed" because if I'd had to go through pregnancy and delivery with them both so close together, there's NO way I'd have had enough energy to actually RAISE them.

It's too soon to see if they will "bond" like the two littler girls have, but we are starting to seem them play as "together" as two kids that age can. I am imagining they will be very close as they grow, but of course only time can tell.

I will say, in my experience one of the MOST important things when adding a second child, ESPECIALLY with two close together, is that the other parent understands a lot more of the load is going to fall on them. It just has to. Right now, one of you is caring for your daughter and the other can pretty much do whatever else they'd like. With two, and with them very young, close together, and needy, there are many times when they BOTH need you and of course you can't always help them both at the same time (although learning patience is an important thing, you can't really tell a needy 1 year old to "be patient" and expect it to happen, lol). So, that means a lot more co-parenting and trading off one child or the other as that parent's focus.

As an old friend of my once said when she was expecting, "You know, Baby One really changed my life...but it's Baby Two that is going to change my husband's!"

 

[ADAMANDLISA]

When DS#1 was 6 months old, we started trying for #2 and got pregnant on the first time (after much trouble conceiving #1), so our kids were 15 1/2 months apart. Add to that another planned baby 22 months later and we had 3 kids in 37 months....crazy, I know and that's how I feel a lot of the time, but it's worth it. The two oldest are so close! It is chaos at all times here, but I know that it will calm down soon and I will be wishing I had those days back again.

If you have any questions or need any advice, feel free to PM me. Been there, done that, still doing it!

 

[sau418]

Can it be done? YES, will it be hard? VERY, is it worth it? Definitely! My girls are 10.5 months apart, I cried the first month I knew I was pregnant with DD2, but after that I swallowed hard and learned how to do it.

Now that they are 2 and 3, there are new challenges, but I would never change it for the world. I love that they are so close in age and so close as friends.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

My boys are 12 months apart. DS #2 was a total surprise. I didn't know how I was going to handle it at first, but it all works out. I'm so glad it happened the way it did. It was hard in the beginning when we went out. I had a 1 year old held by the hand, and an infant carrier in my other hand. That was the year I started doing all my shopping online.

We were much more careful after DS #2 was born. I wanted to wait to have a 3rd baby until the boys were 2 and 3 years old. We started trying when they were almost 2 and 3. I guess we waited too long because after almost 6 years of trying (including fertility treatments and procedures) we still haven't been able to have another. If I had it to do over I wouldn't have waited to try again after #2 was born.

 

[mjkacmom]

I actually had 3 kids under 2 when my twins were born! I ended up having 5 in 6 1/2 years, so obviously I liked having them close together. I liked not having it easy, and then having to go back to the grind (diapers, bottles, baby food, diaper bags, wipes...). Sure, I had a year with 3 in diapers for a year, but survived. What I LOVE is that my kids (especially dd8, dd6, and ds6) play together all of the time - one big playdate! There are even movies both dd13 and the twins all enjoy, we have family game nights that everyone can join in on, it's easy to hand down clothes (actually, dd8 and dd6 both wear a size 7).

My sister's 2 oldest are 11 months apart, and then the 3rd is 20 months younger than her 2nd, and she wouldn't have it any other way, for the same reasons I stated.

 

[ventus]

Perhaps wait a year or two, maybe explain to her that you can hardly handle one!

 

[brymolmom]

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having them close in age. I know there are pros and cons to both, but I love it this way. Took 2 years to get pregnant with ds so we started trying right away (well, I had a botched sticting job on my HUGE tear during delivery - so not quite RIGHT away - too much pain for awhile). Anyway - didn't take long this time around and they are 17 months apart.

Second on is a daughter and especially due to the different genders I am so happy to have them close. It gives them more 'in common' - the same kids on the bus the same movies that they enjoy.

In WDW terms - everyone still likes fantasyland and goes on mostly the same rides. They shared a room until last year. We can read the same books at bedtime. I'm hoping that as the years go on (they are one year apart in school - 2nd grade and 1st grade ) that they will have some mutual friends and that will help out all around...Look out for each other, same parties (less driving to and fro).

If we were to have another one, I always tell dh that I reserve the right to adopt - and I would adopt about a year and a half under the youngest one (likely won't happen).

Of course, the first 12 months (basically until the baby can walk) is VERY trying....I remember one time when I had about an ALMOST 2 year old and a 5-ish month old inside a restaurant. The 2 year old had a tantrum (my mom had already left since it took ds too long to eat) and I had to carry him out in one arm(kicking the whole way), baby in a baby carrier carseat n the other, purse on one shoulder, diaper bag on the other. That is the epitome of my 'bad times' during that first year and I can remember it very clearly. A double stroller will be your friend - get a good one.

I love it!

 

[Iggipolka]

Wow! Thank you all so much for the responses. I really appreciate the feedback and info. This is a difficult decision, mostly because of the time pressure involved. Due to my age, if I don't get pregnant again this year, it's highly likely it won't happen ever. So...we've got some thinking and talking to do. I just am not sure if I'm up to the stress and exhaustion of two kids back to back, plus trying to work full time. If I could stay at home and just be mom, that would be a different kind of stress, but I'd really feel better about having two kids so young if I could be a stay at home mom.

As an old friend of my once said when she was expecting, "You know, Baby One really changed my life...but it's Baby Two that is going to change my husband's!"

You are SO RIGHT! This is exactly why I want to wait to talk more about having a 2nd baby until after I've gone back to work. I want my wife to see just how hard it's going to be on her being a full time mom at home, while I'm working.
Thanks again!