truth telling

[meandtheguys2]

meandtheguys2-
I agree with you and often my husband really doesn't care either. That isn't what I meant about being open and honets. IMHO honesty isn't about reporting every penny spent but I do know women that lie about prices and hide it when they spend money. I even know one that has a seperate account that DH doesn't know about. I would never judge anyone b/c I am not in their situation but that is what appears to be dishonest to me and are lies that could degrade a relationship.

I know my DH doesn't realize how much our cruise is costing even though I told him originally. I think he just wants to go enjoy himself and not think about the $$. He sometimes prefers not to know so he can enjoy himself and not think "wow, this trip could have paid for a new refrigerator..."

Fair enough! I know a gal like that too. she had $6000 in credit card debt in his name that he didn't know about.

 

[shelly3girls]

A friend of mine ended up having to sell her house to pay off debt that her DH ran up without her knowing. They ended up in an apartment with two large dogs and a baby. They were divorced within a year. The secret debt was just the tip of the iceberg...

 

[meandtheguys2]

My friend is still married to him (he found out 3 years ago) but they are both dating! They are staying together for their daughter!!!! Too weird for me!

 

[shelly3girls]

My marriage looks better and better every day

We are actually blessed with a great marriage (an honest one).

 

[tlbwriter]

We are 100% honest with each other. Hmm, maybe that's why we're still happily married after 24 years.

Telling someone only as much as they want to know isn't being dishonest. My husband knows the total cost of the trip. Does he know how much our rooms cost? No. I don't even know how much they cost, since we bought a package, and I'd have to go separate it out myself. But many people couldn't care less how the price of the trip breaks down, as long as the entire trip fits the budget. Now, if someone deliberately lies, and says the GF costs $100/night but the tickets are very expensive, or that you should stay 10 nights because if you stay 5 nights you get 5 nights free, that's different. That's definitely dishonest.

 

[ChristyJ]

My husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary last year at the WL-did lots of extras, etc. ...but if I had told him an exact amount that we spent (even though I saved oodles of money thanks to the great people of these boards & Mousesavers), he would have worried about how much each little thing cost. I wanted him to relax and enjoy...so I gave him a rounded down estimate of the total expenses...it worked for us

 

[bdcp]

I was talking about my marriage and honesty, not anyone elses'. But, that said, I have known men and women who intentionally hide purchases and the bills as well as secret accounts from their spouses. My DH doesn't know or care to know every dime either, but we did discuss how much we were willing to spend on a room, how long we plan to go for, ticket prices, etc. I make most of the reservations and he actually signs all the credit card slips for the trip. But, he doesn't worry about the money because he trusts me totally to handle the household bills. The funny thing is he couldn't even tell you how much his paycheck is for every pay period, but he knows what our total household income is. Some details aren't important, but none are hidden.

 

[Lollipop Mom]

I'm definitely in the "my DH doesn't know the per night room rate" category (as I said in my previous post) but he does know the total cost of the trip. I don't hide that. We pay for all of our vacations with cash. As in, the resort is paid off when we arrive or I have travellers checks to pay for it when we check in, we give a credit card for charging to the room but it is either a prepaid visa card or it's our regular card and I have the cash available to write the check and pay it off as soon as we come home so we pay no interest on it. I always have our meals budgeted in advance knowing what we will spend on sit down meals (and having vouchers for the character breakfasts and for any lunches that it makes sense to use the VKL vouchers) and we usually have Q&C vouchers for counter service (not sure we'll do that this year since HWSC doesn't have them...we'll buy the $14.00 ones for our Beaches and Cream tradition but other than that, I'm not sure if we will get our money's worth...have to run the #s). We aren't souvineer people so we have a very small souvineer budget and of course I budget about $250 for misc. things I may not have thought of or for spur of the moment things. In the 4 trips we took last year we came home with at least $200 left over all but one time and that one time we came in on budget.

DH handles our day to day household budget and bill paying so he knows excatly how much we have to spend and how much the total is but when it comes to vacation spending, I'm the one who plans that. He can look at it and say "the entire trip was well worth $2000" but will balk at the individual price tags so that works for us. If I pad our budget with ebay money etc. it is to the tune of under $200 and for something special. This December's trip padding is buying the kids 10 day premium non expiring tickets...the difference between the 7 day and 10 day and the $100 no expiry will be "padded" but that's fine because I know we'll be back so those days will get used.

 

[HayGan]

Well, despite what others might think, DH and I have a very happy and healthy relationship despite his cluelessness in what our December trip will cost. While we share common goals on our overall financial health and financing children's educations/our retirement, we don't find the need to disclose every financial outlay in our household.

