True Friends

[GirlWithSpunk]

Yeah, well I thought I had one.
It hurts me so much, makes me want to cry when I think about it.

So here's the story:

My friends, lets call her D, birthday party was on saturday and I couldnt go because my mom said I wasnt cooperating around the house. I really really really wanted to go but she wouldnt budge. She especially choose the party to punish me because she knew how much it would hurt me.

So, on Friday my other friend invites me to sleep over her house and my mom says sure. I go and then the next day we go to the beach. So then on Sunday I get a call from one of D's friends telling me where I was yesterday and why I couldnt go to her party. I tell her that I couldnt go because I was grounded from going there and then she says that that is ******** and I everything...

So, I'm wasnt going to stand there listening to that and hang up. Well, they call back like 4 times and I dont answer. Then I talk to one of the girls that was at the party on AIM and she tells me that it was really messed up what I did and that everyone that went thought that was rude of me. I was like WHAT?! I couldnt go, wasnt my fault, if I decided to spend that day with my other friend...

I mean there was no way I could have gone, and now all of the girls that went there think that I'm stupid and I'm a bad friend. I mean I was so dissapointed in D because she was there when they called me and she didnt even stand up for me and defend me. She said she isnt mad, but I dont know what to think anymore...

What should I do?
Anyone have problems like this before?
Share stories.

 

[3mtn-kate]

I have totally had problems like this and don't worry about it. It is not your fault that your friend was being immature and disappointing.
And your friend should have stood up for you that's not fair, if she really was a good friend she would have at least stood up for you

If you need anymore help pm me or anything
I'm kind of an expert on friend issues

 

[Lizbon]

I guess all I can say is that the people that called you obviousley aren't your friends. As for D I think you should talk to her, explain what happened, and hear her side of the story. There's possibility she didn't stand up for you because she didn't want people to get mad at her at her party. In which case she isn't a very good friend either, but you really should call her or talk to her when you see her. Good luck, I hope everything works out.

P.S I love Paramore's song Misery Business.... just a comment.

 

[disney100666]

well, if they're saying that they aren't good friends. PM me if you ever need to vent, I may not have a solution but I'm a good listener.

 

[GirlWithSpunk]

I guess all I can say is that the people that called you obviousley aren't your friends. As for D I think you should talk to her, explain what happened, and hear her side of the story. There's possibility she didn't stand up for you because she didn't want people to get mad at her at her party. In which case she isn't a very good friend either, but you really should call her or talk to her when you see her. Good luck, I hope everything works out.

P.S I love Paramore's song Misery Business.... just a comment.

This is what she told me:

She was there when they made the phone call because they found out I was with my friend and one of the girls said lets call alex and get information out of her. And when the rest of the girls heard what happened they said that I wasnt a good friend and that my other friend was trying to "steal" me from her.

 

[Sparkle_Cherry]

Oh, I've had plenty of friend issues before. Miscommunication can sometimes be the issue.

I learned that the key is to make eye contact and be firm and unwavering with your statements. If you say that you kind of sort of don't agree with your friends behaviour, then they kind of sort of will laugh it off and completely ignore you. But if you stay firm and tell them straight out what you mean, they will have no choice but to take you seriously.

My advice to you is to apologize once, make it very clear that it was not your choice to miss the party, and let your friends know that you think they are overreacting. You should not have to apologize more than once - you're part is over and it is your friend's turn to accept that apology. If they do not accept a sincere apology, then they are either being petty or they do not understand and need you to make it clearer to them.

Good luck.

 

[Lizbon]

This is what she told me:

She was there when they made the phone call because they found out I was with my friend and one of the girls said lets call alex and get information out of her. And when the rest of the girls heard what happened they said that I wasnt a good friend and that my other friend was trying to "steal" me from her.

I think you should explain to her exactly what happened, if she doesn't want to listen, make her. If she doesn't listen to you still, say "fine I guess were not friends". Chances are this will scare the heck out of her and she will come to her senses. JW was she with someone else when you talked to her? Perhaps someone at the party? Well I have to go now but I will be on omorrow and you can always PM me if you need to talk.

-Liz

 

[Sparkle_Cherry]

I think you should explain to her exactly what happened, if she doesn't want to listen, make her. If she doesn't listen to you still, say "fine I guess were not friends". Chances are this will scare the heck out of her and she will come to her senses....

No offence Liz, but I personally don't think that is a very good idea. If it doesn't scare her into coming to her senses, then it could cause a serious divide between the two.