It might not work for others but it works for us!

 

[shelly3girls]

I reread my above statement and realized how obnoxious is sounds. I didn't mean it the way it came out, I was referring to the "married but dating couple" mentioned. I never meant to imply that just b/c you don't share every bit of info there is something wrong with it. I disagree with people who flat out lie (yes dear, GF costs $100 per night and we can do a 10 day trip for $1k for our family of 8) and build up debt their significant other doesn't know about. I am particularly sensitive to it due to the problems my friend had but I realize that many very healthy marriages do not involve divulging every penny spent. Sorry if I offended anyone.

 

[fairytalehaven]

I agree. I am not saying hiding anything or lying. We have a budget of so much and I am planning to that budget. We haven't been on a real vacation in 2 years. We don't buy much. So having fun and relaxing is overdue. He hasn't been there before and he knows it is expensive. WL and AKL are the cheapest deluxes. I know we won't be back for a long time. But like I said my DH is a simple person who doesn't care where we stay. He would stay a the motel 6 if he booked it. I do also have some money set aside that I have received as gifts. That I will also be using. I told him last night that for our hotel and tickets it would be $1300. Yea, his eyes popped out a little bit, but he knows it not just a weekend trip out of town. We are not staying at disney the whole week as once planned. We will also be going to the beach. That's where I saved a lot. Going in September is great!

So I guess what I meant to say is how many tell your other how much the rooms are? That being said Thanks....

 

[bigbabyblues]

Yes, DH and I discuss the cost of any trip, including Disney. He'd know anyway, since he's the one who pays the bills and opens the mail.... He wants to stay at the CR Tower one day, at least he already has sticker shock!

 

[Disney Ella]

I tell him. I usually print out a detailed budget and show it to him, but his eyes always glaze over when I point out everything. He knows I try to find the best deals and he's not really into planning, so he's fine with me doing everything as long as he doesn't have to hear about it. He likes being at WDW, he just has no interest in planning.

 

[mking624]

I think there's a difference between someone simply not interested in numbers/caring less about a certain cost (or just wanting to know a total cost and not the individual aspects of it) and someone who flat out lies about a cost. There are many marriages where one person works on all the finances because the person is better with money and numbers...and the other just doesn't care. They leave it up to the numbers person. My parents are like that. My mom handles all the finances because she's way better at it. My dad is interested in knowing the total outgoing and incoming, but isn't interested in all the in between details. That's why she handles it. She's ot hiding anything from him...that's just how it works for them. Now, I do think there's a problem when someone will flat out lie to their spouse about something, money or otherwise. Lying to someone isn't a form of protection, but rather only breaks down communication which harms a marriage. From what posters here have described, the "lying" part is not what's going on. It sounds more like one person is just more numbers oriented than the other. That's not a big deal to me.

I have a number of guests who come into my store who admit to me that they blatantly lie to their husbands about the cost of things. Thet'll buy $100 or more worth of merchandise...put half on credit card and the other half they pay with cash. They then tell me, "it's so I can tell him that this is all I spent." It always makes me feel uncomfortable. I couldn't bring myself to tell a bold faced lie to my own husband. I mean it's one thing if she's just the numbers person and he isn't interested in knowing all the cost...but clearly these are men who do want to know and their wives lie to them. That indicates a far more serious problem than just spending too much money that one and only time.

 

[etwinchester]

My husband is one who doesn't care about numbers even though I show and tell him. I printed out our budget for our next trip so he knows what we're going to save (to go free and clear). He looked at it briefly. I'm sure if I asked him today what the resort costs, he'd have no idea and say it didn't matter to him.

He never cares what I spend on anything...

 

[dcfromva]

I tell DH if he asks. He doesn't generally interest himself in numbers and his eyes generally glaze over if I try to give him a briefing.

I am remembering back to our first trip to WDW...the "once in a lifetime" trip My dream had been to stay at the Contemporary Resort ever since I first saw it on television, but it was a little bit expensive even with a Magic Kingdom Club discount (this was in 1991). So, to save I booked our arrival and departure nights at a cheep-o hotel.... DH did know how much the CR cost, but since he knew how much it meant to me to stay there he went along with it. (But he did cringe a bit at the price).

The chee-po no-name hotel was fine, but...it was not Disney. On the morning the we were supposed to check out of the CR (and then go to the other hotel for our last night), DH snuggled down into the blankets and said, "Please don't make me leave this hotel! " So, we called the CR front desk and they let us add one more night on and we canceled our other hotel room...

DH has never questioned the price of the room since.

-DC