If she wasn't listening to me, then I would say something along the lines of: ''I don't want to lose you - you're a great friend. I don't see how we can have that same sort of trust anymore if we don't listen to each other and resolve this issue. If you're willing to take me seriously, then I'm willing to do the same for you.''

In order to mend a relationship, you need to understand each other and compromise. Scare tactics are immature and could generate more problems.

 

[Tinkerrat]

i've had so many problems like this
its so nice though to come to the dis boards because everyone here is nice
but yeah i'm going through a problem like that so yeah

 

[::Snow_White::]

I'm sorry Alex.
I've had a sort of a similar situation.

So. There was me and 6 of my friends at a basketball game at our school. Well I was working concession stand for one of our clubs, my half our of working was over and my friend wanted to show me one of the players on the 7th grade bb-ball team. [We were in 8th]. Well so I thought ok and we went to the other gym and we talked and stuff...this was with 3 friends well then I walk back to the other gym with them and I see my 3 other friends at the concession stand talking. They pull me over and we talked about random things for abit then they went off with some other people.

So then the 3 other friends come back out. [Mind you we are all friends...I guess a group of friends...we hang our around each other alot.]
Well they wanted me to come with them. Since the others were gone I figured I might as well.

Make the story short they got ticked off because I was with those 3 friends and not with them. I told them I went because they left me, but no they were still mad. All they had to do was ask me to come that way and I would've but no, they ignore us the rest of the night. Even when one of the friends from the 3 friends that I went with said hi they ignored that too.

Anyways I just let them sulk in their misery because they couldn't accept me just not hanging out with them... even though they left me first.
They eventually got over it...like the next day.

Anyways I don't have much advice sorry. But good luck!
I honestly don't think I have but 2 true friends...maybe only 1...

 

[GirlWithSpunk]

Thanks everyone!
I'm explaining to my friend right now and hopefully it will work out!

 

[Ms.Squeakers]

Ouch that stinks im very sorry. It sounds like the communication got a little messy there. I hope everything works out well, As for what you should do just try and call and tell her "Let me talk for awile and then you can start talking" and tell her everything that happened and if she still says something horrible say "Well im sorry i guess.."
sometimes that works for me when iget into fights with my friend

although depending how you feel with this i suggest you go with gut feeling.

 

[TwistyMisty]

The people who think your a bad friend, just tell them u were grounded.

 

[BabyPiglet]

 

[Lizbon]

No offence Liz, but I personally don't think that is a very good idea. If it doesn't scare her into coming to her senses, then it could cause a serious divide between the two.

If she wasn't listening to me, then I would say something along the lines of: ''I don't want to lose you - you're a great friend. I don't see how we can have that same sort of trust anymore if we don't listen to each other and resolve this issue. If you're willing to take me seriously, then I'm willing to do the same for you.''

In order to mend a relationship, you need to understand each other and compromise. Scare tactics are immature and could generate more problems.

Okay no offence, but she asked for our opinons. I think standing up to her friend by talking to her is the opposite of immature. And if the girl is her friend it will not cause more problems but fix them. If you want to further discuss this PM. THese are my opinions and I don't want you to get mad at me for defending myself in this case.

I hope everything got settled Alex. PM if you need to talk, I've had my share of friend issues in the past.

 

[XxCuriosityxX<3]

i've had so many friends like this, w/e happens i hope you know if D is a true friend or not cause thats all that matters :]

 

[DizneyDreamin']

I HAD a BFF...or so I thought. Anyways you find that the people you're closest to change and as much as you dont want them to...maybe its for the best.

 

[Sparkle_Cherry]

Okay no offence, but she asked for our opinons. I think standing up to her friend by talking to her is the opposite of immature. And if the girl is her friend it will not cause more problems but fix them. If you want to further discuss this PM. THese are my opinions and I don't want you to get mad at me for defending myself in this case.

I hope everything got settled Alex. PM if you need to talk, I've had my share of friend issues in the past.

I know that she asked for our opinions, and that's why I said what I did. I'm not all all mad, I just want her to hear all of the options. I'm looking out for Alex's best interests when I put in my two-cent's worth, and I'm not trying to be contradictory just for the sake of it.

 

[tinkerbelle22]

I'm so sorry. I've been there, trust me. Like DizneyDreamin' said maybe it's for the best, you never know.

 

[Vannah]

Friends make me sad.
Because all I have are fake friends.
You know, the kind who only talk to you when they don't have anyone else to talk to.
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Things'll get better, just keep on the bright side.